Rating: PG-13 to NC-17, depending on the chapter

Spoilers: all seasons. Set right after Lavinia Swire's death and explores Matthew's and Mary's lives from there on.

Summary: The weeks after Lavinia's funeral had been trying for everyone. Matthew had withdrawn from all family gatherings, dividing his time solely between work and the progress of the cottages. Mary had seen him from a distance a few times, but each time he had managed to disappear before she could catch up with him.

Special thank you to the lovely Tambear for catching missing commas, odd grammar and offering excellent suggestions & advice!

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Chapter 2

Their walks soon became a common occurrence. Matthew started to come up to the big house for dinner again and it felt like things were almost back to normal. Only when Richard Carlisle paid them a visit did things seem to become tense and uncomfortable.

Mary was relieved when Richard told her that he was going to be in Paris in August and September. She kissed him goodbye and watched the car disappear down the driveway. She was trembling, even though she was standing in the warm July sun. Richard's hold on her as he kissed her had seemed more possessive than ever, and it had scared her. His lips had been hard against hers and he had held her so tightly. Mary shivered again and returned inside.

Mr. Carson watched his favorite Crawley say goodbye to her fiancé. The way the man touched Lady Mary set Carson's teeth on edge. He knew she was a gentle soul at heart. Having known her since she was a little girl, Carson could see past her face of bravery, perhaps better than anyone. He stepped closer to her as she walked through the door.

"Are you all right, milady?"

Mary smiled at him and it warmed his heart. She gently patted his arm as she passed him.

"Of course. Don't you worry, Carson."

"I will always worry about you, milady," he said seriously.

"Oh Carson, I wonder what I ever did to deserve your support," she said and smiled fondly at him.

"You know, milady, even an old butler has his favorites."

Mary chuckled. She glanced around noticing that they were alone. She threw her arms around Carson's neck and hugged him.

"Thank you. You have no idea how much it means to me."

He held her and rubbed her back to comfort her. "Always, milady." After a moment he gently removed her arms from around his neck. "Now, Lady Mary, I suggest you return to your room. I will send Anna up in a moment."

Mary grinned and nodded. "Of course, Carson."

Carson shook his head as he watched her cross the great hall and gracefully take the stairs. Lady Mary was in his eyes the rightful heir to Downton. She had been raised to be its mistress. If anyone had Downton in her blood, it was Lady Mary. He sighed and pulled at his waistcoat. There was not much he could do about it, he thought. Until the day Lady Mary would marry that dreadful Sir Richard Carlisle, Carson would be her rock and support

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Mary looked up from her book and smiled at Matthew. He looked slightly flustered, his face red from the heat.

"Hello," she said cheerfully when he sat down next to her. "I did not expect to see you today."

"This infernal heat makes it unbearable to be inside," he said and wiped his forehead and neck with his handkerchief.

"We could walk down to the pond," she suggested. "I am sure that it is cooler by the water."

Matthew nodded and licked his dry lips. "Do you think that Mrs. Patmore could spare some of that delightful lemonade of hers?"

Mary laughed and nodded. "I am certain of it. Let me arrange for it."

Matthew smiled as he watched her walk back up to the house. She returned a few minutes later.

"I asked for a small picnic basket."

"Splendid," he said and smiled.

Matthew shared a story about one of his clients with her as they waited. She was laughing at his description of the man when Anna showed up with a blanket and a small picnic basket.

"Here you go, milady. I asked Mrs. Patmore for some sweet treats and a couple of her meat pies. I know how fond Mr. Crawley is of them."

"Thank you, Anna," Matthew said and grinned at her.

Anna smiled and nodded. She handed Matthew the blanket hanging over her left arm. He smiled at her.

"Will that be all, milady?"

"Yes, thank you Anna." Mary smiled fondly at her maid.

"Well, shall we?" Matthew said cheerfully and offered Mary his arm. "I cannot wait to get away from this dreadful sun."

Mary laughed and took his arm. Anna smiled to herself as she watched them leave. She still prayed for Lady Mary to come to her senses and break off her engagement to Sir Richard Carlisle. Anna shivered. The man gave her the chills.

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"How about over there?" Matthew suggested and pointed to a spot to their left.

"No, that will not work at all," Mary said and shook her head.

"Why not?" he asked surprised.

"That is a favorite spot for the ducks," she said and made a face.

"Oh," he laughed and shook his head at the thought of her stepping in the mess left by the birds. "How about over there then?" he said and gestured to another weeping willow to their right.

