It's Choosing Day. Butterflies make their appearance in my stomach even before I'm out of my house.
My hand quivers lightly as I ladle up a spoonful of cornflakes into my mouth. I can't even enjoy the flavor of the meal; which sucks, considering it could very well be my last breakfast here in Candor.
My father's left the house already, gone to do his job. He's a member of the Council in Candor; he helps Alfred make decisions and whatnot. He'll be helping his colleagues set up the Choosing Bowls for today; Choosing Day will take place in Candor this time.
Since we all left school early yesterday, I never got the chance to meet up with my friends after our respective aptitude tests. I see Maurice standing down the corridor from my flat as I shut the door behind me and rush over to him.
"Hey," I greet as we begin walking down the hallway in the direction of the auditorium; the room in my test where I let Alfred electrocute the girl from Amity. That's where I, and the other sixteen year-olds, will make our decision: to stay in our birth factions or to transfer somewhere else. It seems only fitting that I should make that decision in that same room; because it was also in that same room, in my test, that I made the decision that proved I had a strong aptitude for Dauntless. Today, I will confirm it.
Maurice nods at me. "Hey."
We follow the familiar route down to the auditorium. I've walked these paths many times; we always come to the auditorium anytime Alfred has to make announcements that directly involves all of us from Candor. Other than that, I've heard the auditorium's also used for private meetings, in which Alfred speaks and discusses administrative matters with the Council; the Council that my father is part of.
Maurice and I follow the black and white tiles on the floor. I look down at them, remembering how black and white always felt like home to me. But now that I know I can't speak and comprehend the truth as black and white as I'd believed, it all feels false, an illusion.
Nikolai and Dmitri catch up with us as we join the other sixteen year-olds standing in the room. The five factions sit in rows of seats arranged in concentric circles, so everyone is gathered around the middle of the room, where the five Choosing Bowls sit, so normal and ordinary and yet part of a life-changing situation.
Five bowls; gray stones for Abnegation, water for Erudite, earth for Amity, coals for Dauntless and glass for Candor.
The four of us take our places standing in front of our faction; several Candor family members sit in their seats, watching us. Of course, my father is not here; he will arrive later when Alfred comes to give the speech on the factions. I spot Nikolai's mother and elder sister, along with Maurice's grandmother. Dmitri's parents both work on the Council; they are not here.
We arrange ourselves in reversed alphabetical order, effectively making me the very first person to go forward.
Great. I can set the bar for the rest of my Candor buddies.
Just great.
"Our dependents are now sixteen and are close to reaching adulthood. It is now up to them to decide what kind of people they will be," Alfred reads off the written speech, speaking into a microphone, addressing all the people gathered in the room.
The place is silent; family members and nervous sixteen year-olds watching and listening to Alfred with rapt attention.
I see my father now, sitting up with the rest of Candor, next to Dmitri's mother and father.
"Humanity divided themselves into five factions that sought to eradicate the qualities that they believed to be responsible for the world's current state of disarray," Alfred continued. "Those who blamed aggression formed Amity."
The Amity smile at each other; family members and sixteen year-olds alike. Even though I'm considering switching to Dauntless, my dislike for Amity still stands. I don't trust that they would be so peaceful, so kind and polite all the time; they hide secrets from everyone, hidden under smiling faces and lies told for the sake of goodwill. They could be wolves in sheep's clothing and no one is any the wiser.
"Those who blamed ignorance became the Erudite."
The Erudite. People who can't get their noses out of their books to admire the world around them and all its endless possibilities. All so caught up in their endless pursuit of knowledge and yet friendless, soulless, with no real satisfaction in their work as they will have no one to share their knowledge with. While Candor's biggest enemy is Amity, I, personally, have always thought the Erudite to be a dry and lifeless faction. Even Amity is livelier than them. The Erudite is only less lifeless than Abnegation.
"Those who blamed duplicity created Candor."
Several of the Candor sixteen year-olds throw their chests out, proud for this moment. I don't; I am less than minutes away from abandoning my white coat forever.
