I was watching Partners in Crime from Doctor Who's Season Four and wondered what Torchwood would be doing. This story is what I believe was happening in Cardiff …
A Big Fat Problem
Research came easily to Gwen Cooper. She enjoyed chasing down facts, cross referencing them and following up anomalies. The amount of information Torchwood had access to made the process more interesting as she could get a full picture of someone's life right down to their bank balance and DVD rentals! Research on companies was a bit more tricky as they tended to cover their tracks, aware that rivals would be looking for any Achilles heel they could find to gain an edge. Nevertheless, Gwen had a fat file of printouts when she approached Jack in his office.
"Time for a word, Jack?" she asked.
"If you can wait 'til I finish reading this." He vaguely waved to a chair, before looking back down at the papers in front of him.
Gwen drew up the chair and sat down putting her file on the edge of the desk. She recognised Owen's scrawl on the report Jack was reading, even upside down the spidery handwriting was impossible to mistake. She crossed her legs and waited patiently. She wasn't in a rush, for once the team had time on their hands to pursue the ordinary and mundane aspects of their job. It was fine for a day or two but if it went on any longer they'd get tetchy and start sniping at one another.
Jack heaved a sigh and initialled the papers. Putting them together tidily, he replaced them in the covering folder and put them in his out-tray. He looked up at Gwen and smiled. She had done something different to her hair today, let it down one side somehow and it looked good. "What can I do for you?"
"I've been doing some research and I wanted to run it past you before I go any further."
"Okay, fire away." He settled back in his chair, leaning it back at an angle.
"Ever heard of Adipose Industries?" He shook his head and she continued. "They're a new company, registered at Companies House just under a year ago. No trace of them before that or of their CEO, a Miss Foster. They make a slimming pill called Adipose, it's been on the market less than a month. The slogan is 'The fat just walks away'."
"I've heard that somewhere," he said, still leaning back, "on TV I think."
"Quite likely, a lot of the consumer affairs programmes have picked up on it and the health shows too. They've been looking into the claims."
"Which are?"
"That if you take one pill a day for three weeks you'll lose all your excess fat. About a kilo a day it seems. No diet, just eat what you want, and no exercise either."
"I don't believe it." Jack was interested now. "Must be a con."
"That's what the TV people thought but while they can't work out why the pill works, they all agree that it does. Everyone who's taken it so far – about a million people, in London mainly – have all lost weight exactly as they've been told they would."
"So if it works, where's the scam?" Jack leant forward, arms on his desk. "Do they charge too much?"
Gwen shrugged, "Seems pretty reasonable to me. Forty five quid for a three week course with a gold pendant thrown in for good measure." She had her file of printouts on her knee now and took one out, handing it to Jack. "Then I found this."
Jack took the printout and read a scientific analysis of the pill and of the tests claimed by Adipose Industries to show its effectiveness. "So the test results are fake; it is a con. Who did this?" He waved the printout in his hand.
"The Observer. One of their reporters, Penny Carter, is doing an investigative piece on the pills and Tosh got me into her PC. Lots of stuff there." She patted the file. "I'd like to look into this myself, see what I can find."
Jack raised himself on his hands and peered at her over the desk. He blatantly ran his eyes over her body.
"What the hell are you doing!?" she demanded. It really did feel like he was undressing her with his eyes.
"Just checking. If you lost, what was it, a kilo a day for three weeks you'd waste away. So why are you so interested?" He sat back in his chair, a grin on his face. It was good to unsettle her occasionally.
"Well, obviously I wasn't interested for myself," she began, not meeting his gaze. He waited, eyebrows raised. "Oh, all right, it's Brenda!" She looked disgusted with herself and thumped the file back on the desk to relieve her frustration at being found out.
"Who's Brenda?"
"Rhys' mam. She's got hold of some, don't ask me how but where miracle diet pills are concerned that woman could give the KGB a run for their money! She was going on and on about them last night, when we had dinner over there. Drove me round the twist, she did."
