On the bright, sunny day our story starts, Harry Potter wakes up to find the boys' dormitory bright and full of sunlight. He looks around and sees that all the other boys have left for breakfast already. He looks at me.

"Er... Why are we doing this again?"

I look back at him, trying to keep a straight face.

"You'll see."

Harry looks at me like I'm crazy. (Like that's new.) He shrugs and heads down to the Great Hall. Once again, Ron and Hermione have a seat between them, and it looks as though they are trying to ignore each other. Not wanting to start another argument, when he sits down, he simply says, "Hey, guys!"

This time they both look up at him. Hermione looks angry, and, like before, Ron looks like he's going to cry. However, both of their expressions change instantly. They burst out laughing. Harry looks from one to the other, bewildered.

"What's so funny?"

Neither of them can speak, they're laughing too hard. Several people look over to see what is so funny, and they start laughing too. Soon, the whole school is in hysterics.

"What's so funny?" Harry asks again, but nobody hears him, so he rushes out of the Hall and turns toward me again.

"Why is everyone laughing?" he asks, looking similar to how Ron did, like he's going to cry.

"You'll see," I say again. "Just do what you did last time."

"How am I supposed to do that? Voldemort's dead, remember?"

"You'll see."

"Fine!" he yells, "Don't tell me! See if I care! Can you just do me one favor, though? Can you stop saying, 'You'll see'?"

"You'll see."

"ARGH! OKAY! I'M GOING!"

I watch him rush out onto the grounds, pleased that I succeeded in annoying him. Harry makes his way down to Hagrid's hut, ready to see what Hagrid has in store for the year. But on the way, he hears a bored, drawling voice coming from the forest.

"Oh, Harry... Come here, Harry... Come and play..."

"Malfoy?"

"No, Potter! I am the Dark Lord! Come here or you shall feel my wrath!"

"Malfoy, why are you impersonating Voldemort?"

"Shut up, Potter! She's-" he points at me, "-paying me ten galleons for this! So come into the forest and be quiet!"

Harry starts laughing.

"Why should I?"

"Because if you don't, I'll tell the whole school about that time in Potions class when I saw you-"

"Okay, I'm coming!"

He runs into the forest, and as soon as he does, Malfoy starts laughing just as hard as the people in the Great Hall had. Once he gets himself under control, I reach into the computer screen and give him his gold.

"Excellent work, Draco. You may leave." Malfoy walks away, his pockets clanking. Harry looks like he's going to go mad.

"WHAT IS SO FUNNY?"

I decide to put him out of his misery. Or into it, depending on how you look at it.

"All right, I'll tell you. Look at your clothes."

Harry looks down and lets out an annoying, high-pitched scream. He starts running around, yelling, "WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME?" And so Harry Potter- or should I say, Harriet Potter, ran up to her dormitory, crying.

"YOU STILL OWE ME THAT PICKLE!" I yell after her. I can still hear her sobbing.
And that, boys and girls, is why you should never make the author angry.


THE END... Oh, who am I kidding? I can't stop torturing Harry! (Mwahahahaha.)