Title: The Five Stages of Grief
Chapter Two: Denial
Author: snarkysweetness
Rating: PG-13
Characters: Emma, Charming, Henry, Snow, Geppetto, & August; Emma/August & Snow/Charming
Summary: Emma refuses to accept that August is gone, so she ignores it by throwing herself into work.
Warnings: Angst. There is all the angst in the world in this thing.
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Author's Notes: This show gives me all of the feels. Also, be warned for lots of Charming family feels.
We go into denial because the loss is so unthinkable we can't imagine it's true.
Emma threw down her badge and jacket, letting out a long sigh. Since breaking the curse it seemed like her work never stopped. Even with her father (and it was still weird getting used to the idea that she had her dad around) as her Deputy and the Dwarves once again working as the royal guard, there were still too many disputes to settle.
Things like the legality of the marriages in the town. After some help from Rumpelstiltskin and a few trips out of town to do some research, Emma had discovered that to the outside world, Storybrooke didn't exist. So all of the 'marriages' weren't legal, leaving everyone free to return to their pre-cursed lives without having to worry about the messy matter of divorce. Of course, in the weeks before they'd figured it out, Emma's days had been spent settling duels between real husbands and fake husbands and helping to decide which parents got to keep which kids and whatnot. Everything was a mess.
And even without the legal aspect to things, families were still torn apart. Like poor Grace, who wanted to be with her father, but couldn't deny the parents she'd spent the past thirty years living with.
It all gave Emma a headache.
If she hadn't promised Henry, who she now had full custody of due to his adoption not being done legally thanks to Gold's hatred towards the Mayor, that she wouldn't kill Regina, she'd be dead. Of course, Emma was the only one who had made such a promise, so Regina had long ago gone into hiding to avoid the angry townspeople.
But Emma suspected the only real person she feared was Rumpelstiltskin.
"Emma, what are you doing? It's past midnight."
She rolled her eyes and threw herself into her swirly chair before turning to face her father.
"I had to deal with an angry butcher who wanted to kill Go-Rumpe-whatever the Hell you want to call him. Apparently there was an incident with a pig back in our land and the man can really hold a grudge. Plus we found another prison Regina didn't tell us about in the clock tower-"
"That's what you have deputies for, Emma."
She'd only had parents for a few weeks, but the sharp tone in Charming's voice caused her to wince and feel like a very small child.
"Dad-"
"It's your birthday; you should be at home, resting. Your mother's been planning a party for you and do you really want to put on the princess act on no sleep?"
Emma pouted.
"No-"
Charming leaned down and kissed the top of her head.
"I hate all of that royal crap, too, Emma, but us keeping it up is the only thing keeping people from trying to leave town again. And don't think I don't know the reason why you keep hiding behind your work."
"I'm the Sheriff, it's my-"
Charming cut her off with a 'look' and she sighed.
"I told Geppetto you'd see him tomorrow."
"But why-"
"It's not fair to him, to keep putting it off."
Emma closed her eyes, not wanting to have this conversation.
"You're right."
"Good, I'll tell him-"
"I should go home and sleep. You coming with me?"
Emma stood and gathered her things, while avoiding looking directly at her father.
"Em-" Charming sighed. "No. I'll lock up."
Emma tried to move past him, but he pulled her against him and kissed the top of her head again.
"Happy birthday, baby girl."
Emma wrinkled her nose. She hated the nickname, but the more she protested, the more he used it.
"Thanks, dad."
Emma entered the loft she now shared with only Henry. Abigail had insisted they take the house because Frederick had his own and while Emma didn't mind the idea of living with her parents, she wanted to give Henry everything, which she couldn't do if she had to depend on her parents all the time.
She set her things down quietly and tip-toed to the overhead loft, her old bedroom which she had given to Henry so he could have more privacy. She expected to find him and her mother asleep, but they both sat up, waiting for her.
"Isn't it a little late to be up, kid?"
"I couldn't sleep."
"He was worried something had happened to you when you missed dinner."
