I can feel the sleep tugging at my eyes, but I just dismiss it and continue to watch the computer. I have to watch, hack, and type to find out where he is.
I would normally not do this but when people of your past keep coming back to haunt you and you see them everywhere you turn, you need to figure out why, so that's exactly what I was doing.
I studied the computer without taking my eyes off, I needed to sleep but I really couldn't afford to miss any info that could help to finding him. The last time I saw him, alive, was the day he died.
I can remember the day clearly as if it happened yesterday. I was standing at the corner watching and waiting for him. I had heard sirens coming my way. More intently now I listened to the sirens. The next thing I saw was HIS car slamming on the brakes. He had done it again. He loved speed and didn't listen to the rules of the road, at all. I watched as he got out of the bright red car, looking the same as ever with that fur vest, striped shirt, blue jeans, and combat boots. The police force told him to do something; I wasn't paying attention to them but to him. He reached in to his pocket to grab something, I thought maybe he was grabbing a cigarette, but I was too far to see exactly what it was. He had no more than pulled his hand from his vest pocket to be shot.
This wasn't just one bullet but about 50 of them or so it seemed. I watched as he hit the car and just slide down the side of it. I was completely horrified that I ran over there. I went against everything L told me just to check on him. The police force tried to stop me but I kept running to his limp body.
He looked so peaceful for once in his life, but his life was over. I touched his cheek and looked into his lifeless eyes, those perfect green lifeless eyes that had always reflected mine. I slid his goggles onto the top of his head and closed those lifeless eyes. I couldn't...no, I wouldn't look into them. He had always sad that the eyes could tell so many secrets, that's why he always wore those damn goggles, and I didn't want to know any of his dark secrets. I looked at him one more time and decided to take his goggles with me so I could remember him, not that I wouldn't, but so I had a part of him with me so I could remember all the good times. Slowly I stood up as I looked around me. A crowd had started. They were watching me with those judging, calculating eyes. I would never forget him like that. Never.
I never did forget him; I just pushed him to the back of my mind not wanting to remember what happened that awful day, which is until I saw him again. I knew it couldn't be him but I just had to check.
I made sure I ran right into him. I needed to see if it was him. I hit him pretty damn hard and knocked him down, along with everything he was carrying, he must have been shopping, he always did like to shop…for video games of course. I told him I was sorry and that I should watch where I was going. I picked some of his things up for him and looked directly into his eyes. They were green, exactly like mine, but his showed something more, something secret.
"Are you ok?" he said startling me out of my thoughts.
"Y-yeah. Here is the stuff you dropped." I answered. I pondered over his voice. It was the same voice I had known for years.
"Thank you." He stated.
I said a quite "Your welcome". I watched him leave with a few other people. To be more precise it was 2 boys and a chick.
It had been him that day at the mall, but yet it couldn't be him because he was DEAD. I had watched him die, watched him get shot and the life leave his body. It just couldn't be him, there was no way.
I grabbed my phone and dialed L's number. It seemed like forever before he picked up.
"Yes?" I heard through the phone. He always used the same emotion-less voice no matter what situation he was in.
"Did you get back yet or are you still flying?" I questioned.
"I am back at the hotel." He answered, curiosity lining his voice.
"Alright. I need to see you right now."
"What is this all about?"
"I will tell you when I get there. It's not something I can speak about over the phone. Alright?"
"Then get over here." There was silence and then beeping. He had hung-up.
I walked down to my shot up dark green Jeep Wrangler and started the engine. I'm glad I was going to see L. Hopefully he could make sense of everything that was going on. He was the greatest detective after all, but I could only hope.
Ignoring the concierge at the desk I walked right up to room 303. I didn't even knock; I just walked in, as if I owned the place. I mean there was no point in knocking when I knew he was expecting to see me.
The room was dark as usual except for the light coming from the wall of computers. I saw the tall hunched over figure standing in the middle of the room. Shadows cast against the walls reminded me of different times, but I had no time to be remembering right now. I had a problem and right now L was the only one I trusted. It wasn't that I didn't have many people I trusted it was just that most of the people I know are from the Mafia, thanks to Mello; dead, or not findable at the moment.
