AN: I apologize in advance for any mistakes I may have missed.
Chapter 2
"Inuyasha!"
He couldn't breathe.
"Inuyasha," came the broken plea. "I'm right here. I'm right in front of you."
He shook his head at the voice that sounded so distant. Why couldn't he understand. Pain was the only way to make it better. She hurt. She was in so much pain. He needed to hurt too.
Hands reached out to grab him and he turned away, a balled up huddle in the corner of the bathroom. "So sorry baby. Papa's so sorry, Aya." He stared blankly at the wall, his breathing coming out in unsteady hitches.
"Don't. Please Inuyasha," he pleaded. "Don't shut me out. Feel me. Know that I'm right in front of you and I'm not going anywhere."
Sesshomaru reached out to touch him and the hanyou turned his head, the red around his golden eyes a stark contrast. He threw himself into his husband's arms, his muffled cries between them as he cried against the demon's shoulder. "I'm so sorry, Sesshomaru." He wailed, his body a constant thrum of vibration. "I'm so sorry."
Arms tightened around him and the demon placed his nose into his frazzled hair. "Stop Inuyasha. You didn't mean for... It wasn't your fault."
The hanyou quickly raised a hand to his mouth to keep at bay the sudden pressure in his throat but it was too late to stop the ascent of his bodily fluids. His body convulsed as he spilled the contents of his stomach between them. The demon never moved away. Inuyasha kept his mouth covered as he scrambled to the nearby toilet, coughing and spittle leaving him as he emptied himself out. He slumped against the seat, arms resting across the seat as he gave in to his body's fatigue. His chest heaved as he fought for breath. Sesshomaru reached down and pulled his hair back from his mouth.
"Come on. Let's get you cleaned up."
Inuyasha didn't move, not even when he was stripped and placed in the shower, the demon right behind him. He leaned back against the taller demon's chest, his eyes staring unseeingly at the wall that stood before them. Sesshomaru cleaned him, pressing light kisses into the top of his head every so often. So tender. Loving. Tears welled in his eyes anew.
His princess. Fighting for her last breaths on the cold, harsh street. He didn't deserve this. He wanted the other to yell. Scream at him. Accuse him. Not treat him as if he were some fragile creature. The kindness was killing him softly. Aya should be here with them, getting her ready for bed like they always did. Not in the dirt. Not in the earth.
His body gave out and two arms caught him. He clapped a hand over his mouth to stifle his sobs, his body quaking. "Aya. My baby.. Why? Why my baby."
The arms squeezed him. "It wasn't your fault Inuyasha."
"That bitch killed my baby." He gasped harshly, eyes widening and his heart beat becoming increasingly erratic. "She.. She-"
"Shh. Calm down." Inuyasha kept his head down at the feel of the digits softly stroking his head. "Aya's in peace now, Yasha. She's... She's not in pain anymore. You know her grandfather will watch over her. She's not alone."
Sesshomaru held him but Inuyasha didn't dare return the gesture. He didn't deserve comfort. He cried. Sesshomaru pulled him closer as he lost himself to his misery.
He gasped as he sat up in bed, sweat lining his skin. He looked around, seeing he was in his old bedroom. He looked down at the wet sheets and closed his eyes in a sigh.
He flung the cover aside and got out bed and stripped the sheets. He threw them into the corner to be washed later. He grabbed a change of clothes from the dresser and made to take a quick shower.
He dressed and went back to his room, throwing the damp clothes in the hamper and grabbing the sheets. He took them downstairs to the washer and dryer before loading them. He adjusted the washer before making his way into the living room.
His mother turned to him from her spot on the couch, a smile on her lips at seeing her son. He laid himself down, his head in her lap. She placed her hand on his head before softly running his fingers through his soft, white locks.
He closed his eyes, enjoy the slow ministrations from his mother. They'd been like this often when he was a kid. When he had nightmares or when he just wanted to be close to his mom. She would hum to him until he fell asleep. Though this time she didn't hum.
"Was it a bad one?"
Inuyasha opened his eyes, turning to look into her brown. She knew. He turned to stare up at the ceiling above them. "Yeah."
"Was it about Aya?"
He shook his head. He remembered when he used to have bad dreams about his child. She would be looking up at him, her skin a pale that was only associated with people no longer living. Her gold eyes still as vibrant as ever. Her little mouth covered in blood. She would always call out to him. He would try. Try so hard to reach out to grab her but something always held him back. He would cry and scream as darkness moved in to cover her. He would cry and bang on the invisible wall, her cries still reaching him as she faded into the cloud of dark. Leaving him.
That'd been the most recurring one out of the dreams that plagued him over the years. They slowed down but every once in a while one would make itself known once again.
His family and friends knew he had nightmares. They'd calmed him down enough to be quite familiar.
He swallowed. "It was a memory I had. With Sesshomaru." He told her.
She made a humming sound in her throat, a soft tune leaving her as she otherwise silently comforted him. Running her fingers through her child's hair.
