Title: Police Academy – Becoming Blue
Chapter 2 – Waiting to Exhale
A/N: Thanks so much for all the great reviews everyone! I am excited for this story and hope you all continue to like it as much and review. Also the show started out with Demarcus as Danny's partner so as much as I love Jackie I wanna keep as much canon as possible so you'll see him a few times as well. And much like my other stories, if there are suggestions and they fit I could use them so please continue to review! :)
Jamie looks at his father's expression, his small nervous smiling morphing into a thin flat line the longer his father just looks at him but says nothing.
"Uh…dad?" Jamie finally dares to ask after a few more tormented silent seconds tick past. "Did you hear…"
"Sure he did," Henry pipes up as he gets up from his chair and walks over to Jamie and gives him a warm hug. "Isn't that great Francis?"
"That's great Jamie," Frank states almost mechanically.
Jamie looks at his father's expression, hears the tension in his voice and tries to calm his rapidly beating heart. "I know it's kinda sudden but…"
"What happened to make you change your mind?" Frank asks in a firmer tone, making even his father look back in wonder.
"I…" Jamie starts and then pauses, his once happily nervousness now replaced with growing anxiety. "I want to be a cop like you and Danny and um…and Joe."
"Jamie you're about to take the bar in a few weeks and…"
"I know but I…dad I want this. I want to join the NYPD. I thought you'd be happy for me."
"I am happy for you, it's just so sudden."
"I know but thought I'd duck out now before the bar...before I past the point of no return."
"Jamie..."
"That's great right dad?" His soft tone almost begging for approval.
Frank, feeling his father's eyes boring a hold into the back of his head looks at his youngest and offers a weak smile, a small lump of emotion catching in his throat and refusing to be swallowed down. "Jamie you know I'll support any decision you make."
"But you're not happy for me?" Jamie manages; his voice slightly cracking.
"Course I am," Frank offers a smile that his father didn't even have to see directly to know it was fake. He pulls Jamie into his arms and offers him a rather stiff hug, making Jamie instantly surmise that he wasn't telling him the whole truth. "Are you sure this is what you want?"
"I have thought a lot about it and I know I can make more of a difference on the streets than behind a desk."
"Oh your sister does a pretty good job behind a desk."
"I know but…"
"Well I think it's great," Henry interjects with a smile. "Kinda like a tradition for any male with the last name Reagan. Was wondering when you'd come to your senses."
"Pop, don't guilt him into anything."
"He's not," Jamie rushes to his grandfather's defense. "I wanna do this…for me," he insists as his hands nervously shove back into the pockets of his jacket.
"Have you told Sydney?"
"Yesterday. She was also surprised and of course mentioned my loans and stuff."
"A cop's salary isn't nearly what a lawyers can be, especially a criminal lawyer as you wanted to be."
"Thought it wasn't about the money."
"It's not," Frank replies with a small smile, his mind a mix of elation and anxiety over this latest news. His mind instantly flashes back to a bedside confession in which he had held his dying wife's hand and promised that Jamie, her youngest, wouldn't follow the male family code and wear the uniform.
'Promise me Frank.'
And despite the fact that he had always said he wouldn't sway his children's professional future in any direction based on personal opinion or emotion; he made a promise that was now coming back to haunt him.
'Mary I promise.'
"Thought you guys would be happier for me," Jamie shrugs, his lips offering a small nervous smile. "I will pay back my loans."
"So then you've already applied and been accepted?"
"Thought you would have seen my application and asked me about it."
"If I had seen it I would have, but I usually only get those that need my special approval," Frank admits.
"With your last name I think it was a given," Henry pipes up, making Frank inwardly groan. "I think it's great; lawyers can be sissies. Except your sister, she has the ba….well whatever women have to keep them on their game," he huffs. "Proud of you kid," he grins, making Jamie's face slightly relax.
"Thank you," Jamie offers softly as he looks back at his father. Then before Jamie can say another word, Frank gently leads him into the living room for a little heart to heart.
"Just tell me that you are doing this for you and not because you think you need to replace Joe for me."
