The drive back to my apartment was quiet. Ranger was in his zen mode, and my mind was going 90 miles an hour, as usual. Normally the silence made me uncomfortable, but tonight it was soothing, and allowed me the time to organize my thoughts. Who knew that I could actually do that?

Unfortunately when I allow myself to pull my head out of my ass and think, reality hits me. Bummer.

This evening had been exhausting. My car blowing up, police interviews, Joe and I fighting, Joe and I breaking up, and me now on my way home to be alone.

Alone.

I was truly broken-up, off the hook, alone and the thought terrified me. Was I one of those girls who couldn't be without a boyfriend? That I needed someone around me constantly? I let my mind wander back in time to see if I had established that kind of an unhealthy pattern, you know me, full of unhealthy things.

And the answer surprised me.

It was no.

No I did not have an unhealthy pattern. Unbelieveable. Maybe with Joe, but that's because I was just using him.

Wait.

What?

I was just using him?

Fuck. I was. We didn't really have an established relationship when Ranger came along. We were just kind fuck buddies. And then Ranger...mmmmm.... I just threw myself at Joe, to make Ranger jealous? I don't know. Oh yes, yes I do. I was so deathly afraid of being rejected by my Henry Higgins that I didn't everything to protect myself, even if it meant stringing Joe along the way.

It was easier to settle into a comfortable existence with someone who didn't make me ache, or hurt, or burst or any of those emotions that I was feeling.

It was easier to feel comfortable and safe, then to put my heart on the line.

But in the process, what I was avoiding, I had done to Joe.

Mental sigh. We were going to have to have another chat on of these days so I could apologize for my sorry state of a human being.

"Babe, I can smell something burning." I looked up startled out of my thoughts. We were in the parking lot of the apartment,right next to the front door.

"Unfuckingbelieveable" I muttered as he helped me out of my seat.

He raised his eye brow at me.

"You and your car-ma, hogging it all for the rest."

He just shook his head, and gently led me towards the lobby.

"Let's get you upstairs. It's been quite a day."

Psh, that was the understatement of the year.

You'd think after this point, being at rock bottom and all, that it could only go up from here. Boy was I wrong, and you know why? Because sometime between the lobby and my apartment, I got this hair-brained idea to finally tell Ranger how I feel. I figured at the least he would feel sorry for me after the day I have had and I would at least get some Hot Cuban Ass.

Why do I always come up with the worst ideas whenever I am around him?

I swear its like my brain goes on vacation.

Ugh.

He held me back as we made our way to the door of the apartment, he swept in, mentally clearing my space. His actions made me feel that my decision to tell him was right. He was constantly doing things that showed me he cared.

I waited until he had closed the door behind him, and made his way back to the kitchen where I was waiting with some beer.

He watched me as I downed the whole beer at the same time I uncapped and passed him his. Oops, that was a dead giveaway. Real smooth.

"Liquid courage babe?"

Here goes nothing.

"Ranger, I love you."