Disclaimer: I own nothing. I don't own Gintama. Our very genius Sorachi-gorilla sensei does.
..
"Sougo, meet our new temporary cleaner"
China? Cleaner? So she was the new employed domestic worker in the compound.
Okita Sougo was slightly surprised. China was indeed here. As he had just said a while ago, no one's crazy enough to attack the Shinsengumi headquarters head on, it would be a SUICIDE for that person. But in front of his sadistic vision, his China..err I mean the stupid China girl was definitely committing a HOMICIDE or maybe a massacre rather. His sick colleagues were crushed at the gigantic ice that looked like China was mercilessly chucking at them.
She hadn't noticed him yet. She was busy tending the sick officers after all.
Not wanting to be ignored he blurted a "Oi China" in his trademark deadpan tone.
She turned her head to the direction of the familiar voice.
"Sadist" there was a pause. "Oh, I see you aren't sick like this bastards, I'm glad"
WHAT? GLAD? Did Hijikata Toushirou heard it right or did his hearing sense has suddenly failed him. Tosshi was gaping again.
Sougo might be dreaming. Yeah, that simple statement of hers might just be his illusion or did Hijikata bastard had damaged his hearing during his sleep as his revenge for always trying to murder him. But hey, she might just be concern about you, a part of him that he didn't know that existed in his twisted thought flashed. There was a question. Is she worried?
"I was worried, 'thought you also got that disease" did he just had voice out his crazy thoughts. No, she had just said that. He was not delusional.
He wanted to vomit at that thought. But he didn't do it anyway. Tilting his head to other side he asked a bit hesitant "China..you" a moment "worried?"
"Of course! I don't want my.." she jumped at his side in a blink of an eye "DON'T WANT MY PUNCHING BAG BEING OH-SO WEAK" her monstrous punch blasted his face harshly sending him smooching the solid floor painfully.
"A knock-out" Saito's placards was raised. The demon vice commander shook his head as he pinched the bridge of his nose in this frequent sadistic display between these two brats. How could he even think that the girl might be concerned to the sadistic brat.
A punching bag. Serves him right, he was the one that tortured their previous employees before.
She was still punching, kicking and beating the hell out of him. Damn his stupid thought! He had let his guard down for a moment around the monster China. Now, she was in an advantage.
"Chi…na" he wanted to say her pet name with full of fury but his current state had betrayed him to do so. He was still on the ground being boxed as a make shift punching bag by her atrocious fist.
The sun was pleasantly shining outside. It was a nice summer afternoon. Kagura as usual was enjoying battering her sadistic rival. But then a loud choking scream of the gorilla commander was heard.
"KYAAAAAAAAH!" as he was weeping from Otae-san's broken figurine, he was suddenly attacked by one of his supposed to be sick subordinates.
All head turned to the gorilla. Kameyama, one of sadist's subordinate was trying to strangle the said gorilla. Kagura ceased her assault.
The bedridden Shinsengumi officers gradually rose up. Did they got better after she had tended them? The heck with that, they looked like a zombie. She might have killed them and they turned into that and now they wanted to avenge their poor soul. One of them was choking the commander.
Hijikata immediately helped the gorilla. They were so many of them, swaying groggily. The zombie policemen's eyeballs were colored white. What happened to them? It might be some kind of an alien virus infected his men. The first thought that came to his mind was to run for the meantime until they figured out what's happening to them. He couldn't just randomly beat these seemingly possessed co-officers.
The zombies began attacking the six of them. Kagura was standing beside the sadist that was slowly rising, ready to get his comeback but he had noticed also that there was something wrong with his colleagues.
It was beginning to become a total chaos as always. The demon vice commander kicked the conscious out of the almost forgotten lying Yamazaki.
"Oi, Yamazaki. Wake up already!" the zombies were approaching. Some dribble could be seen at the edge of their lips.
The conscious six sprinted outside the room running to the corridors. Okita Sougo was also running among them.
"Toshi, Toshi!, What happen to them?" the gorilla was being hysterical. They were trailing behind.