I'm not an idiot, I know Candor is one of the least popular factions because they claim we can't control what we say.
Do I have to learn to control what I say if I am to become Dauntless, or will that part of me never really fade away?
"Those who blamed selfishness made Abnegation."
Selfless to the point that they lose self-preservation, to the point that they don't care about themselves or their own lives. They would be willing to die for people they don't know; it's not just puzzling, it's disgusting.
"And those who blamed cowardice were the Dauntless."
My test said I was one of them, or at least, would fit in best with one of them. I trust what the test says, but can I fit into Dauntless? Am I, so to speak, Dauntless enough to be in Dauntless? I think back to every defining moment in my life; have I ever really shown much courage or bravery?
It's often said that it takes courage to be honest. With that reasoning, Candor is probably the faction that most closely resembles Dauntless.
I try and picture myself running onto a train in dark clothing. Not only is the image absurd, I feel the butterflies in my stomach quicken.
I've never liked trains; I was terrified of moving at fast speeds.
"Working together, our five factions have contributed to a different sector of society. Abnegation has worked in the government, Candor has provided trustworthy lawyers, Erudite with intelligent teachers, scientists and researchers, Amity with understanding counselors and caretakers and Dauntless protects the city from internal and external threats," Alfred says. "It is within our faction that each and every one of us can find meaning, purpose and life."
Faction before blood. The old motto. If I leave, my father will be all alone. Can I really do that to him?
"Therefore this day shall mark a happy occasion on which we will receive our new initiates, who will work hand in hand with us towards a better society and a better world," Alfred concludes. "And with that, let us begin the Choosing Ceremony."
I watch, with sweaty palms and a beating heart, as one by one, the sixteen year-olds make their way forward. They start off with Abnegation, then Amity, followed by Candor.
"Markus Woodley."
I bite my lip and step forward. The Abnegation and Amity girls; Patricia Zen and Cindy Wilkins, both stayed with their factions. If I am to do this, I will be the first faction transfer.
Alfred hands me a knife. I look into his eyes, remembering them from the test. He smiles at me in encouragement, then takes a step back as I survey the five bowls.
I put the tip of the knife at the palm of my hand and exhale smoothly as I draw it across. I wasn't afraid of the pain; was that a sign that I was Dauntless?
Candor glass is to my right; Dauntless coals on my left. I decide; if I hold my hand out over the glass, I'd be a coward, to not have gone with the daring option, the one the test had advised me to pick. If I held my hand over the coals, would it not have taken bravery in the first place to have done so? Whichever faction I choose now will ultimately define me as a person, even before I commence initiation.
I inhale and exhale again, holding out my arm and slowly moving it to the left. I bite my lip again; an old habit of nervousness; as my blood drips once, twice, thrice onto the sizzling coals.
I move to sit with the Dauntless; the first two benches are empty, meant for both Dauntless-born initiates and Dauntless transfers.
I hear murmuring around me over my choice, though rather softly. A Candor transferring to Dauntless isn't uncommon; it's Amity and Abnegation transfers that attract the most attention. However, I know Maurice, Dmitri and Nikolai will be reeling from my choice; my father too.
Alfred himself looks slightly surprised; a member of his precious Candor Council losing his son to Dauntless.
More and more people step forward to choose. While they pick, I let my eyes wander up to my father. I blink, realizing his seat is empty. He must have left after I abandoned him and abandoned Candor. He now knows I'd lied last night; I'd already abandoned him and Candor back then.
"Nikolai Tyler."
I watch as Nikolai steps out of the crowd. He slits his palm and holds it out. I watch as his blood drips...into water.
He has transferred too. My eyes follow him as he makes his way to join the Erudite, face impassive.
"Maurice Thorn."
Maurice is up next; he winces as he draws the blade over his palm. He exhales slowly and squeezes the blood out; they drip onto glass.
He has chosen to stay. He doesn't meet my eyes as he heads up into the pews to sit with the other Candor-born and transferred initiates.
