Bullet Heaven 2
1-1
Lance: Shut up NoLegs. You´re a cat. Your opinion is irrelevant
Anna: And justice was served!
Natalie crying: Haven´t we murdered enough innocent animals yet?
1-2
Your hitbox is marked by tiny dot in the middle of your character. It´s actually only one pixel! Keep it away from enemy bullets!
Anna: Time to chop them into firewood. That will do, that´s enough firewood for now.
Lance: (note to self: Napalm the woods near the kitten kingdom.)
1-3
Matt: Bushes shouldn´t be able to shoot!
Lance: I hate normal plants, but I hate plants with attitudes even more!
1-4
Matt: My sword hungers for greater foes. My stomach hungers for fleshier foes.
1-5
Matt: I guess I´ll be eating cat for dinner tonight! You guys can eat the horrible veggies...
Natalie: It´s okay NoLegs. They only faint when we shoot them. (That´s what I tell myself so I can sleep.)
Anna: Your cuteness will not protect you from me!
1-6
Matt: Bam! Demolished! We killed him dead.
Anna: Golems aren´t alive, ya potato! They´re just magic rocks!
Matt: A magic rock might soon hit you on the head...magically...
Anna: ...
2-1
Lance: Oooh, beach time! (I hope Natalie gets into bikini again! That was the highlight of Epic Battle Fantasy 3 for me. I didn´t even mind almost drowning!), crabs are coming. Lance: What!? (Way to interrupt my fantasy...)
Matt: My dinner wants to get inside of me! I do not object to this!
2-2
Matt: A seagull ate my cookie and pooped on me once. I will never forgive their entire species! Natalie: (Hehe, I remember that. That was quiet funny.) Matt: Death to seagulls!
2-3
Natalie: We´re going quiet deep now... Matt: (That´s what she said...? Nah, that doesn´t work. Whatever.) Natalie(under water): I can´t breathe! Matt: Don ´t worry! Thanks to the Developer, we can breathe underwater for no reason!
2-5
Lance: Explosives are always the answer. This is a true fact.
2-6
Natalie: Don´t you have enough tank yet?
Lance: I uh... have a habit of...blowing them up during my finishing moves. So I always need more.
Natalie: Maybe learn to budget your resources a bit? Or better yet, maybe don´t drop tanks on your enemies all the time?!
Lance: (Don´t drop tanks on people...? What a strange idea...)
3-3
Matt: Well that was sparkly! So many shiny things! We might be rich now! (I can´t count so I´m not sure...)
3-4
Natalie talking about shields, Matt: Sounds boring! I just want to shoot EVERYTHING!
Matt: That shield sucks. My usual stance for attacks didn´t work. Natalie: Yea, it helps to use your brain sometimes doesn´t it? Matt: I would rather not do that though. Using my brain takes blood from my muscles, which are the only body parts that matter!
4-2
Matt: I am safe from the cold. I´ve got a hat!
4-3
Natalie: please don´t spray bullets all over the place. Lance: But...but...I must shoot things to survive. It is my way of life...
4-4
Matt asks Natalie: Why you know everything? It´s almost as if you read walkthroughs or something...
4-5
Anna: Hey Natalie, I´m not scared either! Boys are such wimps! Lance: My dad was killed in a minecrafting accident. He just wanted those diamonds so badly...and then...BOOM!
Matt: he knew how to use swords but the greater man...golem...whatever won. (Probably The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King Gimli reference)
4-6
Matt: I don´t care who built it, but I know who will un-built it! I´m referring to myself of course!
5-1
Lance: Have you ever considered wild animals are just jerks for no reason? That plants are intentionally assh*les?
Lance: Nature is literally worse than Akron. (EBF3 reference)
5-3
Matt: Don´t pretend we´re not always awesome.
6-1
Anna: We at least could spare those animals their misery. Lance: I´ll gladly rescue their souls! I´ll get my cannon ready right away! Anna: The forest is done. There is nothing but burning wasteland. Lance: (Awesome, I feel so alive, but I try to look sad for my comrades.) Wow such...A tragedy...I am...so disappointed... Natalie: Shut up, Lance!
6-3
(Maybe ignore this one) Natalie is jealous of Anna and Matt getting closer. (Gotta play to laugh that)
Anna: Hey Natalie, since you´re a bit older and more experienced than me, can I ask..ummm...What does it feel like to be...um...in love?! Natalie: How am I supposed to know? Anna: I´m just asking...because you and Matt have been...together, for a long time, and I—Natalie: We´re not together in THAT way! We travel together! He carries my stuff for me! Anna: Oh really? Whatever then. Natalie:(She knows too much. I better be carefull...)
6-5
(eye-type boss reference)Matt: He might need to have his eyes checked after that fight! I don´t think he was seeing clearly, am I right?! Lance: That´s so funny...Natalie: You should just become a comedian and leave us alone. Matt: Whatever...
7-1
The whole area is about robots, that Lance loves.
