Chapter 2: Assimilation
Her eyes flit over to the clock hanging right behind me. I count it to be the tenth time in the last ten minutes. To think she's nervous about such a small thing makes me smile into a teacup hanging over my lips.
"So, Hotaru picks her up from school huh?" she asks once more, making me chuckle.
Emeralds dart to me again, my amusement on her behalf making her glare at me a bit.
"Yes," I answer with a smirk as I sit my cup down on the coffee table. She sits across from me with the same discomforted look. "As I said before, Hotaru usually picks her up. It gives them a time to bond. It's become a bit of a tradition the last couple of years."
She nods, orbs darting once more to the clock, issuing a laugh from me. She huffs.
"Haruka, what's the matter with you?"
"Nothing," she answers gruffly, and sips the tea too quickly and burning her tongue in the process. She slurs out some curse words, earning my disapproving look. "Sorry...I'm just..." she trails off, looking away.
"There's nothing to be nervous about."
"I'm not nervous!" she yells, giving me an incredulous look that I did not buy.
I chuckle once more.
"I'm not!" Maybe she's thinking that if she repeats it, I'll believe her, but she knows I don't. "Just...I don't know. What if...she doesn't like me...or something."
"What's there not to like?"
She looks away again at my question, cheeks blushing just a bit and making me swoon inwardly in satisfaction. Before further teases could issue from me though, a car pulls up the driveway and we're both suddenly up from our seats.
"Sit," I command with a smile to which Haruka complies. I brush her hair as I pass her seat. "It'll be fine."
I hear her gulp just as a car door slam and shoes squeak up the doorway. Keys jingle loudly, locks turn, and sooner than later, the door pushes open, my cute daughter looking up at me with a swift smile.
"Kaa-san!" she calls cutely, and rushes at me, arms wide open.
I kneel to her level, loving how she crushes me into a tight hug, and I can smell the day's activities through her school uniform. I brush my hands through short aqua locks making her grin at me toothily.
"Where's Hotaru?"
"Nee-chan says she had to go to the museum for something important," she answers, shrugging her bag out of her shoulders and depositing it on the floor haphazardly.
I give her a look she knows too well.
Sapphires that look positively like mine roll and she picks it back up with a sigh.
"Good girl," I say with a smile, and lean into her. "Kiss."
She grabs my cheeks and kisses me full on, a grin attached to her small lips. My hold remains on her after though, which she knows is just a tad unusual for our afternoon routine. She searches through my eyes and immediately know that something's different.
"What's going on?" she asks rather cutely, eyes straying to the living room, and I'm amazed at how perceptive she is at such a young age.
"I would like you to meet someone," I answer mysteriously, and she gives me a befuddled look.
"Is it a guy?"
My eyes widen at her guess and her eyes dart once more in the living room.
"Well, cuz Toshi-kun says that when his parents divorced his dad brought home a new mom for him in like a month!"
I shake my head indignantly. "No, it..." I want to rub my palm in my face suddenly. "It's not like that. A friend," I continue, and note that she remains unconvinced.
I stand and take my hand out for her to hold. She does so and I tug her to the direction of the living room. My daughter's words take me back to last night, in the privacy of Haruka's hotel room with room order food shared between us in the same coffee table.
"H-Haru?"
I nod and smirk at Haruka's baffled expression.
She looks down at her food and picks at it. Looking back up at me and making me chuckle in the process, she baits, "Did...you...name her?"
As I shake my head, she looks absolutely stunned.
"Then...he...did."
And I smirk at the fact that she can't say Daiki's name, but nod nonetheless. "Not that I didn't have a say in our daughter's name," I reassure. "Daiki had a list, I liked Haru best, so we picked it. She is born in the season."
Haruka nods, picking up her drink and taking a chug from it. "Pretty name," she states with one of her handsome smiles making me laugh again.
"I'd like to think so. Fitting for a pretty girl, yes?"
She laughs and my insides soften at how relaxed she seems.
"Yes, definitely," she agrees and looks down at her food. "A lot like her mother in that fashion."
And I know I have a blush on my face amidst my serene smile, but I'm glad she's too sheepish to look back up.
"And so," she continues after a bout of silence, probably wanting to change the subject for her sake more than mine. "How's married life?"
This time, my eyes lock with my food as well, and I know she's looking at me, but I can't seem to erase the answer in my suddenly serious face. I look back up after several more seconds into concerned emeralds and I smile in hopes of appeasing her worries, but to no avail. Wiping my mouth with my napkin, I settle back in my chair and give a sardonic smile, raising my left hand and wiggling a certain finger for her to see.
"Oh, I noticed," she shrugs seriously. "I just thought you didn't wear it in certain occasions."
"This would be one of those certain occasions, ne?"
But she didn't rise to my bait. I clamp my teeth to my bottom lip after seeing no change from her serious expression and look away once more.
"We're divorced."
I hear her swallow roughly, her elbows planting themselves on the desk as she leans into them. I look back up to her morose expression.
"Do you want to talk about it?" she asks, and I know she does so for my benefit more than hers.
I shrug and lift my chopsticks back up, but with no further action to them. "There's really nothing to say. It happened...four years ago."
And at this, I know she's genuinely surprised.
"F...four years?"
I nod, seeing such shock in her creamy visage.
"W...w..." Her baffle turns to anger, jaw clamping tightly and eyes slitting to the direction outside.
"Why didn't we tell you?" I inquire, knowing what she wants to say, but unable to say them.
"Yes," she seethes, and her emeralds lock back with mine.
I shake my head, knowing because of who she is that she's not angry at me, but at herself. "Haruka, there's absolutely nothing you could've done," I reassure, but she shakes her head vehemently as well.
"I'm not arrogant enough to think that I could've done something," she says, balled hands slinking away to hide under the table. "But I would think it important enough for Setsuna to at least message me about as she's done towards other events."
"It's not a very happy one to partake in."
"And you think I just want to be in the happy scenes?"
I shake my head and get up from my seat, walking towards her and kneeling on the floor where she sat. Amidst the anger in her expression is also a pained one and I understand the thoughts racing through her mind.
"She wanted to," I reveal, and I see surprise grace her face once again. I nod when I notice a hint of disbelief course through her eyes. "Setsuna begged me to let you know. But I didn't want you to."
"Why not?"
"Because as much as I was in the middle of something important, so were you."
Her fingers clamp her temples roughly. "Trust me, missing a race wouldn't have been that big of a deal."
"I felt that it was," I say softly, placing my hand on her lap.
She looks at me tiredly and I know she feels disappointment more to herself than to me.
"And as I said," I continue, "You being there would not have changed anything. Daiki and I were in a precarious position. We didn't want to hurt Haru-chan, but it would've hurt her more in the end if we kept up the charade that our marriage was okay. Our fights had gotten to the point where we couldn't hide our discontent even from her."
"What was the manifestation of it?"
My gaze falls on the floor and I inwardly apologize to Daiki because he'd be painted in a light that was a bad guy while I shined on as the good one when it's furthest from the truth.
"He had an affair."
Her muscles tighten under my touch and my hands dart towards hers to keep her held down. Her eyes are livid, fiery, and I know that her meeting Daiki would not result in a good introduction. I position myself inside her legs now, forcing her attention to only me.
"Haruka, please listen," I beg, but she only shakes her head in surmounting anger.
"Who the fuck does he think he is—
"Haruka!"
Her hands grow tighter against mine until my fingers begin aching at her grip. But I set aside the pain and attempt to gather her attention once again.
"It was my fault...okay? I—
"Did you push him on top of another woman while he and she were simultaneously naked?"
I shut my eyes tightly and shake my head.
"He needs to die in a fire."
My right hand frees from her grip and flies to clamp her mouth, my expression pleading her to stop. My eyes sting at the look of hers filled with contempt and hatred all my spurring and my heart burns even more of the thought of how distorted her vision's become because of me.
"Please...stop," I whisper and my hand gives out, dangling back in my sides as my sight clouds and teardrops begin crawling down my face.
And it was as if this is all she needed to wake up from her anger induced stupor, for her strong arms engulf me once again and I'm sobbing on her shoulder, her husky and quiet apologies catching my ears. But I shake my head because I know it's not her fault and my fingers graze her cheek as I lean my forehead into her face and she soothes me with a backrub and an apologetic smile.
