Summer of 2000 – 14

I had always heard horrible stories about it. It was going to hurt. There would be uncomfortable stretching, possible ripping, and buckets of blood. I was prepared for the horror stories because I wanted him to like me.

His friends had told me how big he was and you could hear the jealousy dripping from their lips as they asked me what I preferred.

How was I supposed to know? I was 14 and I had never done that before. I had barely done anything before, let alone have an opinion on what kind of dick I wanted in me.

I had never even seen a real one.

One of his friends, Peter, asked if I wanted 10 long, skinny inches or a coke can and all I could think about is how much I liked cokes. Once I snapped myself out of my soda-craving-haze, I told him long and skinny because I wanted Garrett to like me. There was no way I was going to pick anything other than was God had given to Garrett.

Garrett and I had talked on AIM for a couple of years on and off. We met at a party and bonded over separated parents. His parents had gotten a divorce several years ago and he was pretty much over it. Mine were constantly fighting and my mom had recently moved across town. It wasn't looking good, but it seemed like the best. They were toxic together.

I hadn't seen him but that once, until recently. School had just gotten out for the summer and he had been at a baseball game. My brother's game was on the other side of the park, but I had been bored. We ran into each other at a concession stand.

Well, I ran into him. He laughed it off and spent the rest of the day with me at a near-by park.

Later that week, he asked me to the movies. I wore red because it was his favorite color.

I don't think he looked at the screen once.

His mother was intimidating. The first time I went to his house to meet her was awful. I arrived only to find the woman, which was opening the door to welcome her sons' new girlfriend, had been my 7th grade math teacher.

The same math teacher who had assumed I was just as proficient in math as my know-it-all brother and would spend the rest of the year correcting her mistakes. She was the same math teacher who spent the rest of the year delighting in the fact that I was no where near as proficient in math as my asshat brother and celebrated the fact that I constantly gave the wrong answers. I hoped she wouldn't hold my failures at math against me, but the scowl on her face was telling me that she was.

However, as the summer passed by, her scowl faded slowly. She began playing nice. She invited me to dinners and family-only celebrations often. I found that as long as I was overly polite and only spoke when spoken to, her scowl would remain dormant.

Summer was coming to a close and Garrett (and his mother) had invited me onto their boat for his birthday. I eagerly accepted and basked in the sun with Garrett, his mother, stepfather, and little sister. The awkwardness that had been present earlier in the summer seemed to have vanished on the boat and his family was more than friendly. When the day was overly, I was asked if I wanted to stay over for a while and was told that I'd be given a ride home around 11:30.

Garrett and I cuddled on the couch, as we had been for the past several hours. Movies had come and gone but I couldn't tell you what they were. I hadn't seen a minute of any of them. I was hyper-aware of the rooms' darkness and the handsome boy who was in front of me. He smiled at me and caressed my leg, brushing the hem of my shorts before kissing me lightly.

As his kisses got more intense, his hand slowly moved to the inside of my leg and up my loose Soffee shorts. His knee parted my legs for him as his touch increased and traced the hem of my underwear. He had touched me before and I was excited about the prospect of him doing it again. I pulled my body closer to his and I wrapped my leg around his hip. He smirked and, in an odd tone, warned me to not to make it obvious as he pushed my leg so that it was resting on his mid-thigh.

I was stunned for a second. He'd never used that tone with me and I wasn't sure what he meant by "make it obvious". But before I could straighten the confused look on my face, Garrett pushed aside my bathing suit bottoms and two fingers entered me roughly.

Suddenly, his intense kisses were hard. He knotted his free hand in my hair. His tongue mimicked his fingers and for a moment, I began to panic. He had never treated me like this. I wasn't ready for this. For sex.

As I was trying to prepare myself to attempt to stop him or at least say "no", he stopped abruptly. I sighed when he let up on my head and removed his fingers. Part of me was relieved, while the rest of me wished he would continue in a way that didn't make me so anxious.

My partial relief was short lived. I felt his hand fidgeting with something and I heard several buttons pop. He let out a low hum and wrapped one arm around my waist, pulling me toward him. His other hand was slowly moving up and down, and while I knew what he was doing to himself, I couldn't make my self look down to affirm it.