Her mother sent her a disapproving look and Emma furrowed her brows. Snow White was not someone you wanted to piss off, something Emma was slowly coming to realize.
"Sorry, I would have come home sooner, but…" Emma shrugged, not wanting to discuss things in front of Henry. She knew he would eventually find out what went on in the town while he was safe at school, which Snow now ran so she could protect the children with her sword and bow if necessary, but she still wanted to shield him from the bad things. For an eleven-year old, he'd seen far more evil than Emma cared for him to ever have seen.
"Did someone try to kill Mr. Gold again?"
"Henry-go to bed."
Emma took his book and set it aside before leaning down to kiss his forehead.
"Happy birthday, mom."
She smiled.
"Thanks and you're still going to school in the morning."
Henry groaned and Emma flipped off his light and followed Snow down the stairs.
"Thanks for staying with him, I'm going to talk to see if I can find him a real babysi-"
"Dammit, Emma, you need to stop this," Snow snapped, interrupting Emma.
Emma was taken aback.
"What?"
"This. You're-it's like Graham all over again, but this time is different. You have Henry; you can't just hide in your work. It was unhealthy the first time around but it's affecting Henry. This is the third time this week you've missed dinner with him. He just got you back, Emma. We all got you back and it's like you're not even here.
August is dead, Emma, and you need to deal with that before it hurts Henry even more.
You won't even talk about him…
Henry…
You're not the only one who loved him, Emma. So you need to deal with this like an adult for Henry. This is all confusing and painful for him and having to worry about you isn't helping."
Emma stepped away and went for her bedroom.
"I can't believe this, the two of you really needed to pick today to gang up on me? At least dad was more subtle about it."
"Your father is more willing to overlook things because when he looks at you he still sees the baby he put into the wardrobe."
"But not you?"
"No, Emma. You're my daughter and I love you, but you're a grown woman. The only child in this family is Henry and he's suffered enough because of-" Snow cut herself off.
Emma turned to face her mother, angry.
"Say it. Because of me. Because if I hadn't given him away, his life would have been better. Right?"
Snow's face softened.
"Emma, I'm sorry. I know better than anyone that sometimes you have to make hard choices-"
"It was hard. And I hate myself for it. Every day. You don't have to remind me that I make horrible parenting choices. I remember it every time I look at him and it hits me that I missed everything." Emma closed her eyes and sighed. "Maybe we should just move in with you…at least then Henry would have real parents."
Snow pulled Emma into a hug and held her tightly for a moment before pulling away and looking Emma in the eye.
"You're a wonderful mother, Emma. You put Henry first, that's what matters. But you're also-You're not dealing with your pain, Emma. I know it's been hard on you, and to be honest, I'm surprised you haven't broken down, most people would have. I'm proud of you, sweetheart. You've dealt with the curse, magic, your father and me, and all of this really well, but honey…"
Emma closed her eyes, trying not to cry.
"Don't…"
"He's gone, Emma, and you need to accept that."
"I can't," Emma whispered.
Snow placed her hand on Emma's cheek.
"Sweetheart, you tried everything. True Love's Kiss, fairy dust, all of the magic we've been able to find-he's not coming back."
An involuntary sob escaped Emma's lips and her mother pulled her against her once more, running her fingers through Emma's hair.
"Maybe, if we find a way home-"
Snow 'shushed' her and Emma gave up. She couldn't let go of August. This wasn't like Graham. Graham's heart had been crushed, there had never been hope for him, but August…with enough magic surely he could come back to her. And unlike Graham, who Emma had only had a fleeting moment with; August had been her rock, the one person she could always count on. He was her best friend and Henry loved him, she needed him back.
"I know you love him, Emma, but…"
Emma pulled away and wiped her eyes.
"I'm…I should sleep. I promised I'd see Geppetto in the morning," she whispered, wanting the subject dropped.
Snow gave Emma a stern look but Emma stared back and eventually Snow gave up.
"I'll bring Henry home from school. Try to be on time for your party, will you?"
