It was raining. Oh big surprise there, right? Jake was still asleep when I woke up, and I had been quiet when I got dressed. My parents just glanced at me as I walked down the stairs and out of my house. They'd gotten used to me coming and going whenever I pleased eventually, even if they didn't like it much. Sometimes I just needed my time to think, without my dad listening in, without my mother wanting to know everything that happened, without Jasper feeling my emotions and 'helping out', without Alice attempting to see my future, and without Rosalie babying me. Carlisle, Esme, and Emmett were the easiest ones to hang out with in my family, besides Alice and Rose. But seriously, Emmett didn't want to talk about anything that was going on. He just wanted to have a good time and be happy. That always made me happier too, to just pretend that there was nothing more to the world then the game or practical joke that was going on. And Carlisle and Esme were the perfect grandparents. Esme, so loving, but she always knew when I just needed my space. She never questioned it. Carlisle was good at that too, probably so many years of practice with everyone else in the household. I appreciated what my grandparents gave me the most. Independence from the rest of the world, and from them. Independence was something that I didn't often get my taste of, and something that I yearned for.
But it was also something very frightening. I didn't want complete independence, really. I just wanted some. I wanted to be able to have it when I wanted it, when I needed it. I wanted to have control over it. I knew my parents understood that, but they weren't too eager to give it to me. Just because I was only technically six and half or so years old, and that's exactly what they saw me as, they refused to see me as a teenager. A teenager who was desperate to just break out…and get what she wanted. As I thought about everything I wanted, my mind flew back to Jake. I was running now, to a clearing my parents had spoken of. I knew the way, even though I had never been there before. It was easy to find. I laid down in the grass and looked up at the raining sky for a few minutes. I closed my eyes and let the rain drops fall down on to my face. They felt nice, calming. They almost calmed me as much as Jake did. Jake. Such an amazing person, and he was everything I really wanted. More than independence, more then my parents to stop being overbearing, more than I loved these rain drops on my face. I wanted and needed Jake. His presence, his love, and him. That's all I would ever really need. And it was what I couldn't have. Jake didn't love me like I loved him, he didn't want to kiss me or hold me like that. He didn't yearn for me desperately when he was away. He didn't think about me every second of the day, and every other thought of his didn't revolve around me. It was simple. I had fallen for someone who would never catch me like I needed him to. How sad it was.
I tried to imagine me moving on, finding someone else who I could love as much as I loved Jacob. I tried to think of a different life then the one I lived. I tried to think of adding another member to my already huge family, and making them all suffer while getting used to the new member. I tried my hardest to think of what would in the long run be best for Jake, me, and the rest of the family. But I just couldn't do it. I couldn't bring myself to even imagine falling out of love with Jacob. I knew that it was not really a possibility. I'd be in love with Jacob no matter what happened. Even if he fell in love with someone else who could fill him up with joy like he filled me with. I would be happy for him, even if I hated her. I was reminded of something I had heard once, that you had to let something go if you really loved it. And instantly I knew that if it was what was really best for Jake that I would be able to let him go. Okay, so maybe the freaking out over him being at college wasn't exactly the best example of that, but that was
minor, something that really wasn't going to change his life forever. Jake could go to college anytime. But falling in love, that was something special. If and when it happened to him, I'd let him go. I might never get over him, but I would never interfere if I knew that's what he really wanted and needed. If he needed her like she was his air to breathe, if he needed to be with her every second just to think straight and feel alive, then that's what I would let him do. Because I knew how it felt, and how to be denied to be with them constantly felt as well. I would not let Jacob feel that.
Suddenly the thudding of feet on the ground interrupted my thoughts. My eyes opened for a quick second, but I closed them again as I recognized Jake's walking. Maybe he wouldn't talk, and we could just stay here together in silence for a while. I just wanted to be with him, even if we were just friends. I wanted to be close to him, to have him hold me, and to know that he would at least love me in some way. I felt it as he laid down next to me. His arm brushed my side, and I felt my heart race at the small contact. I bravely scooted closer to his warmth. The rain was cold, after all. There was an excuse to be closer to him, and I wasn't just going to let it slip away. I slid over on to my side and he wrapped his arms around me, pulling me closer to him. I had to remind myself to breathe. Oh and when I did, his scent intoxicated me more than anything else ever had. So nice, so perfect. I inhaled deeply, letting his scent fill me nose and my throat. I didn't know how my family could think that Jacob smelled bad. He smelled amazing to me.