"Dmitri Nile."
It's Dmitri's turn. I grip the edge of my seat, nervous, watching as he holds out his hand. His blood drips and lands into water.
He has joined Erudite; joined his friend, Nikolai.
I watch as he leaves as well, abandoning Candor. I guess all four of us hid secrets from each other; Maurice was the only true black and white Candor in our group.
The names fly by me. I watch as more Dauntless-born fill the seats next to me. Nearing the end of the ceremony, there are a total of ten Dauntless-born thus far, along with eight other transfers; one Amity, two Abnegation, three Erudite and two other Candor boys - Vincent and one of his friends, Robert.
"Hey Mark," he greets as he and Robert walk over to sit with the other Dauntless.
I nod at him but don't say anything more. He and I were never friends; even now that we're in the same transferred faction, we won't be. I still remember how satisfying it felt to knock him out in my test. I shudder to think what he and Robert will get up to in Dauntless; even when still in Candor, the pair were known for being bad news.
"Hey."
I turn around, expecting Vincent again, but this time, it's one of the Dauntless-born initiates; a girl.
She has short black hair with green and pink streaks, pale skin, brown eyes and was dressed in a short, sleeveless black shirt, skinny black jeans and combat boots.
I open my mouth to greet her but the roar of the cheering Dauntless stops me in my tracks. The last Dauntless-born initiate is joining us; we have eleven Dauntless-born and nine transfers: one Amity, two Abnegation, and three Erudite and Candor each.
"Hey," I greet her.
She sits down next to me. "What's your name?"
"Markus," I tell her. "You?"
"Brooklyn," she smiles, extending a hand to me, which I shake tentatively, unsure what to make of her.
She turns her head slightly as Alfred begins his closing speech. I spot something black on her neck; a tattoo. Will I have to get tattoos as part of my initiation? I never used to like tattoos; they, like smoking, which is common in Candor, just put me off. But tattoos are, at least, different from smoking in that they don't have any ill effect on my health. If they can prove that I am different and can be part of Candor, what's the harm?
"It was pretty brave of you to transfer," Brooklyn says.
She sees me looking at her tattoo and turns her head so I can see it in full view; it's a black butterfly.
"Nice tattoo. What if people think it looks ugly?" I ask.
"I can handle myself," she says. "You, on the other hand, should probably watch what you say in case you offend the wrong person by voicing out your thoughts. I know freedom of speech is normal in Candor, but you should probably watch your mouth around the stricter instructors in Dauntless."
"Why would you help me?" I ask.
She shrugs, smiling. "Might as well help out a fellow initiate. I'm serious, though. Many a Candor transfer's suffered during Dauntless initiation because he or she was running their mouth off. My older brother's told me the tales. He's one of the instructors."
"Really? Doesn't that mean you get an unfair advantage during initiation, if one of the instructors is related to you by blood?" I ask her.
"There you go again, speaking tactlessly. You may have been a bit forward when saying that, but you do speak the truth," she says, smirking. "Don't worry. My brother's the impassive sort of person. He's not one to submit to personal bias. And, honestly, being factionless doesn't really frighten me."
The crowd of Dauntless gets to their feet and begin leading us out of the auditorium. I move to follow them, Brooklyn walking with me.
"So, how did you parents react when you transferred?" she asks.
"Parent," I correct her. "And my dad left without a word."
"Oh." She scratches her head. "Well, there's always Visiting Day. Maybe he'll get over his anger and visit you then."
Once the Dauntless are out of the Merciless Mart, without any warning, everyone starts running. Whoops and shouts of laughter fill the air as they run from Candor Headquarters.
I cast one last look back at the place I used to call home before turning back around and running to keep up, the other transfers running along with me, looking just as confused. Brooklyn, who has done this sort of thing her whole life, backpedals, keeping an eye on me as she keeps up with the crowd easily.
"Where are we running to?" I call out to her.
"Train!" she yells back.
Sure enough, I hear the telltale train horn sounding in the distance. I swallow, realizing what happens next.