"Ma," he started. "Why didn't you tell me Sesshomaru had started drinking."
Her fingers paused for the briefest of moments as she stopped humming. He looked to her.
"I guess it was too much to hope Miroku wouldn't have told you. I thought it too soon for you to know. You had just gotten back. I didn't want to load you down with too much too soon."
"Did he ever show up here drunk?"
She smiled, her eyes tinged with sadness. "Yes. A few times. He would always apologize and leave. I think it embarrassed him. The mother of his husband seeing him like that. I never held it against him. I pray for him too. Just like I pray for you."
"I've decided I'm not going to see him. Miroku said he was better now and who knows what seeing me could trigger. I'm not gonna be the reason he goes back to drinking ma." He told her fiercely.
She nodded. "Okay Inuyasha. You know I'll support you no matter what."
"Let's go out today," he said rather suddenly, his tone more upbeat. "Let me take you out to eat. We can go somewhere fancy."
She let out of a huff of laughter, her eyes holding her amusement. "If you don't have any plans then I'd be delighted to go out with my only son. I'd assumed you'd be going out to see another one of your old friends today."
"I need to gain my strength back after dealing with Miroku," he quipped. She chuckled and she sounded so pretty to him in that moment. "I'll go visit Shippo tomorrow."
"Then it's a date," she teased with a smile.
They spent the day together, Inuyasha letting it be all about her. He'd missed so many years of her life and their was no turning back the clock. How could he have thought to never see her again. She was one of his very favorite people. He was happy and relieved she hadn't shunned him which he felt was well within her rights to do. He thought of Aya and knew he'd love her no matter what. He imagined that was why it was so easy for her to forgive. A parent's love.
He took her to her favorite restaurant, the one his father had taken her on their first date. Shikon. One of Tokyo's most elegant restaurants. She gasped and shook her head, knowing the prices most of the dishes had. He smiled and guided her inside, chuckling at her comments about him being just as stubborn as his father.
He bought her a few things from a nearby antique shop before they spent the rest of the day by the lake he liked to visit as a child. Watching the surrounding families as they talked about memories and laughed.
It was late in the evening when he drove them home. He placed her into her bed, smiling at the child like grumble that left her as she dug deeper into the pillow. He looked down at her soft, aged face and sadness gripped him. He placed a kiss to her forehead and left the room. He went upstairs and stripped out his clothes, slipping into the washed sheets and blankets.
He thought of his daddy and how the demon would always tuck him in at night with his mother standing in the doorway. Just like he and Sesshomaru had done for Aya. He closed his eyes, can't helping but to think the old days had been so much more simple.
He woke up the next morning on his own, not wanting his mother to worry about getting up and cooking for him.
He fixed a simple bacon, egg and cheese breakfast sandwich with a glass of milk. He washed up behind himself and lightly walked back up the stairs and to the bathroom. He brushed his teeth and went to his room, settling on a pair of dark blue jeans and a black T-shirt with white lettering on the front. He went and took a quick shower.
Inuyasha went to his mother's room, seeing she was still asleep. He wrote out a quick note telling her he'd be back later tonight.
He went and took the car out of the garage before driving towards the inner city. He was excited. Nervous. He couldn't help but wonder what the fox's reaction would be too seeing him after so many years of him being gone.
Last he knew, Shippo had been attending university. Going for his Bachelor's Degree in nursing. Something he'd always wanted to pursue. His stomach rolled at thoughts of the kitsune demon spewing hateful words. He knew he wouldn't say a word in return until Shippo had said all that he had to, despite what was said in anger. If Inuyasha deemed he truly felt that way, he'd have to move on. As much as it would break his heart too.
Shippo had never had any real family to rely on. He'd never been particularly close with the adoptive family that took him in freshman year of high school. Which is when Inuyasha had met his friend. Kagome had seen him and commented on how sad he looked. He agreed with her, Shippo had looked so alone sitting at the lunch table with no one. Always the nice girl, Kagome had made it her business to invite him over to their two man table. He started off with a sense of pity towards the fox that morphed into a protective feeling of sorts. His life story was so sad when he finally divulged it to them. Moved from home to home with no sense of who he was since he was a toddler. All he had was a name. Inuyasha couldn't relate since he had his father and mother. Shippo became another person he loved. Another friend that steadily became to mean more to him than that.
Knowing these things, he was immensely nervous of the reaction he'd receive. Like everyone else in Shippo's life, he'd left. He knew he'd hurt people, but he hoped Shippo wasn't so alone. He knew he was ultimately doing it for the greater good. Shippo had spent too much time trying to nurse him back to health while still attending his classes at the university. The fox never complained but he clearly saw the effect it was having on his body. He saw what his being around was doing to everybody. People around him were trying to live and he was in a constant state of numbness. He couldn't have them doing that. Not for him when wasn't over his baby's passing. So. He left.
