Maria

Maria wandered about the garden keeping an inconspicuous profile and trying to keep her mind off of the party. She wondered what it would be like to be a part of such a huge affair and had to admit that she had been just as caught up in the excitement of it all as the children had been, but she knew her place was with the them. The children, she thought, she was going to miss them a great deal at the end of summer when she would have to return to the abbey. This had been one of the most amazing adventures she had ever embarked on and she felt grateful to the Reverend Mother for giving her the opportunity to experience it, even though she had been reserved and nervous when told she was being sent away for the summer. A brief moment of melancholy swept over her at the thought of having to leave this home, these children, and their father who had shown her what a real family life was like. Soon the Captain would probably announce his engagement to Baroness Shraeder and her work here to prepare these children for a new mother would be complete. For some reason the thought of that was a bit unsettling and bothered her, but she couldn't identify why. She was happy for this family and silently marveled at how in such a short time they had learned to forgive and love again. Perhaps she had seen the biggest change occur in the Captain himself.

When they had first met she hadn't been prepared for what had been presented in front of her. He wasn't at all what she had conjured up in her mind a sea captain to look like. No novel out there could have accurately described him to her in her mind and she couldn't help but stare at him. Of course he had noticed her doing so and immediately called her out on it and of course she couldn't help but say what was exactly on her mind in that moment. His demeanor told her that he was a very strict and demanding individual, but she was determined to make sure that he understood that even though she was his employee that she expected a certain level of respect from him. She would not answer to a silly whistle and she had quickly put him in his place by blowing it at him. When he turned she could see something else in his eyes, pain and hurt, but he was working hard to hide it. From that moment she was determined that somehow she was going to help this family reconnect with one another and she had done just that, only she wouldn't take credit for it, that had been a miracle that only God could have performed in their hearts. She remembered that moment of transformation clearly as she tried to stay out of view, not wanting to interrupt a joyous moment of rediscovery between a father and his children. His face had shown so many emotions on it in a matter of seconds, regret, wonderment, amazement, and love. He had seen her though and she was happier than she had a right to be when he told her he wanted her to stay, no, had asked her to stay. She had run up the stairs, her brain filling with ideas for the next week's activities. Her heart was happy and filled with love for these children.

The last few weeks had gone by in a whirlwind and she had begun to feel things that she couldn't identify, but that made her excited and nervous. She tried to push them off, but they would reemerge every time her thoughts shifted to the Captain. She found that she enjoyed more and more the easy teasing banter that would occur between them from time to time and for some reason he made her slightly nervous whenever she was around him. He was way more handsome than she had ever imagined a sea captain to be and she got a glimpse of a side of him that he had been repressing for some time, a side of him that she found quite charming and drawn to. It was even more evident the night of the puppet show. There was something about the way that he had looked at her while singing Edelweiss that gave her the most wonderful nervous sensation in the pit of her stomach, an unidentifiable fluttering sensation. She saw something in his eyes that she hadn't noticed before when he looked at her. She didn't know what it was, but she had felt herself go weak in the knees and she had to lean against the wall to keep herself upright. As she listened to him sing everyone else around her had faded from existence and she felt a strange light headed sensation come over her that she didn't understand. The song ended and he was staring at her again in a way she hadn't noticed him do before. She was thankful when the Baroness had interrupted the moment and given her the opportunity to escort the children to bed. In the days following there had been other moments after that one when the two of them would catch each others eyes, leaving her barely able to breathe and slightly embarrassed. She couldn't help it, there was something about the sparkle of his deep blue eyes when he looked at her that left her mesmerized. These thoughts left her scared and confused and she tried to suppress them, but they kept bubbling to the surface anyways and left her feeling uncomfortable in the presence of the Baroness.

She made her way to the terrace and looked up, pleasantly surprised, to see Liesl and Friedrich dancing with one another. She teased them for not having told her that they could dance and then the song changed to a traditional Laendler waltz. The children seemed drawn to it and Kurt asked her to help him learn it. It had been a long time since she had danced the Laendler and she wasn't sure if she would remember all the intricate steps to it, but he pleaded with her so that she couldn't say no to him. She began to show him, but the height difference made it difficult for them to maneuver the turn under. It was then that she heard a familiar voice say, "Do allow me, will you," and her heart immediately stopped. Standing before her with his outstretched hand was the Captain smiling, his eyes urging her to take his silent invitation. She stared at him wide eyed and realized he was waiting for her. She put her hand in his and felt a shock wave of indescribable feelings flood over her. She then felt her body relax and smiled back at him letting her feet happily follow his lead. She found herself lost in the pure joy of the moment and completely trusting him to lead her through the waltz. I would follow him anywhere, she thought and was immediately amazed at having such a thought enter her mind, wondering where it came from. What was it about him that elicited such feelings and thoughts from me? He turned and she followed, reaching over his shoulder with the sudden realization that the dance was in the final sequence of moves and that this was a courtship dance that ended with a kiss between the partners. She wondered if he would actually end it that way with her and the thought scared her and made her nervous. As they entered into the final set of spins she became very aware of how close their bodies were and when she looked up into his eyes she saw a desire there that she had never witnessed before in them. The familiar sensation of her head spinning and her knees going week began to creep over her and she felt the sudden need to put distance between herself and him. She backed away slowly, his fiery intense gaze never leaving her. She felt the blood rush to her cheeks and it was Brigita that pointed it out. She moved her hands to her face in an attempt to cover it up, but he had seen it anyways and was now tenderly smiling at her with that same intense gaze. It was only when Baroness Shraeder spoke up that the moment was broken between them and she felt uneasy and embarrassed that she had been caught entangled in the arms of the Baroness' almost fiance. The Captain's demeanor instantly changed and he announced that it was time for the children to say goodnight. Relief encompassed her at the chance to escape the uncomfortable moment and she ran out with the children to prepare them for the surprise they had worked on for all the guests.