We sit there, time passing and neither of us caring until a cell phone buzzing breaks us apart. I gulp the remaining lump in my throat down as my fingers clamp out excess teardrops from my eyes. Sharing a small smile with Haruka, I reach into the bag to answer it.
Hotaru has to take Haru home and needs to be up early tomorrow for work. I tell her I'll be home momentarily before hanging the phone up and depositing it back in my purse. I share another glance with the tomboy, her apologetic smile still upon her face and I pout at her in hopes of dispelling it. Her smile lights just a bit brighter earning me what I've wanted for the night: reassurance.
Sooner than I wanted, she and I are at the door, her hand on the knob, but her attention fully at me.
"Come over tomorrow," I invite and she just gives me a look of worry. "I'm sure you're dying to meet Haru-chan."
"I am," she confesses with a sigh. "But..." She trails off, her free hand scratching the back of her head in uncertainty.
"What's the courageous Sailor Uranus afraid of?" I tease, and I see the spark of challenge light up in her emeralds from mere words.
One more second and she sighs, smiling at me widely because she knows I got her. "Fine, what time?"
"Haru-chan gets off school at three, so come by before then."
She swallows and looks away before nodding in consent. "Alright. See you tomorrow then."
"Good." I write my address on a small piece of paper with the help of the wall, place it in her breast pocket, and stand on my toes, my lips meeting her cheek in a chaste kiss. I feel her burn under my touch and I smile in satisfaction at her reaction.
"Good night," I state before waving as she opens the door.
"Night," she replies back huskily.
And here we are now, my mind states and I can understand why Haruka was nervous, because if I'm to be truthful, I would say that I am as well. I want my daughter to like her...love her even. And as they say, first impressions are the lasting ones.
We turn to the living area, my heart palpitating anxiously and I know Haru could feel it because she gives me a smile and squeeze my hand before we fully turn into the room, Haruka leaning into the armchair of the sofa she was sitting in earlier.
I hear the sharp breath of intake from my daughter before anything, the little tomboy's grip slacking against mine. Then, crystal sapphires look up to me, wide, shocked, ecstatic, and I chuckle because her reaction is all I've been waiting for all day. I see Haruka standing up to her full height, apprehension marking her face as her emeralds dart between me and Haru.
"Haru-chan, this is Haruka, a very close and old friend of mine," I introduce, eyeing the older tomboy to my left who nodded her head slowly. "Haruka, my daughter Haru."
"Woah..."
I laugh at my daughter's greet, which in turn only made the blonde before us grow even more confused.
As if only remembering now, I turn to Haruka and state, "Oh, it slipped my mind. Haru and I follow your races..."
"Like a religion! Kaa-san got me into it. She's been watching it since I can remember! Kaa-san!" My daughter turns to me this time, her face in a small disbelieving outrage. "How come you didn't tell me you knew Tenoh Haruka!"
"Slipped my mind too dear."
"Lies!"
I laugh while ruffling her hair, understanding dawning on the older tomboy now as well. A handsome smile paints through her face.
"Nice to meet you."
Haru notes the greet by bowing fast and deep and as soon as the pleasantries are over, literally drags the unsuspecting blonde back to the sofa.
"Now, you have some explaining to do."
Emerald eyes widen at her straightforwardness, but nod regardless.
"About...?" she asks in a small trail off.
"Yesterday's race...and to think about it, the one last month...in Monaco. I can't believe you lost standings! How is that possible? You're like...the wind...usually."
Haruka coughs inadvertently making my smile widen. I can tell she probably wants to avoid answering the question, but my daughter's expectant expression makes it a bit hard. Emeralds look up at me and I smile widely at her small dagger stare from the ambush she clearly wasn't expecting.
We all sit, me on the lone recliner in front of the loveseat currently graced by both tomboys and my heart swells at the picture my mind has concocted countless times in my head. As with everything, reality is so much sweeter.
Rows of pearly whites clamp a bottom lip uncomfortably, a low, "Uhh..." coming out of the older tomboy's mouth. She looks around the room as if it held the answer to the question. Shaking her head, finding no answers on the tapestries or a painting I made a few years prior, she looks back at my expectant little girl and shrugs casually. "The racers have become pretty good."
Young sapphires roll, slowly, obviously. "Oh God..."
I laugh at the look of exasperation from my daughter.
"What?" Haruka prods, as if her answer wasn't good enough. It isn't.
"You're a horrible liar. Like mama..."
My daughter glances at me momentarily while speaking making me laugh harder and for my partner to join in a chuckle.
"It's a bit true."
"Nuh uh," Haru responds just as quickly, her eyes fiery and righteous. I can sense the challenge in them, and I know Haruka feels it too. "Mama and I watch it a lot. I only got to really get into it a year or so back, but it's not hard to research on you. You're the same...as you were five years ago. Bios, weight, eye tests...as far as anyone knows you're still at your peak. The racers haven't gotten better. If anything maybe they've dulled. They've all gotten used to being beaten, over and over, by a girl."
As she ends her tirade, Haruka and I mirror the same baffled expression.
Haru only shrugs at our silence, her eyes darting to the floor in a small gesture of humility. "I dunno. Maybe it's just me…"
And my partner sees it and refutes just as quickly. "No." Expectant, young sapphires look up at her causing her to look away. "No, it's not just you. And yeah, you're right. My physicals are top notch, I'm still in the best shape of my life, and my car and I are one, or at least that's how it feels like. That's what it felt like a decade or so ago and it's only felt more natural since. But…things change. Your wants change. And being in the circuit while not giving my all to it would be a disservice to myself and its fans, so I decided to stop before any further hurt would come out of it."
They share a look, older eyes as apologetic as young ones.
And because who Haruka is, she decides to steer clear of the subject as soon as it came up, a deep breath all that supersedes its awkwardness. "Michiru tells me you have an interest in motocross."
Haru's eyes widen, her nods coming in quick succession. I, for one, do not like where it has steered into. "Haruka…."
The older of the two tomboys rolls her eyes at me in obvious exasperation. "Come on Michiru. I was close to Haru's age when I started delving into the world of speed."
I eye her in chastise. "That's you Haruka—
"And what's the difference with me?"
"Haru—
"Mama, you know that's not fair! You say reach for the sky and when I do you pull me back down!"
"That's a pretty good analogy…"
"Haruka, not helping."
"Fine! No, no, it's fine! Compromise! Mama, please. A compromise."
"You have pretty good vocabulary for a ten year old."
Young sapphires roll. "I'm good at modern Japanese unlike some people."
Haruka rubs a palm to her face. "Those magazines…is there anything they omit?"
But my daughter's attention is once again to me and I see that she's serious about the matter so I put on my strong face as well.
"Okay, so compromise."
"Haru, unless I say so there's no compromise."
"That's so unfair! The deal wouldda been great too!"
I sigh, seeing Haruka's mirth in my peripherals at the obvious battle that's suddenly raging in my living room. "I already told you that I'll think about it and when I've breached a decision I'll tell you."
"I'll take up an instrument!" Haru exclaims. "You always wanted that right? I'll…take…up…"
"Haru—
"Piano!"
"You're only saying that because you know Haruka plays the piano."
"Great! She'll teach me that too."
"Too?"
The tomboys share a look. "You're obviously on my side so you'll coach me in motocross and all that stuff too…" my daughter answers her with only a quarter of her attention.
"Haru, you know this is not the proper time or place for this discussion."
"So when?"
"When I say so."
"So unfair."
"Life isn't fair aka-chan."
She stops arguing, but her face remains hard, pouty. And she looks at the Haruka with that same look, and everyone who hasn't been cultured in resisting it falls…hard.
"Michiru…"
"No, Haruka."
"Well I think it's a pretty good compromise," she shrugs and even though she does it so casually she knows as much as I do that this won't slide as easily as I hoped it to. She looks at my daughter seriously. "How's school? How're your marks?"
"Good I guess. I do well enough."
She nods in approval to how Haru answers. "Good. Keep it up if not better. In the meanwhile—
"Haruka."
She gestures at me to give it a minute and continues without breaking eye contact with my daughter, "I'll talk to an old friend of mine about letting you and I watch races and afterwards help clean up too. It'll give you a good idea on how things work in the circuit while giving Michiru time to think it over. If you change your mind, great. If not, it'll show her that it's not a passing fancy. She's only apprehensive about it because she knows of the dangers it brings. Whether or not I'm there isn't a factor. This is between you and your mother. Do well in school, keep up your marks, juggle everything evenly and neatly as is expected of you and show her that you want to do this. Words aren't enough. Put your heart into it."
