Disclaimer: Harry Potter belongs to JK Rowling, not me. No money being made here.
Warnings: This is stupid. And silly. Early 5th year AU.
Our Story So Far: After the failure of the Great Poison Apple Plan, Voldemort decides to plot against Hermione first. Severus is plotting on his own.
Chapter Two, or
Honestly, Ron, You-Know-Who is Not In Love With Me
It was a spray of Circaea flowers tied to a walnut and delivered at breakfast by a barn owl of the sort rented out by the Wizard's Post. Hermione stared at the odd gift for a moment while the owl stole a piece of Ron's bacon and flew off, not waiting for a reply.
"Who's sending you flowers?" Ron asked.
At least, that's what Hermione thought Ron asked. It was a bit hard to tell with his mouth full and bits of toast spraying across the table.
"I bet it's Voldemort. So whatever you do, don't eat it," Harry said. Several nearby students flinched and moved away. Neville scooted closer, looking closely at the plant.
"Don't eat the flowers, at least," Neville said. "Even if it's not from You-Know-Who. That's one of the nightshades. Poison."
"I knew it!" Ron smacked the table. "You-Know-Who couldn't kill Harry with the poison apple—"
"It almost worked, Ron. If Professor Snape hadn't come by the library when he did—"
"Still. It didn't work. So now he's going after you, because you're Muggleborn."
"It's probably more than that," Harry said. "You're one of my best friends, and you're the smartest witch in school, so he's threatening you with poison flowers. And maybe he thinks you're allergic to nuts, or something."
Ron was nodding in agreement, but Neville was shaking his head. "It doesn't look like a threat," he said hesitantly.
"But it's poison!" Ron said.
"But it doesn't mean death. Look, it's Enchanter's nightshade, that means witchcraft and magic." Neville's face was excited. "And the walnut means intellect. So the two together just mean intelligent witch, which is Hermione. It's a statement of fact!"
"So why's he sending you flowers?" Ron asked suspiciously.
Hermione blinked. Looked closer at Ron. "Are you… jealous?" It didn't seem credible.
Harry scooted away, watching the two of them warily and pulling Neville out of the line of fire. They watched their friends with a sort of horrified fascination.
"I'm not!" Ron said indignantly. "But it's a little weird, isn't it? You-Know-Who sending you flowers right after trying to kill Harry!"
"And if it is him, he's probably trying to kill me. Or Harry, and these got mis-delivered!"
"If it is… You think it's someone else! You think it's from Krum, don't you?"
"It could be!"
"Well, then there shouldn't be anything wrong with it at all. Why don't you open the nut?"
"I don't have a nutcracker!"
"Are you a witch or not?"
Hermione glared at Ron. She pointed her wand at the walnut. "Confractus!"
It fell open. A slip of paper uncurled from inside.
Miss Granger,
You are the only mudblood who could ever understand me.
With fondest regards,
Lord Voldemort
The four of them stared at the note. Several minutes passed, and then Harry cleared his throat. The other three looked at him expectantly.
"Does anyone else think Voldemort's brain got scrambled last year?"
xxxxx
Severus scowled at the Gryffindor table. So it's started. The Dark Lord's plans to destroy Potter had been put on hold until Hermione Granger, the brightest student Severus had ever taught, had been dealt with.
And this new plan… Idiot. No one would ever believe that the Dark Lord was courting a fifteen-year-old Muggleborn student. And his courting methods… Pulling her hair would be more effective.
He could no longer wait on Dumbledore, Potter, and the prophecy. The longer this went on, the more likely Severus' death became. Clearly, I must take action.
How to kill a Dark Lord who seemed immune to death? What would the Dark Lord do?
An idea sprang into his head. Severus pushed it aside—it was utterly ridiculous. It would never work. It…
It's utterly perfect, he thought with disgust.
In detention, (assigned after Draco had conveniently destroyed Potter's nearly-passable draught), Severus put his plan into motion.
"I understand you killed a basilisk in the castle your second year?"
