Peter wakes up to a beautiful Saturday morning with clear skies and a cool breeze. Such a beautiful, rare sight. A perfect day to indulge in. And get the rest of his work done. Peter removes his Spider-Man costume before he blows his cover.

Outside his window rests a huge bouquet of red and blue roses. Underneath the flowers reveals a card. A homemade card signed a sloppy cursive with pervious errors over the ink. The juvenile logo gives away that the unexpected gift is from Deadpool.

"I thought I got rid of that thing." Peter says as merely rips the card in half. He tosses the flowers to the ground.

Peter heads to the living room. He finds May standing on the couch swinging a pen around as if it was a sword. Peter hugs May from behind.

"Peter!" May lets out a yelp. "You scared me!"

"Sorry."

"It is such a beautiful day. Let's go out for breakfast."

They arrive at the subway. A man rushes to the oncoming cart. A woman shoves Peter aside. A teenager with headphones glued to his ears passes by them with no warning. A gush of wind nearly blow Peter's glasses off.

Peter's eyes scans the oncoming surroundings. No individuals who pass by them are to be trusted. Especially since Ben died. He won't risk losing May too. Sappy, but true.

"Keep up, Peter!" May calls from two feet away. Peter speeds up to walk beside her.

By the time they enter the cart, there is only one seat left. After much insistence, May sits down with Peter standing next to her.

An individual, who happens to wear a Deadpool cap, catches the corner of Peter's eye.

"It can't be him!" Peter mutters to himself.

"Who?" May asks.

The man waves at Peter.

"Oh," Peter waves back. "Just a classmate."

We look so cool.

Quiet! You'll blow our cover, jackass.

The 'unidentified male' clears his throat to make the 'encounter' less awkward. The feeble attempt didn't work. Thankfully, Peter and May are at their stop. They walk off before the situation turns entirely creepy.

"Hi!" A perky blonde sever greets when they enter the café. "My name is Gwen and I'll be your server today."

Gwen's smile makes the whole world stop and stare for a while. Her eyes are as blue as the ocean. Peter blushes as red as how fucking cliché the descriptions used for Gwen are.

Peter accidentally touches her hand when Gwen hands out the menus. "Sorry". He meekly apologizes. But alas, she is already gone when the words escapes his lips.

Peter and May both shift eye contact. The longer the silence carries, the more difficult it appears for either of them to carry a straightforward conversation. Peter's mind races through all sorts of topics. May says the first thing that pops up in her mind.

"I signed up for a self-defense class." Aunt May announces.

"A self-defense class? You?"

"You should join me!"

"I," Peter forms an excuse. "Have to study."

"Always with the studying. A healthy body is a healthy mind."

"I know."

"You work so hard. Graduating and working for scholarships." May pulls Peter in for a hug. "I am so proud of you."

"Just want to keep it that way. Graduating and getting scholarships."

"We need to spend more time together."

"Aren't we spending time together now?"

Peter's Spider-Sense triggers.

"Don't you need to take your medicine?" Peter gets up from the table. "Can't forget what the doctor said!" Peter pushes May to the ladies' restroom.

Deadpool reads some scraps of paper. "According to these chicken notes," He loads a gun. "If I show up to this dinky little café and use La Muerte, Spidey Baby Boy will show up! Bang bang time!"

Didn't you see him last night?

And kiss him on the cheek?

"As if that is enough. And I would have," Deadpool glares as if he is talking directly to someone. "If somebody didn't change that magical part at the last minute. Creepy as hell, my ass!" Deadpool carelessly tosses the notes in a dumpster.

A bullet flies through the window. Peter looks up to see which enemy it can possibly be. It turns out to be Deadpool.

"Baby boy! Où es-tu?"

Deadpool feels a kick on the face as soon as he says that. Deadpool lands on the cold, hard ground. Deadpool looks up to see Spider-Man standing above him. "Is this heaven?"

"What? No!"

"Baby boy!" Deadpool quickly gets up. He wraps his arm around Spider-Man. "So strong! Miss me?"

Spider-Man responds with a web to Deadpool's face. "Don't touch me."

"Why the fuck not?"

Spider-Man punches him in the face.

"Ow! How are you so strong? Why did you punch me?"

"I hate swearing."

"Like your video game!"

"What?" Spider-Man raises an eyebrow.

"If you put a bad word in your game's cheat codes, you punch the bad word in the nuts! It is effin awesome! Like you!

Stick to the plan, jackass.

"Okay. Getting-off topic here. I need to ask you something extremely important. Do you want to have a waffle taco? It's on me!"

"Sorry, but I already have a date!"

"It doesn't have to be a waffle taco! Wait a minute. Did you say you already have a date? I hope it's not with someone fat and stinky!"