Jack was laughing now. "Poor Gwen, mother-in-law troubles and you're not even married."
"She's never liked me, not good enough for her little boy. But that's not it, I don't want to stop her taking them if they work. It's just too good to be true. Made me think, that was all." She paused then grinned herself. "And you're right, if I can find out they're ripping her off it'll make my day!"
"I don't see what it has to do with Torchwood but we're pretty quiet right now. If you want to spend the time, go ahead. Just make sure it doesn't interfere with your other work." He picked up his pen and the top file from his in-tray. "And now, if you don't mind, I have to get through these before Ianto will give me any more coffee." He pulled a face and opened the file.
"You are so hard done by, Jack Harkness." She laughed as she stood, picked up her file and left the office.
-ooOoo-
Gwen continued her research into Adipose over the following couple of days, fitting it around some minor excursions into the field when the Rift let something through. She monitored Penny Carter's PC and saw her note about a Press Conference on the 15th and thought she might attend herself. It would mean a trip to London and she hadn't been there for ages, could get a bit of shopping done too if she timed the trains right. In the event she didn't make it; a nest of Weevils was discovered in the cellar of an old, long abandoned house and she had to help contain it. She didn't mind missing the trip, she intended to check Penny Carter's notes on the Press Conference instead.
On the 16th, Ianto drew her attention to the Dark Talk website. "You may want to look at this, Gwen," he called to her as she passed his desk in the Hub. "Could have something to do with Adipose." He swivelled his monitor round.
"What the heck is that?" The monitor showed grainy, black and white video images of small white … blobs walking up a residential street in London. They looked like bags of flour on legs and with arms. The blobs went past the CCTV camera which had captured the images.
"According to Dark Talk, those are living beings that come out of people's homes in the early hours of the morning and are picked up in black Adipose vans before being taken to a secret location. And there are some in Cardiff." He changed the image and a lone blob could be seen walking aimlessly down a street. "That was supposedly taken last night, in Butetown."
"That is weird," she said slowly, watching the strangely cute blob. "Could we trace this?" She pointed to the blob.
"We could try." Ianto smiled, happy to have something to do other than make coffee and file papers. "Leave it with me."
"Thanks, Ianto." She smiled and moved on, humming a non-descript tune.
-ooOoo-
Two hours later, Gwen and Ianto were creeping through the overgrown garden of an empty house in Butetown. It was the middle of the day and they were hot from pursuing the little blob from the last place Ianto could pinpoint it. If they didn't find it within the next ten minutes, Gwen was giving up.
"Gwen, I've found it," came Ianto's voice. He was speaking quietly and moving slowly so as not to spook the creature.
She moved to his side and looked down at the blob. And that's just what it was, a squarish white blob with little arms and legs and, she noticed with a grin, a single tooth. As they watched, the blob saw them and smiled and waved; it wasn't frightened at all. Gwen looked at Ianto and saw he was smiling too. Compared with the other aliens they met, this one was going to be a doddle to capture and take back to the Hub.
"Come here, little one," crooned Ianto, holding out a hand to the blob. It twisted it's top half and seemed to look at him quizzically then smiled again and waddled forward towards the Welshman. Ianto used both hands to pick it up, surprised to find it was warm to the touch.
Gwen tentatively put out a hand and stroked the creature. "We'd better get it back. See what Owen makes of it."
Owen had an audience when he was running scans and tests on the blob, or Snowy as Ianto had named it. He couldn't explain why that name, just that it seemed like the right one. Ianto was in the well of the Medical Bay with Owen, assisting with the equipment now Owen had broken fingers. Above them, the rest of the team were leaning on the railing watching what was going on.
"Come on, Owen, what have you got?" pressed Jack impatiently.
"Hold your horses, just one more." He was checking the reading on a monitor while Ianto put away some equipment they had already used.
"Ianto, Snowy's going to fall!" cried Toshiko in alarm.
