Author's Note: Well, I changed the rating to M! This fic will contain violence and strong language and sexy scenes, so I thought it was safer if I labeled it this way. Enjoy! Just a warning, there is a sexy scene in this chapter! It comes after a break, so skip over the break in the chapter if you don't want to read it.
The next morning, we received a surprise visit from Kimiku, who had stopped by for the day with her husband, her belly protruding from underneath her kimono. She was six months pregnant and had gotten chubbier since I last saw her over three years ago. She immediately ran to hug me, squishing my face against her chest and crying in happiness. She had received news about my upcoming marriage interviews and had come to offer me advice and formally introduce me to her husband, Tsukiyama Shin, for the very first time. He was a kind man, with a gentle disposition and good-mannered. He treated Kimiku with respect and was a pleasure to have in the house.
After he and my parents had gone out to tour the garden together, Kimiku excitedly sat me down in the tea room, handing me a cup of hot tea. I gratefully accepted it, forcing a smile knowing she had prepared some advice beforehand just for me. I didn't want to talk about marriage at all, much less about marriage to men I didn't even love. We chatted casually with one another and I purposely did all I could to avoid the topic. However, I knew it would only work for so long.
"I'm so excited for you!" Kimiku said, grabbing my hand. "Aren't you excited to finally get married? I remember when we were younger and we would talk about a day like this. I'm married and pregnant! I didn't expect to love Shin like I do now. I want you to have the same happiness."
I laughed. "I remember that, too. Back then, I used to believe in happy endings, but now..."
Kimiku was stunned by my words. "What? Ayako, what are you saying?"
"Kimiku, I don't want to get married to Taira or Takahashi," I confessed. "I'm in love with someone else."
Kimiku gaped at me. "Eh?! Are you serious? Who is it?"
I shook my head, not wanting to say. If she found out I was madly in love with a samurai, a member of the Shinsengumi at that, she would laugh at me. Not only that, I doubt she would understand why I loved him, seeing as she was right there to witness Souji killing a man a while back. If she found out Souji was the one I had been seeing for the past three years, she would think I was crazy, especially since I had not told a single soul about the forbidden relationship we had been carrying out. If anyone were to find out, he would be killed. I had no doubt about it.
"Kimiku," I spoke, "I'm sorry, but I don't want to talk about getting married. You may be happy with Shin, but I know I could never be happy if I married someone who Mother and Father arranged me to."
"Aya-chan." Kimiku sympathetically laid a hand on mine, noting how pained I looked. "I didn't know you were in love. Is he a noble, too? Do I know him?"
"You might not remember since it was so long ago," I said. "But we've been together for the past three years. I don't want to marry anybody but him."
"Then tell Auntie and Uncle," she urged. "They'll understand."
"No, they won't," I firmly stated. "Nobody would understand. Mother and Father only care about acquiring more money and influence, don't you know? Brother does whatever he wants and they don't say a thing. But I don't have a voice, Kimiku. I've been trapped here for twenty-one years and treated like a puppet and having my strings fiddled with. I can't do this any longer."
I stood up, brushing the tears from my face as I paced over to the window. Mother and Father were standing underneath the shade of the cherry blossom tree, conversing with Shin with bigger smiles on their faces than they ever had when they were with me. My parents did love me, and I loved them, but the way they showed their love for me was harsh and unbearable. While my brother could stay and go as he pleased, and brought home different women he liked, I was forbidden from meeting any boys or leaving the house without strict supervision by either my brother or my parents.
All of the pain I had felt over the years piled onto me at once. The tears wouldn't stop, no matter how hard I tried to hold them back. Kimiku rushed over to my side, hugging me, her round belly uncomfortably pressing against my own. Not knowing how to respond, she held me like she would a child, except I was taller than her so she had to reach up to stroke my hair. Her efforts to soothe me were in vain, and the more I thought about my impending doom, the more I cried. When my parents and Shin returned to the house, I rushed to my room and Kimiku made an excuse that I was feeling sick and had gone to the bathroom.
I sat down in my bedroom and stared out the window at the forest, remembering how just last night, I had been there with Souji in the shack. I longed to be in his arms once again. The only time I was truly happy was when I was with him. Just doing simple things like talking or even just sitting with him made everything seem like it would get better, when I know it wouldn't. At first my attraction to him had been purely sexual, but eventually I found myself falling deeper and deeper in love with him. Instead of meeting up once every two weeks to make love, we began seeing one another more frequently, sometimes just to converse about everyday things. Gradually we developed a close friendship and began to confide in one another about our experiences.
Now, three years into our relationship, we met three times a week - on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Saturdays, we would roam out to our meeting place at eleven at night. I would leave the house and he would steal away from his patrol so we could spend a few hours of our day with one another. In reality, Souji was just as forbidden from seeing anyone as I was. Yet, he always behaved so carefree, so unconcerned that I sometimes forgot that sneaking out to see me was punishable by death.
I moved to sit by the window and gazed longingly out at the forest, wishing Souji would come to my window and whisk me away from this horrid place. Perhaps I really should run away with him, like he had suggested. Maybe one day I should pack up a bag and set up, never to return. The thought of running away appealed to me more and more as I thought about it. I wanted nothing more than to leave this place while I still had the chance to. Once I got married, there was no escape. I would be confined to my husband's home for the rest of my life.