L turned to look at me with those large black eyes and said "Sit." He pointed one of his long pale fragile looking fingers to a chair directly across from the sofa he was headed for. I sat; I mean what the hell else was I supposed to do, stand there and look like a retard. No thank you.
"So what did you want to talk about so badly that you couldn't talk to me about it over the phone?" he said as he eyed me with that calculating gaze, the same one I had gotten from those people after he died.
"Well I was hoping you; L, could help me figure something out. And before you say anything this is not a case, it's just something that I need your help in figuring out." I stared at him, neither one of us dropping the gaze we were locked in.
"Alright. What is it then?"
"It is not and 'it', well partly not." I emphasized on the word it. He just nodded, telling me to go on. So I did.
"It's…about..." I looked down into my lap before saying his name, "Matt…" I looked at him. He didn't do anything except stare at me in wonderment.
"The other day," I started back up again, "I saw him in the mall. I didn't think it was him until I ran smack into him and got a good look at him. His eyes and voice were the same as they have always been."
"Are you sure it was him. I mean you could have run into somebody who looked just like him-"
I interrupted L saying, "I know I know, but the thing is I KNOW it was Matt. Everything was the same about him, although he did have something different to his eyes."
"What do you mean 'something different'?"
"His eyes held something secret, and not the good kind of secret look. It was odd and scary…." I ended up trailing off.
"You and I both know very well that it couldn't be Matt, and you know that." He said with force in his voice
I stood up, "I know. I WAS the one who saw him DIE! I have to deal with that all the time. I can't sleep because the thought and those images haunt me! A-and now this!" I was shouting in between my crying. I never showed my emotions, just like L, but I just couldn't talk about Matt like that when I very well knew he was out there somewhere...ALIVE.
Before I could register anything L was hugging me. Cooing to me to calm down, that everything was going to be alright. That I didn't need to cry. His voice was firm but yet soothing and calming. He knew me better than anyone else, so I guess him knowing more about me than I knew was a good thing in times like these.
I looked at him. I don't know what it was but I saw Mello reflected in his eyes. Mello always did this to me when I was learning to handle my emotions when we were at Whammy's. Mello…? Where the hell are you Mello when I need you to help me? To help find Matt.
"L?"
Said person looked at me. "Yes?"
"Where the hell is Mello? Have you heard from him at all?" I was demanding answers like I always did.
"No." Simple answer yet it was not the answer I was looking for. I had hoped he would have said yes.
He let go of me and padded barefoot over to the wall of computers and sat down with his laptop set on top of his knees.
"Before you say anything I would like to tell you something." I nodded for him to go on like he had done with me not moments before
He continued on saying "I have been trying to find him. I have found him here and there, but one of the things I noticed is that he seems to be staying near the Mafia."
I looked right at him with happiness in my eyes. I knew it. He was here but not really near me.
"Do you know of any way to reach him?" He asked me startling me out of my thoughts. Why does everyone keep startling me out of my goddamn thoughts?
"I think I know how to get a hold of him, but I don't trust calling him." L looked at me in question as I continued, "He always seems to be bugged. No matter what Matt or I did he was always bugged. Always."
"I suppose you want the address as to where he seems to keep popping up at?"
"You know me so well." I stated with so much happiness, then I continued saying, "but how the hell did you find him?"
"You're not going to go till I tell you, right?" L asked. I nodded so he continued.
"It seems Mello has a record and things like that, so it wasn't that hard to find him."
"Oh." It was a simple answer, but I need to get going.
As soon as I got the address I was speeding off down the road. I was going well over the speed limit but frankly I didn't care at this moment because I had found Mello and then after I talked to him I could see if I could find Matt. To see if Matt was actually alive, when he should be dead.
I'm glad I carried an extra pair of clothes because what I was wearing was not something you wore when you where going to meet and talk to the Mafia. I mean I was wearing bleached-out blue jeans, a green tee, and flats; when you have a reputation to hold up with the Mafia you don't were shit like that.
So I was extremely glad to find that my black bag was still in there with my 'good' clothes. I put on the clothes that I found in the bag, which in the end leaves me looking a little like L and Mello put together, but darker and more tempting, I headed toward the underground hideout for the Mafia.
"What the hell Mello! I leave you and you get your self into deeper shit than any of us ever did!" I yelled walking into the big room.
