Chapter Two
December 1, 2010 6:00 a.m.
I toss my half-heartedly made sandwich into my oversized backpack and pick up my cell phone. No text messages, it spelled out to me. But at six o'clock in the morning it seemed as if even my phone was mocking me. Of course, no one would text me this early. Not anymore. I threw the phone along with my sandwich and felt my back give in a little as the twenty pound bag arranged itself against my spinous curvature. Ignore me; I have an anatomy test on the skeletal system. I had spent about three hours last night memorizing the textbook in order to dethrone the top grade holder, Angela, and maybe be noticed as the smartest kid in the class. I really have no idea why it matters that they notice me for this feat. If they ask for help I will probably just turn them away anyway. Maybe it's the fact that this is just another class that someone is better than me. I just can't take it anymore. I'm tired of being second best to everyone; I fume as I slam the front door of my house.
I am pathetic, I remind myself as I walk through the dark to the high school. He dumped me for a girl that looks like a nine year old. Her cherubic face and disproportioned teeth smiled back at me as I logged into my Facebook account. Ben Chance is now in a relationship with Samantha Price. My eyes blur at the memory and I roughly swipe at them. Great, now I probably look like a drunken goat. Why am I even worrying about him? Okay, maybe not worrying, but I am definitely pissed at him when I shouldn't be. He dumped me because he moved out of the state. It wasn't like he moved a block and threw eggs at me. I probably would have preferred it then because at least he would have been close enough for me to throttle. But no, he just changed his relationship status and decided to tell me like that. Not that this was the first time I got dumped over Facebook. I think this is the third or fourth, actually. Yeah, nerds can get dates. Well, at least this nerd can. Not that they are anything ever to brag about.
I started dating when I was sixteen. His name was Andy Larsen and he was special to me. When I was fat and ugly and more pathetic than I am now I had the largest crush on him. He was an older man to me, me at the tender age of ten and he at the mature age of eleven. If it wasn't our age that kept us separate it definitely was his attractiveness to my messy blob of Isabella. So when he finally asked me out at the age of sixteen I pretty much swooned and landed in fantasy land. He gave me my first kiss. Something that I was pretty sure would never happen. I even joked to people that it was a sacred vessel and I would probably kiss someone for the first time at the altar. You know how they say when you have your first time you should be in love because you will be eternally in love with the guy and shit? Well that's what happened with me and Andy in a more PG sort of way. He kissed me and took me to the movies. To this day I still cannot tell you what the hell happened in The Princess and the Frog. There may have been a mosquito and I am not entirely sure there was a real princess. My friend, Jane, just hit me I told her that and she hit my again harder when I told her there was children right next to us. Not that they would have been that scarred for life because seriously, I'm pretty sure Cinderella got more action than I did with Andy. Wait, was Cinderella in that movie? Whatever, not the point. Andy dumped me after three blissful weeks when he decided I was too immature and a lot like cling wrap. Whatever.
Jamie was my next endeavor and he was a real winner. High school dropout and he had no idea what he wanted to do after that. Not that I have a problem with high school dropouts. If my parents didn't push me so damn hard I probably would have skipped out on my sixteenth birthday myself. But I did have a problem with how he saw me as a piece of ass quite literally. Jamie was my second real boyfriend. I met his parents and his relatives and he met my mom. He taught me how to kiss correctly and how to give a speedy hand job during the middle school production of The Princess and the Frog. Again, I have no idea what happened in that stupid story. We really didn't have an emotional relationship. He was just out of a two year relationship that nearly broke him and I was the girl who thought I could fix everything. I did fix him. I made him happy. But he sucked the life out of me. We tried to be happy together but we were only happy when our mouths were busy with something other than words. He broke my hymen on his hand when he decided it would be a good job to hit third base on a hill with me standing on an incline. Fuck that shit. I felt bad when I had to end things but, seriously, he broke me on his hand and wanted me to drop out to live with him in his grandparents' basement. I thought only guys did that on television. Or at least were really romantic. Too bad one of his family members that I met works at my grocery store and likes to crush my eggs and bread in her stupid vendetta. Oh, well, at least I got out of that one with my ass still a virgin and everything else, disregarding my poor soft tissue, still pretty damn virginal.
What can I say? I'm a teenager and we tend to screw up a lot.
The most recent guy was Ben Chance and he was different. At least I thought he was. He was smart and courteous and I knew that I was the best he could do at the school. He had a reputation for being a bit of an asshole. And I'm not even going to deny it, he really was an asshole. So why date him? I wanted to get over Jamie and feel something for someone again. We didn't do anything physical. We took things slow. He brought me brownies and Mountain Dew when I told him my parents forbade me from it. Sweet pleasures and they made me happy. I knew it wouldn't last. I knew he was moving. I knew he would move on. So I really don't know why his dumping is such a shock. Probably because I wanted to do it myself. I didn't want to get dumped by an Internet site. I wanted to get dumped by a man. Too bad there are no men in high school.
Alright, inner monologue over. Who's bored? I'm counting about three people in the back sleeping. That's alright. I can handle a smaller crowd anyways, I have stage fright.
December 1, 2010 7:00 am
School sucks. Especially my school. The motto is 'Every Student Will Graduate.' I almost feel a little guilty to be graduating from here. But, what choice do I have? This is where I want to live and this is the only school in the area. So I suck it up every day and walk to school, or prison for the immature. I have a small circle of friends that are generally all after the same thing as me: freedom. We work hard in school because we want out. We don't work hard because we actually like school No, school's a bitch. A big bitch that ate my dog and made a model out of her bones. Yeah, school's just like that.
The difference between me and my friends is I am the louder and more outgoing of the group. Have you ever heard how pretty people surround themselves with less attractive people to raise their own property value? Yeah, well it doesn't really work that way in my…er, clique? We cling away from the stupidity for our own sanity. Too bad for us we have one weak point: me. I'm not going to go into a full on rant about how I am oh so much more different than they are because it really isn't worth it. Here are the facts:
First, I am a colossal nerd.
Second, there is a part of me—and I don't know how dominant that part might be—that desperately wanted to get laid.
And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably confused about how I was going to achieve the second with the first.
Once I dumped Jamie I pledged abstinence but lately I just want to get it over with. I'm going to be in college soon and I don't want to be the loser anymore. I don't know how my virginity will affect that but somehow, some horrible how, it will. But the thing about my town is, the girls can be hot but the guys are generally not. And I'm not being shallow. It's just the way it is. All the good guys have been taken since preschool and there is no room rest for the transfers.
"Isabella!" I pull my headphones out of my ears hastily and am faced with Sammi. She smiles and rearranges the textbooks in her arms dangerously. I hold out my arms for her textbooks and she hugs them close to her chest. "I'm not going to be at lunch today because I have to take a Calculus exam again. Christy scored higher than me, again." I nod bored. She always scores higher and Sammi always goes away during lunch. I don't even expect her to show up most days anymore. Some friendship we have.
"Yeah, sure. It's fine. I have to go study for a test anyways. See you," I mutter as I head to my locker. Today just sucks.
Present Day
I close the laptop and smile. Hopefully he'll read it; I wipe a tear from my eye and nod. He will see it. It will be front page news in town. Not that that will particularly matter. But if you're reading this Edward, it's me Bella. And I think we need to talk. I'll keep writing until you find me. I'm not in love with you. I just think you should know.
A/N: So no reviews but I have some alerts on this so that must mean someone is reading. I'll probably update this story pretty quickly just because I need to because sadly all up to this point all events are only skewed in names. My life is so fricking average I can write fanfiction out of it. You know diaries? Well this is going to be a bit like mine.