Lance: And of course, warfare is more luxurious and exciting than ever. Anna: I worry about your mental health sometimes.
Lance: Those were kill-drones! Their job is to destroy the old world so it can be rebuilt! The landscape must first be cleared of plants, animals and political activists! Anna: Who the hell raised you so badly?
7-2
Lance: Allow me to show you all the hidden beauty of a nuclear arms factory! Look at all of these huge pipes! Funnelling nuclear ooze into the fusion reactors! A fantastic symphony of radiation!
Matt: Yea it smells like you, Lance. No wonder you like it here.
Natalie freaks out about radiation. Lance: Relax, that's just a misconception started by climate change activists. Radiation, much like smoking cigarettes, actually has no negative impact on the human body. That is a true fact. Natalie: That´s dangerous level of stupidity right there!
Matt: Them´s fighting words! Are you gonna become a fascist again?! Lance: Fascism isn´t wrong. It´s just never been implemented correctly. I can do it right this time. I just need a chance to prove it.
7-3
Lance: I am truly in awe of this engineering masterpiece! Matt: Try not to jizz in your pants... Lance: Some people can just appreciate science and technology. I´m sorry that you do not possess the intellectual capacity to do so. Matt: I like swords!
NoLegs: Pikameow! (I almost feel awkward for typing Pokemon reference)
7-4
Natalie wants to talk. Lance: Boo! Nobody cares! I want to talk more! Let me—Natalie: Anyway bombs explode. Matt: Even I knew that Bombs explode. I am not as stupid as NoLegs looks. NoLegs: Meow! Meow meow, meow! Matt: Don´t talk back to me! (I´ll eat you...) NoLegs: Meow!
7-5
Lance: I will buy one of the new models for myself. (I might need to take out a mortgage and live in poverty...but that´s worth it!)
Matt: Hey,hey! I thought of a cool tip! It´s uh...probably not a good idea to...uh...stand right in front of its main cannon! Cause it´s a tank! Natalie: You don´t say.
Lance: I expected so much more! Natalie: Well you´ve just saved a gajillion coins! Consider yourself lucky and stop whining! Matt: Dude, get a life! You´re such a fanboy!
7-6
Matt: Rekt! Shrekt! Disrespect!
8-1
Lance: Please tell me more about how wonderful nature is, with all of its smelly and aggressive trees. Anna: They´re just trying to spread their pollen and seeds! They have no ill will towards you! Lance: So we´re just flying trough a tree orgy then? Fantastic...
8-3
Lance: That dead do no frighten me! But the undead...well...just remember to double tap! Matt: And if knocking their heads off doesn´t kill them? If they keep going, what then?! Lance: Hmmmm...Anna: Smash´em into a million pieces! Duh!
Lance: Undead plus bullets equals dead! Flawless plan! Bullets solve everything!
8-4
Anna: Hey Matt, did you know that there´s actually a skeleton inside of you right now?! Matt: Stop trying to scare me! That´s impossible! How would it even get in there?!
Natalie: There is a demonic portal creating in front of us. Matt: finally, an exit! I´ll take it!
8-5
Natalie: I thing we´ve passed into the undead world. Lance: does it mean I´ll be haunted by everything I´ve ever killed?! (I´d rather not see those guys again...)
8-6
Natalie: Actions have consequences! Lance: Please, don´t lecture me on ethics. I get enough of that from my victims and ex-girlfriends.
9-1
Matt: We are literally dodging raindrops! I think we are kind of hardcore!
Lance: I guess the best way to stay dry in the rain is to get good at playing bullet-hell games. Myth busted! (MythBusters reference maybe)
9-2
Anna: Wouldn´t it be cool if Epic Battle Fantasy 5 had different weather conditions?! Lance: Can routine airstrikes be a weather condition? Cause I want that one.
9-3
Matt: Could this be another one of Godcat´s temples? Lance: We´ve already defeated Godcat though. There should be statues of us instead of filthy cats!
9-6
(again eye type boss) Matt: Something´s been following us through the clouds for a while. It´s been spying on us. Keeping it´s eye on us. Lance: Your puns are lame. Eye am disappointed in you. Natalie: Guys, stop! Anna: Eye eye, captain! (spongebob squarepants reference)
10-3
Natalie: Space invaders incoming! (game reference)
10-5
Natalie: Hmmm. Since this is kind of the end of the end of the game, I should probably say: Thanks for playing Bullet Heaven 2! We hope you enjoyed it and keep playing!
10-6
Lance: What? There´s no 2nd boss in this world? Did the dev get lazy? Matt: Probably. The developer loves cutting corners, and he sais that survival levels are much easier than bosses...or something like that? Natalie: Is that why the story sucks?! (Is my love life ever going to progress?) Anna: I thought that the game turned out...rather good. I´m happy we´re still a team and stuff. Natalie: At least none of us were killed off. We souldn´t complain. Lance: I hope NoLegs gets killed in Epic Battle Fantasy 5. NoLegs: Meow?! Meow!
THE END
