Chapter # 2 I Teach my Class the Art of Trickery
Cassie, Shantel and I all have lockers right next to us, since our names were all extremely close in alphabetical order; mine is Crenshaw, Shantel's is Cunningham, and Cassie's is Dabwrithe(don't make fun of her).
"We have a homeroom substitute today, and according to the board, her name is Mrs. Rottweiler," said Dee Brigham's two lockers down from me (Dee is short for DeeDee, which is her name that she hates).
"Ah, we do? Did Mrs. McTorist have her baby? "I asked.
"Yeah, and it's a girl named Cassandra! Isn't that a pretty name?"
"Yeah, it is!" I actually think it is, but I was more interested in where Dee got her information, but instead of figuring that out, the bell rang and signified I was getting close to my appointment with Mrs. Rottweiler.
The name was actually quite appropriate, except for the whole Mrs. part of it. She was a hunchback, with those weird cat eye glasses that flare out from the eighties. Or was it the sixties? It could have been the sixties because this lady was older than dirt, if you could call her a lady at all.
Any how, none of us could understand a word she said. She had this awkward Swedish accent. It was hilarious.
What is she saying? I lipped to Shantel. I don't know. I think something about cabbage? Apparently we weren't the only ones that couldn't understand her, because everyone was mouthing words to their friends in a confused fashion. Mrs. Rottweiler got very angry indeed and continued to blab even louder and faster, but it didn't sound like she was teaching; I believe she was swearing at us in her Swedish accent.
Then the principal came to see what the commotion was. "What is going on here?" Mr. Discootle said.
The class started cracking up. Honestly, who can take a person seriously when their last name is Discootle?
All the class heard from Mrs. Rottweiler was, "Ooble drescan flishcand luhungna!" and apparently that's all Mr. Discootle heard too. "Mrs. Rottweiler," he was using sign language now and my class and I were silently cracking up, "will you come to the office with me, please. Perhaps I could find another suitable job for you."
I found this a golden opportunity. I could see if I really did anything this morning with the syrup. Mrs. Rottweiler wasn't in the mood to go anywhere and was pestering the principle to let her stay, I think. I stood up and stood in front of Mrs. Rottweiler. "I need you to go with Mr. Discootle," I said slowly. Suddenly, her eyes went blank and she followed Mr. Discootle towards the door. Everyone was shocked that she finally cooperated.
Then, just as they were going to leave, Cassie piped up" Who's going to be in charge here until our new substitute arrives?" The principal just stared blankly at her. "Uhh…..this girl will be. You are obviously a people person. Just review what you did last class." Apparently I was the girl, judging by the direction he was pointing. I got up to the front of the class right next to the teacher's desk. I had a brilliant idea, but before that happened I saw Cassie's hand raised. "Yes, Cassie?" The class turned to her.
"How in the world did you get that thing to leave?" I thought about that. All I responded was, "Skill." Skill to make myself feel like I have the flu. But it was official; I say what I need, it happens, with a few minor side effects that are temporary, but painful for ten minutes. I just ignore them.
The principal and Mrs. Rottweiler left leaving me alone to face the class. Dee raised her hand and said sarcastically "Excuse me, Miss Crenshaw," and yes my last name is Crenshaw, ignore it," We aren't really going to review, are we?" This is where my brilliant idea came in. "Of course we aren't Dee, because I am the teacher." The class cheered. "But, first I have to ask you all a question." Everyone went silent. "How can that lady possibly be a Mrs.?" Everyone laughed.
The boys were on one team girls on another. (Don't mind all the names; I like you to know who I'm talking about). On the boys team there was Jack, Liam, Harry, Troy, Fred, Muff, Cooze, Dino, Kris, Ralph and Butch. On the girls team there was Shantel, Cassie, Dee, Kara, Francesca, Jackie, Gretchen, Heather, Tina, Katrina and Selena. As for me, I was the on who directed the teams. We would be reviewing, but reviewing our pasts. Then I explained the game. "One at a time, alternating of course, some one will come up here. Another person from their team will come up too. That person needs to know the other person well because I will ask a torturing, most likely embarrassing, question about their past. The other person will say if it is true or not. I f it is true your team gets a point. This is a game to see who lies a lot and about what. So be true! Who's first?" Boys went first. There would be 11 rounds and the team with the most points at the end would win.
I asked things like" Who did you like last year?" and "What was the stupidest thing you did when you were little?" Not that intense right?
Wrong! I got everyone sweating intensely. Score was 6 to 5, (pathetic, I know), with guys in the lead and finally the last girl was up. Selena. Selena, Selena, Selena. I know her name is awesome, but that doesn't mean the person is.
She was that typical middle-school girl that owns a mansion with a closet bigger than my house, has to go to the bathroom to make her make-up perfect and prissy, and to guys is the super-hottie babe that only the coolest guys have the privilege to talk to. She is a goddess to the male population at school, and she really shouldn't be. A fashion goddess is a person that brings her own funk to her fashion, not advertises for the popular brands on her shirt. At home, she was just the owner of a mansion, 7 pools and hot tubs and her own fashion line of swimsuits, which she never wears because she says they're to uncomfortable.. I had a perfect question for her.
She stepped up to the desk. Her friend Tina was the onlooker while Katrina got to be the 'truth teller'. Good thing. She was pathetically stupid. "Selena, I have an awesome question for you." She groaned, but everyone else was letting out sighs of anticipation.
"Just get on with it, Crenshaw, I need to get out of this dump and head to free period."
Like I said, plain mean. "All right, McHavenue, I've got your question," she flinched. "Never call me that again or else you can watch your rep go down the toilet." She hates being called by her sickish last name. "Like yours?" She growled at that. "Who did you like five minutes ago?"
She was mortified. "Wait I thought these questions were about things in the past!" Meanwhile a stir came across both teams. They were both anxious to know the answer, and we all knew that if Selena lied, Mina would surely tell us the truth. "Yeah, five minutes ago was the past, now answer!"
She turned around and looked to Tina for support. Tina nodded as in saying "You have to tell now; they're going to find out either way." She turned back around and snickered. "I hate you for this, Annabeth Crenshaw!" I just curtseyed "I know, now answer the question!" She flipped her hair and said, "No, I refuse." Skill time!!
"Selena, I need you to tell us who you like"
"I like Muff," she said casually unaware of what she just did with big blank, unexpressed eyes. I was feeling like my stomach just swallowed itself.
"Is this true?" I asked Katrina holding my hands to my head. "Yes!" and she went over to Selena.
"What just happened," Selena said. "Well, you just committed social suicide by telling the whole class who you like." Selena clasped her hands to her mouth in shock. Apparently I have that effect on people if you know what I mean. Selena looked over at the guys congratulating Muff when the bell rang. Time for the next class. Thank god, I didn't have free period like Selena, I had chemistry and I knew who I wanted as partner, so I bolted after him, well, after I went and puked in the bathroom.