Emma nodded and turned away, waiting until she was alone to climb into bed.
She didn't sleep that night, instead she tossed and turned, evaluating her every action and whether or not Henry was happy. Eventually, she gave up and showered, settling herself at the kitchen table with coffee and some case files, which was where Henry found her in the morning.
"Hey, kid."
"Morning, mom," he said and the surprise in his voice killed her.
Dammit, her mother had been right.
"Why don't you get ready for school and we'll head over to Granny's for breakfast?"
"Really? You don't have to be at work early?"
Emma put on a smile.
"Nope, I'm not working today and Thomas and some of the other princes are going to help out with some things around town that the Sheriff's office shouldn't be dealing with in the first place."
Henry threw him arms around her neck before rushing off to get ready for school.
After a quick breakfast and dropping Henry off, Emma found herself standing at the edge of Geppetto's driveway, trying to work up the nerve to see him. Shifting her weight to the balls of her feet, she pulled her hands out of her pockets and took a deep breath before slowly making her way towards the open garage.
"Geppetto?"
Emma called out; surprised he wasn't out here working. She approached his work bench, his current project catching her eye. She caressed the smooth wood, confusion lining her features. She studied the container, trying to figure out what it could be for when her eyes landed on a curved plane of glass leaning against the wall.
"Emma, I didn't hear you-"
"What is this?"
Emma glanced up at him accusingly.
Geppetto approached her slowly, toying with August's old red hat between his hands.
"I-I need to put my boy to rest. It's too painful…" He gave her a pleading look and Emma stepped away from the casket, horrified.
"But he's not dead! It's me! I'm not his True Love, that's why nothing's working; we just need to keep trying!"
He gave her a sad look and shook his head.
"No, my boy loved you. When he came to work here with me…all he could speak of was you and Henry. If anyone could bring him back it's you. Please, I can't keep holding on to him, he deserves to be at peace."
Tears fell over her cheeks and Emma shook her head.
She knew if she begged him to, Geppetto would keep August where he was; safe in a bedroom upstairs. But could she put him through such a thing?
Yes, she decided, she could.
"Please…just…wait? Two more weeks and if we can't bring him back-"
Emma looked away, unable to bear the pain on Geppetto's face.
"It will be another week before I finish," he whispered after a long moment.
"Okay." She waited a long moment before hesitantly speaking. "Can I see him?"
Geppetto motioned for her to enter the house and Emma wiped at her eyes as she made her way towards the small upstairs bedroom.
She lingered in the doorway, working up the nerve to approach the bed, where August lay, still as the night she'd returned to find him still in his wooden tomb. She had hoped breaking the curse would undo the transformation she'd witnessed, but the weeks had gone by and he was still lifeless.
Lifeless.
All of the air left her chest and Emma collapsed at his bedside, sobbing.
It hit her then, the truth she'd been avoiding all of this time. Nothing had worked because he was gone and nothing was going to bring him back. She'd loved two men in her life and they'd both died on her. Her life was a cruel, sick joke.
"I'm sorry. This is my fault. I killed you because I didn't break the curse in time."
Emma covered her mouth to muffle her sobs, not wanting Geppetto to hear her.
She took August's hand, the way she had that night in Granny's, and she rested her head against his chest, waiting until every last sob had escaped her before pulling away. Wiping at her eyes, Emma took a few deeps breaths, composing herself.
She leaned over and carefully but firmly pressed her lips against his.
"I'm sorry," she whispered, waiting a moment to see if anything happened.
When it didn't, she felt disgusted with her inability to accept that he was gone, even now, and made her way back to the garage.
"I think when you're finished; we should find a place to put him. Somewhere open with a lot of light, he would have liked that."
Geppetto hugged her tightly, his gratitude showing on his aging features.
"Thank you."
Emma shook him off and nodded, unable to speak. Her resolve to let August go, for Henry's sake was slowly morphing into something else and while she couldn't name it yet, she knew anything that came out of her mouth in that moment would hurt Geppetto's feelings and she'd put him through enough.