He parked outside of the address his mother had given him. He looked at the two story home from his spot across the street, seeing a gray 2015 Honda Accord LX Sedan. He wondered if that was Shippo's car. He hadn't had one ten years ago.
Knowing he was stalling, he finally got out. He looked down the street both ways seeing it was free to go. He started walking, staring at the white door.
He took a deep breath before bringing a hand up to rap on the door. His stomach was so upset as he waited. His ears picked up at the footfalls he heard from the other side. He took a step back once the door opened, a tall demon in nothing but gray sweats revealing himself. He stared at Inuyasha.
"Yeah," came the lazy greeting. "Can I help you?"
Did his mother give him the wrong address? "Uh. I was looking for an old friend of mine, but I think I have the wrong address. Sorry for bothering you." He said before turning around to start back to his car.
"Wait."
He stopped, turning back around to see what the demon wanted.
"I might be able to help you. Your friend might be in the neighborhood. What's their name?"
Inuyasha looked to the black haired demon, and hesitated before deciding it couldn't hurt to see if he knew the fox. "His name's Shippo Fukui."
The demon tilted his head, looking at the hanyou with a peculiar look on his face. "What business do you have with my husband?"
Inuyasha blinked, his confusion apparent. "Excuse me?"
"You said you were looking for a Shippo. It's Shippo Wolfe now by the way. We got married seven years ago. I'm Koga Wolfe, his husband."
"O-oh," Inuyasha shook his head. "I wasn't aware he'd gotten married." His mom had to have known that since she said Shippo visited her time from time. Why hadn't she seen it fit to tell him that?
Koga crossed his arms across his naked chest, leaning against the doorway. He gave Inuyasha a visible once over and Inuyasha raised a brow.
"Your not an old flame are you? I hate to break it to you, but you lost any chance of getting him back the day we said, 'I do'."
He ducked his head to hide his grin. He just might like this Koga. He sobered up before meeting the man's cool colored gaze. "No, I'm not an ex lover. Like I said, just an old friend. I'm guessing he's not here so I'll come back some other time."
Koga grunted. "I was sure I'd met all of Shippo's friends. What's your name so I can tell him you stopped by."
Inuyasha nodded. "It's Inuyasha. Inuyasha Shimizu."
He watched the way Koga's lips parted slightly. His eyes lighting with recognition only to be quickly smothered. The hanyou had seen it clearly however. All he could think was, 'he knows'.
"Y-Yeah, I, uh, heard about you." The demon cleared his throat, his voice a lot more stable. "Shippo used to mention you all the time."
"Yeah," he whispered, awkwardness settling in. "Can you just tell him I stopped by? And let him know I'm at my mothers place? If.. If he wants to see me."
Koga watched him before sighing, moving away slightly from the door frame. "You may as well come in and wait for him. He'll be back from the hospital in about ten minutes."
"Oh, it's fine. I didn't mean to intrude." He brought his hands up to emphasize his reluctance to accept his invitation. "I'm sure your busy-"
"Just get in here will ya. Shippo would kill me if he knew I let you leave. He'll be here soon enough." Koga turned his back to him as he walked into his home. "Close the door behind you."
Inuyasha watched him disappear behind a corner before regaining his senses. He walked in, seeing a large living room off to the right, a large television playing a football game. He noticed two large, brown leather sofas. One pushed against the wall to the front of the house. The other to its left, facing directly across from the television. He looked around not seeing the demon named Koga. He opted to sit on the couch by the wall until he decided to make a reappearance.
He walked around the couch and paused at seeing various children's toys scattered over the couch and floor. His mouth fell open in silent wonder. Children's toys.. They had a child?
He walked to the other couch, eyeing the toys. He thought of Aya and the furry plushies she was always fond of. She would always make him be the baby plushie while she played the role of daddy plushy. Wanting to be like her two daddies.
Inuyasha looked up at the soft, fast approach of light footsteps. His breath left him at the green eyes that met his amber. The little boy eyed him as he stopped directly beside his toys. He was gorgeous. His raven locks stopping just under his shoulders. His green eyes exactly how he remembered Shippo's being.
The child snatched one of the toys away before quickly running back out of his sight. Inuyasha watched him disappear in silent astonishment. Shippo had a baby. He assumed it was Koga's child as their hair color was identical and he resembled the demon greatly. The two sharing the same bronze skin tone.
His eyes shifted as he noticed those green eyes peer out at him from around the side of the couch. Inuyasha blinked at being watched. He looked around, still seeing no sign of Koga.
He let a smile cross his lips as he looked back, the little boy giggling before ducking his head out of sight once more. A huff of laughter left the hanyou as the child peeked back out again to look at him.
"What are you doing, Katsu?"
His head whipped up to watch Koga as he swooped down to pick up the mini demon, squeals of laughter leaving him as he lightly hit the older demon with the toy he held in his hand. "S'op ih daddy! I sowwy!"
Inuyasha smiled as Koga tickled the little boy like crazy, Katsu's body squirming to get away from the unrelenting hands. "Were you bothering your papa's friend?"