He didn't talk for a long while. I wondered what he thinking about, whether his mind was on me or elsewhere. It was probably elsewhere. I wasn't that interesting after all. I was just his best friend, the one he could tell anything to. The one that would kick anyone's ass if they hurt him. And he had to protect me. Or at least, he thought he had to protect me. He thought he had to be my big brother, to keep me away from the dangerous things and show me the right path. If he only knew what I thought about that. If he only knew what I needed from him.
I needed so much more than he thought.
Jake's POV-
She honestly was so tempting. Yesterday had been amazing, a nice day to catch up with her. To see her again, and to rip my heart out. She was a heartbreaker, easily, and I knew my heart was going to get ripped to shreds in the next few months. By now, Nessie should have been falling for me if she was going to. She should have been showing some signs of wanting me, needing me like I needed her. But she wasn't. She was still acting like we were just best friends who needed each other. Just like Bella and I had so long before, after the Cullen's had left. But this time it was different, because eventually, Nessie was supposed to fall for me. There was no stupid bloodsucker to get in the way this time. There was other soul mate for her. She could choose someone else, but after a lifetime of being with me, why would she change her mind? There was no reason to. Still, that worried me just a little. I hated thinking about it.
It was cold outside, and I didn't know why she had chosen to come out here. I had woken up and she was just gone, so I went downstairs. Edward shrugged and said something about a meadow. I remembered Bella trying to find a meadow forever ago, and so I looked for it. It was so much easier
now, that I could sort of sense where Nessie was. Even when I didn't know exactly where she was, I was drawn to her. And then we ended up like this, laying down next to each other, her wrapped in my arms, in the pouring rain. I breathed her scent in. It was like a natural perfume, better than anything else in the world. She didn't smell like the other bloodsuckers did. She smelled so great.
Honestly, I hated being away from her. Her parents had convinced me to go to college for a while, and the only thing that had convinced me was the whole 'the heart grows fonder with distance' bull shit thing that Alice kept feeding me. Stupid midget was on Nessie's parents' side. It was a good opportunity, but I hated every second of it. And it wasn't even helping Nessie love me. It just made her bored. Ugh. How was that helping anyone's situation? All Bella and Edward got was a bored daughter. Yea, that sounded like fun, right?
And now, they were going to move away from this place. They couldn't possibly stay in Washington any longer, and we all knew it. They were moving to Alaska, this small town named Skagway. I could tell that Bella and Edward wanted me to wait before I moved with them, just a few months so Nessie could get settled by herself…or more like with her family. But I wasn't going to let that happen, unless Nessie didn't want me to come, then I was coming with them. I'd drop everything anytime to be with her, to do what she needed me to do. "Nessie," I said after a while.
"Mhmm," she muttered.
"Did they tell you yet?"
Her head tilted back to look at me. There was a confused look on her face. "Tell me what?" she asked.
"Tell you that you're moving."
Her jaw dropped. Oh shit. Her parents were going to kill me for telling her before they got the chance. I could tell Nessie was searching for words to say."They did not tell me that! Where the hell are we going to go? What about Seth, and Leah! And the other pack! And what about Claire? I can't just leave Claire! And you, what about you? You're coming, right? They can't just leave you here! We need you! I need-," but I cut her off there. I put one of my hands over her mouth and smiled at her.
"Calm down, Ness. Seth wants to come with, but I don't about Leah. And I don't' if your parents are going to let Seth come anyway. The other pack will stay on the reservation, just like they always have. You'll stay in touch with Claire. It's called a phone. And I'm coming as long as you want me to," I explained to her.
