Disclaimer: don't own Harry Potter...
"Right girl, wrong time. She's sweet, but I don't want to fall in love." - She Wants Revenge
Midnight found Hermione staring into the dying flames in her fireplace. Draco had left, but she still felt his presence in the room… in her very being. He had shaken up everything she had gotten used to over the past two years and she didn't like it, not one bit. Most of all she couldn't believe he had the nerve to just barge into her home asking for forgiveness after what he did. The flame flickered and Hermione found herself being pulled backwards into the past…into the decision that had changed her life forever.
Flashback:
Hermione sighed contentedly, perusing the shelves of the ancient Hogwarts library. It was a lovely Saturday afternoon, and the light flowing through the wide windows painted the room a bright yellow and highlighted the rainbow of book covers arranged along the shelves. She hummed to herself as she pulled a green-covered ancient tome from the shelf and headed to the table across the aisle. Suddenly she heard a frustrated groan coming from somewhere behind the bookshelf. Curious, she walked towards it and was surprised to find Draco Malfoy sitting at one of the small study tables, furiously ripping up a piece of parchment and burning the little pieces with his wand.
Hermione could not deny that she was a little shocked to see him like this…she had never seen him be anything but cool, calculating, and composed. Here he looked just like a regular student who had gotten a homework problem wrong… not much different from Harry or Ron for that matter. He ran a hand through his white-blond hair in frustration and finally glanced up to find her staring at him. His face instantly transformed into his signature smirk.
"Like what you see Granger?" He drawled. She could feel her cheeks begin to redden at being caught staring. She knew she should probably leave him alone or risk another round of verbal abuse… on the other hand she could see that he was doing the Charms essay professor Flitwick had assigned, and she had already finished hers. In a slightly charitable moment, she deliberated helping him… a reaction no doubt formed from helping the boys with their homework for the past five years. As she stood mulling her choices, Draco's smirk turned into an annoyed scowl.
"Take a picture, it'll last longer," he spat, rolling his eyes. "what do you want Granger? Or is it just your habit to stare with your trap open?"
Yup, here comes the verbal abuse, she thought wryly. She sighed and started to move away when she saw him slam his charms book closed and start to get up.
"I could help you with that, you know"…she didn't know what possessed her to say it, so she started rambling, "I mean, it's that essay for charms right? I've already finished mine and it's really not that hard when you look up the right information, I could help you find it. What are you doing yours on? Mine was on the insidio charm…" she trailed off, knowing she was making a fool out of herself. Draco's expression did not do anything for her self-esteem either, he was looking at her as though he seriously doubted her mental competence.
Then, to her surprise he answered, "I'm doing it on the farcio charm… I thought it'd be easy but I can't find any information on it in any of these stupid books."
"Oh," she said flustered, not having expected an answer, "try this book, I think I cam across some useful information about the farcio charm in it once…"
He surprised her again by gesturing to the seat in front of him. She surprised him by taking it. And so they sat in the library, Gryffindor and Slytherin working together. Homework gradually led to conversation; conversation gradually led to friendship. And that was how Hermione first became involved with one Draco Malfoy.
By the end of the school year, Draco and Hermione were meeting regularly to do homework and usually stayed in the library till the late hours of night, until Madame Pince had to kick them out. Nobody knew about their secret friendship, or how that friendship grew to admiration and then, for Hermione, into love. They talked about everything. She told him about all of her fears…the war was coming closer, and she was afraid for the lives of her parents, her friends, and for her own life as well. He was afraid that his father would soon snap and force him to join the Death Eaters in order to redeem the family name. They both treated each other's problems with a sense of caring and understanding, pointedly ignoring the fact that, should the war reach them, they'd be on different sides. Hermione found it ironic how a mere few months ago she would not hesitate in thoroughly cursing him. She couldn't imagine fighting against him now… the very thought of having to decide between serving the light side and protecting him gave her chills, and she never allowed herself to dwell on her predicament for long.
Then came the last day of fifth year…it snuck up on both of them, although, more literally for Hermione. She was walking down the hall when she felt somebody grab her arm and roughly pull her into an empty classroom. She was just about to scream when that someone clapped a hand over her mouth. She heard a whispered "lumos" and saw that it was Draco, his face illuminated by the green-blue light and twisted with anguish. Hermione supposed that he had known, even then what he would eventually have to do.
Both of them knew what this day meant…they wouldn't be able to communicate at all over the summer…if anybody found out about them it would mean danger for them both. She wanted to tell him everything…show him how she felt before it was too late, before the world stopped spinning altogether. It wasn't fair…she couldn't be with him, yet she knew she couldn't be without him. And all the circumstances were conspiring to pull them apart, trap her in a box – perhaps with some boring man she'd never love – and make her feel empty for the rest of her life. Then at least she'd retain her reputation as the Gryffindor princess, even if it was a hollow heartless existence. It was expected, and she would do as she was expected. They both would.
There were no messy goodbyes, after all, Hermione didn't know yet how he felt about her. For all she knew she was just a friend…an unworthy friend at that, one he had to hide from everyone who mattered. But Draco was never one for playing games when it came to relationships and the fire in his eyes was burning with an intensity foreign even to him. In a fluid motion, he grabbed her wrists and pushed her against the closed door behind her. He raised both of her hands, still trapped in one of his, above her head, and caressed her cheek with his other hand. Then he kissed her. It wasn't a gentle, loving kiss. It was rough and filled with desperation, sorrow, and anger. When he pulled away his eyes were wild with so many emotions she couldn't single one out. But this was goodbye – as inevitable as the war drawing ever closer. He pushed past her, and with one last defeated glance closed the door in her face.
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