Sparkling emeralds look at me, questioningly, apprehensively, knowing she's somehow stepped out of line, but apologetic all at once.
And I can't berate her. Not when I know she's right. Not when I can agree with the terms and conditions set in place.
So I nod, and the bright eyes of my baby girl made the decision less burdening.
O-O-O-O-O
"I'm sorry for butting in."
Dinner has passed, shared between us three with mainly talks of races and the off-road circuit in the table, but I hadn't minded. Haru as promised went upstairs straight after the meal with proclamations of homework that wouldn't finish itself which left me and my best friend in the living room where it had all began and once again alone. I shake my head quietly and reach over to the back of her head to caress short strands.
"It's fine."
"My mouth ran away with me again. It's a really bad habit."
I chuckle, fingers plotting circles across her smooth scalp.
"I hope you're ready to take responsibility for it though," I warn playfully and lock with her amused emeralds.
"Course," she says easily. "Shouldn't be a problem getting hold of Yamada-san. And just so we're on the same page I promise not to let her on any bikes before your consent. I wouldn't want her to feel guilty or need to lie to you through me anyway."
I nod understandingly, showing her that she needn't say things I already know. It would be an understatement to say that I trust my daughter with my best friend. I trust her with my life already, and I want a bond to be shared between them: my two favorite girls.
"So aside from this little project you've decided to partake in, what're your plans for a while?" I ask and rest the arm around her to her waist, pulling myself right next to her and planting my chin on her shoulder.
She looks down at me with a bit of amusement and leans into the sofa, trapping my arm behind her and making me lock her in a small embrace. She shrugs, making my head bop inadvertently.
"I'm tired of living in hotels so I'm thinking of looking for a condo. All my stuff is tucked away in a storage unit, but it's nothing really tangible so I'll be busy…decorating…and crap."
I laugh at the disgust riddled in her voice and hug her tighter. And before my mind could concede with the idea, my mouth has run off as well. "Live with us."
Genuine surprise shines at me in her orbs, my eyes noting the bob her throat made from swallowing roughly. She looks away, the discomfort plain as day on her handsome face.
"I don't think that's a very good idea."
"And why not?" I reply just as quickly. And before she can count her answers in a neat file for me, I continue, "We definitely have room. Choose and it'll be yours. You don't have to redecorate a whole place, only your bedroom. Our garage should be big enough to house your vehicles since I know most condominium complexes would have you pay for extra parking spots. You don't cook, I do. It won't be burdensome to make a serving for three instead of two, and I'm sure Haru won't mind seeing as she doesn't only think you're cool, but genuinely likes you. What's your rebuttal?"
She continues to look at everything, but me, conflict written all over her face and I lower my glance so she wouldn't see how disappointed I am for already feeling rejected. My arms loosen from around her waist, my body retracting until we're a safe distance from one another in the sofa, yet she continues to look away. Already I'm feeling stupid for bringing up the idea, and wish I could take it away so this silence between us can end.
Tucking loose strands behind my ear, I sigh quietly and apologize, but it only earns me a deeper frown at the tomboy's end. "Forget I mentioned it. It was just an idea—an option. So you know what they are and can make an easier decision. I didn't mean to butt in."
She finally looks at me with my inadvertent choice of words, but before a reply can issue from her the grandfather clock chimes, signaling a late evening. The thought process trails off and I can see the decision she's made. Running. Always running.
I look away.
"I should go."
I can only nod.
"I'll…get a hold of Yamada-san. If he gives me the okay I'll call you."
I nod again. Sighing deeply, I look up from the floor and give a tight smile. It's the only one I can call upon at the moment. "Have a safe trip back."
I see her fists balling from within her pants pockets, jaw hardening at words she can't say.
Just speak up.
But she won't. She nods as well. "Good night. I'll see myself out."
Please don't disappear like last time…
The door clicks and I feel myself falling on the sofa.
O-O-O-O-O
For some reason I feel apprehensive. When the question was popped just last night, I was happy—ecstatic. There was no trace of worry or concern or second thoughts.
"Yes," was an answer I'd gladly give up again and again.
But a new day has dawned and the first person I'm to tell is the hardest to speak to. She's been busy lately, this I know. The respite after Galaxia has all of us in a vigilant, but easygoing lifestyle. We can live…finally. We all still live in the same house. We're all still roommates, comrades, and more, but lately I notice that, more than anyone, she has been busy.
"Hey," she greets tiredly into a morning coffee brewed by Setsuna who has already left for the day.
I smile at her wild blonde hair, poking like hay all over a tired head.
"Good morning."
She rubs at her eyes, a wide yawn issuing from deep within her and I can only laugh at how endearing she looks. She smiles as she gets up and gets me a cup as well, my gratitude showing even before it's placed in front of me. She makes to grab the daily newspaper left behind by the time soldier, but my words stop her in mid action.
"I need to talk to you about something."
She sees the concealed excitement from my voice and leans back into her seat to give me her full attention, long fingers grazing the sides of a hot mug.
I tell myself to breathe. To get it over with. Because the sooner I can, the sooner the burden will go away. And it's not like Haruka'll say no.
Quick. Painless. Like pulling a band-aid, so they say.
"Daiki popped the question last night."
Her look of curiosity shifts...and I know her well enough to place all of them in order.
Horror. Disbelief. Shock. Confusion. Frown. Mask. Stoic. Smile.
"Grats."
All in a matter of a couple seconds.
"Took him long enough. How long have you guys been together?" she asks casually, eyes flittering back to the newspaper while gripping the mug in her hands.
"A year."
She nods. "Time flies."
I agree silently.
"When's the date?"
"We don't know yet."
"Time to round up the gang then huh? His family. Your family. Sounds like a lot of planning."
I nod, glad that she brings it up herself so it can be an easier transition for me. "It is. I'll need a lot of help."
She laughs, the sound not reaching her eyes in the least bit. "I'm thinking…Minako would probably be overjoyed of the prospects—
"Can you be my maid of honor?"
Her smile slides, attention still on the newspaper. "A spot has opened up on Toyota's roster. It's the once in a lifetime chance I've been looking for. We'll be traveling all over for tests. It'll be time consuming. They want to prep me as hard as it is possible for the next season."
"Grats," I mirror her earlier statement.
She nods, sips her coffee absentmindedly. "There's talk that Toyota'll pull out of F-1 soon. I need to make a dent so another team strikes interest and picks me up."
"I promise you won't do so much," I reply softly, the thoughts of possibly having a wedding devoid of my best-friend making my heart and stomach flop wildly. As each second ticks it becomes harder for me to look at her indifferent countenance. "A rehearsal here and there. You won't have to partake in anymore than is necessary. No dresses either, I promise."
But the humor in my voice is lost as she merely shrugs and gets up from the table, downing the rest of her coffee in the process. "I'll think about it."
And just as quickly as we sat together, we had gone our separate ways again.
O-O-O-O-O
I dream very often. Whenever I do, it's usually not very pleasant. Nor is it much of a dream.
Memories.
I dream of memories.
I dream of Haruka saying she'll think about my proposition only for us to never speak of it again. I dream of lonely breakfasts—of wanting to catch her on an off day when she wasn't in the pit or at a test or, God forbid, abroad. But she always was. If not one, then two, or all three. It's not that I wanted to speak with her to push her in a corner. Without her presence I just found the days inconceivably long and trying. It was a good thing I had the wedding to fall back on. I grew busy to the point where my mind didn't have to think so much and I could act as if everything was okay. But it was hard to fool the ones closest to you, and although Hotaru looked like a child, she was far from it, and Setsuna? It would be a joke to even think anyone could fool her.
"So how is she?"
I look up from my painting and smile at my visitor.
"Fine," I answer shortly, putting the palette down and dipping the brush into some water. "She met Haru a couple days back."
Setsuna sits down on a chair against the wall and smirks up at me. "And how was that?"
"They double teamed me into giving motocross a try…"
She chuckles at my sigh and gets up as soon as she sits. "Hotaru has to present the gallery to a prominent audience and can't pick up Haru-chan. She asked me to not knowing about your schedule."
I smile evenly. "She should've just asked."
"She figures since Haruka's back in town you might have other plans."
I look away and note it has been two days since my best friend and I has spoken again.
