Chapter 1

I can't remember a time when I'd ever hurt a human being on purpose. I don't know what it is. I'm just too nice of a person…

"Shane, wake up!" I punched Brown in the stomach and turned to face away from him as he keeled over in pain. "Really, Shane?" All of a sudden, I'm kissing my carpet. I growled, pulling myself up.

"You douchenugget!" I shouted. "I ain't going to no camp!" I crossed my arms. And before I knew it, I was sitting in the car, outside of the camp. How he managed to get me from my room, to the car, to here…is a long and very painful story that I won't dare go into. Brown sighed, reaching in the glove box, pulling out a McFlurry. Shit. He found my weakness. We had a stare down. I wasn't getting out of this car. Fuck that shit. I could get my own McFlurry thank you very much. Only too bad for me…McDonalds was forty miles away from this camp. He smiled when I suddenly started to sweat. It does look good…

And to my dismay, he started EATING it. I always knew he was a douche. Mr. Brown Douche McFlurry Eater. I unbuckled my seatbelt and snatched the ice creamy goodness, getting out of the car with a series of cuss words. And what a bitch, I run into someone while eating my creamy goodness (yeah, don't be perverted ;)) and dumped it all over her. "What the fuck!" She screamed, looking down to see, in fact, there was a big white stain on her ugly green blouse. (I can't stop with the dirtiness x)!) The girl then pushed me until my back was cozy with a tree. "You. You are going to pay for this. Oh, I'm not talking money, rockstar. I'm talking nice, painful, payback." She lifted her fist. That's so cute…

"No." I pushed away her raised fist, slowly backing HER up into a tree. "I think YOU'RE going to pay for my McFlurry. And I AM talking money, baby."

"Whoa, alright children! Break it up!" McFlurry Douche himself put one hand on my chest and pushed me away. "Mitchie, go get cleaned up. We're having a party for the new campers in an hour. Shane…please don't be an ass while you're here," he sighed, shaking his head and leaving us alone. Does he not know me? I looked at her. She killed my McFlurry. She must die.

But since it's illegal to kill people…sigh…I glanced over at the lake and smirked. "Hey, I know an easy way to get that stain out," I said all innocent like. Mitchie stopped, looking up cautiously. In a flash I had her over my shoulder, kicking and screaming. She banged on my back and even bit my ear. Please, honey, I'm a rockstar. You aren't the first person to bite my ear.

"You fucking jerk! You son of a bitch! You piece of shit! Put me down, put me down!" Oh, I'll put her down all right. I threw her in from the dock we were on. She came up a second later, spitting water everywhere. Her eyes narrowed in on me. If looks could kill suddenly came into my mind. Too bad for me. I have to run now. Maybe if I had finished my McFlurry, I'd WANT to run off the pounds…

BAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Whoo! I almost got you. I don't run, baby. But I ran because I feared she might actually peel my skin off and feed it to some birds. Notice…I'm not joking. "Shane!" I looked around frantically, seeing a lovely empty cabin. I ran as if an angry, wet woman was after me and wanted to slash me into cubes. Oh wait…

Crashing through the door, I raced over to the closet. Shit, there's a guitar in the way. In my haste to set it aside, I knocked it over. Which, of course, broke it. I heard the most horrible scream there could ever be. Turning slowly, I grinned at Mitchie. "Why, hello, there."

She gazed, shaking I may add, from the guitar and then up at me. Hm…I wonder if this guitar could be…

"SHANE GRAY, I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!"

I guess that answers my question…