When Arthur got back to the house, he went straight to his room and locked the door. Fritz, just as he promised, made up some story to explain why Arthur ran off, and why his forehead was cut open. Uther didn't seem to care one way or another.
Arthur didn't leave his room for days. He spent hours just curled up in the corner, or on the windowsill, staring into nothing. Morgana noticed after a day or two, and started bringing him food, which he would only pick at before leaving it to the mice or mold. Morgana asked him what was wrong after the fourth day, but let up when he didn't answer. She hadn't asked since.
It was a beautiful days, one of the first sunny days for as long as Arthur could remember. Arthur found himself wandering through the house again. He had nowhere to go off to now, nothing to do, so he was back to sitting on the stairs or wandering through the house. It was different than before, though. The house had been surrounded by boredom then. Now it felt sinister. The people who were constantly coming to and from the grounds sickened Arthur. He was barely managing to keep himself together. He wanted to scream, or cry. He wanted all those disgusting soldiers gone, he wanted to burn the house to ground, he wanted to kill Father. Wandering around numbly seemed the only option left to him.
Arthur made his way down to the kitchen that morning, having stopped relying on Morgana for all his meals. He poked his head over the railing on the stairs, checking to see if the hallway was clear. Lately, Arthur had been doing everything he could to avoid the soldiers and his father. Luckily for him, the hallway was empty. He hurried down the hallway, then propped open the kitchen door slightly, peering into the room to check for any soldiers, especially Fritz. From what Arthur could see, the room was empty, so he opened the door and slipped inside. His heart stopped.
In the corner, which Arthur had not been able to see from the doorway, stood a thin boy dressed in blue and white stripes, and Fritz, who was leaning back against the wall lazily, his gun grasped firmly in his right hand. The boy stood huddled over one of the countertops as he appeared the be polishing something. He shook as he worked, but Fritz didn't seem to notice (or simply didn't care).
"Arthur!" Fritz shouted, noticing him standing in the doorway. The thin boy froze, turning his head slightly to peer at Arthur.
"Get back to work." Fritz yelled harshly, slapping Merlin across the face. It wasn't a particularly hard hit, but Merlin was incredibly weak and staggered back several feet and almost collapsed before catching himself on the counter.
Arthur had the sudden urge to punch Fritz, but clenched his fist and remained still. Any outburst would only hurt Merlin more.
"Can I help you?" Fritz asked after a moment of Arthur standing silently in the doorway.
Arthur couldn't take his eyes off of Merlin. He was shaking even more now, and seemed to be struggling to stand. His legs faltered for a moment, and he dropped a silver spoon before catching himself on the counter again.
Fritz raised his hand as if to slap Merlin again, but this time in his fist was his gun. "You lazy, good-for-nothing…"
"Father wants to see you in his office." Arthur blurted out before really thinking. This was a lie, and Fritz was bound to figure that out quickly. He lowered his arm and turned his focus towards Arthur.
"What for?" He spat.
Arthur shrugged. "Father didn't tell me."
Fritz sighed, then handed his gun to Arthur.
"Watch the boy." He said, then was gone.
Arthur dropped the gun as if it was on fire, desperate to get the hideous thing as far away from him (and Merlin) as possible.
"Oh Merlin" He whispered as he rushed across the kitchen to where Merlin stood and pulled him into his arms.
"Arthur." Merlin breathed before his legs finally gave out and he collapsed. He had somehow gotten even thinner since the last time Arthur had seen him, and he had lost what little color remained in his skin.
"I thought you were dead!" Arthur started to sob as he clung to Merlin. "I thought they burned you. Oh Merlin, they burn everyone. They're burning everyone"
"Shhhh" Merlin murmured. "It's ok. I'm alright."
"I thought I'd never see you again." Arthur whispered, cupping Merlin's thin face in his hands. "I thought I had lost you."
Merlin smiled. "You can't get rid of me that easily.