"No…what?" Jamie asks with some surprise. "Dad I want to do this. I have for a bit now…I think I lost my heart for being a lawyer about a year ago and it slowly just…faded. Don't tell Erin."
"Oh no," Frank pulls back a bit, "you'll be telling your sister all that on your own," he smirks and Jamie just nods thoughtfully.
"Are you really happy for me? Because if not then…"
"I'm not about to put any personal guilt on you about Joe, Jamie, it wouldn't be fair," Frank admits. "I will always, love, support and be proud of you no matter what you do, but you have to do this for you."
"Sydney wasn't that happy," Jamie sighs as he looks down at his fingers as they absently fiddle with the zipper pull on his jacket. "She um…well she was actually mad."
"Yeah women don't like to be surprised when it comes to matters of money and future; especially if they had a hand in planning either. How would you like it if she just up and told you she was about to change everything you two had planned for a few years together and worked toward as a team?"
"I know I'd be as put off as her. I don't blame her but I just wanted to do this for me without any…"
"Verbal interference one way or another?"
"Figured you'd always back me."
"You'll always have that Jamie but remember in there…I can't ask anyone to show you special favor, understand?"
"I wouldn't think of it," Jamie assures his father with a small smile. "I know it won't be easy and I know it'll be a lot of hard work and another seven months of schooling."
"You're gonna come out with a lot of burden you know that right."
"I do and I'm ready for it," Jamie insists. "I want this…I really do," he tries again, almost wanting to convince himself now as much as his father.
"I can tell you do," Frank notes with an easier tone.
"And I'm not here to ask for money either. I want to do this for me…on my own."
"Jamie if you need help to defer some of the cost…"
"No dad I'm okay. I know its gonna be hard for us for the next few months but um…well I have a line on a part time job and I know I can make this work."
"That's gonna be a very tight schedule," Frank mentions in concern. "You don't wanna burn yourself out."
"I'm only gonna work on days with the heavy academic schedule so that I can also study at work during my breaks if I have to. That way for the physical stuff I can just go home and study and rest," Jamie explains. "Think mom would be happy? I know she wanted me to stay with law but…but do you think she'd be mad?"
Frank looks at the small tormented but wondering expression on his youngest's face and feels his heart starting to beat a bit slower. 'Promise me Frank…promise me Jamie won't go to the NYPD.' He wasn't about to lie but nor could he tell him the promise he had offered her just to soothe her mind at the time.
"She'd be proud of you no matter what," Frank tries to assure Jamie with a warm smile, praying that his tone wouldn't betray the doubt in his own mind. Never a doubt about Jamie doing well as an officer as he had taught all his children to give one hundred percent in everything they did; it was a doubt now about living with himself and the ultimate betrayal he was offering to the woman that had given him Jamie.
"Well I should go. I wanna tell Danny and then I'll um call Erin."
"Call?"
"She can't throw anything at me that way," Jamie smirks.
"Oh she can you just won't be there to physically receive it."
"She's been one of my biggest supporters for this."
"She'll back you Jamie. This is your decision and it's not fair for any of us to sway you either way."
"Even Danny?"
"Especially Danny," Frank smiles. "Let me know if you have any problems."
"Thanks dad."
Both of them stand up, Frank pulling Jamie into his arms once more for a warm hug before they head for the living room where Jamie tells them he can't stay for supper but will see them both on Sunday.
"Francis? You're not happy about this?" Henry asks as soon as Jamie's gone and the door is closed.
"What makes you say that?"
"I'm your father," Henry quips. "Now what is it? He practially left in tears and that's not like a Reagan, I should know."
"It's…" his mind races about what to tell his father about his promise to Mary. "It's nothing," he offers in half truth, "supper ready?"
"You're a terrible liar Francis."
XXXXXXXX
Jamie's nervous agitation once again skyrockets as he nears Danny's precinct and then stops just outside, wondering if he should even go in there or wait one more day. But he knows if Danny hears it from anyone other than him, there would be hell to pay – literally. So taking a deep breath, he slowly heads inside praying for a smooth conversation.