When I felt him touch my leg, I tensed up. His hand moved to my inner thigh and in a low voice he demanded that I lift it up. I stifled a gasp and swallowed hard, but obligingly bent my knee and lifted up a bit. He chuckled and told me to relax as he once again moved my panties out of the way.

I felt something prod at me and I let out a breath I had been unknowingly holding. Then, he was in me. His "ten inch dick" was inside of me. He began thrusting and needing my ass while letting out little grunts, but all I could think of were the horror stories all my friends had told me about their first times.

I had been lied to. The stretching. The tearing. The tears. The blood. Where were they? I couldn't figure out why it didn't hurt. His fingers hurt worst than this. Was I defective? I lay there, blindly looking at the television as a nameless movie played while I painlessly lost my virginity.

No more than two weeks past after my spectacularly bland first time and equally as lame second and third times when Katie McAndrews came to my fathers house in tears looking for me.

Katie and I were neighbors when I was with my dad. We weren't very close and I didn't particularly like her, but my heart always clenched at tears. She was confessing that she had blown her ex-boyfriend the night before at the park by our house. She cried as she told me that she knew he had a new girlfriend but that she had missed him so much. She told me that after she blew him, he tried to have sex with her but she couldn't do it because she didn't want to be the "other woman". I didn't say anything, but it confused me because she didn't mind sucking him off while he was with someone else… was she not already the "other woman"?

She sat on my porch and sobbed about how much she missed him and wanted him and how wrong it was. I awkwardly put my arm around her and tried to calm her. I told Katie that if she wanted this guy, she needed to tell him that she wouldn't be second. That if he wanted her, he needed to break up with his girlfriend and prove himself to her that he wouldn't do the same thing to her as he's doing with his current girlfriend. With confidence, I told her that any guy that cheats isn't worth a good girls heart.

This only seemed to upset her more. She sobbed louder and hiccupping, she told me that it was Garrett.

Garrett had cheated on me. He cheated on me with Katie.

She had come to me to confess and apologize. She said that she didn't want to but she was scared that if he asked her, she'd do it again in a heartbeat.

Because she loved him.

I froze. My heart stopped. I felt nauseous.

Just two weeks ago, I lost my virginity to Garrett in his parents' living room, on his parents couch, with his parents in the other room. Last night, Katie blew the same dick that was inside of me.

I stared blankly at the porch's railing before standing up without a word and went inside, leaving Katie and her sobs on my porch swing.

I don't remember much of what happened the rest of the night. I wasn't stupid enough to think that I loved Garrett. I knew I didn't. But I was pissed. I remember suddenly being at my mother's house but I couldn't recall how I got there or why. I do remember running. I vaguely remember fighting with my mother. She says I demanded that she stay the fuck out of my life after she had caught me crying. I must have been extremely rude to her because I ended up grounded. However, she still let me to go running to cool off.

When I returned to the house, I was more aware of my actions. I hadn't quite decided what to do about the Garrett situation. I got online and turned on my AIM. Almost immediately, Garrett IMed me. I wanted to see if he would confess to me. Apologize like Katie did. Maybe he loved her like she loved him. That wouldn't be terrible.

It wasn't ideal for me, but for them, I would try harder to understand, to not make it more difficult.

Garrett carried on a conversation like he hadn't cheated on me. Making suggestive comments to me about how his parents would be gone later and wanted me to come over. Not committing, I tried to act like nothing was wrong, and I waited for him to mention anything.

After getting no real response from me about later, he finally mentioned Katie. He said he had been hanging out with friends the night before and they had seen Katie. He told me that she was pathetic and tried to hang all over him. But for me not to worry – he brushed her off.

I snapped.

I broke up with him immediately. I told him he was an asshole. Furious, I asked him how he could steal my virginity like a douche and then turn around and lead Katie on like he did. I ranted about how unworthy he was of me and even of Katie and how I couldn't believe he would do that to someone. In a moment of truth, he told me. I shouldn't have been surprised at all, but he said me he had been waiting for Katie to come back to him. He planned to break up with me the second it happened. He had just wanted some while he was waiting.

I was stunned. He had used me.

Upset, I told him to go fuck himself. Just as I was closing my AIM, his response was simply: "I don't need to fuck myself. I've got people like you and Katie to do it for me."