"Let's go for some coffee and afterwards pick up Haru. It's the weekend and she spoke to me on the phone last night about asking you to have friends for a sleepover."
I laugh. "As if I could say no to such a small request."
We drive to a busy coffee chain a few blocks away from my daughter's elementary school and grab drinks. Sitting ourselves in front of a wide window and the busy atmosphere of the shop behind us silence does not last very long because of my company.
"So how is our wind soldier faring?"
I eye a faraway pedestrian, keeping my beverage at bay. "Last we spoke she was planning on finding a place to stay."
She nods. "I doubt staying at hotels have been a comfortable experience."
I get to the heart of the heart of the matter. "Do you think it thoughtless that I asked her to live with me and Haru?"
My friend isn't surprised at my question. She merely keeps her attention outside. "No," she says with a shake of the head. "If anything I would expect it. And knowing Haruka she'd think it's a bad idea."
I smile sardonically. "You should go into the fortune telling business."
"Deep inside you knew she would reject the idea too Michiru. Everything's still too fresh and moving quickly."
I sigh, knowing Setsuna's right as always. "We haven't spoken since and I'm afraid of her leaving again," I admit quietly, eyes fixed on the recyclable coffee cup. "I'm not sure if I can handle it as gracefully this time around."
"What do you want from her?"
I look at her for the first time since we sat, garnet orbs eyeing me back seriously.
"You know what I want."
The time guardian nods. "Yes, I know. But I want you to acknowledge it for yourself. You know that being her friend isn't enough. The problem now lies on the fact that too much time has passed and neither of you has broken the silence. And why won't you Michiru?"
"I want her to," I reply and I can hear me sounding childish, but ignore it.
"Michiru—
"Setsuna, you know how much I loved Haruka. I still do. If not the same as in the past then with more ferocity now. But..."
"She's just too bullheaded to see it?"
I shove the coffee cup away, feeling heat and anger rise within my system.
"I believe it's time to pick Haru-chan up."
I growl lowly. "If she doesn't call me today will personally go to her hotel room and knock some sense into her."
Setsuna laughs as we get up and go back to my car.
"Haruka is the best runner I've ever seen," my older friend adds to which my annoyance can only double to. "Michiru wipe that frown or else your daughter will realize quickly there's something wrong."
I sigh, but comply. "She has my intuition."
"I'm not in the least surprised."
The drive to the small elementary school is quick and mobs of students are already fighting their way out when we arrive. It only takes a couple of minutes for Haru to find us, one of her two best-friends in tow.
"Mama..." she calls from outside of the car looking sheepish as my eyes flicker to and from her friend.
I smile in mirth as I see uncertainty grace my daughter's cute face. "Suna baa-san told me," I reassure and then turn to the as unsure, shy girl beside her. "Good afternoon Tsubasa-chan."
"Kaioh-san," she greets with a graceful bow making my smile grow wider. Her long blue-black hair surrounds a cherub face, icy blue eyes piercing me deeply when we first met. She is the over-achiever student that I'm glad Haru had befriended; my daughter's not one for studying.
They pile into the backseat, book bags thrown on one side while Tsubasa sits in the middle and Haru takes the window seat.
"Where's Toshi-kun?" I ask as I pull out into the curb and drive away.
"He has cram school 'til six and left early. His father will drop him off."
"Speaking of cram school—
"Yada!"
Setsuna and I chuckle at the immediate answer.
"What about you Tsubasa-chan?"
"Still seems too early for that," she says quietly. "But my parents are taking it into consideration."
"We're ten!" Haru exclaims, eyes rolling exasperatingly from my rearview mirror. "Toshi's father's a slave driver..."
I couldn't help, but agree. "By the way Haru-chan, I'm assuming our negotiation's still in effect?"
She glares at me suspiciously while Tsubasa's attention perks up.
"About...?"
"Taking up an instrument."
"No way!" she exclaims. "Haruka just said school! Keep up my marks! That was the deal!"
I nod, but she knows it's not over. "Yes, but we're speaking under the terms you made."
"But we okayed it without needing that part of the agreement. Haruka—
"Haruka says it's between us. And I'm not sure about how I feel on how you call her," I add as an afterthought.
"Something tells me Haruka won't like being called oba-san though," Setsuna jumps in.
"Speaking of her, I haven't seen her since Wednesday."
Neither have I...I stop my facial features from switching into annoyance.
"Is she gonna talk with that old friend of hers like she said?"
But regardless of my train of thought I don't hesitate on my answer. "Haruka's not one to say things without meaning them."
"Toshi doesn't believe me," my daughter hmph's indignantly.
"Nope, he doesn't," Tusabasa adds. "But apparently you weren't dreaming."
Sapphire eyes roll. "Course not. I should've asked for an autograph. Would shut him up..."
I laugh at their little conversation and as we turn into the house my smile dies and my heart quickens automatically in tandem.
"Speak of the devil," Setsuna states and I see her smirk from my peripherals as she glances at me.
"Oh my gosh, she's here."
The excitement in my daughter's voice is palpable, a feeling I can definitely relate to. She's first to rocket out of the car, a loud, "Hey Haruka!" trailing after her.
Setsuna and Tsubasa follow my purposefully slower pace and I can see the amusement in the blonde's face at how my daughter has addressed her.
"Hey yourself," she chuckles and then looks at me, a hint of apology and hesitation in her teal eyes.
I smile to dispel it, the fact that I was angry at her only a half an hour or so back still fresh in my mind, but knowing now is neither the time nor the place to express it. Relief floods her countenance at the small peace treaty, her posture relaxing and attention once again to my daughter who has made her way to the older tomboy's side.
"If you come baring bad news, you shouldn't have come at all," Haru warns mischievously making Haruka laugh and ruffle small aqua locks.
"Sunday, there's a prelim race up in Northern Chiba for junior motocross players. We'll watch the race, then you can meet Yamada-san. We can help with the clean up and meet some of the racers there too."
My daughter literally jumps in excitement and hugs Haruka's slim waist.
"Just so you know, you're my new hero."
The blonde scowls. "Who'd I replace?"
"Kamen Rider."
"Pfft...a cartoon character?"
"You should consider it an honor!"
I place a hand on my daughter's shoulder and smile at the cute scowl on Haruka's face. Her eyes land on Setsuna's who stands evenly next to me, garnets stoic and a bit cold.
"This is one of my best-friends Tsubasa-chan and my aunt Meioh Setsuna," Haru introduces, not yet sensing the chill in the air.
Tsubasa bows, Haruka smiling at her in greet before they land on our older friend once again.
"Haruka."
"Setsuna."
Comprehension finally dawns on my daughter's face and before anything else can be said, I jump in. "Haru, there's a snack for you and Tsubasa-chan on the kitchen counter. Milk and juice are in the fridge. You may take it up to your room today."
"Kay."
She fumbles with her keys, Tsubasa tailing right after and with one last look at all three of us shuts the door.
The wind picks up the silence that seems to drag, the season's frigidness creeping along with it. A car honks in the distance, drowned by the tension between all three of us.
"I have not forgiven you."
Emeralds look away, stubbornness clearly etched in her eyes, but also a bit of humility.
"Michiru may have, but I definitely have not."
Haruka nods.
"And it's not because I hold grudges Haruka. I just want to make that clear. It wouldn't make sense for a time guardian to hold long grudges."
The tomboy smirks, mirroring Setsuna's sarcastic smile.
"You run." And just as their smiles appear, they're gone again. "You run the fastest, the longest, the furthest. You're the best runner I've ever seen and that's saying something. When you're done running, I will forgive you. And that time may be near, but it's not here yet." The long haired woman turns to me. "You too. You've always ran her pace. It's time you run your own."
She doesn't give us time to say a rebuttal and we stand there in the doorway far after she has gone. Only when lightning flashes in the distance and thunder accompanies it do I look up to just as stormy and conflicted green eyes.
Rain begins coming down, the air around us heavy with the smell of an incoming storm. My palm envelopes a warm waist, Haruka's attention finally on me.
"Does the offer still stand?" she asks softly, making my body move closer to hers inadvertently.
"Which?"
She breathes deeply, slowly, eyes flickering away. "Is a room still available?"
She doesn't see the surprise in my face, but it's certainly there.
"I just needed time to think it through," she continues, her forearm brushing my fingers as she pushes both hands into the depths of her pants pockets. "But if it's too late—
"There's always room for you."