She licked my hand and I instinctively pulled it away. She smiled triumphantly ad then frowned again. "We're moving…I've never lived anywhere else…what's it gonna be like?" she asked curiously.
I smiled wider. Good, she wasn't in super upset mode anymore. Nessie was almost as bad as her mom when it came to rambling. Get her started on something, and God, you don't want to be the one who has to calm her down. Actually, I wanted to be the one to calm her down, not that it was easier for me
or anything. Most the time she'd end up getting more upset with me because I was "taking their side" on thing. Gah.
"I don't know what it's going to be like, really. All I know is that we're moving to Alaska."
"Oh," she replied and buried her face against me again.
I rubbed my hand against her back and asked, "Aren't you cold?"
I could feel her chuckle a little bit and I held her tighter. The rain was starting to top now, but it was getting colder and colder. My stomach suddenly growled. She rolled away from me, laughing like hell. "Oh my god, Jake," she managed to say through her giggles.
"Time for lunch," I said rolling my eyes and sitting up.
She calmed herself and sat up too. "You're always hungry. Do you think you could go five hours without eating?" Nessie asked teasingly.
"Probably not," I shrugged.
She giggled again and we stood up. The run back to her grandparents' house was short. Esme was redecorating the living room when we arrived. She always redecorating lately. Honestly, I didn't understand why, we were moving soon and there would be no use for the house. She turned and smiled at us as we walked in. "Hello Jake, Renesme. There's cookie dough in the kitchen, I figured you two might like to try and attempt to bake them. Just ask if you need some help," she smiled, and then turned back to her decorating.
Nessie raised an eyebrow at her grandmother and then shrugged, turning toward the kitchen and prancing off. She had picked up her own version of the way pixie walked. She walked so gracefully, like a ballerina, but at the same time, she sort of floated. It was nice to watch. Even her walk was intoxicating. I followed her into the kitchen like a puppy, no pun intended, and laughed as I saw her face looking at the cookie dough. Esme had made the cookie dough from scratch. No baking directions whatsoever had been left out for us. Nessie brushed a piece of her hair behind her ear and scrunched her face up. "This could be more difficult that I expected," she muttered, probably to herself.
I went over to the cupboard and pulled out two cookie sheets, and then I put them down on the counter. "Just spoon them out a little bit apart on the pan," I suggested. That sounded right.
She turned and glared at me. "I can bake cookies, you big doof."
I rolled my eyes. "Oh, Nessie, you've permanently damaged my ego! How will I ever go on?" I said dramatically, putting a hand over where I thought my heart would be.
Nessie rolled her eyes as she started spooning the dough out. "You know, your heart I actually a little bit lower than where you think it is."
"You're too smart. Stop being smart, it makes me feel stupid. I'm the one who's supposed to be at college," I told her.
She giggled. "Guess it hasn't helped you out much, eh?"
I shrugged. "You know, when we move, I won't be going to college anymore. We'll probably all be in high school again. That's at least what your parents were mostly thinking about."
Nessie smiled at that. "Woo! I get my best friend back."
She stopped spooning the cookie dough to do a little victory dance, but she forgot that there was still dough on the spoon, and it flung off of the spoon and landed on my forehead. She stopped dancing, and her mouth fell open. I thought she was going to scream for a minute, and then she was clutching her stomach, laughing madly. Ah, Nessie's laugh. Such a beautiful sound. It lifted my heart up, even in the worst times. I wiped the cookie dough off of my forehead and flung it back at her. It ended up in her hair. Haha, second person in her family that I'd gotten food in their hair. She stopped laughing and glared at me. "Oh, this means war, Jacob Black."
I grinned widely, "Bring it on, short stuff."
She growled and reached her hand into the bowl of cookie dough, taking a handful and approaching me carefully. The sunlight coming through the window was hitting her just right, and she looked absolutely amazing. Her hair was still damp from the rain, and it was behind her shoulders, cascading down her back. Her eyes were shimmering, more beautiful than I remembered Bella's ever being. Her skin glowed underneath the pale sunlight that this place was actually letting shine through the clouds. Gorgeous wasn't even a good enough word to describe how she looked. For a moment, my breath was taken away. And then cookie dough was seriously all over me.
