You Just Got Boned!

Chapter 2

By a Clockwork Pumelo

I was going to have him bone Jiroubo next, but I decided to save the next chapter for both Kidoumaru and Jiroubo, and bone Tayuya first because really, she deserves her own chapter. And yes, I did just carry over Kimimaro's calling Tayuya 'Tay-Tay' and 'dumb cooze' from my other story "A Normal Day". I always kind of thought of him as a bit of a misogynist prick with no social skills... and who can blame him? I mean, he spent the first half of his life cooped up in a freaking cage, and the rest of it trying to prove his worth to Orochimaru. But yeah, back on topic, I don't own any of the characters, blah blah blah, just enjoy the chapter!

After he had outrun Kabuto (with a little help from lengthened leg bones), Kimimaro wandered the hideout searching for someone else to play pranks on. A most awful noise, somewhere between a meat grinder and a chainsaw met his ears as the green-eyed rascal passed the open door to the hideout's kitchen. Ahh, Jiroubo, my gluttonous, thoroughly disgusting ally... he turned to peer through the door, and kept right on turning. Ugh... that's gross... He wished he hadn't taken a peek into the kitchen and seen the sloppy mass of food revolving in the giant man's mouth, or the many colored spills down the front of his shirt. Maybe he will watch what he eats more carefully if I add a little something to it, but that comes later when he's whining at Orochimaru-sama to go buy more food. For now, I will find someone else not quite so slovenly to entertain me. With that he strode down the hallway to Tayuya's room.

"Tay-Tay-chan? You in there?" He waited for the usual response.

"DON'T YOU DARE CALL ME TAY-TAY-CHAN, DICKWAD!!!" The Kaguya grinned, green eyes dancing.

"But Tay-Tay-chan, I have a present for you." He waited at the door, pulling out the protrusion of bone from his left forearm with his right hand, concentrating on the density, details, and shape of the bone, sculpting it into a long, thin cylinder.

"Oh, but Tay-Tay-chan, I know you'll like this." He stopped pulling the bone out of his arm and broke it off cleanly, smoothing the few splinters that remained before playing a few notes on the slender flute. Behind the door, Tayuya heard the soft, fine quality of the instrument and smiled. She never knew the green-eyed monster actually knew how to play a fine musical instrument! Cracking open the door, she let him in.

"Nice piccolo, is it for me?" He nodded, handing her the flute. She made a big show of wiping the end off and played a quick trill. It was amazing, and the tone was soft and sweet as honey.

"I see you like blowing on my bone Tay-Tay-chan," He gave her his best s***-eating grin as she glared at him, fingers flying into an angry staccato, "I don't suppose you might want to try the higher register? I'll leave you to your practicing, you seem to really be enjoying putting that in your mouth." He dodged the swipe she took at him with the ivory flute.

"Does your stupid albino mouth ever shut up?!?" She put the flute back in position and began an ascending scale.

"No, do you ever stop trying to put phallic-shaped things in your gingery little mouth?" She reached the highest note, an earsplitting pitch that resonated off the cold stone walls as the flute cracked and shattered.

"You b****! You made it do that!" The red headed sound ninja reached for a heavy, black flute that lay on her bedside table as Kimimaro made for the door.

"Haha, that's what you get for trying to play my bone flute Tayuya-chan!" He ducked the kunai that were thrown his way and slammed the door behind himself.

"Consider yourself boned, and boned proper, you dumb cooze!" He shouted at her through the door before turning on his heel and running at full speed in the opposite direction. The maniacal laughter cascaded down the hallway, keeping pace with the flying Kaguya.

So, who next? Will it be Sakon and Ukon, or Jiroubo? Maybe Kidoumaru and all of his bugs? Or even (gasp) Orochimaru??? I'm open to suggestions, so review and tell me... You'll get an imaginary cookie with sprinkles on top!