"Like I know, what's happening to them!" Hijikata was also worried under his ragged breath.
"Wait…SADAHARU" Kagura suddenly blurted. "Sadaharu was still there!" she was about to turn back when Kondo had grabbed her.
"China-san, you can't come back there. The zombies might harm you and Otae-san would kill me if something bad happened to you!"
"No, I'll just beat them out! I need to save Sadaharu!" she trashed under the gorilla's hold.
"China. Calm down okay! Your monster of a pet would be fine. It isn't like its weak to be harmed by them" Okita was still planning to have his revenge at her but figures now wasn't the right time for that.
They have managed to hide behind a nearby bush. The zombies were lurking around to find their prey to victimize.
"What might have caused them to act like that?" all head turned to Saito's placard.
"Hey, if anything happen to Sadaharu. I swear I'll rip your balls out." Kagura was glaring at the sadistic captain. As if he was at fault when he'd done nothing to be blamed at.
"China-san. Let's not fight among ourselves at a time like this" Kondo Isao gently cooed.
"Shut up gorilla!"
"No one's asking you gorilla!"
"Useless and Pervert gorilla!"
"No comment" a placard.
A sweat drop.
You could guess who said and who did that.
Kondo was sobbing hugging his knees. Why were the youngsters nowadays so insolent? He was just being a mature adult.
"Just give me my money gorilla!" suddenly, a familiar voice of a certain white haired samurai was heard. He was also crouching down behind the bush with them.
..
Sakata Gintoki, the boss of Yorozuya Gin-chan was a bit guilty. Tch, guilty, my ass! His surrogate daughter was asking for money this morning but he was also penniless. He doesn't have money to give her.
That morning also he had wondered at the cabaret club. He had heard from the flat-chested she-gorilla about Kagura being at the Shinsengumi compound working as their temporary cleaner. And after hearing that, he immediately dashed at the police headquarters. He wouldn't let his precious daughter in the middle of that filthy tax robbers' den without him. She was still a girl.
Or maybe, he just sprinted at the said compound because apparently, Otae had said also that after Kagura had finished her job, the gorilla commander would pay her a lot of money in his bank account. The Shinsengumi leader had tons of dough considering he was the tax robbers' head after all.
.
"Gin-chan!"
"Danna!"
"Yorozuya!"
They simultaneously called Sakata Gintoki with a hint of surprise.
"Bastard! What are you doing here?" the vice commander asked the perm head.
"Cut it Toshi" there was a stress as he pronounced his name. "I'm just worried about my daughter" Kagura approached his stupid surrogate father.
"Gin-chan" she whimpered "Sadaharu was left behind" the China girl out of the blue acted like a girl she should be.
"Kagura" he said looking at the lurking policemen "Don't worry, Sadaharu will be fine. No one could stand a chance at him." Yeah, Sadaharu's mouth had chewed many skulls. A petty zombie was out of question. Gintoki had recalled about the police officers he had passed by a while ago. They looked like they were possessed or something.
"Say danna, what do you think happened to them?" Okita Sougo had a lot of respect at the perm head. Maybe because they both loathe Hijikata bastard.
"Tch! Don't expect this perm to know anything Sougo. He's stupid for all we know" the said bastard Hijikata blurted.
He wasn't offended. They were all used treating each other like a trash. But sometimes they also saved one another during difficult times. "Well, actually I have an idea how to restore them back to normal" they all turned to him.
"Really, what is it Yorozuya?" Kondo voiced out all their thoughts.
"Actually, we just have to feed them salt" they were still eyeing him seriously waiting for his further explanation. "You know, the popular anime nowadays One Park. The one with a protagonist rubber-boy traveling around the Graveline. He and his crew faced this enemy once that produced zombies in Thriller Biece and.." before he could even finish his explanation, the three Shinsengumi officers smacked his head forcefully.
"HOW CAN YOU MAKE RANDOM ANIME SHIT REFERENCES IN A SITUATION LIKE THIS!" the demon vice commander was fuming. This perm head was being foolish as always.
