Host Match Ups
Match Up 2 – Animals
Hypothetical Question: If the Host Club were animals, which animals would they be?
Hikaru and Kaoru as Cats
Hikaru and Kaoru are sly and cunning, as they are always able to wangle their way out of any situation and are sleek to boot. Additionally, in the traditional feline way, they tend to think their needs should be put above everyone else's - and like to nag. The last point I'd like to make is that cats tend to do whatever they want, whenever they want, which is something Hikaru and Kaoru also do. I could go on, but I think you get the point.
Mori as a Giraffe
Mori is very tall, as is a giraffe. Mori is very quiet and quite placid but will fight when he needs to, much like giraffes are quiet and placid but can defend themselves and are very strong. I remember I used to think giraffes couldn't sit down because I never saw them do it, but they actually can (as I witnessed for the first time a few years ago in the zoo), much like everybody thinks Mori can't or won't talk, but he occasionally surprises people by putting in his two cents. Most importantly though, Mori may seem a bit intimidating but like Giraffes and their calm nature, he is a gentle giant.
Kyouya as a Fox
Foxes are sly and cunning, like cats, they are also predators and can live in packs or alone - all characteristics that Kyouya possesses. Kyouya likes being alone but can also be in a group with the other Hosts. He is very predatory in that he is always looking for ways to exploit others. He is also smart and calculating, and always looking for opportunities; just like the fox is an opportunistic hunter and pounces on its prey, much like Kyouya figuratively pounces on his victims.
Note: If you look below, Honey is a Rabbit. I find this amusing because Rabbits are actually natural prey of Foxes, but Honey could easily beat Kyouya to a pulp.
Honey as a Rabbit
Honey the Bunny! Yes, Honey would be a rabbit because a he is small, cute and fluffy, just like rabbits are. Of course, it is also because rabbits are evidently his favorite animals, or so I can discern from the way he's always clutching his bunny plushy Usa-chan. Rabbits also have a lot of energy and are very fast and agile, just like Honey. Rabbits can also fight back, they have strong hind legs and teeth to kick and bite with; Honey has his Kendo and Karate with which he can kick some serious ass and at one point I think he bites somebody, which just makes this match-up even more fitting.
Tamaki as a Peacock
Do I really need to explain this one? I do? Oh, okay then. Tamaki has got to be a peacock, because he is so damn ostentatious! He lives to show off, to girls in particular, and is always willing to put on quite a display. When the male peacock is trying to get female attention, he fans his extravagant tail feathers out in a spectacular display of vibrant colours. Tamaki positively screams peacock, and just to reinforce my point - half the time it seems like he has the brain of a bird!
Haruhi as a Dog
Okay, this sounds derogatory, but that's not how I mean it. I think Haruhi would be a dog because dogs are loyal, intelligent, loveable, cute and intuitive. A lot of times, dogs will know things before you do, for instance when a storm is coming; they also know how you are feeling and often try to comfort you, much like Haruhi tries to do for her friends. She is always there for everyone and is unaware of just how much everyone loves her; after all - she just is the way she is out of instinct. And of course, Haruhi is adorably cute - at least she is to the hosts - just like dogs are – well, most of them.
Short Story – The Fun in Animal Puns
"Do I really have to wear this?" Haruhi asked irritatedly, looking down at the dog costume Tamaki had wrestled her into.
"Yes." Kyouya deadpanned, shooting her a smirk. He was clad in his own Red Fox costume, complete with a big bushy tail and little red ears.
Haruhi rolled her eyes and left to prepare some commoner's coffee for the girls that were bound to show up any minute. Kyouya was about to pull out his notebook and scribble down a note about Haruhi's debt, when Tamaki appeared next to him adorned in an overabundance of green feathers scattered with 'eyes'.
"How do I look, mummy?" the blonde inquired, turning full circle for his friend while stroking his plumage.
Kyouya eyed his peacock costume levelly before turning to his notebook. "The same as you always do, extravagant and idiotic."
Tamaki pouted and threw his hands up in the air. "Kyouya! Why are you so mean?"
Kyouya smirked and hit Tamaki upside the head. "You know I'm joking, you look great. Now go and get yourself organized, the club will be opening any minute."
Tamakis face broke out into a grin and he jumped onto Kyouya enveloping him in an overenthusiastic hug. "Thank you mummy!"
'When will I ever rid myself of this idiot?' Kyouya muttered to himself, as he tried futilely to peel his best friend off him.