She had turned quickly and picked up the entire bowl, throwing it's contents at me. "Oh, you did not just do that," I told her, almost growling.
She smiled. "I so totally did."
I sprang, grabbing her into a cookie dough filled. She screeched, she was getting dough all over her clothes. Rosalie and Alice were going to kill me for that. Oh, well. Nessie squirmed. "Hahaha, you don't want hugs anymore, Ness? You always loved hugs," I said, gripping her tighter.
She giggled and screeched a little more, but settled down eventually and hugged me back. "You smell like dough now. I don't like it much," she muttered after a while.
I let out a barking laugh. "You smell like rain…and cookie dough."
I let her go, but she remained hugging me. "I didn't say that I wanted to let go," she told me, hugging me tighter.
I laughed and replaced my arms. "Don't go away anymore, okay?" she muttered.
I nodded. "I won't."
And she seemed happy with that.
Renesme's POV-
We had to clean up the cookie mess, and none of them actually got baked. After that we went home and got presentable, then went out to lunch with Seth. After that, all three of us went back to my house, and did something normal kids would spend an afternoon doing. We played video games. Jake and Seth easily kicked my ass, I sucked at stuff like that. So after I had given up, I made snacks and lounged on the couch, watching the two of their characters fight each other on the screen. I threw a piece of popcorn at each of their heads. "Explain this game to me," I commanded.
"You wouldn't understand anyway," Seth rolled his eyes and said to me.
Jake, however, paused the game and turned slightly to look at me. "The point is to not fall off the most and to get the least amount of damage. The one who manages that in the end of the game wins."
"OH!" I said, finally understanding.
Jake hit play again and I kept on watching. We stayed like that for a long time, until Seth had to leave. And then it was silent for a while, and Jake and I flipped through the TV channels, arguing like we always did about what to watch. My parents came home eventually, and so I started thinking angrily about the fact that my parents had not discussed moving with me. My dad stopped in tracks. "Jacob!" he growled.
I glared at my dad thinking, It wasn't his fault! You're the one who didn't tell me!
My father sighed and came into the living room and sat down in a chair. "Well, obviously you know," he said, glancing over at Jake for a second. "And you've decided that you want Jake to come. Obviously. Oh, and Seth too?"
I nodded. Wow. It was really up to me? "Yes, it is," my dad answered.
That wasn't a question for him, really. "So when are we moving, exactly?" I asked my father.
"In about a week," he said calmly.
I stood up quickly. "A week? A freaking week? When exactly were you going to tell me, when we were on the plane to Alaska?" I shouted.
I shook my head. Dad, get out of my head before I really loose it. And then I stomped to my room. I was glad that at least Jake, the amazing man that he was, had told me about this all. At least he had the
decency…Argh. I sat down on my bed and tried to gather my thoughts, but a knock on the door interrupted me. "If it is my mother or my father, leave me alone," I huffed.
"It's me," Jake said.
"Oh, come in," I sighed.
He opened the door, walked in, and shut it behind him. He walked over to my bed and sat down beside me. "I'm sorry you're so upset."
I shrugged. "It's not your fault."
He sighed. "I have to go to my dorm and get all of my stuff ready to move. I'll probably be gone the night."
"Didn't you just say you wouldn't leave again earlier today?" I snapped back, angry at him now too.
"It's only for the night, Ness."
"I'm coming."
"…If Edwa-," he started, but I cut him off.
"I'm coming."
"Alrighty then," he said. I nodded and turned to look at him. Suddenly I was finding very hard to breathe.
"Jake?" I asked hesitantly.
"Yea?"
I almost told him. I almost confessed my love for him. I almost told him that I wanted him to kiss me and hold me. I almost told him that I needed him forever and ever. But instead, I shrugged and said, "Thank you."
"For what?" he asked, confused.
"For being my best friend," I replied simply, knowing that what I wanted from him really went past that.