"No, daddy. No!" The little boy wiggled, his laughter turning into gasps as the wolf's hands tickled every spot within his reach. The boy's little hands trying to stop the assault on his body. A feeling of contentment spread throughout him at watching the two's interaction. He hid a smile behind his hand as the child's squeals permeate the air. It was a very endearing display.
Only when the boy started to whimper did Koga let up. Koga kissed his little one's forehead before bringing him around with him to sit on the couch. Inuyasha took a discreet sniff, the dark shirt the demon now wore heavy with a scent. Smelled like a wolf.
Inuyasha watched him with Katsu and couldn't help but see the effortless interaction between the two. He thought of Sesshomaru then and felt the pang of sadness that usually came when thinking of the silver haired demon. Sesshomaru had been an amazing father. The daiyoukai had once been in the wolf's position. Taking care of his daughter. So attentive to their little girl. But no more. He'd taken that from him.
"Um, you thirsty?" Inuyasha snapped out of his thoughts, hoping he hadn't been staring like some kind of lunatic at the two.
"Nah, I'm good." He couldn't help but think the wolf felt weird. Not without good reason. Letting a virtual stranger into your home. A man his husband hadn't seen in ten years. He felt kind of bad. Though he himself wasn't faring any better. In the home of a certain fox he hadn't kept in contact with. He hadn't wanted to surprise Shippo to this extent. Walk in to see the friend you'd known since freshman year of high school. His nerves were a little frazzled just sitting here waiting for the inevitable. Koga had said Shippo used to mention him. The wolf had invited him into their home. He was hoping that turned out to be a good thing. If Shippo hated him, his husband surely wouldn't see it fit to invite him into the home with their child.
Trying to distract himself from what was about to take place in just a few short minutes, he offered a slight smile towards Katsu. "He looks just like you. How old is he?"
Koga looked away from his son to meet his amber. "He'll be three in March." He said with a slight shake of his head, exasperated fondness entering his deep voice. "Thank God for that. I see what everyone goes on about when talking about a kid's terrible two's.
Inuyasha chuckled, nodding with a knowing smile. "Yeah. It can get pretty rough."
"Yeah?" Koga asked, a gentleness in his deep voice. "It's tough but I wouldn't give it up for anything."
He knew exactly how the wolf felt. Raising a kid was no walk in the park but it was also one of the most gratifying feelings in the world. To know you had the unconditional love of a little one. Something you helped bring into the world. There was no feeling like it.
He held Koga's gaze. "Not for anything." He reaffirmed before clearing his throat some. "How'd you meet Shippo?"
Katsu climbed into his father's lap and Koga broke his gaze long enough to help situate his son. He looked back to the white haired hanyou, Katsu's green eyes locking onto the stranger as well.
"Shippo treated me at the hospital after I got into a scrap with some loser. This guy was beating up on his lady in broad daylight so I intervened. Didn't expect the guy to pull a blade on me. He got my arm pretty good."
The wolf shifted his right arm forward and Inuyasha noticed the slightly raised discolored line that raked across his arm from his shoulder to a spot just above his elbow.
Inuyasha sucked his teeth before leaning back. "That looks like it was nasty."
Koga shrugged. "It hurt like a bitch afterward but I barely felt it at the time."
Katsu gasped, leaning forward to send a wide eyed look back towards his father. "Ohhh. Daddy you say bad stuff. You no say that."
Inuyasha bit his lip but failed to stifle the low chuckle. Koga sent him an exasperated look as if to say, 'See what I mean?'
"Daddy's sorry," The wolf said before leaning down to kiss his son's forehead. "Don't tell your papa kay?"
Katsu nodded with all the seriousness of a two year old and leaned back against his father's chest, content to play with the small toy in his hands. God he missed Aya.
"Anyway," Koga started up. "As you can see, we got together and had this little guy. I guess if anything, that guy is the reason I have my family now. It was more than worth it."
Inuyasha watched Koga straighten out Katsu's hair. "Is he happy?" He asked softly.
Koga looked up to meet his gaze. The wolf watched him for a moment in silence. It seemed the wolf knew he wasn't attacking his pride as his husband but took it for the wonder that it truly was. "I make it my business to see that he's happy."
Shippo had done well for himself. Not that it was needed, but Koga had his approval. He was glad the sandy haired fox had a family of his own now.
Three pairs of eyes turned at the headlights that quickly flashed across the living room window.
"Dat papa daddy?" Katsu asked, staring up at the black haired demon.
"Yeah Katsu," he answered softly, though his eyes were locked with Inuyasha's. "That's your papa."
Inuyasha took a deep breath, attempting to settle his nerves. Shippo was going to walk through that door any second. It was well within the fox's rights to send him packing without a word. That would... hurt. But he'd deserve it. For leaving the way he did. Shippo had obviously moved on and appeared to be doing just fine. He could very well see his return as an unnecessary complication. He felt Koga's stare on him. He guessed his nervousness was apparent.