I knew they were in there. You couldn't ignore them if you wanted, I mean with Mello yelling something about chocolate and the other men yelling other shit.
"Who the f-" Mello said as he saw me walk into the room. He started to grin. I bet it was because of the outfit. I mean black leather and black skinny jeans. He always seemed to love it. I never knew why but oh well.
"So what's with this? I leave you alone for a while and you get yourself into big shit." I face-palmed my self.
"Sorry, didn't know you were keeping tabs on me."
"I wasn't. I just recently had L find you for me, and before you go off and ask why the hell I asked L, I will tell you but I need to do so in…..private." I said the last word while glaring at everybody except Mello.
"Ok. Everybody go away," he paused then looked over as Jasper, out friend and comrade in everything, then at me.
I knew what he was asking so I just nodded.
"Alright. So what did you need to talk about?" he asked me as he, Jasper, and I sat down at various spots in the room.
I thought on how to word it so he wouldn't ignore me. Then I began, saying "The other day I saw…." Hair falling to my face as I put my head down I finished saying "Matt"
I'm surprised he heard me because of my sobbing and that I said it in a whisper.
"What do you mean you saw Matt? I thought he was dead." Jasper spoke up.
Head still down and crying I said "He is….its just…I know…..I swear I saw him…." I couldn't finish.
"Where did you see him?" Mello spoke softly with urgency and demand in his voice.
"It was as the mall…but the thing is he didn't even recognize me…"
"Is there anything else you can remember when you saw him?" Mello continued 'interrogating' me…god I felt like I was a criminal.
"Well I do remember that he was with some other people. There were 3 others, 2 boys and a chick…" why do I say 'chick'? Really it's kind of stupid.
"More details please. I know this is your specialty…you could always tell what somebody looked like about 5 hrs AFTER you saw them, so?"
"Well one of the boys had short and I mean SHORT blonde hair. It was the same color as yours Mels and he had blue-gray eyes. The other boy had shaggy hair and it looked a lot like Near's but it wasn't white, it was black and he had gray eyes. The chick had…um… long reddish hair with bright green eyes." I slowed down as I said the last part. I looked at Mello and he took a notice to my slowing down.
"S, what's wrong?" yes he definitely noticed. I guess he isn't as stupid as he looks, although I will never tell him that, he would so kick my ass for it if I did.
"When I was speaking did you notice that all the people looked like us in some way or another. I mean one looked like you, Near, and me."
"That picture seems definitely wrong." Jasper spoke. I had completely forgot he was in the room with us.
"Yeah. I guess there is." Mello commented. Continuing he said "But why? If he IS alive why is he hiding from us?"
"I really wish I knew…but there was something I forgot to mention…" I trailed off knowing Mello wasn't going to be all calm and mellow.
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE WAS SOMETHING YOU FORGOT TO TELL US!!!! DON'T BE GREEDY AND KEEP INFO TO YOURSELF!!!" I knew he wasn't going to stay calm.
"If you let me speak I can tell you what it is…unless you don't want to know." He sat down, my indication he wanted to know the info. "When I bumped into him he had a different look to his eyes…they held a secret. Not a good one thou, it seemed more evil or 'off-limits'. It was odd, very odd for Matt, if it was him."
We just sat there. Jasper ended up being yelled for by one of the other mafia males so he left us. It was complete utter silence as Mello and me just stared at each other.
* Can't read my, Can't read my. No he can't read my poker face (She's got to love nobody). Can't read my, Can't read my. No he can't read my poker face (She's got to love nobody). P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face (Mum mum mum mah) P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face (Mum mum mum mah)
I jumped from the noise and then noticed it was my phone. Mello looked with confusion lining his face.
"Poker Face by Lady Gaga." I said knowing what he was going to ask.
"Oh"
I finally answered my phone. "Yes" it was L. He started telling me information on the things I told him. Most of the stuff of which I figured out already, but there were some new things like places where someone was spotted that looked like Matt. I just ignored the rest. All I wanted were those goddamn places.
I hung up and I walked to the doorway. I looked back to make sure Mello was following me, he was. We headed outside to my Jeep Wrangler.
"S where are we going?" he asked with utter confusion.
"We are going to find Matt, and yes I have places where someone was that looked like him was spotted, and again yes they were given to me by L so get a grip and get over it."