I see her throat bob at my words, but a small smile follows.
"We should go in before we drench," she says, her half-bitten lip moist and making me inwardly swoon at how delicious it looks.
"Kay," I answer softly, move around her and open the door to my waiting daughter.
Tsubasa's right behind her, apprehension and curiosity in her face, while my daughter asks without fear of reprimand, "Is everything okay?"
I nod, placing a hand behind her head and stroking small wavy curls. "Everything's fine. Did you have your snack?"
"Didn't feel right."
I sense the pout in her voice and crouch to her level, similar eyes gazing at me sadly.
"Will we talk about it later?"
I nod. "There's something else I want to discuss with you as well."
She nods, still appearing hesitant.
"Go to your room and play with Tsubasa-chan. Haruka and I will bring in your snack."
She nods one more time before picking up her bag and moving up the stairs, soft whispers trailing her and her friend.
O-O
"Haaah!"
I smile, shaking my head while stirring the curry that'll be dinner.
"You're not very good at this Haruka."
"Real life racing and Mario Kart are—
"Mmhm, save it for when I care."
"Second place isn't that bad..."
"That what you said a week ago when that guy from Spain beat you?"
"Low blow!"
"Haru play nice," I chastise, peaking through the open area of the kitchen to my living area which currently housed four kids—Haruka including.
"Michiru, remember when I was actually good at video games?" the blonde asks, her voice floating through the room.
I giggle. "High school was a long time ago Haruka."
She leaves her spot on the floor between Toshi and Haru and sits on a barstool by the island, eyeing the pot hungrily.
"Fifteen more minutes," I answer the unasked question.
She sighs softly, a head coming down crossed arms on the island. I put the lid on the pot and join her, the children's laughter and competitive air loud, but pleasing to my ears.
"You still play Michiru?"
I nod, swaying on the barstool until I face the living room. "Every now and then, but only for recreation.
A pause before, "Do you regret it?"
I shake my head quickly. "There's only one thing I've ever regretted and Haru and everything that came with her is not it."
It's silent between us for a moment as I eye my child who's face is grave in concentration.
"Does she know?"
I smile at our little game of twenty questions, knowing what Haruka's cryptic question was entailing this time.
"I'll tell her when she's older."
"Does...the guy?"
"Daiki? Would it be bad if I say no?"
Surprise clearly paints her eyes as she shifts her chair until we're both facing the living room.
"Why not?"
"I tried. But for some reason, discretion always won. It should've been the first warning sign for me that our marriage wouldn't last."
I see her eyeing me so I turn her way, may face in askance to the worry I see there.
"Can we talk about it?"
I nod. "In due time. Not right now, but we will." I assure. "I'll be asking Haru about you staying over dinner. She'll tell her friends anyway so we might as well get it out of the way. She's been uneasy since Setsuna's departure. I don't think she's ever seen her aunt act that coldly."
"Should I talk to her about it?"
"If you'd like. I think she'd appreciate the gesture. Regardless of her age I like to treat her maturely and she knows it."
"Alright."
We watch them quietly for several more minutes until it was time to set the table.
O-O
"Haru-chan?"
Sapphires look up at me, as well as light blue and brown eyes. Emeralds continuously stare at a potato on her plate. It's nearing the end of dinner, and I felt it high time for the dreaded question.
"Haruka wanted to ask you a question." Said blonde dagger stares me at leaving her out to dry, but I only smile and continue, "I've already said yes, but if you disagree then I will fully adhere to your decision without question."
Her attention darts to Haruka who just placed her chopsticks down and is in the process of wiping her mouth with a napkin. It's silent for a moment before my partner looks up to questioning blue eyes and then sighs.
She turns to me. "She'll say no..."
I chuckle at the whine clearly evident in her voice.
"You're afraid of a ten year old saying no to you?" Haru asks, taking the question out of my mouth.
The tomboy huffs and rolls her eyes. "Yeah, you're right. That's dumb of me isn't it?"
"Nah," my daughter answers, waving her hand nonchalantly. "You just regard me highly," and before Haruka can reply to that, continues, "So, whaddya want?"
A pregnant pause before, "Can I stay here?"
Haru frowns for a moment, confused by the question.
"Like, stay...here...in your home," Haruka reiterates. "With you and Michiru. It's not permanent."
Yes, it will be, I think to myself while drinking some water.
"Just until I can find a suitable place that doesn't have a reception and room service."
Sapphire eyes dart between me and my partner and her attention of the matter leaves me feeling nervous. I would like her to say yes, of course but if she says otherwise, we will do as she says as I assured her we would. The chair creaks under her as she leans back into it and eyes the wall behind me and Haruka thoughtfully. Then she nods, but a frown follows closely in tandem.
"One condition."
I don't realize I've stopped breathing and is just as still as Haruka next to me. A couple seconds pass and I note the impatience in the racer's countenance.
"And that is..." her husky voice trails.
Haru grins. "No instrument."
Haruka laughs and I couldn't help an exasperated one either. "Really Haru?"
"It's a pain mama," she grunts, stabbing a carrot.
"Eat properly."
She sighs, but does as she's told.
"Do you have an aversion to music or something?" my partner asks and I feel her posture relax.
"Aversion?"
"Dislike. It means you don't like something."
"Ooo I like the word. We're adding it to our vocab." My daughter's two friends nod in near unison to the request. "Yes, I have an aversion to it. Wait! No, never mind. I don't."
Haruka smirks. "Make up your mind."
"No, I don't. I just don't care for it."
I mock hurt. "Really Haru, such harsh words for my life's passion."
"Sorry mama," she mumbles, but I only laugh it off to assure her what I've said is merely words. She looks back up from her plate with a sheepish smile. "I just don't think it's for me. I don't have patience for it. How did you Haruka? Piano and motorsports don't really go hand in hand."
Haruka laughs. "A compromise."
"Really?" Younger sapphires widen and stares at the blonde in bafflement. "Just like how mama is about instruments to me?"
"Haru-chan, it was an idea. I'm not forcing it on you."
"Yes, yes," she agrees absentmindedly, her attention back to my friend. "So you were forced?"
Haruka's eyes twinkle in amusement. "Yeah, it was a compromise between me and my parents. They didn't like the idea of me and vehicles, but they couldn't stop me regardless of the grounding and fencing in so they figured maybe if they attracted my attention to something more feminine, it'll change my outlook in life." She shrugs. "Didn't change anything."
"So why'd you keep playing?"
A brief look of hurt passes through Haruka's eyes, so instantaneous that it's missed by the eager face of my child and her friends.
"Because Haruka's stubborn," I answer and we lock eyes, mine one of mischief and hers confusion before relief. "Give her a challenge and she won't back down."
The tomboy smirks at my words, shrugs, but simultaneously agrees.
"Haru-chan would be too stubborn to keep doing it," Tsubasa says suddenly allowing an elbow nudge. She glares at my daughter. "It's true."
"Yep," Toshi agrees before getting an elbow to his ribs as well.
"But back to the main, main point. If mama doesn't press the instrument issue anymore, I will be totally fine with you staying Haruka."
Haruka laughs, eyeing me. "Will you press the issue Michiru?"
I sigh, pushing my empty plate away. "I guess not."
"This'll be great," Haru says with a grin.
"And why's that?"
"We can so double team mama Haruka."
The tomboy gives an uneasy look. "I don't know Haru..."
"It'll work."
"You know, I've lived with Michiru before. She knows how to get her way."
I laugh, pushing the tomboy playfully as I get up. Glad that it's over and my daughter's appeased, I start gathering everyone's plates in a stack while they follow closely and help.
O-O
"A fort?"
Haru nods. "We saw it in a movie once and always wanted to try it."
Haruka shrugs, getting eager looks from all the children before her. "It sounds a bit glorified. You know it's just pulling a bunch of chairs, possibly a table, tying blankets and getting under them right?"
"Do adults' imaginations just leave them at a certain age or is it locked away somewhere deep in your brains?" my daughter asks rather rhetorically. "Cuz if that's the case, I really don't wanna grow up."
I chuckle and ease into the ottoman, my partner looking up at me in exasperation. I just shrug at her plight and place my attention to the previews rolling in a Disney movie we had just started playing.
"Alright," she grunts, causing a snicker to come out of me. She dagger stares me once more before going back to eager, young faces. "Blankets, we need a lot of them. Toshi, you and I will get the dining chairs to use as props for the blankets. We'll also need duct tape and a high centrifugal point."