I brushed the tears away from my face as I recalled the previous night. He had recommended running away together, though I knew Souji could not commit to something like that. He loved the Shinsengumi and Isami Kondou far too much to give up his position to be with me. If he didn't run with me, what would I do? I would have to go alone, then, wouldn't I? But where would I go? There was only so far I could travel alone on foot without getting recognized or attacked... or even worse, killed.
I heard my Mother and Father's voices and stole out to the hallway and into the bathroom, where I washed my face, making myself presentable. I emerged as if nothing had even happened, returning to the tea room where everyone was having lunch. Putting on my best smile, I seated myself at the edge of the table. On the bright side, it was only a few hours until I could see him again.
Upon her own request, Kimiku ended up rooming with me and laid a futon beside my own on the floor. Horrified by this turn of events, I played along with it, pretending to be fast asleep in bed when I really was lying there, wide-awake and anxious as I could ever be. As soon as I began to hear her soft snores, I stuffed the pillows underneath the sheets, quietly apologizing to Kimiku as I hoisted myself out the window, sneaking out into the forest as quickly and silently as I could.
I followed the usual path and found the door open slightly, entering and lighting the lamp as I shut the door. Souji smiled from where he sat by the shelf.
"You look happy today," I commented as I walked over to him, taking a seat in front of him.
"I might," he spoke, uncrossing his arms, "but you don't."
"I don't what?"
"You don't look happy."
"Don't be silly," I said, scooting closer to him to stare into his eyes. He chuckled, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me onto his lap. Hugging him around the neck, I planted a feathery kiss to his lips, gasping when he immediately licked me as soon as I withdrew. "Souji!"
He flicked his tongue over my cheek, grinning when I scolded him for acting in such a manner. I couldn't help but laugh, my heart swelling up with an immeasurable warmth as he affectionately cupped my chin, running his thumb across my cheek. "You smiled."
"Did I?"
Souji must have noticed my slightly swollen eyes because he had attempted to console me, albeit in his own strange way. I smiled gratefully, just for him.
"Thank you, Souji," I murmured.
"For what?" he asked, feigning ignorance. I giggled, unable to hold back my sudden overwhelming happiness. Due to his outwardly rash and violent personality, concealing the selfless heart he had underneath was quite easy. I knew first-hand just how far he was willing to go to prevent anyone from discovering his secret.
A few months after we had started to see one another, I had found out Souji had been sneaking from his duties to play with the children at the temple and had praised him for it. He had become so alarmed by me praising his kind heart that he threatened to kill me if I didn't stop. Even when he drew his sword and brought the tip of the blade to my throat, I failed to be afraid of him, pushing the weapon away and embracing him. I begged for him to share his feelings and burdens with me, wanting to be able to do more for him as someone who genuinely cared for him.
From that point on, we truly began to love one another, flaws and all, though it was difficult to get close to him. He had a habit of pushing people away before they could become too close to him, fearing that he would break their trust or get too attached to them. Countless times I had been pushed away from him - if I tried to console him in difficult times he would accuse me of pitying him, or if I ever showed him too much affection he would think I was faking it. Souji found it difficult to trust and love, and I experienced it first-hand.
It took a full year and a half before he finally told me he had loved me too, after having received silence as a response for so long. The first time he told me he loved me, I had cried so much that he was threatening to kill me if I didn't stop, but I knew he was just kidding from the gentleness in his voice.
However, in spite of all of the ups and downs of our relationship and all of our similarities and differences, the fact we loved one another unconditionally was undeniable. Whenever he would go off on a mission for several weeks or even months, I found it difficult to function, yearning and aching to see him. Whenever he would come back, he would always have something for me to make up for our time apart.
The Souji I knew now was much different from the one from before. Some attributes still remained, though, such as his reluctance to admit he was in actuality, more caring than anyone I had ever known. Even now, his selflessness showed - he had tried to cheer me up when I was down, even when I pretended like I was fine.
Mature scene starts here and ends after the break.
"Souji," I called, caressing his face as I gazed lovingly at him. "Tonight, can we...?"
He merely smiled. "We haven't done that for a month already, you know? I was starting to get impatient, wondering when you were going to ask." He loosened the obi holding his coat together, my heart racing in my chest as he shifted our positions, leaning over me as he undid the sash of my kimono.
Though we had done it countless times before, I never failed to get embarrassed about it. As Souji slipped off his top, exposing his toned muscles, I felt heat rush instantly to my face. He scolded me for being so shy, reaching down to gently stroke me underneath my clothing. I gasped, clinging on to his shoulders as he opened my top with his other hand, his lips immediately latching onto the sensitive skin of my neck. I cried out in surprise, my chest rising as he gave me body-numbing pleasure in two different places.
"Hm? Already so wet, Aya-chan," he purred, his fingers diving past my panties and coming in contact with my sensitive bundle of nerves.
