A/N: So I hate this chapter with every fiber of my being. Yeah, I wasn't really too inspired to write this. This chapter just kinda needed to happen. Please don't hate me if you don't like this chap that much. The next one shall be way better! I swear on the head of the puppy I never got for Christmas!
Now on with the detestable chap! But first, 'Silly Songs' with Larry.
Larry: Oh, where is my hairbrush? Oh where is my hairbrush? Oh, where,
oh, where, oh, where, oh, where, oh, where, oh, where, oh, where, oh,
where oh, where ... is my hairbrush?
mr91: I stole it you fool!
Larry: You stole my hairbrush? Why would you do that?
mr91: (insert evil laughter here)
Chapter 2: The Sanity That Never Was
My alarm went off at 6:00 AM. How I hated that alarm clock. I groped for the snooze button, but it refused to be found. Being the patient person I am, I just picked up the clock and threw it across the room only for it to crash against the wall. But the alarm refused to die.
Screw this!
I jumped out of bed and ran over to the stupid thing. There just happened to be a metal baseball bat conveniently placed within my reach. I grabbed it and began the mutilation of my sleep interrupter. After thoroughly destroying the contraption, I headed down the hall to the kitchen. It was time to get my energizer, aka, a bowl of Frosted Mini Wheats.
When I arrived in the kitchen, I froze in horror. There sitting at the island was Tidus. But that's not what made me stop. He was eating a bowl of cereal. Frosted Mini Wheats to be exact. My Frosted Mini Wheats.
In a haze, I walked over to Tidus and hit him as hard as I possibly could. He fell off the stool spilling the cereal all over the floor.
"What the-" He started, but my glare silenced him.
I took the box of cereal and got myself a bowl. I ate my Frosted Mini Wheats in dead silence. Tidus still hadn't gained the courage to get off the floor. After finishing off my breakfast, I started to really wake up. I got all hyper and went over to Tidus, who was still on the floor, and just started spitting off random crap.
"So my grandma got run over by a reindeer! And then I caught my mommy kissing Santa Clause!" I was insanely hyper and I had Christmas on my mind. After singing all the Christmas carols I knew, I looked at the clock.
6:30 AM.
Oh crap.
"I'm gonna be late!" I scream as I sprint down the hall to my room. I only had 15 minutes to get ready. I run into my closet and Ernie quickly tossed me a t-shirt and a pair of jeans. I raced into my bathroom and changed, nearly falling in the process.
I'm going to have to just live without make-up.
I shuddered at the thought. All those poor and innocent people... I pity them when they look at my face.
Grabbing shoes, I raced out of my room and into the kitchen. Tidus had managed to clean up his mess and was now tying his sadistically bright yellow shoes.
I swear those shoes will mysteriously disappear.
Checking the clock again, it read 6:43.
Snap crackle pop we gotta get going!
"Tidus, we need to go, now." With this said, I ran out the door and to my awaiting truck.
Upon starting my truck, I honked the horn, impatient to get on the road. It took about a half hour to get to school regularly, not counting the six stop signs and eight stoplights along the way. In short, we needed to get the hell out of there.
After what seemed like hours, in fact only being a little less than two minutes, Tidus came and climbed into his deathbed. As soon as he was in I hit the gas. You know those six stop signs? I only stopped at half of them and that's only because there was this little old lady driving in front of me. Why do they have to drive so freaking slow?
Once on the highway, I took it upon myself to fill Tidus in on the ongoings at my school. I attend a small private school located in an old K-Mart building. No joke. I warned Tidus about the people that he needed to stay away from in order that he doesn't get infected with their rich snobbishness or fall under a certain girl's spell. I'm not mentioning names because I am a good person… not.
Looking at the clock in my truck, it read 7:15.
We're are sooo gonna be late...
While driving fast enough to be considered 'reckless driving' (10 mph over the speed limit), I walked Tidus through all of my classes and forewarned him of some of my teachers. He learned that I sat with one other person at lunch, since I wasn't exactly popular, and I explained to him that we had this one teacher-like-person that would unexpectedly come up behind you and whisper in your ear saying that you had a dress code violation.
"She escaped from the nuthouse, I swear!"
This got me a laugh.
"So are the classes hard?" Tidus asked after several uncomfortably silent minutes.
"Well..." I hesitated. I went to a private school so the education was higher than in public schools. We were given tons of homework and some of our classes were considered college level.
