Cecila Howard you have… 1 New Text Message

From Alex:

Re: Bng BANISHED. Can u belve my rents fnlly flipped thyr lids? How cld thy take my pspt! FL ttly sucks n i swr the grls r impssble to get along w. Prob b/c L. cnt keep It in his pnts. i HATE it hre. Hows Ibiza? Is B. thre? Plse txt bck im DYING!

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Alexandria Bass you have… 2 New Text Messages

From CeCe:

A. stp bng so drmatic! U did thrw that prty n th yacht aftr ur dad spcifcly said no. i mn, the C.G. WAS called! FL isnt tht bd—did u go c N. lk i tld u 2? Shes gr8! Or did L. alrdy sleep w her 2? U brthr is such a ahole. Ibizas awsme! B. is hre but w sme scank- n wrth ur time. 3 u! C.

From Resident Evil:

Alex stop being such a bitchy buzzkill. I know youre all pissed b/c u cant shove ur tongue down Brandons throat but ur ruining the whole trip. BTW im going to need the twnhse 2 myself tonight so stop being a loser and find a friend. PS. m&d love me more. Just thgt u should be remmded 1 more time.

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Liam Bass you have… 4 New Text Messages

From A. Annoyance:

i HATE u!

From Brown Hair/Green Eyes:

R we still on fr 2night? Txt me the add. if yes

From Mom:

Liam call me when you get this. ASAP. We need to talk about the credit card bill. Honestly. 4 chocolate fountains? What are you two doing? ASAP young man!

From Blond Hair/Blue Eyes:

hey sxy! am I still cming over? LOL call me!

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Natalie Ramage you have… 1 New Voicemail

"Hey this is Natalie! Sorry I missed your call but I'm probably on the boat. Leave a message and I'll get back to you as soon as I have service." Beep.

"Hello, this is awkward because I'm really not sure if this is the right number. This is Alex Bass, Cece's cousin. Cece Howard? Anyway she told me to call you while I was here, in West Palm that is. The thing is that my asshole of a brother has decided our parents' townhouse is a brothel so I plan to get as drunk as possible and then walk in at the worst possible moment. Cece say's you're 'awesome' and I was looking for some company – just thought I'd ask. Humiliation is much more lasting with two people. I'll be at the Empire Bar in Midtown if you're interested. Oh, this is a message for Natalie."

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Chuck Bass you have… 1 New Voicemail

"This is Chuck Bass. I'm unable to take your call, but if you leave your name, number, and a brief message, my secretary or I will get back to you." Beep.

"Chuck your kids are out of control! Did you see the bill that William forwarded to us—what the fuck were they doing with that much melted chocolate? And don't try to make this into some sick sexual prowess father/son pride bullshit. Because I'm sure the hellion that you call a daughter was in on this too!

"And don't start about how the kids are mine when they're behaving and yours when they act like this, because I'm telling you right now Chuck, I never did anything with a chocolate fountain. Except for that one time but that was a special occasion! And will you stop sending me pictures of last night! I was there, I don't need a play by play it's distracting. And I don't even want to know how you managed to take them without me noticing!

"Call your children and discuss this Chuck. The fountains, not last night! I always have to be the bad guy while you get to be the cool laid back favorite. Well no more! No more sex until this is dealt with! I mean it!"

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Liam Bass you have… 1 New Voicemail

"It's Liam, you know what to do. If this is Stacy, the restraining order I filed is still in effect. And if this is Dean, dude you're a dumbass, Florida is so much better than fucking Spain." Beep.

"Liam it's your father. We need to talk about (what was it Renee? No I have the message but I didn't… I realize this is important… there's too much crap on my desk, oh here) we need to talk about this chocolate fountain situation. I'm not sure what exactly you were doing, and I'm not sure I want particulars, but there is no reason to purchase, or even rent, four of those things.

"I'll tell you something son, excess is a wonderful thing but it should be done in good taste. Four dessert fountains is a bit of an overindulgence. So… think about that. Your mother and I miss you and your sister, I hope everything's alright. I know you two were disappointed about not being able to go to Spain with your friends but honestly Liam, the Coast Guard? And don't think I didn't notice that the scotch was watered down. I've told you a hundred times, if you want scotch you go out and buy it yourself, you don't steal. Especially not from me. See you next week. Love you kid."