A/N: Hey guys! Sorry this one took so long. I wasn't really satisfied with the original ending I first did. After all the great feedback I got from Part 1, I owed you guys a better chapter. I hope this does it.
Well, once again THANK YOU VERY MUCH for all the great reviews and feedback from each and every one of you. This is my first (and not the last) humor project and I'm glad that this one is a success.
Please enjoy this last chapter and watch out for another SMACKED fic (a seemingly very long one) from yours truly soon.
THANK YOU!
"How about you, Stella? How was your first time?" Mac asked Stella. She giggled some more.
"Goodness! How dirty this conversation sounds," she said to herself. "Why Taylor, you wouldn't ask a lady that," she said suggestively.
"Right back at you, Bonasera," he said ignoring Stella's eyelashes batting at him seductively. "So… give. When and where?"
She calmed down and said, "It wasn't as nice are your experience. I wasn't even in CSI back then. I was a mere rookie, in the wrong place at the wrong time."
Mac sat back, willing her to continue.
"I was accompanying the victim's mother and sister to the morgue to see the body. My training officer…"
"The one that called you 'Toots'?" Mac interrupted.
She nodded. "Yeah, him. Anyway, the detective we were working with had to go because his wife's having a baby. So he told us what to do and flew off to Angel of Mercy. My good ole training officer decided that it would be fun to send off Miss Rookie Bonasera alone into the morgue while he watched through the swing doors."
"And then what?" he prodded, swinging his legs to one side and scooting closer to her.
"The women were distraught as it is. The victim's sister soaked my sleeve even before the ME lifted the sheet," she continued. "The mother almost crushed my left hand. The victim was her youngest daughter, sixteen, ran away from home about a year before. We found her beaten up, raped… pregnant in an alley." She paused and held back tears as she remembered some of the details.
"We could stop if you're uncomfortable," Mac offered.
Stella waved him off, "Hey, I started it; might as well finish it." And Mac let her. "Let's skip that part. There was a CSI with us – Kent McLean. After seeing the body, the sister bolted but the mother stayed put, holding my hand in a vice grip. Of course, she demanded to know what happened and asked for an autopsy to be done right then and there."
"With her watching?" Mac asked getting very interested.
"Yeah… and well," she paused and chuckled, "she wanted me to be there right beside her. Imagine my luck." Mac smiled and let her carry on. "Apparently she's a registered nurse but she needs someone to hold her up if she collapses just in case. She was already squashing my hand so she didn't bother to let go. So the ME directed us to the viewing deck above the slab." Stella tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear.
"So how was it?"
She stood up and paced around. "It was very … uh, messy. Like you and back then, the victim's mother, I didn't have a cast iron stomach. I had to spit out everything that came into my mouth," she said throwing her hands up. "I couldn't even swallow the water that Kent offered me afterwards." He followed her with his eyes waiting. "There was fluid everywhere: blood, juice, goo…"
"Goo?" he started.
"Don't, Mac," she warned. "Don't go all forensic on me now. I'm serious. Back then, I didn't know liquid could splatter so much. I threw up as soon as the first spurt of that fluid. Came like a river, let me tell you."
"What kind of fluid, may I ask?" Mac said.
"Hell, I don't know. It was sort of clear and …" she searched for the appropriate term, "gooey." They both laughed. "It was horrible. I didn't enjoy my first time."
CSINYCSINYCSINYCSINYCSINYCSINY
"I didn't enjoy my first time," they heard Stella say.
The two detectives snooping outside stood in an uncomfortable silence. Flack removed his suit jacket and draped it over his arms to mask his crotch area… something that Danny didn't miss. As for the CSI, he regretted wearing tight pants to work that day. They couldn't believe what they just overheard.
Neither of them spoke right away… or at all. It seemed that they were frozen in shock. Until they heard the doorknob turn and Mac and Stella walk out catching a very puzzled-looking Flack and Danny.
"Are you guys okay?" Stella asked. "Looks like you've seen a ghost." She noted that Danny's jaw is practically on the floor. "You'll catch flies, Messer."
Mac stared at Flack and noticed that he was pale. "Don, feeling alright?" he asked placing a hand on the homicide detective's arm.
Flack jumped in response and said, "Yeah… we were uh, just headin' out."
"Okay then, we'll be on our way, too," Stella said prying her eyes away from Danny, who was still speechless, his Adam's apple bobbing up and down. "Don't stay up too late, children!" she said as she and Mac headed to the elevators.
"We won't," Flack replied, pulling Danny into the locker room. He sat a very robotic Danny down and made sure he's fine. "Do you have an extra towel, Messer?" The man in question nodded and pointed to the cabinet by the showers. Then Flack started to unbutton his shirt.
With what little coherency in his body, Danny mumbled, "What… what are ya doing Don?"
Shirtless and down to his boxers, Flack pulled out a fluffy towel from the cabinet and answered, "After what we heard, I need a shower. I dunno 'bout you, Dan." He proceeded on with his shower.
Danny sat there in silence. I didn't need a cold shower unlike Don did. He couldn't get the conversation out of his head but somehow, he has heard a conversation like that before. Then it finally hit him. "First time first autopsy!"
When Don came back out a few minutes later, Danny was still sitting on the same spot he left him. Danny pulled off his glasses. "Don?" he started.
"Yeah?" said Flack pulling on his clothes.
"How was your first time?" he asked in a flat voice.
"Ah no, don't think I'm stupid, Messer," Flack laughed while drying his hair. "I've figured out what they really meant."
The CSI laughed as well. "Good for you. If ya haven't, then you would've spent a much longer time in 'ere, am I right?"
Flack glared dangerously at him but mockingly punched him on the arm. "I don't think I can look at Mac and Stella the same…" he said with a snicker. "How 'bout you?" Danny shook his head.
"You haven't answered my question, Don," the CSI pressed on. "How was your first time?"
Before Flack could react, they both heard a thud coming from the outside. They glued their eyes on the door, which opened slowly, revealing a very surprised-looking Lindsey Monroe.
12/11/2006