I don't want to psyche him out on the first day of school... maybe I can let him figure it out on his own?
"They aren't like a dungeon of doom, but that doesn't mean they're a walk in the park. You know what I mean?" I asked, hoping that he wouldn't get what I meant.
He only nodded, a confused expression on his face.
Phew! Let the teachers break him!
After arriving at school with only five minutes to spare, we raced into the building. I found my classroom and took my ceremonial seat in the back along with Tidus. To my left sat one of the top students in our grade, David H. Jr. When I first came to this school, David had scared me half to death. He's around six feet tall with some major muscles. He's not exactly the most attractive looking guy, but he's pretty sweet. First glance, you would take him as a jock that beats up kids behind the school each day. But he's just a big teddy bear type of guy.
Anyways, he was seated next to me and, being on the student council, leaned over and whispered, "Mandy! Is he the exchange student?"
Feeling all sorts of smug, I answered loudly, "This is Tidus, the exchange student from Japan. He just arrived yesterday," This got people's attention. Pointing to Tidus, who was seated on my right, I continued. "He's going to be in all of my classes."
As soon as I was finished, everyone in the class came over to introduce themselves. Later I learned that Tidus couldn't remember half their names, they were so odd.
I forgot that he's used to Japanese names. To him, our names must seem so strange.
The bell rang and the students went back to their respective desks. The class went on in its usual boring way. The particular teacher for that class, Mr. Damon, had a monotone voice. So his lectures always put someone to sleep. I am proud to say that I never slept in his class. I only slept in U.S. History.
Looking over to see how Tidus fared, I found him hunched over on his desk snoring softly. Reaching across, I pinched the bundle of nerves between his shoulder and his elbow (it really, really hurts! Seriously, try it!), resulting in him jumping up out of his seat, all the while yelling his indignation.
Mr. Damon looked up and asked, "Is there something wrong?"
Blushing slightly, Tidus mumbled, "Uh... no, sir. I thought I saw a bug..." This got a round of laughter from the class. Mr. Damon just shook his head and mumbled something about 'kids these days' and told Tidus to sit down. As soon as he was sitting, I gave Tidus an evil grin and brought my attention back to the ever so exciting lecture.
When the long awaited bell finally rang for class change, I jumped up and grabbed Tidus by the arm, towing him to our next torture chamber.
My next academic enrichment just so happened to be Latin 3. Yes, I take Latin. It helps your vocabulary scores on the SAT (but I only managed to score a 1390. I was just 10 points away from getting scholarship money! Feel free to shoot me in the foot at any point in time.)
"Please tell me you're joking," said the tall blond.
"Nope! You get to endure this with me," I replied cheerfully. "Best of all, Valerie's in this class!"
Yes, Valerie, my bestest buddy in the whole entire world, had been placed in the same class as me. The world will regret it someday.
After taking my seat, in the front of the class because Mrs. Huckleberry (yes, I actually have a teacher named Irene Huckleberry) thought I did better when sitting closer to her so that I might 'pay more attention', I forced Tidus to take the desk to my left.
Now I just want to say that I came to this school my sophomore year. I took Latin 1 then. Most students in my class had already started their language course in 8th grade, so they were already finished getting their foreign language credits. So guess what? My sophomore year in Latin I was spent with a slew of 8th graders. So here I am now, a senior, with a pack of marshmallows. Kill me now.
As all of the youngsters piled into the classroom talking about how they were all AP students and how smart they were (gag), I introduced Tidus to Mrs. Huckleberry. Now, Mrs. Huckleberry is not your average teacher. She's, well, a little strange. She considers learning about declensions of verbs is just the pinnacle of the fun pyramid. She's also a nerd when it comes to Roman mythology. Now this might not seem so strange to you, but you don't know her the way we do. Don't get me wrong, she's still one of my favorite teachers, for reason unknown even to myself, but let's just say that I don't exactly look forward to her class.
"Well, I'm glad that you'll be joining us, Tidus." Mrs. Huckleberry mumbled unsure. "I don't expect you to be able to know all that the class knows. Have you taken Latin before?" Tidus shook his head no. To be honest, I don't think he even knew what it was. "Well then, you can use this period as a study hall."
Groans of "unfair" and "not cool" rang throughout the classroom. I am happy to say that I was the loudest among them.
Okay, I know he's the new exchange student and isn't from this world and doesn't know anything about our culture and probably can't even name the state let alone the country he's in, but that's so not fair!