She entered the ballroom avoiding eye contact with him to announce that the children would like to say goodnight to all the guests. As they all flooded into the hallway she tried to hide behind a pillar wanting to this to be a shining moment for the children and not herself. As they sang she felt a sense of love and pride in them and was amazed by how far they had come from the first time she had taught them to sing. They were all naturals which made sense knowing that both of their parents were musically inclined. They really were quite remarkable she mused. As Gretl finished her part she could see out of the corner of her eye that the Captain was looking in her direction with a nervous smile, but she avoided looking at him preferring instead to keep her focus on the children. As the children faded out of sight though and the guests all waved to them she turned to unexpectedly meet his gaze. The smile was gone from his face and she was having a difficult time reading his eyes, but thought she caught a short glimpse of concern, worry, and something else she couldn't identify. It seemed as if he was pleading with her for something, but she didn't know what. Her thoughts were interrupted by others as they turned to shower her with compliments on how well she taught the children. She tried to escape the scene, but before she could she was drawn back in by Max insisting that she join the party. She caught a glimpse of the unhappy look on the Baroness' face and tried to avoid eye contact with her. Why is Max doing this to me, she thought and silently hoped that the Captain could see the look of dismay and embarrassment on her face, but he seemed oblivious to it like he was working too hard to avoid the moment that had just occurred between them. He barely looked at her and she could sense that he was trying to avoid her as much as possible. She felt embarrassed and for the first time in a long time she felt disconnected from the Captain. She didn't want to join them and she certainly didn't want to be Max's dinner partner, she just wanted to go help with the children and be removed from the uncomfortable situation, but the Captain didn't even notice her distress and nonchalantly agreed to let her stay and join the party. She tried to make an excuse that she didn't have the proper clothes, but he still avoided her pleas and told her they would wait for her. She wanted to crawl away into a hole somewhere, but felt she now had no choice but to go change and come back down.

She entered her room relieved to have a few moments alone. She wasn't even sure what she was going to wear. She didn't have any fancy dresses like the other women and none of them in her wardrobe seemed appropriate for the occasion. She heard a faint knock at her door and beckoned her visitor to come in. It was Baroness Shraeder and she was immediately enveloped with that same uncomfortable feeling of uneasiness around her that she always felt when in her presence. She confided in her of her indecisiveness on what to wear, fearing she had nothing appropriate. Then she froze with fear, what had the Baroness just said...couldn't keep his eyes off of me? She had to be joking. In love with him? Him in love with me? Maria felt sick to her stomach, this just couldn't be, but it would explain all the strange desires that had been building up inside of her. She was confused, he couldn't be in love with me. He was suppose to be getting engaged to the Barroness. She suddenly wanted Barroness Shraeder to leave her alone, she felt embarrassed in front of her, what she must think of me right now, she thought. She was relieved when the Baroness went back to the party leaving Maria to her own thoughts, promising not to mention their conversation to the Captain. This can't be, I have to leave right away. This isn't why I came here. My goal was never to fall in love with him. I was suppose to reconnect him with his children and prepare them for a new mother. She continued packing what little she had brought with her into her carpetbag, trying not to let the tears that were forming in her eyes escape, but when she began to write her note to them she lost that battle and they came flooding out of her. She didn't want to go, but she couldn't stay either. She felt lost and confused and knew she had to escape back to the abbey. She couldn't stay in the same house with him knowing what she now knew. It would be awkward for everyone, for her, the Baroness, and him. Composing herself she left the room with all of her newer dresses still hanging in the armoire, she wouldn't need them at the abbey and they wouldn't allow her to keep them. She made her way down the stairs hoping to remain undetected and left the note on a table in the hallway. She climbed back up the stairs leading to the door, pausing she turned around taking one last sweeping look at the place she had called home for the past few weeks then opened the door and silently walked out.