"For what it's worth. Shippo told me he considered you to be the family he never had. I know true family doesn't turn their back when times get rough. If I know my husband, and I know my husband, you don't have nothin' to be worried about."
Inuyasha looked up from his stare on the floor, sending a grateful smile the wolf's way. The words eased away some of the tightness in his stomach. He felt just a little better.
The trio's eyes went to the doorway as the sound of a key wormed its way inside the cylinder. Katsu squirmed out of his father's grip and ran around the couch to greet the fox. Koga chuckled and stood up to follow his son.
The door opened and Katsu immediately ran into Shippo's legs. Inuyasha stood up, drinking in the sight of his old friend. He grew up and out. He was at least three inches taller than his previous five five height. Shippp had always been on the more petite side. Now, there was a little added weight that looked amazing on him. He assumed it was a little leftover padding from carrying Katsu. He wore navy blue hospital scrubs, his tail swaying lazily behind him. A lot longer and less fluffier than it'd been. His sandy red locks were bound behind him in a high ponytail he was known to wear often in high school. Still secured by a light blue ribbon. His bangs in slight disarray over his forehead. His face appeared flushed, a rosy stain over his slightly rounded cheeks.
"Hey baby," Shippo smiled down at Katsu before leaning down to pick up the dark haired two year old. Inuyasha smiled, happiness spreading through him at being able to witness the ordinary family moment. If anyone deserved that, it was Shippo.
"Ooh ga w'at papa." Katsu gushed, his green eyes lit up in excitement.
Shippo smiled, the adoration in his eyes as he stroked his son's hair clear to see. "What is it Katsu."
Without turning his head, Katsu aimed his tiny arm back where his father stood behind him. "Daddy say bad stuffs."
"You little snitch..." Koga growled.
Shippo chuckled, bringing his gaze up to meet his husband's but immediately turned his head further to the right after finally taking notice of the silent visitor in the living room. He turned back to Koga with a confused tilt of his head. "I didn't know you were expecting company today."
The wolf closed the small space between them and took Katsu before leaning down to place a quick kiss to the smaller pink pair below. "I'm not. He's here for you."
"Me?" Shipo asked in disbelief, turning to unknowingly face his old friend once more. The hanyou knew exactly when recognition took place in those emerald eyes. Shippo stared at his hanyou ears before looking into his golden eyes. "Inuyasha?" He questioned in disbelief, his mouth slightly parted.
Inuyasha tried for a smile but couldn't quite manage it. "Hi Shippo."
Shippo looked to his husband with wide eyes before quickly looking back to the nervous hanyou. The fox quickly made his way past his husband and child before walking into the same space as the hanyou, silent wonder in his eyes as he drank in his old friend. Inuyasha staggered back at his arms suddenly being filled with a not so small fox. He kept his arms around to support Shippo as the fox leaned against him, his body quaking against him. Shippo's fingers curled into his shirt. The sharp smell of tears hit him and his own eyes began watering in response. He was the reason for those tears.
"I'm sorry Shippo." He whispered down into the pointed ear.
The fox slowly leaned away, quickly wiping his face as he looked at his old friend. "It's really you," he breathed in disbelief with a shake off his head, his eyes wide. "How. When."
Inuyasha noticed Koga as he made his way out of the living room and disappeared with Katsu down the hallway. The hanyou led them to the couch, the two facing one another. Usually being on the receiving end of such a critical look would irritate him but he let Shippo's blatant once over slide. It'd been ten years after all.
"I only got back a few days ago. I've been staying with ma. Only other person who knows I'm here is Miroku." Shippo nodded.
"As far as how I'm here.. Even I'm not entirely sure. I.. I never planned on coming back. I feel coming back home is the only way for me to have peace."
"Inuyasha... you've been gone for ten years. Have you been hurting all this time? All alone?" The fox asked, his tone holding his sadness. Tears ran slowly down his face.
"Yeah," the hanyou admitted softly. "I guess I have."
"Why didn't you ever call?" Shippo asked, the first signs of irritation slipping through. His hand balling into tight fists in his lap. "Even if you never came back, what could it have hurt to at least keep in contact with us? For all we knew you were dead Inuyasha."
"Shippo," he fixed his lips to say more but no words came. He looked at Shippo's hurt. He knew coming back would be complicated. This pain. The hurt. He knew reuniting with his old friends wouldn't be completely smooth sailing. He guessed secretly he'd been hoping seeing Shippo and Kagome would go over as easy as seeing Miroku had been. They had every right to be upset.
"Inuyasha?"
His eyes snapped over to the fox's concerned face. "Look, I'm sor-"
"Don't." Inuyasha shook his head slowly. "You have no reason to apologize. Your right. Maybe I should've at least reached out to let you guys know nothing had happened to me. But the reason I left the way I did is because I knew you guys would try to stop me. You knew what a wreck I was after losing my daughter. I could hardly look after myself. You guys had your own lives to live without trying to look after me. You didn't need me holding you back Shippo."