"Um... thank you, Mrs....?" Tidus trailed off, looking to me for help. Too bad I was still sulking about him getting a free period.
"Huckleberry. Mrs. Huckleberry," corrected a marshmallow that I despise. Maddie *cough*
With that, Mrs. Huckleberry stalked off to her desk to search frantically for papers that were never there in the first place.
"Welcome to our school," continued Maddie.
God, please smite her!
"Thanks for the save! I can't remember half the names I've been told today," Tidus replied, oblivious of the hatred I emancipated towards the dreadful little girl.
Coughing into my hand, I caught Tidus's attention. He glanced down at me, for he was still standing from his meeting with the teacher, and I 'discreetly' shook my head 'no.'
"Nice to meet you," he mumbled as he slid into his seat.
Maddie was forced to go back to her seat when the warning bell rang saying we had one minute to get to class.
Just then, the door sprang open to admit a girl clearly out of breath, carrying a book in one hand while lugging a huge purse bursting at the seams with notebooks. Her dark brown hair was pulled back into a low ponytail, though her bangs still hung in her eyes. She wore her infamous black t-shirt which read "I'm a ninja. You can't see me." Yes, this was Valerie.
She quickly ran to her seat behind me and plopped her bag and book down. Once she was seated, the final bell rang.
"Victory is mine!" she cried out, making everyone stare at her questionably.
"Yes, yes, Valerie, victory was yours when you escaped from that padded room," I drawled.
This earned me a slap upside the head. I laughed it off and pointed at Tidus, "Look what I found."
And so Valerie stared. You know how people say that their jaw just hits the floor? Well, I can honestly say that Valerie's chin was touching the nasty carpet right then.
"Th-that, that's-" she stuttered.
"Valerie, I'd like you to meet Tidus. Tidus this is Valerie, the coolest person to walk the face of the planet." I spoke calmly, loving her reaction. I had purposefully not called Valerie the night before because I wanted to surprise her.
I think it worked. Maybe too well...
Next thing I know, she punches me in the arm. "Why the heck did you keep this from me?"
My evil laughter fills the room.
"It still needs work." Valerie so conveniently supplies.
This made Tidus burst out laughing. "Man, I could do better than that!"
Turing red with embarrassment, I sunk deep into my chair.
"Ah, don't feel bad. Some people just can't pull it off," said Valerie with mock sympathy.
Then Mrs. Huckleberry butted in and said that "the time for chatter is over, now. Let's take a vocab quiz!" After everyone, except magnificent Maddie, failed the quiz, we worked on junk that I didn't pay attention to. I don't think that the whole front row thing was really working for me.
When class was finally over, Valerie drug me to the side and demanded to know what was going on. I promised to explain everything during study hall next period. Upon being dragged to study hall by previously mentioned best friend, I plopped down into my usual desk with Tidus right beside me. Valerie looked plaintively between the two of us. This was going to take some work.
After explaining everything that I knew about the situation, which, by the way, isn't much, she sat down with a strange expression on her face. I sat there nervously. Was she mad at me for keeping this from her?
Valerie began to laugh. It was an uncontrollable evil laughing fit. Tidus fidgeted in his seat, not sure what to think of it. A wide grin set across my face.
"So is everything good now?" Tidus asked sheepishly.
Valerie immediately stopped laughing and turned so that she faced him. "That depends. Whaddya bring me?"
Tidus literally paled as he wallowed around for what to say. I stepped in before he could make a botch of it.
"He hasn't had a chance to get you anything yet," I answered for him. "But we have off-campus lunch today. He'll bring something back just for you."
And I have just the thing.
And audible sigh could be heard from the blitzballer. He was safe... for now. Muwahahahahaha!
By now, Valerie had already forgiven me for not telling her about Tidus sooner, though she pointedly ignored him all through study hall. At this, Tidus was frustrated. He was used to people giving him attention. I think Valerie knew that, too.
Well, it looks like she won't say a word to him unless he gets her something good.
Though Valerie ignored him, all the students stared and whispered, too afraid to come closer.
"Um... why are they staring like that?" Tidus asked, uncomfortable.
"You see, the thing is, they are scared of Valerie," I whispered loud enough for everyone to hear. Valerie twitched, hearing her name. "She had this six foot 'stay-out-of-my-way' bubble that no one, excluding myself, dares to penetrate," I finished with a happy go lucky smile.