Kondo Isao this time wasn't the one being beating to pulp. He was also joining his vice in hitting Sakata. His fellow police officers were in dangerous unknown state and the perm was just fooling around.
While Saito Shimaru, the ever so reserve silent squad unit captain didn't care about being OOC crap now. He was smashing his placards at the yorozuya boss.
"Um.." It was, again the almost forgotten push over. "it seems working" Yamazaki was pointing at Kagura and Sougo who were feeding or more like chucking salts brutally at the poor policemen's throats. Some of them had regained senses but albeit not really, because they were at the same time harshly assaulted by the two at their mouth rendering them unconscious again. And how in Catherine's hideous cat ears did the two had managed to get a salt that fast and instantly jumped at the zombies? No one knew.
Gintoki and Toshirou sweat-dropped. it actually worked. "See.." he said diffidently at the second straight man.
Saito and Kondo joined Kagura and Sougo in the brawl.
Suddenly the voice of the bona fide straight man came approaching. "Gin-san!" the newcomer rushed at them. He had heard from his sister that his Yorozuya family were in the Shinsengumi compound.
"Oh, Pachi-boy"
"Gin-san, Hijikata-san I heard from my sister that some officers have caught a disease and it was also happening all over Edo" he glanced at his side looking at the subject. He was right, they became zombies. "And The Edo News had just announced few minutes ago that feeding them salt is the best solution for the victims to regain their senses" there was a hint of apprehension in the voice of the virgin plain character.
"Shinpachi-san, actually.." Hijikata and Gintoki joined Yamazaki meekly "We already know that" even Shiroyasha was shocked that the anime reference worked.
"Eh?"
..
Tending the zombie policemen had become a contest between Kagura an Okita. They were competing who could beat the hell out of the poor victims.. err I mean who could manage to feed more salt to them.
"China, I still haven't got even at you for attacking me before" he didn't want to say "beating". Another possessed officer was at his right. Kagura had kicked him.
"Like hell I would let you" she said jumping out on the air flawlessly. Her trademark violet umbrella was swaying along with her movements. She was clearly beating more prey that him.
"Hey China! Don't steal my spotlight!" he continued.
..
From the corner of his eyes, he could see that each of his colleagues who had been fed by salt were gradually gaining colors in their eyes. There was a black like thing that came out in their mouth as they regain their senses.
Figures he didn't need to do a thing. His friends, (he wanted to gag at that word) more like his insane companions were doing all the work. Almost all of his men were already fine.
He was about to lit one of his cancer stick when a sadistic fist clutching a salt bashed his poor lips.
"Oh, sorry Hijikata-san, I thought you were a zombie too" he looked very innocent. Sogou placed his hands to each of his pockets.
"YOU BASTARD, I KNOW YOU DID IT ON PURPOSE. HOW CAN YOU MISTAKE ME AS.." a sadistic fist again blasted his handsome face. The demon vice commander didn't had the chance to finish his sentence when Gintoki punched him also.
"Ah, sorry Toshi I thought you were a zombie too" Gintoki deadpanned dipping his pinky at his ears.
Hijikata Toshirou wanted to knock the shit out of this sadistic duo. They were always trying to kill him for f*ck sake! "You dumbass!"
Then suddenly her pet came in sight. It immediately went to its cute owner. "Sadaharu!" she hugged the giant dog happily nuzzling at its thick fur. "I was worried about you, I'm glad you're okay" the dog replied with an adorable woof.
She glanced at her surroundings. She was looking at her employer. He wasn't in the vicinity. Where did that crazy stalker went? She wanted to get her pay for cleaning the tax robbers' compound.
"Oi, have you seen the gorilla?" they all turned to her.
"Why are you looking for Kondo-san?" Okita Sougo inquired.