"Don't stop," I sighed, my cheeks flushed as he provided me with what I needed most. I ran my hands all over his smooth body, kissing him passionately as he pinched my clitoris, kneading it between his fingers. I bit my lip to suppress the moan threatening to burst from my throat, Souji's teeth sinking into my shoulder as he sucked loudly on the skin.
I breathed in sharply as he impatiently tore my clothing from my body, leaving me nude under him. His mouth attacked my breast, sucking on my already erect nipples, his tongue relentlessly circling around them. He firmly grasped my other in his hand, squeezing and tugging at it, eliciting quiet sighs from deep within my throat. His fingers had not ceased their teasing and were now tracing along my entrance, drawing circular shapes across as I felt myself get wetter by the second.
I moaned when I felt his finger enter me, easily sliding in before coming back out, a second finger accompanying its journey back inside. Overcome by this sudden sensation, I stopped kissing him, tossing my head back onto the ground, my grip tightening on his broad shoulders as he expertly maneuvered his digits in and out, before ultimately adding a third. Now, as he plunged into my entrance, before he withdrew he would curl his fingers, trying to get me to reach my climax as fast as he could. He was doing so at a relentless speed, his fingers gliding in and out and in and out as I pinched my eyes shut, unable to restrain my cries. I had forgotten how good Souji was with hands in the month we had not touched one another.
At last I had released, my fluids covering his hand, Souji bringing his three soaked fingers to his mouth and lapping the evidence of my climax clean off. He then proceeded to slip out of his hakama, his protruding cock coming into my line of sight. He almost immediately guided his arousal into my awaiting entrance, filling me to the brim instantly. He thrust his hips against mine, hitting deeper and deeper each time.
"Souji!" I exclaimed as he pounded into me, leaning down to bite my neck as he squeezed my ass in his greedy hands. "H-harder..."
He obeyed my every command, picking up his strength and speed, screwing me absolutely senseless. "Ayako," he called as he climaxed inside of me. Panting, he turned me onto my hands and knees, entering into me from behind and draping his body over my own. I clamped a hand over my mouth to hold in my scream as he groaned quietly, moving his hips, his skin smacking against my own.
"Not so loud," he reminded me with a teasing smile, seeing as how I had completely fell apart under his ministrations. I cushioned my head with my arms as I raised my backside at a sharper angle, allowing deeper penetration. I reduced my cries to almost inaudible pants, unable to fathom the amount of pleasure he was giving me.
We made love for another hour before finally retiring for the night, having made up for the month we had remained dormant. Souji dressed himself, then me, patting my head affectionately as he pecked me on the forehead.
Mature scene ends here.
"I love you," I whispered, bringing him into my arms.
"I love you too, Ayako-chan," he mumbled tiredly, resting his head against my chest. We stayed like that for a while before I decided it was best to bring up my sentiments about running away.
"Souji, I've given it a lot of thought," I mused. "I think I'm going to do as you say and run away from home. I can't take it."
He sat up, stunned. "What?"
"I can't stay at the estate any more," I stated. "My marriage interview is set for a few days from now, on the weekend. I can't go through with this. One way or another, I'm going to end up married to one of the two of them unless I do something about it. There's no other option but to run away."
Souji shook his head at me. "No, you can't. I was kidding about it before. You can't run away from home, Ayako."
"Why not? Do you want me to get married?" I demanded. "If I stay, I'll be trapped for the rest of my life."
"Of course I don't want you marrying someone else," Souji replied. "But running away is too dangerous. You can still convince your parents to give you more time."
"No, Souji. You know how they are. I'll get into some serious trouble if I ever decide to speak up," I said. "I think I'll leave Friday night. So I have today and tomorrow to plan this. I'm leaving regardless of whether you come with me or not."
"I told you not to go," Souji retorted in irritation. "Stay at home."
"Why are you so adamant for me to stay at home?" I inquired, feeling hurt. "You suggested running in the first place. I don't want to be married. I really don't, Souji. I'd rather die than be forced to marry and spend what's left of my life with someone I don't even love. I love you, and I would marry only you."
He studied my heartfelt face for a few seconds before finally giving in, sighing in defeat. "Idiot, don't look at me like I want you to marry another man," he commented. "Do you really think I would let that happen?"
I was confused by his actions. "Then... why?"
"It's too dangerous for you to run off by yourself. I would never let you do that, especially since you can't fight," he sighed, closing his eyes and scratching his head. "Well, it looks like I have no choice, then. I really didn't want to do this, but if it saves you from getting married I'll do it."
I was almost afraid to ask. "Do what?"
He grinned at me, tilting his head to the side. "Kill the fatass and the mommy's boy. That way I can buy you some more time, right?"
I was incredulous. "Souji!"
Holding his hands up in defeat, he reached over to mess with my hair. "I was only joking, Aya-chan, don't get so worked up. Don't worry, I have an idea. For now, just wait. I'll come for you."
Placing all of my trust in him, I held his hands tightly, nodding my head. "I trust you. I'll wait for you."
After that, I returned home, crawling in through my window, landing with a gentle thud on the ground. I removed the pillows from my bed, about to head to sleep when I realized with a start that Kimiku was sitting up in her bed, looking right at me.
"Aya-chan, where have you been?"