Snickers could be heard throughout the room. They all knew I was joking... to a certain extent. You see, Valerie is not exactly a social butterfly. She stays in her corner and reads her books and answers any question the teacher asks. Oh, did I mention that she's 3 points shy of a genius?
"Hey," a deep voice sounded behind me. "Who's the new kid?"
I turned and found myself face to face with one of the many Davids in our school. This particular David was somewhat geekish and a little awkward, but he was still kind of cool.
"Oh, this is Tidus. David, Tidus. Tidus, David." I turned back around and started doodling on the desk. I'm such a rebel.
"So... I hear you're from Japan..." David asked using his infamous awkwardness.
"Uh... yeah, at least, that's what they tell me!" the blonde laughed at his little joke.
This just confused David.
Might as well stop this now.
Sighing, I turned around and said, "Tidus, you're a dork. David, where are you eating for off-campus lunch today?" I thought lunch was a pretty safe subject.
"Oh, I'm heading to Rosas' Cafe," he paused as if waiting for me to respond. Heck, I didn't feel like it! "How about you guys?"
"Well, I need to get gas, so we might just end up running through Burger King." I had noticed on the way to school that I had about a quarter tank left.
"Oh, that's cool..." then he just walked away. Weird guy, huh?
For the remainder of study hall, I continued with my vandalism of my desk as Tidus tried to entertain himself with an eraser shaped like Barney. Don't ask.
Once we were released from our misery, I dragged Tidus to my truck. Valerie had told me she was going to walk to Dairy Queen, so I had Tidus to myself. (Is it just me, or does that line sound sick and wrong?)
After I started driving, Tidus asked hesitantly, "Could you try and drive like a normal sane person?"
Gotta give him props for working up the courage to ask.
I laughed, "Sure, I'll do my best."
Ten minutes later...
"Turn! Turn! Turn!" Tidus screamed into my ear. I turned the wheel just in time. The dumpster would live to see another day.
Looking in the rearview mirror, I stepped on the gas causing Tidus to hit his head on the window.
"Hey! Watch it!" he cried out, rubbing the back of his head.
I was too intent on getting us the hell out of there than worrying about driving safely. The freaks had gotten in their black Ford Escape and were hot on our tails. Swerving around a car, I turned the wheel, cutting across the street and pulling onto a deserted neighborhood road. You know how the speed limit is usually 30 mph in neighborhoods? Multiply that by three and that tells you how fast I was going.
Digging in my purse with the hand I wasn't using to steer, I grabbed my cell phone and chucked it in Tidus's general direction. It hit him square in the face.
Score!
While Tidus screamed his outrage, I turned left onto a connecting street.
"Call 911 and tell them that we are being chased by two maniacs in a Ford Escape," I said calmly. "When we get to the next street, I'll call out the name of it and the direction we are headed. You have to tell them everything and insist that they hurry to our rescue," I stated as nonchalantly as I could while I ran yet another stop sign. "You get all that?"
He nodded and began dialing.
"Why the hell did you pick a fight with them, anyways?"
"They were making fun of my shoes."
*blank stare*
Recovering from my 'I-can't-believe-he-picked-a-fight-over-a-stupid-pair-of yellow-shoes-that-even-a-hobo-would-scorn' trauma, I reached across the seat and promptly slapped him upside the head. "Ow! What was that for?"
I didn't even bother answering him.
I had been getting gas when Tidus ran up to me screaming to "Drive! Drive! Drive!" Two gangster looking guys were close behind him and they didn't look happy. Hence the car chase had begun.
Looking behind me, the guys were still in pursuit.
Time for some evasive action!
"You know what we need?" I asked, indifferent to the growing horror on his face. "A nice little change in direction."
Before he could protest, I turned the wheel sharply to the right and made a 180 heading straight for the oncoming traffic, aka the thugs in the Escape. You could only imagine the high pitched scream that came from Tidus's mouth. Yes, Tidus screaming like a little girl totally made my day.
But back to the exciting game of Chicken. I was not going to be the one to turn first. Well, at least, I wasn't going to be the one who turned at first, but Tidus, still on the phone with the emergency 911 person, decided he didn't like this game. He reached across and took hold of the steering wheel, veering off the street and directly into someone's lawn, promptly running over their creepy little garden gnome. Good riddance.
"You freaking-" I didn't have time to finish. We were heading straight into a nice, big, brick house.