"Your right. I would have tried to stop you. The last thing you needed was to be alone. You were my friend Inuyasha. You were the only family I had left. I would've done anything to help you get better. Only to find out that you had left... It hurt. And I was angry. I was pissed with you for a long time."
The fox shook his head as he tipped his head back towards the ceiling. "But.. I was young and stupid then. It was never about me. About any of us. You'd lost your baby and there I was being angry at you all because you left. I didn't understand it completely then but now that I have Katsu..."
Shippo's looked back towards him. "I wish you would've at least stayed in touch but I stopped being bitter a long time ago. In my mind, I thought you were being selfish. In a way I guess you were but I can honestly say now I know you weren't trying to hurt us. But it didn't seem that way at the time. All I could focus on was we were right there for you and you just left without a word. You'd hurt your parents. Your friends. I knew Sesshomaru... he was really hurting."
Shippo cleared his throat. "I couldn't relate to what you had been through so I didn't fully understand your pain. It wasn't until I met Koga that I started to understand a little better. He told me each person deals with their own pain in different ways. And they get over it in their own time. So now I know. I could've stayed by your side night and day. But it would never bring Aya back to you. That was a pain you had to handle in your own time. I just wish you would've let us be there for you while you figured it out. Even if you weren't here with us."
Inuyasha licked his lips, trying to pull his thoughts together. Just hearing Shippo speak had shown just how much he had grown over the years. He was very glad the fox had met Koga. "I can't change the past or the way I did things. I wish I would've gone about it differently but it was only with you guys in mind that I left the way I did. In truth, I did know I would be hurting you guys. But I knew it would only really hurt for a little while. I can't even begin to tell you how glad I am you met Koga. I can already tell he's crazy about you and Katsu. That's what I wanted for you Shippo. To live out your life without having to constantly worry about me. That's all I wanted for everyone."
Tears welled anew in both of their eyes and they wiped them away, both with small smiles. Small breathless huffs of laughter leaving them at their excessive crying. Both feeling silly. But he was just glad that for once, they weren't sad tears.
"I-I.." Shippo began, worrying his lips with his fang. "Can I hug you again?"
His mouth parted slightly in amazement. He blinked back the stinging sensation in his eyes. "Of course." He nodded.
He opened his arms and the fox immediately scooted closer. Inuyasha laid back, content with the feel of the heated body against his. He brought a hand up to stroke Shippo's hair as they sat in silence, Shippo's head on his shoulder. He smiled to himself, thinking of their younger days when they found themselves alone. He had always thought of Shippo as the little kid brother he never had while growing up. They'd been close. A bond of their own that differed from the ones he shared with Kagome and Miroku. They had family to go back to at the end of the day. Shippo had been raised in a home of people he felt no real connection with. He had grown up with no real love. After Kagome, Shippo had known him the longest out of their little group of friends. He never wanted to hurt Shippo, but told himself it had to be done. He was just glad it had worked itself out in the end for his little friend. He was proud of the life Shippo had made for himself. He'd become the medical assistant he always wanted to be. Gotten married to a seemingly decent guy. Had a healthy baby boy. He wasn't alone.
Shippo shifted with a sigh and Inuyasha's fingers stopped their ministrations. He frowned, tilting his head to take a more concentrated inhale. His eyes widened in surprise, heart beginning to pump in overtime. Shippo turned his head at the sudden rigidness of the body beneath him. He frowned. "What. What is it?"
"Shippo," he started, his lips slowly curving upwards. Laughter leaving him in stunned realization. "Your pregnant."
The fox quickly raised from his perch, eyeing the hanyou with a searching look. "Yeah. I know. I make seven weeks tomorrow."
He blinked. "You could've told me. This is great news."
Shippo chuckled with a shake off his head. "I was pretty occupied if you remember. Honestly, it slipped my mind." He paused. "Your okay right? I can move away if-"
"What. No," he shook his head. "You don't need to move Shippo. I'm fine."
Good God. That was the second time his friends had felt the need to tiptoe around him when talking about their children. He really had been in such a dark place before he left. Of course his broken image would be the last thing they remembered. He imagined they thought he'd start breaking down at any mention of a baby. Maybe he would have at one point.
"Congratulations," he smiled. "I'm happy for you."
"Yeah?" The fox laid his head back down. "I'm glad your back. Does this mean your staying for good?"
"Yeah. I'm not going anywhere anytime soon."
"Good. Cause this baby's gonna need a goddaddy." He whispered almost shyly.
"Shippo," he breathed, the astonishment clear. He pulled away to stare into his face. "You would trust me with something like that? Even after everything that's happened?"
The fox shrugged with a smile. "Of course. I know how you were with Aya. You loved her. Should anything ever happen to me or Koga, you'd be the first person I would choose for something like that. I know it's a lot to ask so soon-"
"I'd do it in a heartbeat." He cut in. For Shippo, he would at least try. He knew it'd kill the fox to have his children endure the same upbringing he had. "I just... I can't believe you asked me that."