"We have to hop into that thing?" one of the Erudite blurts out, looking worried.
"It's Dauntless practice!" Brooklyn calls out to him over the howl of the wind and the blare of the train horn. "You're all going to have to get used to it!"
The train chugs into view. The rest of Dauntless begin running forward and hopping in, leaping through open doors into empty carriages without a break in pace.
"Come on, Markus!" Brooklyn cheers.
She takes a few steps back, and then leaps. I watch as her body flies through the air and she lands on her feet inside an empty carriage.
I rush after her, the other transfers trying to keep pace with the train.
"Don't think. Just jump!" Brooklyn encourages.
"Oh, man," I whimper to myself.
Behind me, I see some of the other transfers jumping into the train. Soon, it's just me and the last Erudite boy.
"Come on!" Brooklyn yells.
Bracing myself, I leap sideways and tumble into the nearest carriage, my legs hanging out over the edge. Grunting, I pull myself in completely and lie on the ground, panting heavily from having to keep up with the train.
"NO!"
I hear the Erudite boy's shout. I raise my head just in time to see the train pull away from him, leaving him far behind.
"Chris!" one of the two remaining Erudite girls cry out, but the Erudite boy has faded out of sight; the train's too far ahead.
"There's always at least one poor sop who doesn't even make it to the compound, even before initiation starts," one of the older Dauntless-borns says.
"What's going to happen to him?" I hear one of the Stiffs ask.
"He's now part of the factionless. That's going to happen to all those who fail initiation as well, so you better work hard, wouldn't you say, Stiff?" the Dauntless-born replies.
Just like that, the transfers' numbers are down by one. We have been reduced to eight.
Brooklyn's face comes into view and she helps me up to my feet. "Are you alright?"
I gulp, putting a hand on a wall to steady myself. "I'm...I'm fine...I just..."
I lean against the wall of the carriage, the movement of the train matching my heart rate. I look out the open doorway; the scenery outside flashes by speedily. I gulp again, clenching my eyes shut as a wave of dizziness makes my head swim. "Sorry...I...I don't do too well with fast speeds..."
"You? You're afraid of speed? Why'd you transfer to Dauntless then if you're scared of that?" I hear a girl ask cuttingly.
I look up, expecting to see one of the Dauntless-born, being confident of her abilities being better than the transfers as usual; instead, it's a transfer. I recognize the facial features of the girl from Amity Maurice insulted yesterday; I hadn't realized she'd been the Amity transfer until I got a good look at her face.
"Everyone has fears," I mutter.
"I thought you Candor were above that, just like you're above everything and everyone else," she remarks.
"That's not true," I protest.
"Actually, the statistics do show that more than 75% of the people who were brought up in Candor suffer from superiority complex, thanks to their entitlement to the freedom of being able to say and act the way they want for majority of their lives," one of the Erudite girls - the one who isn't crying over Chris - speaks up.
"Well, we're not Candor anymore. Now, we're all Dauntless," Robert cuts the Erudite girl across.
"Not yet, you're not," the same Dauntless-born who'd replied to the Stiff says to Robert. "If you don't pass initiation, you're just an initiate and nothing more."
"And what makes you think we won't pass initiation?" Vincent asks. "Our test results all showed we had higher aptitude for Dauntless; I think that's a plus point in our favor."
"Oh really? Tell that to your friend, Chris," the Dauntless-born says snidely.
"It's always possible Chris didn't get Dauntless for his test. He could have chosen Dauntless against the results that the test had given him," the same Erudite girl says.
"Well, I'll guess none of us will ever know, will we?" the Dauntless-born says, smirking.
"Drop it, Miles. You're being an idiot again," Brooklyn says, looking irritated.
Miles shrugs. "I'm just pulling a Candor and stating the truth."
"Look!"
I look out the door and see, to my horror, that the train is fast approaching a series of rooftops.
"What now?" I ask Brooklyn.
"Now..." she breathes. "We jump."