"Unhook one of the lamps," I offer, looking back and chuckling at the confused faces of my child and her friends.
"Centr...what?"
The racer sighs. "Never mind, just bring me the stuff."
"No I wanna know what it means!"
"And I want to rest, but neither of us is getting what we want until you get what you really want, so let's make this fort."
Haru growls and stalks off to the coat closet with Tsubasa for extra blankets and the tape while Toshi and Haruka start pulling the chairs from the dining room to the living room. The movie begins playing, but I instead watch them, and a warmth comes over me that I can't really place. They're all deep in concentration, Haruka in the middle with the highest standing lamp we have in the house and placing a white blanket over it while directing Toshi and Haru to place chairs at an angle to it so the blanket could be placed over them. Tsubasa is on her own and laying bigger comforters on the floor underneath the would-be fort while getting my best-friend's nod of approval.
A couple minutes into this and I join the tugging and pulling of blankets, tapes, and chairs, until a half an hour finally passes and we have a pretty decent white fort in the middle of my living room. The pleased smiles the children wore and Haruka's look of relief makes the scene that much more warming.
"It only fits three," Toshi points out.
Haru shrugs. "Sorry Haruka. No room for you."
But my partner can only laugh and shake her head. "It's fine. I wasn't planning on joining. I'm gonna jet."
My crestfallen reaction is shared between all the children.
"No!"
"What?"
"Stay!"
Haruka scratches the back of her head. "It's getting a bit late..."
My daughter grabs her wrist and tries mightily to pull her down into the fort, but the blonde only laughs and pulls her to her instead, growls and chuckles emitting from the two of them as they fall and wrestle on the floor.
"Guys!" Haru yells between pants and growls. "Help! Pull her in!"
More laughter issues from Haruka as the other two children join in and finally, successfully gets her in the makeshift fort as well, her arms still around my daughter's and in the process of slamming her, albeit softly, into one of the comforters. A couple more minutes and four heads are sticking out of the door frame of the fort, everyone on a prone position except Haru who is sitting on Haruka's back.
Forty five minutes since the start of their little request and everyone's finally watching, Haru's loud, "What'd we miss?" shared by everyone in the vicinity.
O-O
We're in the middle of the third movie: Kamen Rider: Return to the Realm of Eternal Rain, when it's finally safe to say that the children are all asleep. Haruka was able to get out of the fray in the ending of the second movie by expressing the job of putting the third movie in and looked all too relieved when they let her and didn't mind that she didn't come back to them, so long as she didn't leave the vicinity.
She stretches in the seat in front of me, her exasperated and rather tired smile endearing to my eyes.
"Thank you for the fort," I say quietly, just enough for her to hear.
She gets up from the sofa and walks over to me with a grin. "You're daughter's a handful. How do you keep up?"
"I chalk it up to leftover senshi energy. I'm not quite sure how other mothers do it though."
She laughs, putting her hands casually into her pockets. Her eyes glance at the exit warily. "I should go."
I get up from my seat and reach my hand out for her to take. She looks at me in confusion for a moment before taking my hand and allowing me to pull her up the stairs.
"Michiru?" she asks after a couple minutes of silence.
I pull her closer to me so that we're walking together instead of me in the front, her palms soft, yet calloused in certain places.
"I just want to show you a couple of things before you leave," I answer and open the door closest to Haru's room.
She looks around, acknowledging quickly that this is one of the guest quarters and it'll be hers if she wants it.
"Looks fine," she states and angles her head to look at a walk in closet and a private bathroom attached to it. "Looks kinda grand to be honest."
I just shrug. "Nothing the other rooms don't have. If you need help moving in this weekend I wouldn't mind helping. I'm sure Haru and her friends won't mind tagging along either."
Haruka looks at me uneasily. "I don't want to have to impose on everyone's weekend..."
I laugh and pull her out of the room and start heading in mine. "You seem to misunderstand. Being Haru's new hero has a lot of responsibilities. And unlike a cartoon character, you're real to her so it's not just a matter of turning on the television and watching you for thirty minutes to satiate her curiosity."
"Sounds a lot like her mother..."
I hold her hand tighter at her cheeky reply, but she can see my smirk from the dimly lit hallway.
"And so, where are we headed to next?" she asks as I open my bedroom door.
I can tell that she notices the room's mine just from the decor as the lights brighten it.
"That talk you wanted. I believe it's about time we have it."
I let go of her hand and walk over to the edge of my bed to sit down. She follows suit momentarily until we're both sitting, me on the bottom with my back on the foot rest, while she's casually leaning on the headrest, one of my pillows propped behind her for comfort.
She nods at my statement, but I see unrest in her eyes, and it makes me wonder, where's a good place to really start?
It's quiet and the storm outside has turned to pounding rain and wind, the branches from the tree outside my window creaking against the force of nature. It serves to make the silence between us at least not so palpable.
"Do you know how Daiki and I met?"
Emeralds glancing at a painting to the side darts to me, a silence shake of the head the only thing I get from her.
"Concert attendee. At the time he was a TA for Akagi High School in Ibaraki and he liked how I played so he came to a concert."
"A bit hard for a TA to do," my partner suddenly states, eyes dragging around the room once more. The crease in her forehead and dejected tone isn't missed by me.
I nod. "Yes, it was. I saw him at a charity gala that I participated in and that is how we really met."
"Another thing that would also be difficult for a regular TA to get into..."
The bitterness is still there.
"His father's a director of a hospital. We met through him."
"Ahh, sou? Explains a couple things."
"Is there a reason why you're so on the offensive about him?"
She faces me, anger clearly evident in her posture. "Him cheating on you isn't reason enough?"
I straighten up as well. "And if I were to tell you that when I found out, I didn't care would you still be so affected by it?"
She looks away, biting her bottom lip. "Ridiculous, why wouldn't you?"
"Because I drove him to it."
She gets up in one motion, her smirk leer and sarcastic. Sweeping her hair out of her eyes, she looks poised and ready to attack.
"Please sit back down."
"You know, you keep saying it's your fault," she says lowly, leaning into the wall and making a loud thud as she does so. "And I'll ask again, cuz I hate it when women always sound like the victim. Did you push his dick to the direction of another woman?"
"No. But I stopped pushing his dick in mine."
The venom in my words is clear and loud, and Haruka falters at the anger in my countenance she isn't expecting. I get up as well, shoulders feeling tense and my eyes unable to meet her surprised ones.
"When he asked me to marry him, I said yes because I genuinely thought that I loved him. At the time, I can safely say that I did because he could make me forget about certain things that I wanted to forget. Even during the time that Haru was born, I was still in love with him. But..." I trail off, feeling the helplessness I had felt once upon a time—when I was married, but hadn't given my all to it.
I blink hard and stare at a carved cabinet. "But regardless of his presence, of anyone else's, there's always something missing. He tried to be that one, because he knew deep down that he didn't have all of me. But he couldn't...He just wasn't enough, and instead of him and Haru being the center of my universe, it only became Haru because I didn't want to lie to him anymore, but I didn't want to hurt our daughter because of my selfishness."
My hands have balled to the point where my nails scratched through flesh, but I couldn't discern it from the relentless throbbing in the pit of my stomach. Talking feels like a difficult task from the consistent lump in my throat and I fear the room's gotten blurry from unshed tears.
I crumble back onto the edge of the bed, feeling my knees grow weak and the anger disappearing. In its place is something I didn't want even more, because sadness and depression is so much harder to conceal, while anger just takes a twitch of muscles, a fake smile, which I've become so used to giving.
My cold hand grasps my temples, pushing back tears that I've assured myself I wouldn't let fall. My vision is dark within its confines, unable to look at Haruka—fearing what I might see if I did. "Six months into Haru's birth and I knew something was wrong with me. Daiki and the doctors chalked it up to postpartum depression, but I knew that wasn't it."
The same feeling I felt back then washes me now, minimal in comparison to long trying nights when crying in isolation felt like the only option. When I knew Daiki stopped being just good enough and my attention was spent between taking care of Haru and shutting myself in my office, my company ranging from old recorded videos, foreign newspaper clippings, a torn page from the guestbook of my wedding day with the words: You look beautiful in neat, straight, familiar lines and a card with the same writing with the word: Grats, taken from the hospital's window seat that I noticed to be new as soon as I woke the next day.
