Captain America/Steve's POV
In a way, she was just like Peggy. Both were dangerous, uncannily smart, forces to be reckoned with, as the only females on their respective battlefield. But while Peggy respected order more, Natasha was…an order of her own. She lived by her own rules, regardless of what other people thought, posing more of a challenge.
So, when he first saw her on that Heli carrier, he had been intrigued by this unique, powerful agent who had reminded him so much of Peggy. But now? He was way beyond intrigued. They had fought against the Chiaturi – and a god – together. And then, he was moved when she was with him, listening to him as they had realized HYDRA had infiltrated SHIELD and as a result, had grown closer. They could be labeled partners, both professionally and personally. More than once, Natasha had welcomed him to the social culture of 21st century America, and they had gotten a little too close. But he had enjoyed it – their little moments, in the bed or on the field.
But when Ultron had hit, and the Hulk had come back, he couldn't help but feel a little jealous when Bruce started snagging her attention. Knowing Natasha, he knew it was likely that this was probably a temporary thing, being the mysterious flirt she was, but he couldn't help but feel a little jealous. However, being Steve Rogers, he swallowed his pride and teased Banner about it at the party in Stark Tower, and drank his worries away the night of that party. But then the Hulk left, and he had yet to return.
But the biggest hit was the Sokovia Accords. Stupid United Nations and Secretary Ross. Following his beliefs, he had strongly refused to sign them, knowing that this was the bane of his existence – freedom. After all, he was Captain America, wasn't he? He thought that he knew Natasha, knew that she would side with him; after all, they had gone through so much together, and sometimes they didn't even need language to communicate. But she was Natasha, and he shouldn't be surprised. She had her own views, and most likely an ulterior motive, which, he hoped, was something good. So, with a sorrowful glance, she had joined Tony's side, and then a barrier was spawned between them, icy and foreign and too sudden.
Even so, she had comforted him after Peggy's funeral, and they had enjoyed one, last, intimate night together in London, before she left him early in the morning to sign the stupid Accords. He had begged her not to, but Natasha had never swayed on her decisions. She gave him one last kiss, this time on the cheek, and her eyes reflected only a miniscule percentage of sadness– it was unusual for the Black Widow to display any emotion - and walked out the hotel room door.
The divide between the two sides of the team only grew deeper, until it started to turn violent. Not willing to be defeated, he had recruited his old friend Hawkeye, who reluctantly left his peaceful farmhouse life, and Ant-Man, a new phenom he had heard about. Bucky and Falcon were only too eager to be on his side, and Wanda, to his surprise, had chosen to fight on his side, even though she had been wallowing in the grief of her dead brother, Pietro, and obviously had feelings for Vision, who had chosen Tony.
During the preparation for that final battle, where Peggy Carter's niece- who happened to be that nice nurse living across the hall from him – had come? Of course, he was more than grateful for her defying orders to bring them their gear, but kissing him? She was a friend, and he like her for her loyalty, and nothing more. He needed someone who could stand her own ground but at the same time have a shoulder he could lean on. It was hard for him to admit, that he, Captain America, the seemingly strongest, most perfect man, still needed a shoulder to cry on. It was at that moment, that he realized that the title belonged to someone else – not Peggy, since no one could do anything about that, not Sharon, but Natasha.
The showdown at the airport was the worst of all. He was forced to fight his best friends, teammates who had brought him back to thinking life was worth living. He was forced to fight a kid, a teenager – Tony's new recruit, "Spider-man", and he couldn't even bring himself to fight Natasha. In the end, he had acted like a coward; he and Bucky just ran to the jet, and surprisingly made it. Only because, once again, Natasha had saved his butt; the look in her eyes as she said, "Don't make me regret this." It was pained, conflicted, and perhaps, or was it just him hoping – was there a tiny fraction of love – even if it wasn't romantic, like what he felt for her?
Had she switched sides, or had she always been acting as a double agent? Either way, he would never know. Soon after his exhausting three-way fight with Bucky and Tony, he had left the grid. He wandered the world, undercover, growing a beard and turning his hair brown.
But she? She too had disappeared off the grid. Tony, with the size of his pride and his ego, would never forgive her for letting Steve go, and everyone knew that. So, he knew that she fled, and he was desperate to see her again, but he would likely blow his cover, considering the watchful eyes of Tony, HYDRA, and about 10 million other sources, and realizing his minimal talent when it came to technology. And Black Widow, living up to her reputation, would not be found unless she wanted to. So, reluctantly, he stayed in his hole, after dropping off Bucky in Wakanda to return to his cryogenic sleep, and Wanda to her new temporary residence in Scotland, with Vision. For the past 10 months, he and Falcon had been fighting local street thugs in the midst of Saudi Arabia, and life couldn't get any more…normal. Was that the right word?
But normal wasn't longing obsessively over your crush, who happened to be the world's best spy. Normal didn't mean having super soldier serum flowing through your veins. Normal wasn't earning money by catching criminals until you died of boredom. But what else could he do? If he stepped out of his hole…he didn't want to know how many people were mad at him. It was ironic. Captain America, a coward. But it was then when he realized, he wanted something different in his life, different from the life he had for the past 10 months. Maybe something new. Maybe Natasha.