Danny looks up from his paperwork at something Demarcus says and smirks, his eyes catching his youngest sibling heading toward him with a small frown. "Hey Harvard, you lost?" Danny teases, drawing a small frown to his brother's face. "Okay…what's up?"
"Got a sec?"
"Sure. Demarcus was just heading to the donut shop to get us a midnight snack," Danny winks at his partner.
"You're heading home for dinner Reagan," Demarcus lightly groans as he looks over at Jamie and nods. "Hey kid how's it goin'?"
"Good thanks," Jamie nods before he slowly eases himself down into the chair next to Danny.
"So what's up? Wanna report a crime?" Danny teases.
"No I um…" Jamie nervously stammers, trying to gauge his brother's reaction before he continues too much further. But Danny had long since mastered the ultimate poker face, and Jamie was damned the moment he opened his mouth.
"Why are you so nervous? Something happen?" Danny asks in immediate concern.
Just spit it out already, Jamie's mind commands, his lips quickly following suit. "I joined the police academy."
At the same time Jamie utters his statement, Danny's face goes instantly to that of a state of surprise, Demarcus rounding the corner and then slowly backing up, muttering something about taking a few extra copies and allowing the brother's time to discuss this life altering news.
But before Jamie can say another word, Danny's up on his feet, grabbing his jacket and dragging him toward a small private room. "What the hell did you just say?" Danny nearly demands, slamming the door shut and making Jamie slightly jump.
"I joined the police academy," Jamie replies in a soft, nervous tone; his brother always the force to be reckoned with when his Irish temper was flaring.
"Why?" Danny asks, glaring at Jamie in frustration.
"Uh...I wanted to," Jamie answers with a small shrug, his mind now spiraling downward at the thought that only his grandfather was happy about his sudden decision. "I just wanted you to know," Jamie adds before he heads for the door to escape. Danny's thick palm presses against the door and keeps it closed, looking at Jamie in anxiety.
"Hold it right there. Did you tell dad?"
"I was just there."
"And he didn't try to talk some sense into you?"
"This is my decision Danny," Jamie argues back, looking at his oldest sibling with frustrated and somewhat cross expression. "I thought my family would be happier for me…"
"Why because now I have another greenhorn to babysit?" Danny retorts, his words coming out faster than expected and not checking with his brain first. He notices Jamie's outward wince and silently curses himself.
"You won't have to babysit me," Jamie groans as he just shakes his head and turns away. "So much for telling Sydney I'd have my family's full support."
"What did you expect?"
"I expected that everyone would be happy for me like they were for Joe and I'm sure for you," Jamie shrugs.
"Guess Sydney wasn't too pleased?"
"Seems no one is but me," Jamie sighs as he turns back to Danny with a defeated expression, Danny's heart instantly dropping to a dull thud. "I want to do this for me. I have felt this way for some time…it's not like it's a spur of the moment decision," Jamie rattles off in his defense. "I know Erin is gonna be mad but I didn't think you'd be."
"You thought I'd be happy about having another one on the streets that I hafta worry about?"
"You never worried about me before," Jamie counters in a meek tone and Danny grits his teeth. "I just wanted you to know, that's all," Jamie sighs in a sad tone, wishing that he'd be able to go home tonight and at least tell Sydney in truth that he has his family's happy blessing and whole hearted support.
"Jamie…"
"Look its not like I'm gonna be coming to you for…"
"Help?" Danny concludes.
"Sure," Jamie nods as he heads for the door. "I start next week, just wanted you to know."
And before Danny could say anything more, Jamie pulls the door open and heads for the entrance doors, leaving his brother standing dumbfounded in the small break room.
"Hey Danny what's that all about?" Demarcus inquires in concern.
"Hell just froze over," Danny chides as he grabs his coat and heads for the front door, leaving his confused partner to ponder that statement until the following morning and muttering lucky Linda under his breath as Danny disappears.
Is no one happy for me, Jamie's mind spins around as he looks at his phone display, his eyes fixed on his sister's number as he contemplates calling her. But he knows he owes her the same in person conversation as he did the rest so hops in a cab and heads for her office.