Empty. My life had felt so empty. Without Haru there...I always wondered if I was strong enough by myself to make it through.
"A chunk of my life," I say quietly, praying my voice wouldn't crack from the resilient lump in my throat. "was missing. I knew what it was, but I didn't know how to retrieve it. I knew where I could find it, but I didn't feel like I was important enough to just go to it, and say so."
My hand falls, makes a dull thud on the mattress and the noise outside follows the storm raging in my system to such a tee that I smile at the irony of it all. And I suddenly feel it. Warm arms, a hitched breath in my ear, fingers into unkempt hair, a comforting, familiar body covering mine, and a husky voice, "I'm sorry I wasn't there," reiterating over and over to such a degree that I couldn't help the tears from falling any longer.
Haruka holds me, as I've dreamt she would, her apology in streams, in tandem to aggravated palms hitting her shoulder and chest as she pulls me closer to her. My mouth lets out a low growl, inadvertent, fully relying on instinct and sheer built up frustration, hands hurt from hitting the dense tomboy in front of me and pulling her against me instead in a rough hug.
She holds on to wracking shoulders, willing for silent tears to continue and promising to never leave.
Time holds still and passes simultaneously, until the tears have subsided and the silence is once again swallowed by continuous rainfall. Watery emeralds look up at me, arms securing the base of my back tightly and her knees grounded to the floor. We can only look at each other, my fingers trailing a youthful face that belies her true age, yet one look at her eyes and I know exactly how old she must feel.
About as old as I do...
I close my eyes and sigh, and when I open them again, I can't look at her as I ask the question. "Why wasn't I good enough?"
She stops breathing completely, her entire body stiff and still. Silence rages until I look back up and see disbelief painting her visage.
I sigh once more, cupping warm cheeks into my palms. "You must've known how I felt about you."
She begins breathing once more, but it's shallow and quick. Pain flashes quickly through her eyes and she begins to curl back but I hold her still.
"Stop running."
My words blare her out of her stupor, her jaws clamping and an anger coming from her out of reflex.
"I wasn't the one who married someone else."
Her words cut me deeply and painfully, but I keep my fingers curled on her shirt to keep her still.
"I married Daiki because I thought it was the only chance at love I could get..." I say through clenched teeth. "Because my bullheaded best-friend couldn't see that I was madly in love with her and chose to flirt and date the rest of Japan's female population, but didn't look at what was under her nose. Because...the only time that I was able to tell her how I feel was a month after my proposition, in the middle of cold feet and second thoughts, when she's just come back from abroad, but before that was a bar, and she decides to go drinking and a pit crew member drove her home because she was too wiped to do it herself, and she tells me she loves me in a slur, drunken talk, kisses me, forgets about it the next day and the next time I see her she's leaving my wedding after a six minute attendance."
Haruka freezes under me.
"I tried calling you, but you never answered. I wanted to sort our feelings out, but you never came back home. You left...without saying anything." I look down and feel the anxiety I've felt back then coat my words. "You ran...You've been running since then." I look back up, my eyes as clear as my words. "And I've acknowledged that. I know that you need time and space, so I gave it to you. I know...we could've spoken after my separation with Daiki, but you weren't ready and neither was I. I've been waiting for you to come home to me this entire time. But if you still need your space, I'll give it to you.
"Ten years is nothing. I can't love anyone else. I can't lie to myself or to another person about how I feel. I'll just be waiting for you. I've always been."
Her expression is that of a little girl who's lost and about to cry, and I don't want her to because I know I'll cry again if she starts to. And I know that she'll be angry at herself for dragging this for too long, but again I won't let her because I'm not a big fan of self-inflicting pain, especially if it's Haruka to herself. But I know it's been too long of a night, and I know my house far too much to not discern a small creak in the stairway, so I bend down and kiss her, and the small touch of lips warms me, fills me, and even though she's still too stunned to reply, I know she'll answer me in due time.
She swallows roughly as I pull back, a blush painting her cheeks and giving me a delirious sense of high. "Mi—
I cut her off with a finger and a small smile. "Don't make me wait too long," I whisper, get up, and out of her embrace.
A second later, and a knock issues from my door, my daughter opening it in tandem. I hear Haruka get up quickly from her kneeling position on the floor as I near my child who looks at both of us in confusion.
"Everything okay?" she asks tiredly, rubbing sapphires endearingly as she does so.
I kneel to her and kiss a smooth forehead. "Everything's fine. Haruka and I was just talking. Why're you up?"
"Went to pee and noticed you were gone."
I smile widely and embrace her, getting up and carrying her as I do so. She wraps both arms and legs around me and rests her head on my shoulders, intent on going back to the world of dreams. I look back to Haruka from the doorway and give a smile to her apologetic and still lost expression.
"Stay the night."
She nods.
O-O-O-O-O
The noise and the energy around us is exciting, and the more I watch, the more sure I am that I want to do this. Haruka chuckles next to me.
"That good huh?"
I look up at her, emeralds shining in mirth, so different from how I've seen her countless times on television, regardless of how good and big our TV is back home. Her smile...looks different. But I remember her question and nod.
"This is amazing Haruka!"
She laughs once more, the sound of it drowned by incoming bikes.
The races are short in time, but several in the number of attendees so we get a fairly decent sized amount of races. By the end of it, Haruka stays true to her words, lets me meet Yamada-san and then we help with the clean up, the fact that I'm the only girl there catching other people's eyes and giving me another emotion for the day: irritation.
Two or so hours later and we head back into Haruka's sports car, the older tomboy aware of my sudden mood change. She picks me up as my feet slosh on some mud, swinging me rather easily onto her back and offering a piggy back ride silently, making me laugh a bit at how easy it is to be around her. She notices the dirt my shoes imprint on her shirt, but pays no attention to it.
"What's wrong?" she instead asks, passes her car, and makes way to an ice cream truck.
"Whaddya mean?" I ask back, but sigh as I did so, leaning a tired head on strong shoulders.
She looks back at me knowingly. "This is your first test you know," she says cryptically. "You should know by now that sports in general aren't keen on women participating. It's gotten better, but times don't change that easily. Don't let it get to you. In the end, it's you against them and nothing tastes better than you getting that trophy instead."
I grin at her words, her face matching mine, and I feel better at the situation. We both get ice cream with her still carrying me easily on her back and we return to the empty stands. Only a few people loitered, most have gone home.
We sit quietly for a bit, the chilly wind tossing our short hairs and my attention drifting to hers and at the empty track; she suddenly seems distant and in her own place.
"Haruka," I call and she looks at me attentively, the look from earlier gone.
She's a good actress.
"How long have you known mama?"
She's surprised at my question and looks in front of her thoughtfully. "We met in junior high."
I nod, a bit impressed. I've asked that question before and all of my other aunts knew her when she was already in high school. "Wow, that's a long time."
"Yeah," she agrees absentmindedly.
"Do you remember how she was like when she and you were young?"
She nods, eyes taking her faraway. "Your mama...words can't describe I guess..."
I pause for a moment, a frown taking over my face at her soft, automatic responses. "Do you like her?"
She twitches, ice cream cone falling from her fingertips and smashing into unappetizing bits on the wooden stands. Emeralds are wide as she stares at me in shock.
"N...no! What?"
My frown deepens and I nudge my ice cream cone for her to hold. She does so, confused at first as I get up from my seat and stand in front of her, my cold hands holding too warm cheeks and forcing her attention to only me.
"Do you like my mama?"
I see her fighting with herself, and I don't understand because it's a simple question that deserves a simple answer. Then finally, she nods, but not before swallowing roughly.
"Yes."
I breathe deeply and snatch my ice cream back from her grasp, biting on the waffle cone as she continues to stare at me in confusion.
"Does she know?" My eyes focus on a lone tree, its branches naked with no traces of leaves.
"Yes...kind of."
I sigh deeply once more. "It's either a yes or no question Haruka."
"It's a bit complicated, little one."
I smirk at the sudden pet name. "How can it be complicated?" I ask with a shrug. "If you like her, all she has to do is answer to it right? If she says no, tough luck. If she says yes, that's usually the happily ever after part from my bedtime stories, right?"
"You're really perceptive for a ten year old, do you realize that?"