"What? I'm not gay! And even if I was, I would go out with someone better than you."

"I'm fit, and clean, and so refined! I am like perfect wine! Would you consider me if I promise to cuddle with you every night? Oh, and I am rich. You'd be lucky to be in my arms, baby boy!"

Deadpool's phone alarm goes off. Deadpool groans like a little bitch.

"Can't miss my appointment. Wish I can stay longer. Call me. You have my number."

Deadpool attempts to kiss Spider-Man on the cheek only to receive a web at his face.

"Unbelieveable." Spider-Man instinctively wipes off his cheek.

New Text Message 11:10 am

Harry
(350) 555-3274
still up 4 hot dogz? :)
11:10am

Peter
(350) 555-6292
Yes
11:11 am

Harry
(350) 555-3274
k juz checkin ;)
11:12am

"Peter?" Spider-Man can sense May is about to enter the mens' restroom. And thank god too because the text messages are ludicrous. He swings back to the bathroom as fast as he can.

"Yeah?" Peter opens the stall door.

"Spider-Man showed up. No, wait. There were two of him. One of them was very muscular and has a lot of weapons on him."

Gwen is there when they come back to their table. "Sorry." She grins, but her trembling is clear as day when she sets down the plates.

"You ok, Gwen?" Peter asks.

"Yeah! It was so cool! Two Spider-Men! One had a gun and shot right here in this very window! You can see the bullet hole right there!" Gwen exclaims with excitement.

When Gwen leaves, May turns to Peter. "Are you staying home all day?"

"I just remembered! I'm going out for hot dogs with a friend!"

"A friend? Who?"

"Harry Osborn."

"Osborn? As in Osborn Industries? I read about them on The Daily Bugle. They just had an interview with the CEO. How did you meet his son?"

"He was in charge of the ESU tour."

"And you two became friends?"

"You can say that. A guy like him can really help me get places."

In his shitty apartment, Deadpool lounges around with no company except for the voices in his head. Deadpool angrily taps his finger.

"Oh, what to do, what to do." Deadpool sticks a gun under his throat. "Nah, too easy."

What do we do now, master?

"There was something in those chicken notes. Fucking useless."

Useless, how? Those notes led us to Spider-Man, jackass.

Let's write right to the writer!

Politely, jackass.

"OK. Here we go." Deadpool types the email.

As an unidentified writer settles down with a cup of tea in hand, Writer notices an unusual email.

To: whocares
From: deadpool69 email com
Subject: A Serious Email From Deadpool The Good Looking Merc With A Mouth
Dear unidentified writer,
Firstly, you have excellent taste.
Here's entirely what really happened.
I found your chicken notes one day after you accidentally left them behind on a couch chair at a Starbucks. You're such a fucking hipster. Ignore what security footage displayed. I did plan to return your vital information regarding Spider-Man, but I accidentally lost it. Anyway, I need to know where Spidey would be at his moment regarding his 'date'.
-Deadpool

To: deadpool69
From: whocares
Subject: RE: A Serious Email From Deadpool The Good Looking Merc With A Mouth
I KNOW YOU STOLE MY NOTEBOOK. GIVE IT BACK TO ME, YOU FUCKING PSYCHO! I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU IF YOU LOST IT.

To: whocares
From: deadpool69 email com
Subject: RE: RE: A Serious Email From Deadpool The Good Looking Merc With A Mouth
Do you know who you are talking to? You know, DEADPOOL.

To: deadpool69
From: whocares
Subject: RE: RE: RE: A Serious Email From Deadpool The Good Looking Merc With A Mouth
I DON'T CARE. I WANT MY NOTEBOOK BACK.
AND I AM NOT A HIPSTER.

To: whocares
From: deadpool69
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: A Serious Email From Deadpool The Good Looking Merc With A Mouth
I really really really really really loooooooove the first chapter. I am dying to know when you will put the next one up! Pleeeeeaaase tell me what's gonna happen next!

To: deadpool69
From: whocares
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: A Serious Email From Deadpool The Good Looking Merc With A Mouth
How did you find my story? Uh…I planned Harry and Spiderman to go out for hot dogs in my story. I only went to New York once, so all I know is Coney Island. Not that anyone cares. I'll go on a limb and say Nathan's. I want to go considering how many New Yorkers talk about it a lot here in Florida. How did you get my email?

To: whocares
From: deadpool69
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: A Serious Email From Deadpool The Good Looking Merc With A Mouth
Thx kid. Keep writing. -3 Deadpool

To: deadpool69
From: whocares
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: A Serious Email From Deadpool The Good Looking Merc With A Mouth:
Why do you call yourself Deadpool...…

When Peter arrives at Coney Island, the sight of Harry mesmerizes him. The Osborn wears an Armani white suit complimented with a golden tie. His brown hair is slicked back with gel that scents of the ocean.