"Oh crap oh crap oh crap oh crap oh crap oh crap..." I jerked the wheel back to the left. We ended up clipping the mailbox, but otherwise were safe... until I looked behind us. Yep, the freaks had turned around and were about to crash into the driver's side, aka my face!
"Oh crap oh crap oh CRAP!" I don't think my truck has ever picked up speed as quickly as it did in that moment. We went from zero to fifty in about three seconds.
I'm so going to need new tires after this.
Making our way down the street, I turned sharply onto the connecting road.
"We're heading west on 82nd!" I yelled to Tidus.
"Whoa! This barren wasteland actually has a lake?"
Lake? Heck freaking yes!
"Tidus, you're a genius!"
"I am?" he asked, befuddled. "Well, of course I am! You're talking to the star-"
"-player of the Zanarkand Abes. I know, I know!" I interrupted. "Tell them that we're heading south onto Quaker."
Speeding my way down the busy street, I argued out loud with myself on how I should go about with my plan.
"If I try and swerve there, then I'll hit that duck... I could try and run through that fence, but there's still the matter of that tree on the other side. Well, I could turn sharply to the left..."
"What the hell are you mumbling about over there?" Tidus asked, completely and totally confused by my ramblings.
"How do you feel about swimming?" I asked, focusing on the red light I was about to run.
Realizing what I had in mind, he shook his head. "Nuh-uh! Hell no!"
"But-"
"NO! Just wait for the cops!"
Muttering under my breath, I drove the gallant red vehicle as cars swerved away from me, trying their best not to get into a wreck. I sadly turned the truck away from the ever looming lake.
"You take the fun out of life," I pouted.
"Oh yeah?" he sputtered. "Well, you take the R out of friend!" He looked mighty proud of himself. I just really didn't feel like crushing his high by telling him that that was the lamest come back in all of eternity.
Not long after, sirens could be heard. We were saved!
"Glory hallelujah! Praise the Lord!" I whooped, pulling over to the side of the road. The guys in the Ford Escape drove past us, scared of getting caught by the cops.
The police car pulled over and two people got out.
Have you ever been interrogated by a muscle woman-like cop who glares down at you from her impressive, yet very much so frightening, 6 feet 5 inches who spoke with a voice deeper than that of an iguana with a head cold? Let me just tell you, it is not fun.
After going through a list of questions 23.7 miles long, I called the school to explain our predicament.
"Are you alright!?" cried Mrs. Toadsuck. Yes, the lady that works in the school's office has the shame of bearing such a horrid name.
"Um... yeah. We didn't die and my truck is perfectly fine," I gloated, proud of my intoxicated-like driving skills. After reassuring her that we were fine and probably wouldn't be returning to school because of the "shock," I hung up and let out a sigh of relief.
"You okay?" Tidus asked hesitantly. For all he knew, that car chase had knocked me off into the deep end forever and ever and ever and ever etc.
"We nearly died." I said with wonder.
"Yeah, but we didn't!" He replied cheerfully.
I just shook my head got back inside my truck. Tidus soon followed suit. Not long after we got on the road, my phone sang out, "Yo mama's callin' back! For no real reason but just to chat. She'll waste your minutes talkin' bout the cat or bout how Dad has gotten fat!"
"What the hell?" Tidus exclaimed, trying hard not to laugh.
Great. She's going to flip.
I answered my phone, flinching when my mother's shrill voice pierced the air.
"Yes, I'm okay... No, no one was hurt... I didn't kill the Japanese kid, no... He doesn't hate America now, I promise... I love you too, Mom."
I hung up with a groan.
"Everything cool with your mom?" Tidus asked hopefully.
Using the power of the Dark side of the force, I glared him into a whimper. "Yeah, everything's just fine and dandy! Because of your stupid yellow shoes, I am grounded until further notice!"
A/N: So... I'm proud of you if you have made it thus far without lunging for my throat.
:insert applause here:
I know this chapter sucked harder than a toad on weed, but hey, I updated... that's gotta count for something. I just re-read this and noticed that I add -like to everything. I shall work to rid myself of this anti-grammar-like abomination! Oops! I did it again! I played with your heart!
So you would think that I would have an idea of what to do next... yeah, I don't. However, I am quite sure someone else does.
*cough * you *cough cough *
If you have any ideas, just let me know. Anything and everything is very much so appreciated!
Please review and tell me what I did wrong and how to fix it or if I had spelling errors or such nonsensical things.
Beware of the man with one sandal!