"I just want to get my hard earned pay from him and leave this ugly place to have my beauty rest at home-aru" she replied
"As if you have a beauty." He scoffed as he went approaching her. "And who said you could go home already. I'm not finished with you yet"
Arggh! The sadist hadn't forgot how she had beaten him before. Usually, whether she liked it or not she had somehow enjoyed fighting him but she didn't felt like that now. "Back off Sadist! I'm tired. I want to go home" she made a move to leave but her arm was grabbed by Okita Sougo. She was taken aback.
They eyed each other for a moment.
And then in a second, that was it. Their typical brawl began.
Hijikata and Gintoki watched the two. They were already used at their seemingly unending fights. Like they're the one to talk.
Kagura and Okita Sougo were punching, kicking and blasting each other. That's how he liked it. China was just easy to provoke. He enjoyed their rivalry though she always won at the end. But he would rather murder Hijikata bastard than to admit it to himself.
Then out of a sudden, no one knew what actually happened. They were just fighting and now everybody around could see she was lying on the ground. He was on top of her. His right palm was positioned in her breast, well if she had something such as that.
Her eyes widened. DID THE SADIST JUST GROPED HER?
Sougo could feel that this time, it's different. China as cliché as it seemed was still a girl and he was a guy.
All of the men around gaped. They knew something brutal was about to happen at the First Division Captain.
Okita stood up. "Chi..na, I didn't do it on purpose." For the first time in their fight, he felt anxious. He didn't really do it on purpose. They were trashing at one another and he didn't know how his hands had landed on her flat or maybe there was something growing around her chest area. It was something (ahem) soft.
Strands of her hair were covering her sea blue eyes. Everyone could feel the tension. It was like a scene of a poor new recruit marine was cornered by the frightening pirate Whitebeard. Shiroyasha thought.
Gintoki wanted to reprimand the boy for touching his daughter. But he knew it was just an accident. He was watching the whole scene after all. He could understand his situation because it happened also to him when he had accidentally groped that drunk terminator of Yoshiwara. But deep inside him, he thought that all the trouble he faced after that puff-puff moment was worth it. Tsukuyo had the best figure. Hey, someone smack him already for even thinking of that horror. But going back to the subject, definitely no one in their right mind would risk experiencing the wrath of his flat chested daughter by groping her, he thought it wasn't worth it. She's again a flat and a kid.
The yorozuya boss opened his mouth to sooth her. "Kagura-chan calm down. It was just an accident" Sougo's face lit up. Danna understood him.
But Kagura was still emitting an aura of a demon who was about to slaughter anything in sight. No one can placate her anymore. Even her precious crap of a sukonbu.
"Well, accident or not, he still groped the girl" Hijikata bastard! He could say that because he hasn't experience being beating to pulp at ACCIDENTALLY groping someone. Much more of female in the same breed as Kagura and Tsukuyo. You couldn't see the world clearly anymore after that.
Kagura was slowly approaching. There was a sudden gush of cold wind passed. In a blink of an eye she summoned all her Yato powers in a single blow crushing the sadistic pervert's face.
Along with the stupid perm head not to mention, the unsuspecting demon vice commander wasn't spared too.
They felt like their soul was about to go la la la land.
"Why am I..included too?" Hijikata struggled to form his word.
Kondo Isao who had just suddenly appeared in the scene, after he had released whatever crap inside him in the toilet, was also crushed between the ground and a three grown-up adults sandwiching him.
"Toshi, how about me..I was just an innocent passerby."
The four samurai blacked out.
Placing her parasol to protect her from the sunset rays, she walked away with her pet. "Let's go Sadaharu"
Shinpachi and his Shinsengumi version sighed.
"Concurrent four counts of knock-out" Saito's placard ended the show.
..
-To be continued.
..
A/N: For those fans of One Piece, you already know the reference. I really enjoyed writing that. One Park is a parody of One Piece, Gintoki had used it before. Thriller Biece was actually Thriller Bark. Graveline is Grandline. And Whitebeard, a character in One Piece was one of the strongest pirate but he had died unfortunately. I really love One Piece, it's one of my top three favorite Animes along with Gintama and Detective Conan.
-Reviews Please. ^_^