Meanwhile, Honey and Mori were already sitting in their area. Honey was dressed in a bunny suit and was indulging himself in a slice of carrot cake, while Mori, who was dressed as a Giraffe, sat next to him and wiped off the excess crumbs that got stuck to the costume's fur.
"Do you think you'd be as tall as a giraffe, Takashi?" Honey asked his mostly-silent companion in between bites.
Mori smiled and scratched his head. "I don't know, what do you think, Mitsukuni?"
Honey beamed and put down his cake. "I think I'd love you even if you were as tiny as me!" With a giggle Honey leaped up from his seat and onto Moris lap, were he snuggled himself in quite comfortably. Mori smiled and wrapped his arms protectively around his small comrade.
As this adorable scene was unfolding, the twins walked out sporting identical black cat costumes. They spent no time in heading straight over to Tamaki who had released Kyouya and was now lounging on one of the loveseats.
"Tono!" Hikaru barked, stomping up to Tamaki with his brother. "Why are Kaoru and I cats? We were already Cheshire Cats when we did the Alice in Wonderland theme!"
Kaoru nodded and crossed his arms over his chest "Yeah! You can't reuse costume ideas, it's boring!"
Tamaki sat up and smiled. "But you two look so handsome as cats, the ladies love it! I'm sure doubling up on one costume idea won't hurt."
Hikaru turned to Kaoru. "Do you think Tamaki would look good with those feathers permanently attached to him?"
Kaoru smirked. "I think he'd look pretty cool."
"Maybe we should help him with that…" Hikaru mused slyly.
"Okay! Okay! I give!" Tamaki shrieked, jumping up off the couch. "I won't make you wear the same outfits twice ever again - just don't ruin my Peacock suit!"
Identical grins slipped onto the twins' faces. "Thanks, Tono!" They shot the disgruntled king a wink before they linked arms and strode away to their seats.
Haruhi had come back out with a tray of teacups and a pot of freshly brewed coffee. Walking up to Kyouya, she watched as the twins skipped away from Tamaki, who was now busy flattening out his literally ruffled feathers. "Sometimes I think we really are just like a bunch of animals," she remarked with her usual exasperation.
Kyouya chuckled and pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose. "Call me crazy, but I think you rather like it that way."
Haruhi turned to him with a smile. "You are crazy." With that she walked away carrying the tray over to her table.
Kyouya lowered his notebook to his side as he watched after her. "Crazy like a fox."
"I'm opening the doors, mes amis!" Tamaki sang, prancing to the Music Rooms grand-double doors and throwing them open in a show of lavishness.
The girls shuffled in, giggling and gawking at the Host's costumes and the room's forest décor as a chorus of "Welcome, ladies!" rang out from the Hosts.
"Careful, ladies," Kaoru hissed seductively as a group of girls made their way over to the twins.
"We're on the prowl." Hikaru purred, curling an arm around his brother.
The girls crowding around them let out squeals of delight and the twins grinned happily at the response.
"Princesses, don't you just adore my feathers?" Tamaki prompted over at his table, brandishing his train in their faces.
"They're stunning!" one girl commented, patting the blonde's vibrant plumage.
"Are they real?" the girl sitting next to her inquired.
"Oh heavens, no!" Tamaki cried, slapping his hands to his face in horror. "I'd never think of hurting a poor peacock just for feathers!"
"Tamaki-sama is so compassionate!" the girls squealed, melting into each others arms.
"Takashi, do you think bunnies like carrot cake?" Honey asked on the other side of the room, looking at his piece of carrot cake curiously.
"Well, you're a bunny and you like carrot cake. Yes, I think they do." Mori replied, stunning the girls sat around them with his unusually articulate answer.
Honey grinned. "You're right, Takashi!"
"Would you like some more cake, Honey-senpai?" a pretty girl with red curly hair asked.
Honey nodded. "Yes please!"
"Would anybody like a cup of coffee?" Haruhi asked, bending down and picking up the teapot.
"I would! Thank you Haruhi-kun," three girls answered.
"Look at her," Hikaru whispered to Kaoru from their seat. "Why is hosting so easy for her?"
Kaoru glanced over at Haruhi and shrugged. "She's a natural, remember?"
"And we're little devils. So let's go and exercise that title." Hikaru said smoothly, standing up and walking towards Haruhi with his tail swishing behind him.
"Hikaru, wait!" Kaoru hollered, swiping to catch hold of Hikaru before he could escape. However, the younger twin was too slow, and Hikaru was already out of his reach. Hopping up, he followed his brother across the room leaving the group of girls he and Hikaru had been attending to staring after him in surprise and interest.
