Peaches

Sexist

They're in the officer's mess when Bones makes the worst mistake of his life. And that includes his divorce with his wife.

Jim and Spock are having a healthy (note: Jim is about as close to insanely frustrated as he gets, and Spock is covertly smug) debate about marooning in emergency situations, and Bones is silently worshipping the peach he's eating. Then he glances at Uhura, who is shaking her head in amusement, and his chewing slows until she looks over. He smiles and leans forward.

"Uhura, you can cook, right?" An elegant eyebrow arches, and she sets down her fork with delicate precision.

"No, why?" McCoy flushes slightly and sits back again.

"Oh, never mind."

"No, what is it, doctor?" Her voice has that hard-edged yet innocent tone that practically forces a man to reply. McCoy takes his good time, fidgeting.

"I was just wondering, Lieutenant," he mumbles defensively. Uhura isn't buying it, because she draws her self up and says,

"Is it because I'm a woman, doctor?" McCoy practically flinches. All eyes have been drawn towards them. Jim is trying to hide his grin, and Spock looks mildly alarmed. Bones will absolutely not look Uhura in the eyes.

"No, I was just asking a curious-" Uhura picks up her fork just to slam it back down again. She stands up, her slim figure striking in all it's feminine fury.

"You know, doctor, I would say you're a chauvinist, assuming pig, but I really can't blame you, because the entire male part of our species, especially the ones from the South, seems to be of the opinion that since I'm a woman, never mind a Starfleet officer, I can do things like cook. And frankly, I'm sick of it. I can't cook, doctor, and if it weren't for replicators, I would probably starve to death, just like the rest of you stupid men!" There is utter silence in the officer's mess. And then, slowly, all the other female officers stand and start to clap. Soon Uhura is flushed, and sinks sheepishly back into her seat next to Spock, who looks strained. Jim laughs and fist bumps her, and McCoy has turned a sickly shade of yellow-green. As he excuses himself, he's pelted with rolls and spoons, fuming women catcalling after him as he flees. When Sulu, whose just arrived, raises an eyebrow, Uhura shrugs and says innocently,

"What? I've gotten tired of him asking me to make him peach cobbler. He can satisfy his fix another way." And then they devolve into linguistics debate as Spock asks what she means, and Bones has learned his lesson.

Never cross Nyota Uhura. Never.

AN: This is just a little thing. I don't mean anything by it. I don't know why, but I feel like I should apologize? D: