Author's Note: So, I've changed the name of this thing twice now. How about that, huh? Anyway, yet another fic from me where (SPOILERS) Nicky is trans. I totally headcanon that Nicky is pretty tight with Sophia. And Red maybe has a slight crush on Sophia. Again, headcanons. Anything is possible in them. Btw, I'm a trans man, not a trans woman or a non-binary person. So, if I've gotten anything wrong about trans women, please don't hesitate to tell me. I don't wanna disrespect my sisters out there. I hope you enjoy this! WARNING: This chapter contains mentions of self-harm, blood, mentions of food, references to sex, reclaimed homophobic/lesbophobic/queerphobic slurs, depression and its symptoms, anxiety and its symptoms, gender dysphoria, transphobic language (unintentionally), transphobia, references to menstruation, and references to child abuse.
The next morning, Red goes to work with a feeling of fear in the back of her mind. What has Nicky been keeping quiet about. 'You don't know everything about my problems.' What does that mean?
She decides to try and find Nicky after work, but in the meantime, try to distract herself with her cooking. A good distraction usually helps her calm down, after all. She will need to be calm about this. Nicky was behaving like a frightened animal. Red knows she will have to treat her like one.
Nicky scrubs frustratedly at the blood underneath her fingernails. It seems that as much as she digs beneath them with a fingernail clipper, some blood will have to remain for now. She growls, and turns off the sink, throwing down her nail clippers in anger.
"Whoa, there, Nichols. What'd that clipper ever do to you?"
The blonde jumps, and turns to see Boo, smirking at her. Nicky scowls. "The file is shit at cleaning, that's what it did to me."
"Oh shit, what happened to you?"
Nicky realizes, with a jolt of panic, that Boo's eyes are on her bloody fingernails. "Eh, you know how it is. These baby-dykes don't know how to track their goddamn periods, and this shit happens."
Boo nods in agreement, and proceeds to begin ranting about unskilled Sapphics having to be trained. Nicky sends a silent prayer up to whatever higher power there may be, that her friend bought her excuse.
After several hours of preparing food, and mentally rehearsing what she'll say to her daughter, Red puts away her apron, and proceeds to head to the dorms. She finds Nicky in her bunk, wearing long-sleeves to hide her scratches and reading a book. Red slowly sits down next to the blonde, cautiously, so as not to scare her off.
"Are you ready to talk?"
Nicky sighs, and looks over her book at her mother. She blinks, before dog-earing the page she's on, and setting it aside. "Yeah. But, can we go somewhere private? I don't want people to hear this shit."
"The greenhouse?"
"Fine with me."
Upon arriving in the greenhouse, Red shuts the door behind them, and turns to face the blonde. Nicky has sat down on an upturned bucket, and is twiddling her thumbs, obviously nervous. Red turns over another bucket, and sits across from her.
"So. Now for the hard part, huh?" Nicky chuckles, glancing up.
"Yes. If you want it to be," Red says solemnly.
"So, first off, I should say why I was acting all self-destructive last night, I guess. Well, uh…You know my relationship with Marka is shitty as all hell? And that my birthday was last week? Uh…She sent me a card."
"I don't want to invalidate your feelings, but why would a card upset you that much?" Red asks carefully.
"Because it was addressed to her son, and not her daughter," Nicky says, staring at the floor.
Red's brow furrows. "You have a brother?"
Nicky barks out a laugh. "Nope. Only child."
"I don't understand."
Nicky sighs. "I didn't think you would. At least, not at first. Uh, I'm not…I'm not what you think I am. I mean, I am now. But I wasn't before."
"You're confusing me more, Nicky. Can you explain in a way I might understand better?" Red is gentle with her words, she genuinely wants to understand. Nicky tries to keep that in mind as she anxiously tugs at her hair.
"You know Sophia Burset, right? Really tall black lady, used to be a firefighter, runs the salon."
"Of course, I do. She's very kind and very strong, I admire that," Red smiles.
"Well, you also know she's…"
"Do I know that she was born a man? Yes, I do."
Nicky cringes at the statement. 'Born a man.' "Yeah, she was assigned male at birth. So, uh, here goes nothing…I was too."