"You made raising your daughter look easy," Shippo groaned which caused Inuyasha to laugh. "I wish I had your help with Katsu. Me and Koga didn't know what the hell we were doing. Well. Not in the beginning."
"Seems to me you did alright."
"Yeah. Katsu's a great kid." He said with all of the affection of a loving parent.
They fell into a comfortable silence until the fox spoke. "What are you going to say to Sesshomaru? I hate to be the one to say it, but I don't think he's going to be too happy when he sees you."
Inuyasha cleared his throat, shifting slightly in his sudden discomfort. "He's not going to see me Shippo."
"What," Shippo shouted, head whirling to look at him. "Your not going to let him know your back? I think that's something he would want to know."
"Miroku told me. About his drinking." He watched as the sandy haired boy turned his gaze away. "That can't happen again. I refuse to let it be because of me again."
"What about you Inuyasha? Don't you still love him?"
Inuyasha looked to Shippo. As much as the fox seemed to mature over the years, he guessed there would still always be a bit of naivety in him. An innocence untouched.
"I'll always love him Shippo. If I felt him seeing me wouldn't be a potential trigger, I would reach out. I want to but I can't. It's because I love him that I'm not going let him see me. I can't do that to him."
Shippo reached over and took his hands in his own, slowly smoothing out his fists until they unfurled. "Okay. I get it. It's just.. You guys are still technically married right? How are you guys supposed to move on with that still between you? You can't get a divorce if one of you doesn't begin the process."
It was his turn to look away. Divorce. His heart squeezed just at the mention of that dreadful word. To loose his only connection to the man he loved. It was one of the only things that kept him anchored over the years. If he lost even that little bit, what could he even say he had then? There was no appeal in going back to being an Ikeda after everything that had happened between them. He wanted to keep anything he could of Sesshomaru. Their Aya was a Shimizu. He wanted to remain a Shimizu.
"Unless.. you don't plan on divorcing him." Shippo said slowly. "Inuyasha. I love you but.. you know that's not fair. To either of you."
He sniffed. "Never said it was. But it's all I have left." His voice barely a whisper.
Shippo sighed but thankfully didn't say anymore. Inuyasha felt the warm body of his friend flush against his once more and fell quiet.
...
He squeezed his eyes and turned his head at the weird sensation over his knees. His eyebrows moved closer in his displeasure as whatever was bugging him was proving to be persistent. He sighed before accepting he was being disturbed and blinked his eyes open.
He looked around, not recognizing the surroundings. A giggle from his left pulled his attention and he relaxed back into the couch. Seeing Katsu reminded him of where he was. He must've fallen asleep.
A smile found his lips before he knew it as he watched Katsu clumsily make his way up the couch with them. He leaned his little face towards Shippo, who was still laying against him. Eyes closed and his breathing deep and relaxed. Katsu's little hands lightly rubbing his papa's cheeks. Giggles leaving him.
The fox shifted before groaning, "Katsu. Lemme 'lone kay? Papa's sleepy."
Inuyasha laughed and Shippo's sleep heavy eyes turned towards him. A tired smile finding him. "Sorry. Didn't mean to fall asleep on you."
"It's fine. Your son woke me up."
Shippo hummed and Inuyasha watched him as he moved away. The fox stood, holding his son to him. Lightly bouncing him in his arms. "Hey Katsu. Did daddy leave for work?" He yawned before leaning down to kiss his child's forehead. He turned to Inuyasha. "I'll be right back."
Inuyasha nodded and Shippo turned towards the hallway in search of his husband. Inuyasha pulled out his cellphone, seeing it was four sixteen pm. Damn they'd been asleep for a few hours. He should probably leave soon. Though a part of him was reluctant to go, he hadn't meant to stay here this long. There was something else he had wanted to handle while in the inner city but decided to push it back another day. Maybe he could visit his old home when he drove back this way to see Kagome.
His ears perked up and he turned towards the hallway, seeing Katsu soon break through and run straight to him. His eyes widened at the small child that suddenly tried to climb into his lap. His heart had leapt into his throat. He tampered down the immediate urge to turn him away. He hadn't held a baby since...
Aya had been bigger than Katsu. Three years older than what he was now.
Once seeing Katsu was becoming frustrated in trying to get higher, he immediately held out his arms, heart soaring at the tiny arms that reached out to him as well. An instinctual need to soothe him. Shock held him at the tiny lips that quickly found his cheek, Katsu pulling back to stare at him with a large smile. His green eyes twinkling with a child's mirth. Uncertain laughter left him as he stared at the little dark haired boy in confusion. Katsu giggled before simply laying his head down on his shoulder. He gripped him tighter, a myriad of emotions leaving him at the warm, little body laying against his left shoulder.