Peter tugs the sleeve of his old white T-shirt. His torn jeans are an embarrassment sight when compared to Harry's ritzy outfit. Harry's baby blue eyes meet with Peter's hazel.

"Peter?" Harry raises his eyebrows. "Didn't expect to see you here so soon. How did you get here so quick?"

"Left early. Took the subway. You?"

"Car. You take the subway?"

"It's New York."

Harry chuckles. "Right. Are you good with rides?"

"I,I don't have money for much."

"That's ok. It's on me." Harry pats Peter on the head.

"I, I, I got to take a leak."

"What the fuck is going on?" Deadpool emerges from the toilet.

If you read those notes, you would know this is mainly a Spider-Man story. Jackass.

Fuck that shit!

"How about we can bring Cable or Wolverine? Mentioning Death doesn't count! Fucking hipster writer nobody!"

"Sorry, Harry. It has been a long way."

"I hear those subway bathrooms are nasty."

Deadpool peeks through the crack of the stall. "Hey, Writer. Can Spider-Man show up now? In that cute little costume he wears?"

How the hell can this nerd Spider-Man?

His voice is similar to Spider-Man.

He looks ugly with those glasses.

Faster than those inner monologues, Peter wishes the urinals has covers. The atmosphere is uncomfortable to describe at best. Especially since Deadpool traveled to Coney Island using a fucking public toilet despite having a teleporter where he didn't have to resort to such predicaments. Because guess what? He's stuck. That's what he gets for attempting to fucking change the story.

Rant aside, Harry's eyes dart south towards Peter.

Is that rich boy looking at his dick?

He's a bigger jackass than you.

"You must get a lot of girls with that." Harry comments.

Pervert! Kiss ass! Gas guzzler!

"No, not really."

"You really don't have a girlfriend?"

"I had one. Betty and I worked together. We broke up because of a misunderstanding. I've been single ever since. I'm sure you could get a girlfriend right away."

"Is it because of my money?"

"No." Peter zips his pants. "That's not why."

"Or a boyfriend. Because I like a little bit of both." Harry leans closer to Peter. "So I can get anyone I want. Are you ok with that?"

Ah! When will this terrible dialogue ever end?

There is a thing called arc fatigue.

Perer exits the bathroom. "I'm okay with that. Of course I would. I can't choose my friends and Harry seems like a nice guy."

What does this crap have to do with Spider-Man?

We have to go along with the story and find out, jackass.

Peter accidentally bumps into someone. "Oh, sorry!"

"That's okay." Gwen gives a grin.

"Gwen? Hey! Remember me? From the cafe this morning? With my elderly aunt?"

"Oh! Sorry! Hi there!"

"Who is this?" Harry shows up. He turns to Gwen. "Cute, isn't he?"

"Coincidence?" Deadpool yells at the sky. "I think not!"

"Don't ask Gwen that!" Peter begins to blush. Gwen lets out a giggle.

"Sorry, but I have to go. It's not every day my dad is off-duty. See you later, uh, Peter!"

"Peter!" Harry punches his shoulder. "I was being your wingman! You could get a girl like her. I think I'll ask her out. Are you snobby or shy?"

"I can ask her out myself. Uh, rides?"

"Oh shit!" Deadpool crawls out of the toilet like the girl from The Ring. "I remember something important in those chicken notes! The writer makes a shitty narrative!"

New Email

To: deadpool69
From: whocares
Subject: I HEARD THAT
FUCK YOU.

"I mean, Rich Doody is gonna make his move at the Ferris Wheel!"

Cable teleports next to Deadpool. "I have something urgent to tell you."

"Cable! Honey! Just the guy I wanted to see!" Deadpool reaches for a hug.

Cable pushes him away. "I don't care about your personal problems, Wade. This is important."

"Something about the future. Real dire. Up to me to prevent it. Blah blah fuckity blah! Listen, honey. Since you're conveniently here, I need a little favor."

Cable finds himself and Deadpool in different outfits. "What the? Dammit, Wade!"

"See, we are gonna wear some disguises. Fun, oui?" Deadpool twirls in his white ivory cocktail dress. "Should I go with the blonde curly bob or a pony weave?"

"We don't have time for this crap!"

"Relax! After this, I can do that thing you want me to do. Or you can go back in time and tell me again. You can tell me your plans at the Ferris Wheel."

Deadpool pins the short curly wig above his mask. "If anyone asks, you're an immigrant day laborer named Gustavo and I'm your pregnant wife Margarita."

The sun is about to set. Festive music plays for everyone to hear. The scent of carnival food fill Peter's nose. Peter nervously runs his fingers through his hair.

