Tony blinked. The elevator doors swished open and, ta-da, there was Ziva. A distinctly unhappy looking Ziva. Tony blinked again.
Nope, still there and still unhappy. Well, time for some DiNozzo charm. Maybe he could manage tonight smoothly. He was hoping, anyway. He was still missing a game plan. But, hey, that's why they teach you improv. I'll just wing this, he thought, with more confidence than he really felt.
Mindful of Ziva's scrutiny, Tony moved carefully into the elevator. The ground was tilting and slanting under his feet, just trying to send him careening into a wall. Alright, time to act.
"So, Zee-vah, what's on the menu tonight?", he said with feigned cheerfulness.
"I don't know, Tony. What do you like?" Ziva was tired. She might think that she didn't give anything away, but Tony could tell that she was tired. Just plain tired-tired, but also tired of him.
Well, that was tough luck, for both of them. If the powers-that-be hadn't dictated that he accept her dinner offer, he'd already snoring on his couch, with at least two beers inside him to stave off the nightmares. Alcohol, combined with the pain meds he was on and his current level of exhaustion, had a tendency to knock him out cold. Actually, that was probably the only way he'd let himself go to sleep, after the day he had. Being stuck in a dark shipping container that was oh-so-much like the dark smelly closets of his childhood made for a very bad day.
He'd stopped smiling. Damn. He really didn't want Ziva to figure out how tough this was for him. She may not like him, but she was a good teammate. If she noticed anything, and she was very, very good at noticing things, she would most likely try to 'fix' him. And probably only end up making things worse. Not to mention making Abby and Gibbs mad at him.
Well, luckily he was pretty good at pretending – pretending to be okay when he wasn't. Because Ziva didn't know yet that he was a pretender, Tony was fairly confident that he could pull this off. He just had to remember to keep smiling.
One way he'd learned was to talk. As long as he kept talking about everything and nothing, he could remember to smile.
Taking a deep breath, and ignoring how his strangely fuzzy world slid a little to one side, Tony opened his mouth and began talking.
** * ** * ** * **
Ziva was ready to kill somebody. She flexed her fingers on the steering wheel; they were going numb she was gripping it so tightly. Tony complained loudly as she swerved out of the path of an on-coming vehicle. Reluctantly, she would admit that he had cause to complain tonight – she was being a tid reckless. It was his own fault, though. If he weren't so annoying, she would be in such a rush to get out of the car and away from him.
She couldn't get away, though. Well, not soon enough. And that, she supposed was her fault, at least in part. No-one had told her to invite Tony to dinner. Perhaps if she had not neglected to invite him along with everybody else, she would not have had to now. At least then Gibbs would have been there to keep him under control. She had no idea Tony would act so hurt by being left out. In the end, he had made such a pathetic case that she felt sorry for him, and a little guilty too.
However, she only took part of the blame for her current situation. The rest she laid firmly at someone else's feet. Oh, not Tony – Ziva was convinced that he couldn't help it. No amount of threats or pleading could get him to stop. Not that she had ever pleaded, but she had seen McGee do it many times. No, not Tony. Gibbs.
"Listen to Tony tonight", Gibbs had said. Oh, yes, listen to Tony indeed. The man had not stopped talking since she had met him in the elevator. She had long since stopped listening to him, though, Gibbs' orders be damned. Gibbs had to have known what Tony would be like. Ziva convinced that he had something to do with this. After all, he just had to order Tony to talk and voila – this would happen.
Grimacing, she glanced over at Tony. Predictably, he was still talking, but he was also fiddling with her air vents. She thought about yelling at him to cut it out, but it would have been pointless. He was probably just doing it to pull her back into his one-sided conversation, anyway. Breathing deeply, she recited 'I will not lose control, I will NOT lose control' in her head like a mantra. After all, she was a Mossad agent and Mossad agents never lost control.
She jerked the car out of danger, again eliciting a very unpleasant squawk from her passenger. The loudness of it grated on her newly formed headache. Normally, she would be dreading letting DiNozzo into her house, but right now, she could not seem to get there fast enough.
** * ** * ** * **
Tony felt like sighing – actually, he felt like wetting his pants. Ziva was cranky. Not only was she cranky, but she was driving horrifically, even against her normal standard. He hadn't been looking forward to getting to Ziva's house when he got into the car, but right now he couldn't think of anything he wanted more.
Tony knew that Ziva was annoyed with him, but he didn't really think he could do anything about it. Well, he could, but the alternative was still worse. He really wanted not to do this tonight. Hey he thought maybe there's a chance I can get Abby to let me off the hook. Well, he was certainly desperate enough to try.
Carefully, when he was sure that Ziva was 'distracted', he pulled out his phone and texted Abby.
'Ziva cranky, i go home, pls?' The response was almost immediate. She had been waiting for him.
'No way Mr. u talk 2 Ziva, or else'
Tony felt like groaning, but was careful to keep talking and smiling for Ziva. Maybe McGee…
The results were similar. He had a hunch that Abby had anticipated that, too, and intercepted his text to McGee. Tony knew better than to text Gibbs.
Oh well. I guess it's time to work out that game plan. Another death defying swerve by the cranky crazy ninja chick jolted his attention back to the road. Ziva's face was impassive when he glanced at her.
He was so screwed.
** * ** * ** * **
A/N: So, here's the next chapter. It's early because of the great reviews! Thanks for reading, and please review.