In that moment, Arthur realised what the months of those strange feelings towards Merlin meant. Without thinking, Arthur leaned down and kissed him.
Merlin shoved Arthur away, stumbling back several steps. He seemed terrified, more so than Arthur had ever seen him look before.
Arthur's head was spinning, he was sure he was going to be sick, or faint. "I-I-I'm s-so sorry." He stuttered. He reached out towards Merlin, who started shaking again.
Before Arthur could do anything else, the sound of footsteps echoed from the hallway. Merlin scrambled back to the counter, while Arthur quickly grabbed the gun from the floor moments before Fritz burst back into the room.
"What the hell Arthur!? You're father didn't need anything, and you made me interrupt his meeting! What…"
"So sorry. Must have misunderstood him. Won't happen again." Arthur mumbled quickly, shoving the gun back at Fritz then running from the room.
Arthur somehow ended up on the floor in Morgana's room. His first instinct had been to lock himself in his room and never come out again, but he was sick of hiding away in his room. He hadn't even been in his room for ten minutes and it was already driving him insane. He couldn't risk showing his face downstairs, the soldiers still made him sick and he was still determined to avoid Father at all costs, plus Merlin would be downstairs, so he decided to go with his only other option. Morgana's room.
It was so strange, sitting on the floor at the foot of the bed with Morgana beside him. They used to be best friends, they would tell eachother everything. Arthur couldn't count the number of nights he ended up on the floor in Morgana's room, or the number of lazy days they spent together just lying on the floor, complaining about silly things and being stupid. Arthur longed for the old days back in Berlin. He'd hardly seen Morgana since they moved to Poland. They rarely talked anymore.
"Are you going tell me what happened?" Morgana asked after several minutes of silence.
"It's a long story." Arthur muttered.
"Well, we've got time." Morgana noted.
Arthur didn't respond, another few moments of silenced passed.
Morgana sighed dramatically. "Spill."
"Fine." Arthur sighed. "I really messed up."
Arthur paused, trying to figure out how to explain everything.
"There's this friend of mine." He continued. "In town." He added quickly.
"Is that where you've been sneaking off to?" Morgana cut in.
"What?"
"Through the back garden?"
"You knew about that?" Arthur asked.
Morgana laughed. "Yes, of course. You are shit at sneaking around. Honestly, Arthur, you're lucky the soldiers are too busy do whatever the hell they do to notice you."
"Oh." Arthur muttered sheepishly.
"Anyway, you were saying about your friend…"
"Yeah, my friend." Arthur said. "Well, I kinda have a crush on this friend."
"Ah. I see." Morgana said, looking somewhat sympathetic. "What's her name?"
"Uh… her name is…" Arthur started. Merlin didn't sound like a girl's name. Shit. What was a good girl's name? "Uh… Lynn."
Morgana looked at him suspiciously. "You sure about that?"
"Yea. Lynn. Her name is definitely Lynn."
"Ok. What's the problem?"
Arthur turned red just thinking about it. "Well…" He stuttered. "I, uh, kissed hi...her. And then she freaked out."
Morgana laughed, which earned her a glare from Arthur. "Sorry. Not funny. Uh… so you kissed her."
"Yep."
"And then she freaked out."
"Yeah."
"Freak out in a good way or…"
"No, I don't think so."
"Did you apologize?"
Arthur looked down at the floor sheepishly. "Kinda… I tried. But then I sorta just ran away."
"Well, you could start there." Morgana said.
"What?"
"Talk to her. Apologize."
"You never know, it could work." Morgana added when she saw Arthur look of doubt.
"I guess I could try it." Arthur shrugged. "Yeah. I'll do that."
Arthur jumped up and started walking towards the door.
"Where are you going?" Morgana asked.
"To go talk to Lynn." Arthur answered.
"It's almost eleven, Arthur. You can't go to town now."
"Town?" He asked. Merlin was just downstairs, he didn't have to go to town.