"Look at that line for hot dogs. New York's famous, delicious hot dogs."

"So many tourists visit every day. The biggest way to give away that you're a tourist is if you refer New York as 'The Big Apple'." Peter adds.

"And stare forever at the landmarks in the middle of the street."

"It is so easy to tell if you're a tourist."

"And there are a lot of tourists!" Peter and Harry say simultaneously. "Jinx!" They both laugh.

"I know coming out with my bisexuality was sudden. Let me know when you get uncomfortable, Peter."

"Ouch!" Deadpool clutches his stomach in a painfully dreadful falsetto voice. "Be careful, Gustavo. Think of our little Taquito."

"Wade! I have to tell you something vital."

"About what?"

"Word is the CEO of Osborn Industries planned something sinister. He wants to gather all the gangs and become the boss of New York's organized crimes."

"And how did you get this information again?"

"I'm from the future. A future you can prevent if you kill Norman Osborn."

"I am a little curious myself, Harry. Especially because of this guy who won't leave me alone. No matter how many times I tell him, he never goes away."

Peter can hear Harry make a hearty laugh. "Does he call you Petey Wetey? Or Peter-poo?"

"He calls me something that could be a pet name."

"What is it?" Harry wipes his eye.

Peter pauses for a moment. "Uh, do you want to know?"

"Yeah! Did he really give you a pet name?"

Here it comes!

I think we know what it is, jackass.

"Baby boy."

He's talking about us! Swoon!

That is definitely Spider-Man.

"Oh my god. That guy is pathetic." Harry chuckles. "Maybe he is that fucking ugly." Harry sees that Peter's expression falls. He playfully punches Peter in the shoulder. "Nah, you alright. I'm playing with you."

"Baby boy, no." Deadpool whispers sadly.

"Wade? Are you okay?" Cable scratches his head. "You are more off than usual."

Peter's Spider Sense triggers. "Umm," Peter turns to Harry. "Did you hear that?"

"Hear what?"

"I could have sworn I hear someone say baby boy."

"Maybe they wanted to give you a good scare!"

"If I were to be honest," Peter chortles. "He has this really fun personality and he never gets boring and,"

"And he won't leave you alone."di

Harry's face crinkles after he inhales the air. "Something smells like shit."

"It is shit!" A brunette cackles from behind them. "It's coming from the guy in the Marilyn Monroe dress!"

"Fuck you!" Deadpool shouts. "I will have my revenge!"

"I don't know who you are, dumbass! Go make love to a horse, you cretin!" The unidentified brunette shrieks before flying away with a parachute as random as this scene was.

Deadpool pulls out a tiny spinner out of his satchel. Despite the writer's objections, Deadpool proceeds to spin it. The outcome would depend if Deadpool will cause a ruckus (again) or if the chapter will end abruptly (again). The spinner suddenly stops.

"Transition to where everyone eats hot dogs? Make it so!"

New Email

To: deadpool69
From: whocares
Subject: Wait…this is really Deadpool…
I told you they get to eat hot dogs. Stop changing my story. I put a lot of love into it. :'(

Finally, Harry and Peter go out for hot dogs. Due to the writer's irritation, Peter and Harry are somewhere the reader should know by now. The writer refuses to write the place, which would help keep the story intact. Seriously. Writer left a note that says to go back if the location is so important to know about.

"You really like hot dogs, don't you?" Harry wipes his mouth with a napkin.

"Oh, New York. Best place for a hot dog and only a buck." Peter gulps the food down.

The hot dog place Harry takes Peter has questionable sanitation standards because a spider crawls onto their table. Harry glares at the creature in disgust. Harry crushes the poor spider until it is nothing but a black spot. Peter blinks twice.

"Did you have to kill it?"

"Ugh. I hate spiders. Can't stand the sight of them."

Obvious foreshadowing is obvious.

Let the reader realize that themselves, jackass.

"Spiders contribute a lot to the environment. Their silk is very useful for,"

A splash of soda hits Peter in the face. Peter searches for a napkin to wipe his glasses.

"Sorry." A male apologizes.

"It's okay. I really," Peter looks up to see the male he saw earlier on the train. He lifts his round shades, revealing his bright blue eyes.

"I'm really sorry, eh."

They can hear Harry scoff.

"You sound familiar. Do you go to Midtown High?"

"Hmm," He shakes his head. "No. I'm from Canada. Was in Ohio for a few months. Maybe on the subway? You see anyone and everyone on the subway. I'm Wade." He offers his hand.

"Peter." Peter and Wade shake hands.

"Again, I am very sorry. I hope I didn't ruin your day, eh."

"Retard." Harry mutters under his breath.

As Wade leaves, he gives Peter a wink. Deadpool sighs to himself. "That could have went better."