I wave her words away with an added eye roll. "My many aunts say I get it from mama, but anyways..." I look back at her, and I see the confusion still in her eyes. "I'm not used to sharing mama," I say pointedly, getting to my point because I don't like to drag things. "I did before, but now he's gone, and I don't remember him."
"Would you like to?"
"No. You're getting further from the point I'm trying to make."
She chuckles exasperatingly at my sudden and automatic reply.
I sigh, getting angrier because our talk has taken a turn to a point that's still sore to me when it didn't have to. "He's a stranger. He...you know he comes every year for my birthday?" This little information surprises her and I can tell. "He...brings over gifts and smiles at me like he knows me, but he doesn't. He...he has the nerve to complain about my short hair and the way I act and the way I talk. And what does he know about me? What does he know about what I want? He gave me a doll last year and I couldn't wait to burn it cuz it looked so creepy—
"Haru..."
"So no, I don't want to get to know him. He's...my father. But he's not. He should've tried harder. He has his own family. He has a wife, two children. Much younger than me, but who really cares? They probably like to play with dolls, but I don't. Don't mix me with other people!"
Strong arms engulf me and I just stand there, stiff and in the verge of crying, but wanting to act tough because this is Haruka I'm speaking to and I can't look weak in front of my idol: who has come into my life so quickly, melting into my way of living so easily, catching my mother so effortlessly, that I feel like I need to know her, appease her, and hate her, all at the same time.
She holds me for a few minutes, my wrist coming up to swipe at my runny nose and eyes and I see her smile amidst the blur, pull her shirt over to me and clean my face up.
"You're different," I say quietly, making her pause in mid-action as she finishes. "Mama...she sees you differently. She doesn't look at anyone else the way she does with you...so...please, don't hurt her." My hands ball into tight fists. "If you do, I won't forgive you."
She stares up at me with a sad frown before nodding, my ice cream melted, forgotten, and next to hers on the floor.
AN: Here's part two. If it's not obvious already, the last person's perspective that I put into the chapter is who I'll be focusing on mainly for the next chapter's POV. So the last and final bit is going to be Haru's. I hope the wait wasn't too long, and surprisingly, Haru's perspective is easy to write so hopefully I can write it quicker. Michiru's just so hard for me portray it's almost painful. Sorry for any OOC. Reading people's reviews made me laugh because I think a lot of people were expecting for Michiru to still be married, but...she's not. So...sorry if that drama aspect wasn't added. Wow...Kamen Rider exists in real life. I just found out right now after a small google search so...a disclaimer for that...The movie they were watching isn't real though...as far as I know. The realm of eternal rain reference is from FFIX though...okay disclaimer for that too. Japanese words: yada means no way, ahh sou means really or is that so? I think that's it right?
SHonS: Yes, I am back with more goodies. Hopefully I can remain to be back with even more goodies.
Chumba wumba: :) I miss reading reviews too. Michi is definitely into girls...although if I can be honest about my perspective on that, I've never thought of Michiru liking women. Am I making sense right now? Cuz...well, Haruka likes women. This is for sure. She was a total flirt in the anime, but with Michiru you never really see this. The most she did was flirt with Seiya, and he had male genitalia when she was checking him out, so I dunno. My only conclusion: she only loves Haruka. :D I like that conclusion.
CoOkiE86: Hahahah "if everything goes to hell it's because of Haruka's stubbornness". Great insight. :( I feel sad that people feel they had to wait so long to read something of mine, but the blame can only be pointed to me, da ne? A year...or two...sounds long. I'll try not to make it like that...especially not this one.
Rayar: I love writing/reading a fanfic on our favorite pairing. Unfortunately there's not enough to satiate my thirst for them when I just want to read what other people have concocted. Haruka's no longer by herself, but is yet to still go all the way. I'm sure with Haru's help, it shall be done.
Tripower: Haha, rest assure as I've said before, I like my happy endings. Death fics, break up fics, somehow she doesn't love her anymore fics...they're not my forte. At times I feel that portion of my writing is not so believable. Because people go through things like that...it's only a part of life, so they say. But...I like my happy worlds I create so /shrug. If anyone has a problem w/ it, they can make their own fic right? I adore your inspirational drawings. :D Thank you for making it.
itou: Favorite writer? /blush. Michiru explains why she married Daiki, but I'm not sure if her explanation satiated the readers. Haru...feels like a mini Haruka...which really, is just too cute to pass up right?
senshixxl: hello, reader-san, glad to be back. I'm sorry I depressed you. It must be something I do inadvertently. This chappy explains the reasons for the distance in the first one, but rest assure it won't end so hangingly in the third. The husband has been disposed of, but I don't believe he's gone and out for the count. My mind is twisting him into existence as we speak. Michiru got double teamed upon Haruka meeting her daughter and this teaming up will occur more in the third chappy. A happy ending? Is there...an alternative ending except a happy one?
lostinhersong: A legend? I think you've made the blush permanent on my face for at least a day with that comment, but I'm glad you enjoyed it, albeit the feeling of heartbreaks and such. Thank you for the comment and I hope you enjoy this one as well.
petiyaka: I'M BACK! :) thanks for the review and comments and I hope the chapter satiates your curiosity at least until the next chapter.
FaintFiction: Smile, smile, smile. Sad Haruka equals a just as sad Michiru since they share souls and all. I'm glad you like it so far and I hope you like this one as well.
shetan83: Michiru loving Haruka, a vain hope? NO! NO WAI! Michiru loves her to a fault, imo. But anyway, thank you for the review and I hope, your hope doesn't still feel vain.
Swinging Cloud: I've been playing FFVII recently...and Cloud swinging his swords suddenly made me think of you. Is that strange? I'll stop. Hey pal! How dare you mock me with your "see you in six months" guilt trip. It hasn't been another six months since the last one! TAKE IT BACK! Ahem...writing with the intent of breaking people's hearts...I like to think I can I think...so...hmm...maybe that's my answer to near and dear fics? Look at me. NO at ME. I see YOU. Gosh avatar...so pocahontasy...was a pretty good movie though right?
omnomnom: hahahaha...ahh...world of warcraft reference name. I'm kinda glad some people who play that game actually knows sailor moon too...in this sense anyway. Updated :3 oh! A reflex question...for the horde? And...if this isn't...a wow reference and I just made a fool of myself...please, don't mind me. still though FOR THE HORDE!
RubyNury: Tadaima /bow. Gosh, talk about making me blush with endless comments and praises! :) I'm glad you like the story so far, and I know I've been a bit rare lately. Real life...is just so taxing at times. I need to take a class on time management or something. Haruka's perspective was sad, but I feel Michiru's even more-so. I hope you don't cry, but if you happen to do so I'm all grins :D Thanks for remembering me and I hope you like this one as well.
AlterEgoErin: Glad to be back :) And there are other great authors here. You just need to look harder methinks. Home...I like that song. Sorry for not explaining the Japanese at the end. I sometimes figure that since Sailor Moon's a Japanese anime that a lot of people know the basic terms, so I apologize for not explaining at the end. Michiru starting a family wasn't so bad. You can't imagine how much I shudder at reading other fics and she's with a guy...and then I do it...I'm a hypocrite. You're close to Haru's name...cut off a syllable and we're there :) Glad you liked it, and here's some more.
poipoi-chan: :) here's your next update.
Mantaray: I am all for coming back and entertaining, although I felt with how the first chapter went, the category for drama/romance is a bit fitting. Haruka...I made her pretty stubborn didn't I? :D Glad my writing is still okay and thank you for waiting patiently for an update.
yourfan: She was lonely :( I'm sorry she married someone else other than Haruka. And you know me too well to know that it'll be a happy ending. I shall supply!
royal stone: Haha, I squeal too when an author I like updates, so I can share the sentiment. Unfortunately, there just isn't enough H&M fics out there is there? Let's populate it! Glad you liked reading HP and FwB and yes...novel sized fics are the best to write and read. Cuz really, when I read a good fic, I don't want it to end right? And novel sized fics...well they end somehow, but at least not as soon as short ones. I'll try to write more so your waiting won't be so long :)
Vixzer: You know, the last review that I get, usually gives me the motivation I need to continue and finish a fic :) so thank you for a nice review. I'm glad you thought Haruka's perspective isn't OOC...I try, and Haruka's is always so much easier than Michiru's and I'm afraid I may have failed in that aspect in this chapter. Regardless of the matter thank you for the comments and I hope this chapter lives up to certain expectations.