"Well, that's where Lynn lives."
"Oh. Right. Of course."
Morgana gave Arthur the look she always gives him when she knows he's lying, but she didn't say anything.
"I guess, uh, I'll just go to bed then." Arthur muttered.
"Yeah. That's a good idea."
"Goodnight Morgana."
"Goodnight Arthur."
Arthur slipped silently into the hall, but immediately turned around and went back to Morgana's room.
"Hey Morgana." He whispered.
"Yes Arthur?"
"Can I sleep in here tonight?"
There was no answer. Perhaps she didn't hear him.
"Could I sleep in…"
"Yeah, come on." Morgana cut in. She moved over, leaving some room on the bed for Arthur.
"Goodnight." She muttered.
"Goodnight."
Arthur stood silently in the hallway, peering into the nearly empty kitchen. He could see Merlin through the slightly open door, sitting and working silently (peeling potatoes from the look of it) in the corner like before, though there was no guard this time as far as Arthur could tell. Luckily (or unluckily), Merlin hadn't noticed him yet. Arthur had been rooted to the spot for nearly an hour now, unable to take another step.
That morning, Arthur had gotten up at the crack of dawn. He was determined to find Merlin before anyone else had a chance to wake up, certain that it would be the only chance he'd get to actually talk to Merlin. He successfully crept out of Morgana's room and downstairs without making a sound, only to find a nearly empty house, save for him, Morgana, Father, and a few maids who lived in the servants' quarters in the attic. Merlin didn't actually live at the house, Arthur had figured out. He was brought over with the soldiers to work, but, like the soldiers, he still lived at the camp. Arthur had waited in the front parlour for several hours, watching for the soldiers and Merlin to appear in the front driveway. Of course, when they did, Arthur had lost his nerve and bolted back to his room. It took him two hours to work up the courage to go downstairs again, and twenty minutes to actually leave the staircase. He'd made it all the way to the hallway, and now was stuck.
Arthur no longer had the urge to rip off his own head, though he still couldn't believe what an idiot he had been. He still wanted to rip out all his hair, and was physically unable to step into the kitchen. Everytime he tried, his heart felt like it stopped and he was sure he would pass out. Maybe his heart would stop, then he would die and never have to face Merlin. One could hope.
Morgana's familiar voice sounded from the end of the hall. "Hey Arthur."
Before Arthur could do anything, Morgana walked down the hallway and threw open the door to the kitchen.
"Are you getting breakfast or are you just going to stand there?" She asked. She rolled her eyes, then grabbed Arthur by the arm and dragged him into the kitchen when he didn't answer.
Morgana released Arthur's arm and skipped over to the pantry, leaving Arthur to stand in shock in the middle of the kitchen. Merlin didn't stop working, but gave Arthur a quick, sideways glance.
"What do you want?" Morgana asked, peering into pantry. "We have bread… and… no eggs, no fruit, uh…bread. We have bread."
She grabbed two buns, and had started walking back to Arthur when she noticed Merlin.
"Oh, Hello." She said to him. "Who are you?"
"I'm Merlin." He responded hesitantly.
"What are you doing here?" Morgana asked.
Merlin shrugged. "I was brought from the camp."
Morgana stared down at Merlin for several moments, while Arthur held his breath. He was sure she would scream, or slap Merlin or do something. Arthur knew her hatred for Jews, and was sure it wouldn't take long for her to figure out that Merlin was one.
To his surprise, Morgana didn't say a word, simply turned around and left the kitchen.
Arthur stood awkwardly in the middle of the kitchen for several more moments of silence. He was shaking slightly, but noticed that Merlin was shaking more. For a moment, he forgot his fear and just wanted to protect Merlin.
"Are you ok?" He asked without thinking. Merlin nodded slightly.
"Are you hungry?"
Again, Merlin nodded slightly, as if moving hurt.