"Hikaru, get back to the customers!" Kaoru spat, grabbing Hikaru's arm.
Hikaru turned and shot Kaoru a smile. "Don't worry Kao, I'm not going to do anything to hurt her. Go back to the girls and I'll be back in a sec."
Kaoru held Hikaru's gaze for a moment before sighing and giving him a quick nod. "Fine; but you better be back quickly, I hate entertaining alone."
Hikaru grinned and turned back to Haruhi, Kaoru let go of his arm and walked back to their designations.
"Ha-ru-hi!" Hikaru sang, walking up to the brunette and her designations.
"What do you want, Hikaru?" Haruhi deadpanned, putting down the pot of tea.
"I want to show you something, come with me!" Hikaru ordered, grabbing Haruhi by the arm and pulling her away from her designations.
"Hikaru let go of me!" Haruhi snapped, trying to pull her arm out of his grasp.
A few minutes later, Hikaru returned to Kaoru with a big smile on his face.
"Are you going to stay with me now?" Kaoru asked sardonically.
"Come now Kaoru, don't be angry." Hikaru cooed sweetly, wrapping his arms around Kaoru from behind. "I'll never leave you again, I promise." He smiled, resting his head on Kaoru's shoulder.
Kaoru turned to face Hikaru their faces were only inches away from each other. "You better not!" he huffed, flicking Hikaru on the nose lightly.
"Aww, Kaoru misses his brother! The brotherly love is so beautiful!" The girls exclaimed, latching onto one another in a mass swoon.
Kyouya scanned the room silently, periodically stopping to talk to girls if they came up to him. He was satisfied that everything was running smoothly until his eyes panned over Haruhi's table and he was forced to do a double take. Haruhi's designations were sitting at the table, but Haruhi herself wasn't.
"Where is Haruhi?" Kyouya murmured under his breathe, scanning the room again for her. She was not to be seen in the clubroom. Spinning on his heel, Kyouya marched up to Tamaki and tapped him on the shoulder.
Turning away from his princesses, Tamaki fixed his violet orbs on Kyouya, blinking in confusion. "Is there something wrong, mummy?"
"Do you know where Haruhi is?" Kyouya demanded, placing his hand on his hip.
Tamaki frowned and shook his head. "What do you mean, isn't she here?"
Kyouya crossed his arms over his chest. "No, I'm afraid she's not."
A look of sheer horror painted itself on Tamaki's face. "SOMEBODY KIDNAPPED MY DAUGHTER!"
Kyouya sighed. "Calm down Tamaki, she's probably fine."
Tamaki took a deep breathe and nodded. "You're right Kyouya, she's probably fine." There was a pause where Tamaki started staring off into space, thinking about Kyouya's words; then suddenly "Wait a minute," Tamaki gasped, grabbing Kyouya by the shoulders. "You said 'probably'. Does that mean there's a chance she might NOT be fine?"
"Well, there's a slight cha-"
"MY LITTLE GIRL IS GOING TO DIE!" Tamaki wailed, burying his face into Kyouya's shoulder in a fit of sobs.
Meanwhile, Honey and Mori could hear something strange coming from the closet near their table.
"Can you hear that, Takashi?" Honey asked, cocking his head to the side to get a clearer sound of the muffled knocking that was coming from the closet.
Mori nodded and stood up, walking over to the closet he opened the door. Haruhi fell out, landing with an "Oof!" on the tiled floor.
"Haru-chan, what were you doing in there?" Honey asked concernedly, hopping off his seat and running over to the two of them.
"Hikaru locked me in there!" Haruhi spat, shooting a glare in the twin's direction.
"Haruhi, there you are!" Tamaki exclaimed, glomping Haruhi. "I was so worried about you!"
"Blame Hikaru." Haruhi muttered, pushing Tamaki off of her.
"Hey!" Hikaru shouted from his seat across the room. All heads in the room turned in the direction of the two red-heads. "Who let the dog out?" he asked, smirking at Haruhi and all the other hosts gathered around her.
Kaoru turned to Hikaru. "You locked her in the closet just so you could crack that joke, didn't you?" he asked, eyeing Hikaru knowingly.
Hikaru turned back to Kaoru. "I may have."
Kaoru slapped a palm to his forehead in exasperation. "Hikaru?" he said in a sigh.
Hikaru sunk into the loveseat. "Yes, Kaoru."
"You're an idiot."
The End