She was enchanted with Snowy and had happily held it earlier while Owen and Ianto were performing their scans. The little creature was inquisitive, wanting to look at everything. Ianto turned but could not reach the examination bed before Snowy stepped off. Looking down, they were all relieved and surprised when it landed on its feet and waddled off to investigate some more.
"Oh no, you don't," said Ianto chasing after it and picking it up. "Back up here, if you don't mind." He put it back on the examination bed and stood guard in case it tried to get off again.
"It's okay, Ianto. Don't need to look at it any more," said Owen, turning to the waiting team. "Well, it's exactly one kilo of fat. Normal, disgusting human fat." He looked at their stunned faces.
"Fat?" queried Gwen. Beside her Toshiko surreptitiously wiped her hands on the sides of her trousers; she'd been handling fat.
"That's what I said. Fat, with just a trace of an alien substance that, I guess, gave it life."
"That's disgusting," said Jack, walking down the steps. He stopped by the bed and picked up the creature viewing it from all angels. "Is it sentient?"
"Depends what definition you use. It doesn't feel pain and I can't find any trace of brainwaves but," he shrugged, "it does respond to people and it does seem curious. Whether that's all it will ever do or whether it develops as it matures, I don't know."
"The claims for the Adipose pill is that it will make people lose a kilo of weight of day," pointed out Gwen. "Is that what someone lost?"
"But how? Lost weight doesn't emerge from the body and walk away," protested Toshiko.
"The fat just walks away!" chorused Jack and Gwen together then laughed.
"What?" asked Owen, looking from one to the other.
"That's Adipose's slogan, 'The fat just walks away'," explained Gwen. "They mean it literally."
"So all those Snowys walking down that street in London were weight people had lost that day?" queried Ianto.
"Looks like it."
"But why?"
"That is the question, my dear Jones." Jack put Snowy back on the bed and stuck his hands in his pockets. "You've stumbled onto something here, Gwen. I think we'll take a trip to London tomorrow and take a look at Adipose Industries."
-ooOoo-
That evening Jack and Ianto were relaxing on the sofa in the Welshman's flat. They had mugs of coffee in their hands and Ianto switched on the TV using the remote. "Just see the news headlines," he said before settling back against Jack.
"It'll only be war and destruction," said the older man, sipping his drink. "Do you know there hasn't been a year this century or last when there wasn't a war in some part of the world. You people are determined to wipe yourselves out. I mean –"
"Shut up, Jack. Look."
Ianto pointed to the screen where a breaking news story showed hundreds of Snowys walking through the streets of London and then being beamed up in shafts of light to a hovering spaceship. Jack was sitting forward, drink forgotten as he listened to the commentary.
".. outside the headquarters of Adipose Industries. So far there are is only one reported casualty. Miss Foster, the CEO of the company, was seen to fall from one of the beams of the light. These incredible scenes are being linked to earlier disturbances at various locations around the capital when overweight people were said to be writhing as their bodies contorted. Unconfirmed reports say that these … creatures emerged. We now go to …"
Jack's mobile rang and he reached for it. "Yeah."
"Jack, are you watching the news?" came Gwen's voice. She was sitting with Rhys watching open-mouthed as the scenes played out on the screen in front of them. "There's millions of them."
"I see it. We were right but someone else seems to have acted before us. Spooked them enough to pull out."
"UNIT?"
"Don't think so. They'd have shot that spacecraft down by now." Jack thought the events had all the hallmarks of The Doctor. It gave him a warm glow to think they might have been working on the same problem. "Have you checked with your mother-in-law to be? Is she okay?"
"Oh my God, Brenda! Gotta go, Jack. See you in the morning." She ended the call.
"See you." Jack smiled as he closed his mobile. "I won't be going to London after all," he said to Ianto, leaning back in the couch and reaching an arm round the young man. "So that means we can have a lie-in." The two men kissed gently, looking forward to a night of love.
Let me know what you thought of this one. Something a bit different next time ...