A tepid knock is heard, prompting Erin to look up from her stack of paperwork and smile at seeing her youngest brother enter. "Hey Jamie…what brings you here?" She asks with a sweet smile.
Just get it over with now, his brain commands in sorrow as Jamie slowly sits down on the couch before her desk. "I just wanted to tell you that I joined the police academy."
Since he had already faced a barrage of less than enthusiastic responses from his family, Jamie's heart wasn't as crushed by his sister's rather disappointed expression.
"I might ask why but after hearing you gush all over Danny's tale at family dinner last sun…"
"It has nothing…okay well not nothing but I wanna do this for me," Jamie insists.
"Jamie you were the top of your class, you'd ace the bar," his sister encourages. "Why are you going to throw that all away?"
"Well," Jamie sighs as he looks down at his hands, Erin's motherly instinct immediately kicking up at his lost expression. "I just wanted you to know."
"Danny already read you the riot act?"
"A little," Jamie shrugs. "I guess, I'll just be doing this my our own."
"Don't try guilt with me, I'm beyond that. I have a teenager," Erin huffs as she just shakes her head, pushes herself up from her chair and heads for the couch, sitting down beside her brother. "You know you can make more of a difference in law right?"
"Talk about guilt."
"It's not guilt, it's the truth and maybe we didn't tell you that enough. Yes I'll admit that listening to Danny's stories of bravado can make us all think that his job is the most amazing thing in the world; the hard stuff he saves for Linda or dad, he spares you, Nikki and his own kids that – thank goodness."
"I think I can make more of a difference in uniform."
"And what about Sydney? You two talked about working a few years and then opening your own practice?"
"She's not that happy but um…but I think she'll come around," Jamie offers with insecurity. "At least I hope so."
"And the student lo…"
"Isn't anyone happy for me? Just hey Jamie way to go, what a great decision?" Jamie snaps as he stands up and looks at his sister with a flushed face. "I know it's not what anyone wanted to hear…I know Sydney and it seems now all my family is pissed and yes I know about my huge debt load," Jamie's voice stammers in anger. "I just always thought that my family would be there for me, backing such an important decision and not making me feel like I just made the biggest mistake of my life."
And much like Danny, Jamie's frustration forces him out the door and Erin just sitting there wondering how things could have gone better, before she gets up, heads for her desk and calls her father.
XXXXXXXX
Jamie heads home under a thick cloud of gloom. I come from a family of cops…his mind tries to reason. I get Erin being upset because she helped me so much during my time at Harvard, but Danny? Dad?...did I really make the wrong decision?
And instead of entering his apartment with a genuinely happy smile, Jamie's face pastes on a tight lipped grin to greet his fiancé.
"Sydney?" Jamie calls out as he enters their quiet loft apartment. He nears the closest kitchen counter and spies a piece of paper and picks it up, looking at it with a rather despondent expression.
'Jamie…bar study group tonight. Guess you won't be joining us. See you later. S'
"Guess not," he laments in quiet misery as pulls open the fridge, his stomach, much like the night before, not that interested in food. Instead he grabs a beer and heads into the living room, sagging down into the couch and absently turning on the TV. He takes a sip and then replays all the tense and rather discouraging conversations with his family – even his father didn't seem genuinely happy for him.
The day had started with hope and promise, Jamie wanting to be able to come home and brag about his family's support and backing and confidently look forward to next week. Instead all he can do is replay in his mind all the fake smiles from his father and disappointed expressions from his older brother and sister. He had wanted to come homoe tell Sydney that she had nothing to worry about because his family would be helping with any financial strain they couldn't handle; instead all he can do is sit alone take another swig of his beer and ask himself out loud:
"Did I do the right thing?"
A/N: So second thoughts? Well we know that Jamie actually does go but who does he talk to that helps him see his decsion was right? And what do you think his first day will be like after all this? What friends will he make and what enemies will he instantly attract? And will he and Danny make peace? Or will Jamie face some tough enemies alone? Please review before you go as you know it makes us write faster! Thanks so much everyone!