"That seems like a good spot."

He smiled at her and they strolled over. He spread out the blanket and brought the basket closer. Mary sat down and he joined her. They looked at each other for a moment and then laughed.

"Would you mind terribly if I take off my waistcoat and tie?" he asked.

"Of course not," she said and rolled her eyes. "Such items should be against the law to wear in a heat like this."

Matthew laughed and nodded. "Perhaps I will remove my shoes and socks too then."

Mary blushed but said nothing. She watched him roll up the legs of his trousers and then jump to his feet. He walked down to the pond and stepped into the water. She laughed when he cried out as the cold water hit his warm feet. He held out his hand to her.

"Come, join me. The water is delightful and you will feel quite refreshed."

Mary laughed and thought about it for a moment. Feeling his giddiness she grinned and nodded.

"You must turn around," she said and tried to look stern. "I have to pull up my skirt to remove my stockings."

"And if I refuse?" he teased.

"Matthew!" she exclaimed, her eyes wide.

"All right," he muttered and turned around. "Just remember this next time you accuse me of being a dull boy."

Mary chuckled and shook her head. "Dull is not the word I would use today, not with you looking like that."

"Looking like what?" he said and frowned. He started to turn but she cried out.

"Don't look!" she warned. "You do look different with your shirt open at the neck, sleeves rolled up and barefoot," she said.

Placing her stockings neatly by her shoes, Mary got up and walked barefoot across the grass.

"May I turn around now?" he asked when he heard her behind him.

"You may," she said softly.

Matthew turned and held out his hand to her as she stepped into the water. He held his breath as her slender foot dipped into the shallow water. She was holding her skirt up with her other hand giving him a close view of her naked calves. He swallowed nervously.

"Dear God, it's cold," she exclaimed and laughed.

Matthew tightened his grip on her hand and his other hand shot out to grab her waist as she swayed a little. They looked at each other, realizing just how close they were. Matthew stood still as she moved her hand up his arm to rest on his shoulder. Holding her gaze he leaned closer until their lips met. When he felt her lips separate under his he pulled her tightly against him. He had kissed her before, but it had never tasted like this. He stroked his tongue against hers and she moaned softly. He lifted her up, holding her firmer against him.

When they eventually separated they were both flushed and slightly out of breath. He took her hand and led her up to the blanket. They sat down close together. When he reached for her again she came to him and they stretched out together on the blanket. He kissed her brows, her eyes, her cheeks and then her lips. Not until the moment when he cupped her breast did they pull apart again.

"Matthew," she gasped. "We cannot."

He nodded and removed his hand. He sat up and rested his arms on his knees. Pulling the basket closer he opened it and pulled out the bottle of lemonade. He poured a glass and offered it to her.

"Lemonade?"

"Matthew," she said as she accepted the glass. "You know…"

"No need to explain, cousin," he said firmly. "You are engaged to another man. It was wrong of me. I apologize."

"For God's sake, Matthew," she said impatiently. "Can you hear how silly you sound? I would not have let you kiss me like that, had I not wanted to."

"But you do not want me. You want him."

"You know why I am with him. It has nothing to do with love or wanting him."

"Then break it off with him!" Matthew said angrily. He shook his head and sipped the cold lemonade. "I'm sorry. I did not mean to yell at you."

Mary nodded. "I love you, you know."

He looked at her dark head, bowed down looking at the glass in her hands. He touched her chin and she looked up at him.

"And I love you. Always have, and always will."

She closed her eyes and made a face as if in pain. "Oh Matthew, why are we going down this road again? What good can come from it? Only you have the power to really hurt me."

He was stunned by her words. "I do not wish to cause you pain," he said softly. "If Carlisle is indeed your choice, I will fade into the shadows forever."

"But I don't want you to!" she cried out. She looked at him with tears in her eyes. "Don't you know that by now?"

He threw out his arm in frustration. "Then what do you want from me, Mary? Please tell me, because I don't know anymore."

"Nothing, Matthew. We had our chance and we lost it. I have no more claims on you."

"And if I should want you to?"

"Matthew, please," she whispered. "Let's leave it."

Matthew sighed and nodded. "Do you want to return to the house?"

She looked at him and shook her head. "Can we just enjoy the day together without talking about the future? Just you and me, here right now?"

He nodded and caressed her cheek. "If that is what you want."

"It is."

To be continued…

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