Arthur forgot his nerves, and rushed to the pantry, loading his arms with rolls and buns and several loaves of bread (Morgana was right, bread was really all they had at the moment. Guess rations affect even S.S. officers.) He ran back across the kitchen, sitting down in front of Merlin and practically shoving the food at him.
"Eat." Arthur commanded. "You look terrible."
Merlin didn't argue. He started devouring as much bread as he could possibly stuff in his mouth.
"When was the last time you ate?" Arthur asked jokingly.
"Three, maybe four days." Merlin said through a mouthful of bread.
Arthur sat quietly as Merlin finished off the rolls, and the buns, and didn't speak again until Merlin had begun picking at a loaf of bread.
"I… uh, w-w-wanted to apologize." Arthur stuttered. "For yesterday. I was an idiot. I don't know what I was thinking. I should've known you don't think of me that way. I don't know what's wrong with me. I know you don't feel that way about me and I was just hoping that maybe we…"
"That's not why… I didn't…" Merlin mumbled, cutting Arthur off. "It wasn't that I don't feel that way about you."
"What?"
"But It doesn't matter how I feel or how you feel." Merlin said bitterly. "You can't feel that way. Don't you know what they do to people like you?! They'll throw you in the camp, blond hair and blue eyes and all. They don't care! If anyone ever finds out…" He stopped talking, trying to keep from crying.
Arthur reached across the table to take take Merlin's hand in his own, but Merlin jerked away.
"Don't." He warned. "You can't risk getting caught over me."
"You're worth it." Arthur whispered with a grin.
"No!" Merlin nearly screamed. "No one is worth it! You don't know what it's like in there!"
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean…" Arthur said quickly, taken aback by Merlin's sudden anger.
"You have no idea what it's like living in that hell!" Merlin screamed.
"Merlin…"
"I'm dying." He said, barely a whisper, his eyes brimming with tears. "I barely make it through each day as it is. I don't know what I would do if I had to see you suffer, if I lost you too." Arthur had never seen Merlin look so vulnerable.
"Alright." Arthur whispered.
The two sat in the silence for some time, avoiding the other's gaze.
"You should go." Merlin finally said.
Arthur didn't move for a moment. He knew Merlin was right, but he didn't know if he could just give Merlin up so easily.
"Arthur…"
"Can we still be friends?" Arthur asked earnestly.
Merlin smiled. "Yeah."
He extended his hand to Arthur, who took it in his own and shook it.
"Friends." Merlin declared.
"Friends." Arthur agreed.
Several peaceful, boring weeks flew by. Arthur had made a habit of waking up at the crack of dawn, before the rest of the world was awake, and slipping down to the kitchen to grab some food for Merlin. It was always easier to steal when everyone was asleep. Arthur would then get to wait several hours for Merlin to arrive.
Since Merlin had first started working at the house, several others from the camp had joined him. Most were made to work in the gardens surrounding the home, and a few occasionally helped Merlin in the kitchen. Frau Becke, the cook, was torn between being grateful for the extra help the prisoners provided, and nervous about letting jews work in her kitchen. She tolerated Merlin, but was wary of letting anyone else join him. "They might contaminate the food" she insisted.
Arthur kept slipping Merlin throughout the day, but kept his distance for the most part. He hated it, but knew Merlin was right. Arthur had been so caught up in everything he never bothered to figure out what his feelings for Merlin meant, at least, not until now. He'd read about people like him in the endless pamphlets and books his father had him read. He knew the danger he was in, and more importantly, the danger he had put Merlin in. He knew what he was.
Homosexual.
The whole situation was almost laughable. A top S.S. officer with a homosexual son in love with a jew. Arthur probably would laugh, if he wasn't so terrified. Thank god his father seemed to always ignore him, he was barely keeping it together as it was. If his father paid any attention to him, surely Arthur would break.
But his father did ignore him, so Arthur was left spending his days slipping food to Merlin, smiling absently mindedly to hide his panic, and hiding.
