"Oh, this is SO messed up!" Pippin sobbed.

"Yeah...I guess we overdid it," Merry joined in. "Again."

"Guys! Guys!" Frodo reminded. "This is NOT the way to go! We are the hobbits! We destroyed - or WILL destroy - the One Ring of Power, right? If we can do that - we can do anything, right, Sam?"

"Of course, Mr. Frodo," Sam replied.

"What we need to do now, before the whole of Middle-Earth gets turned into Middle-Space," Frodo declared. "Is to make plans - and kill her."

And then each of the hobbits' eyes went derped like psycho Pinkamena Diane Pie.

"Great idea...Frodo, get the traps. Merry, get the lasers. Pippin, get the dynamites. I'll take the guns..."

•••

"Hey, hobbits!" Rosemary greeted, as she came to join them for tea. "Beautiful day, is it not?"

"Yeah...beautiful," Merry commented. "Such as yourself."

"Oh thank you!" Rosemary said. "Bitch."

Merry rolled his eyes, before giving Frodo a wink.

"Uh...Mary-Sue?" he asked.

"Yeah? I'm all ears, Merry-Sue!" Mary-Sue laughed, cheerfully. She didn't even notice how offended the hobbit was when he heard her call him that pet-name, let alone suspicious about what was to happen next.

Meanwhile, as Merry distracted her, Pippin and Sam were already tipping the contents of posion bags into the tea-cup she was supposed to drink.

"Oh, gee! I'm thirsty as hell, Merry-Sue!" Rosemary smiled, her pretty language soaring above her pretty face.

"Hell is thirsty?" Merry groaned.

But without knowing it, Rosemary drank the poisoned tea!

Immediately, she made a strangling noise, and started burning to flames. White lasers shot out of her, and soon her whole body turned to white ash. And out of the ash, another girl far more beautiful and perfect than Rosemary appeared. She was uh...almost like an angel.

"You gave me poison!" she accused, pointing a nasty finger at Merry.

"No, I didn't," Merry said, truthfully. Of course, he didn't. Pippin and Sam did. "Oh look at the time! I gotta go..uh..."

He shot a look at his friends, for ideas. "I don't know - kill a bear?"

"Alright then!" Mary-Sue giggled. "Bye, Merry-Sue!"

Merry groaned, behind gritted teeth, "I'll show YOU who's Merry-Sue alright!"

"Ugh..we NEARLY killed her!" Pippin complained.

"Stop your whinging like a little hobbit," Sam groaned. "I'm sure we'll do it this time, right, Mister Frodo?"

"Absolutely, Sam," Frodo replied. "It'll work alright...It WILL WORK."

"Hi, Legolas!" Rosemary cried out. "How's it going? Do you like that greeting?"

"Sure, it's awesome," a voice from around the corner replied.

"That doesn't sound like Legolas," Rosemary thought to herself. She tiptoed around the same dark corner, curious. "Hello!"

The shout echoed all over the alleyway. "H-Hello?" she asked.

"Over here, sugar babe," the unseen voice said again, imitating Legolas' voice. However, it was fairly spooky, and sent shivers up Rosemary's voice.

Rosemary wiped her sweating forehead. "I am Mary-Sue!" she declared, fearlessly. "I do not fear you!"

"Sure you don't," the voice answered. "I'm Legolas - your Legolas."

"No, you aren't! You're an impersonator - and me, in my magnificence and glory, will strike you down! Prepare, ghoul, to meet your doom!" Rosemary cried out, her voice a little shaky.

"You'd dare?" the voice asked. And then from the shadows, appeared Frodo, Sam, Merry and Pippin - with their swords (and Frodo with Sting).

And KABOOM! There went Mary-Sue's head. Exploding when Pippin and Merry put dynamites down her dress. SQUELCH! Went her heart when Sting pierced through it. AAAARGHH! And that was her scream when the hobbits grabbed her organs and plucked them out, throwing them all over the rough stone ground. At last, Rosemary's eyes shut tight.

"She's dead! We've done it! The Ring - I mean, Mary-Sue is gone!" Frodo cried out, dancing around in joy.

The hobbits joked and laughed, before realizing they were serial killers. But they just said it was okay, since what they were doing was for Middle Earth.

But little did they know - it was far from being over. There was Gaygolas to take care of. And besides, when Rosemary Sue Jaqueline becomes the founder of a new cult the "Mary-Sues," Middle Earth's problems went from bad to worse.

...Hmm...no references. Well, there's ONE reference - but I think y'all won't find it. Oh well, hehe.