Nicole
First Person Perspective
AUGUST 2014
It was nearing three o'clock in the morning; Stephen was fast asleep upstairs in our bed. I had spent the last few hours tossing and turning, trying my best to get to sleep. It had been a while since I had experienced a night like this. Right after Kyle had left, nights like these were common.
The whistle on the teakettle blew, signaling that the water had reached the right temperature. I poured the steaming hot water into a maroon colored mug and dipped the bag of chamomile tea in. I poured a little milk into the mixture just as I had always done. I took my mug of tea and crept off to my office.
It was nights like these that I often thought of Kyle. I wondered where he was, if he was okay, even if he was alive. Shortly after he left, Jessi did too. She had said that she was going to go after Kyle, to make sure he was okay. Part of he had always hoped that she would find him and bring him home, however the rational side of me knew that she would never return and neither would he.
I snatched his file from my filing cabinet in the closet and took it over to my desk. I sat down, and opened the file. Nothing had changed, I never expected it too. I found his report from the children's center along with his drawings and the MRI. After he had left I had stuck the letter he had left behind in his file as well.
I held the tattered envelope in my hands, the words 'I'm sorry' slightly faded however still recognizable as his handwriting, on the outside. Holding the envelope caused me to think back to the day that I had opened the envelope for the first time.
5 YEARS AGO… MARCH 2009
Foss had said that it was safe to go back into the house. He had explained that there was no longer a threat from Michael Cassidy, the member of Latnok. He hadn't given us more information than that. I couldn't say why exactly, but each of us walked hesitantly around the house. I guess we all thought there still might be danger lurking in the shadows given that it was nearing midnight.
"Where's Kyle?" Josh asked after a moment of searching.
"He might have had to meet with Foss," Lori suggested.
In the pit of my stomach I knew he was gone. I just knew. I tentatively advanced down the hallway from the kitchen and to his room. I paused outside his door, praying that he would be stretched out in his tub fast asleep. I finally gathered the courage and opened the door only to find his tub empty and a note on his desk.
I timidly walked toward his desk and picked up the envelope, 'I'm sorry,' scrawled on the outside in his half cursive half print handwriting. My knees buckled beneath me and I clasped down onto the edge of his porcelain tub.
Nicole,
I know that my leaving will cause a tremendous amount of pain, for that I'm sorry. I am trying to do what is best for the family. It's my job to keep you guys safe and as long as I am apart of your lives you will all be in danger. I'm sorry that I have left in such a cowardly way, I just can't deal with having to say goodbye. I know that is selfish of me and I hope you can forgive me. I couldn't take the chance of my mind being changed.
I'm sorry that is has to be this way. This will be the last time you or anyone else in the family will hear from me. Any contact with me would put you guys in more danger. I can't take that risk.
I hope that one day you will understand why I'm doing this. I hope that one day you can forgive me. I still love each of you and I will always consider you to be my family.
Love always,
Kyle
Tears filled the brim of my eyes and blurred my vision. He was really gone. And this time, he wouldn't be coming home. I looked up to see Stephen standing in the doorway. I knew he too had the same feeling I did. A look of sadness washed over his face as he came to realize the situation. He came over and took me in his arms. Kyle was gone. Our son was gone.
PRESENT TIME.
I placed the envelope back in his file and closed it. Stephen always worried that I was still holding onto the sadness of Kyle leaving. He always hated when I would bring out his file, to him it was like reopening a wound that would never heal. He knew that Kyle could pull on heart strings stronger than anyone else could.
There were times when I would look up and hope to see him standing there in the doorway. I would picture him smiling his boyish grin. However he wasn't standing there, the doorway was vacant and always would be. I had come to realize long ago that Kyle was meant to touch the world. He wasn't meant to live an ordinary suburban life, he was meant to do great things. He was meant to find cures for cancer or end world hunger. I just wish I could have some piece of mind and know that he was truly okay.
I sighed as I rose from my seat and put the file away. I decided to head back up stairs and give sleep another shot. It would be better to have a few hours of sleep to get through the day than no sleep.
I crept quietly up the stairs and into the bedroom. Stephen was still snoring away, oblivious to my absence. I slid back under the covers with ease. I had work in the morning and sleep was required. Almost a year after Kyle had left I had gone back to work, however this time I was working out of an office in the city and not my home.