It was so strange to hold onto a child after so many years. Yet, it felt just like it'd always been. Apprehension warred with the calming effect that wanted to envelope him. He shouldn't be holding someone else's kid. It felt so wrong. He hadn't even been able to protect his own daughter. This was.. wrong.
But the part that had loved having Aya close. The side of him that had loved caring for his daughter didn't want to let go. He listened to Katsu's breathing gradually slow, yawns passing his lips. The innocent, enticing scent that could only belong to a child too young to understand the ways of the world filled him. All he could think of was Aya.
"Katsu?" Shippo's voice rang out, footsteps coming closer. They came to a stop and Inuyasha turned, seeing Shippo watching them with wide eyes. His mouth parted, lips suspiciously looking as if they wanted to turn upward. He expected the fox to immediately come and take his son but he did no such thing. Just stood there gaping.
"Uh, Shippo?" Inuyasha started.
The fox blinked as if pulled from thought. "Yeah, sorry." He came forward and took in his son's sleeping face before turning to his friend. "I can't believe it. He chose you."
He frowned. "Chose me?"
Shippo shook his head, taking a seat beside them, watching his son and friend. "It's this stupid thing me and Koga started a while back. We always ask Katsu to choose who he wants to give his kisses to before one of us leaves for work. He turned and hightailed it out of our room. Looks like he chose you." He finished with a chesire grin.
Inuyasha raised an eyebrow, choosing not to comment on that. "You should go lay him down in his bed." It was hard holding Katsu as it was but found being on the receiving of someone's stare while doing so even harder. He was very self conscious in this moment.
"I don't know. He looks pretty comfortable where he's at." At seeing his friend's clearly unimpressed look, he pouted. "Fine." He gently grabbed Katsu so at to not disturb him before disappearing.
Inuyasha stood up, figuring it was time to head back home. Koga came into view, wearing an untucked tan work uniform top and black slacks. A duty belt secured around him. A security guard. He was fixing his shirt before looking up towards Inuyasha.
"Uh, thanks." He started awkwardly. "For today. And for taking care of Shippo."
"Tch. Just doing what I gotta," The wolf said with a light shrug. "Don't need thanks for that."
"Right." He nodded.
They both turned at the reappearance of the fox they both cared for. He made his way over to the wolf demon. "Have a good night at work."
Koga grunted before leaning to kiss the fox. "Don't know how good it'll be. I'll see you in the morning."
Koga tipped his head towards the hanyou and he nodded back. He watched him leave out the door before turning back to Shippo. "I'd better get going too."
"Ah, really?" Shippo moaned, his disappointment clear. "Feels like we barely got time to catch up."
He nodded sadly. "I know. But you know your always welcome to stop by ma's place. That's where I'll be for a while."
"I.. I'm really glad your back. Even if it didn't seem like it earlier. It was just a shock, ya know?"
"Yeah, I get it." It was a shock still actually being back in Tokyo.
"I'm not gonna pretend things won't be a little awkward between us for a while. We're gonna have to get to know each other all over again. I may not exactly be the same person you left ten years ago."
"I know. And I really want to. I wasn't here before but I'm here now and I want to get to know the new people my friends have become. That's only if I'm wanted. I won't force myself on anyone."
Shippo nodded. "I would like for you to see the life I've made for myself. If there's one thing I learned over the years is life is to precious to waste it being angry over things beyond our control. I want you to be happy. Eventually build a life for yourself you can actually be content with. I would like to be able to see that for you."
"Maybe one day." He shrugged. "As of now, it's still a one day at a time thing."
"One day."
They stared at one another in silence before leaning in, arms going around the other. He looked forward to the day where days could truly be like old times, without the burden of sad memories constantly plaguing them. He wanted that too what the fox wished for him but did not see how that would be possible without the man he still loved by his side. He would try to live for Aya. But not just for Aya. He would really try to put his past behind him and live out his life in peace. His mind and heart were constantly in chaos but not at this moment. Not with his friend forgiving him and giving him another chance at closeness. He knew the best thing he could hope for was to live out a life without constantly wishing for his old one. If he could have that, maybe he could be at least okay one day. Maybe.
He pulled away with a small and walked to the door, Shippo seeing him out. "Tell Ms. Izayoi I said hello and I'll be by with Katsu soon."
He smiled before turning around to see Shippo leaning in the doorway. "I'll tell her. Bye Shippo."
"Bye Yash."
He walked towards his car and climbed inside, turning to see his friend disappear back inside his home. He stared at the home for a while before shaking his head. A small smile found a home on his lips as he started up the car.
Yeah, maybe one day he'd be okay.
AN: Sorry this update wasn't very exciting. I'm ready to get to the good stuff and I'm the one writing this lol. But I guesstimate no more than two chapters before we get down to the nitty gritty. I'm already looking forward to writing out those barrage of emotions.
I shall try - try - to have chapter three up before the end of this month. Speaking of February, hopefully everyone had a nice Valentine's Day.
And of course, see ya when I see ya. :*
