A.N. Ok, so... no one reviewed... but stubborn as I am I'm gonna keep uploading for a while and if ya don't review by the third chapter... well, I'll get the point... Here's the first chapter, like I promised - in third person. It's short, but they'll get longer...

Oh, yeah, and the song is Linkin Park's With you. Kami, I miss their old style... Anyway: Enjoy! :)

Chapter 1 - Breakdown

Iruka awoke with a jolt, but without a sound – he just opened his eyes, his breath coming out sharply. He just lay in his bed, looking at the ceiling. He didn't feel the need to look beside him, to even feel the empty sheets with his hands… He knew he was alone. He was always alone in the morning. But right now the silence was killing him…

"Play", he said hoarsely. Nothing happened. He cleared his throat and tried again. "Play!"

He knew he made it this time – a soft clicking sound could be heard, the audio system picking the last played song. He had paid a lot for that. Partially because he was a music maniac, but other than that… he felt, and a lot more recently, the need to talk to something that actually reacts to his voice, almost like his voice mattered. The song, one of his favorites, filled the room with a crystal sound.

"I woke up in a dream today
To the cold of the static, and put my cold feet on the floor
Forgot all about yesterday
Remembering I'm pretending to be where I'm not anymore
"

Iruka stood from his bed, ironically experiencing quite what the song said – his bare feet touching the cold wooden floor. If only he could forget about yesterday… If only he could stop pretending…

He went to the kitchen to make some much needed coffee. His body was sore. He could almost feel him, almost like he was still moving inside him. He hated it in the morning. He hated himself. He hated the pain… He needed…. He needed…

"A little taste of hypocrisy
And I'm left in the wake of the mistake, slow to react
Even though you're so close to me
You're still so distant, and I can't bring you back
"

"Damn it…"

Why was that song… so true? Why was… Why was he continuing his acting? Why was he doing that to himself?

He knew it would be like that, from the beginning he knew. Lay down. Open your legs. Spread them wider. Do as I say. Now scream like the whore you are…

No feelings. Nothing. His body was only a tool for him.

But it wasn't like that for Iruka. It has never been…

He woke up again, this time from his stupor, and realized a few things at the same time – his coffee was boiling, making a mess; he was bent over the sink, a knife in his hand, holding it over the other wrist; he was silently crying.

He dropped the knife in the sink, then moved shakily. He reached the phone. Hands still shaking, he dialed the first number he remembered. He got a reply soon.

"Ko...Kotetsu?", his voice cracked. "I… need help."

"It's true
The way I feel
Was promised by your face
The sound of your voice
Painted on my memories
Even if you're not with me
I'm with you
"