When Lauren was a little girl, she remembered someone saying that a dream is just a wish your heart makes, but growing up the way that she did, she had never really believed much in wishes and dreams. She had plenty of goals – to perfect her beam routine, to become a world champion, to make it to the Olympics and win gold. But she had always known that these were attainable things if she just worked hard enough, trained hard enough, pushed herself hard enough. Anything else had come easily enough, whether it took her father's money or her scheming.
The first time she could really remember believing in a dream was when she decided to accept Summer into her life. It was the first time she ever felt like she had a mom, though she would later come to understand why she hadn't had her own. Summer had brought her family back to life, made her father happier than Lauren had ever seen her and made Lauren actually feel safe. Lauren had believed that she would be able to give up a lot of her old habits with the seemingly positive influence in her life. But when she got hurt, Lauren acted out like always did. It was a dangerous pattern she seemed desperate to repeat.
Now, watching Austin twist effortlessly on his dismount from the rings, she knows that she has found her second dream. She can see the entire story pass right there in front of her eyes – lingering looks and first kisses, veils and lace, little towheads with mischievous eyes, lazy afternoons on front porches. Lauren knows that she could approach this like a goal, but he was more than just something to have. There were so many implications to pursuing this that she just couldn't risk. For once, then, she knew she was going to have to let it come to her. Any other route just ensured it would end in disaster.
"What do you think, Tanner? Think that's good enough to show up Houston at the club meet next week?" Austin asked as he sauntered toward her. Lauren looked up and smiled politely, trying desperately to ignore the way her knees were knocking together. She felt silly for being so nervous around the champion. He was just another gymnast at the Rock, her teammate even. "I've been working on another dismount I was thinking about debuting then. Have time to give me your opinion?"
Lauren glanced nervously over her shoulder to where Sasha was still working with Kaylie on her bars routine. She expected Austin to follow her eye line to where the supposed love of his life was practicing but was happily surprised to find him still gazing at her when she looked back up at him. "Sure, I think I have some time," she declared with a slow smile. "Wow me with something amazing, Tucker. Make it worth my while."
"Oh, I'll make it worth your while," he insinuated before jogging back to the apparatus to show off his finely tuned skills. Lauren watched him expertly work his way through his standard rings routine before swinging off in a maneuver she knew only one other male gymnast in the world could land right now. The entire gym went silent as both feet landed firmly on the mat and Austin pulled up in a perfect salute. Lauren could only stand in amazement as Austin raised his eyebrow and looked over at her with a cocky, "Well?"
"That was amazing!" she squealed as she ran over to throw herself in his arms.
Austin caught her easily enough and spun her in an excited circle before setting herself back on her feet. It was the first time he had done that dismount in front of anyone other than Sasha, let alone an entire gym. He wasn't sure why he felt the need to impress Lauren Tanner with its public debut, but the way she had been looking at him made it feel like she needed it. As she wrapped her arms around herself and took a step back, he could see those famous walls going up all around her. She was a tough cookie to crack and the shameful way she lowered her eyes to her feet was hardly befitting the confident blonde he had come to know. It was only when Lauren tried to sneak a sidelong glance in the general direction of her former best friend that Austin realized what was going on.
"Thanks for the help, Lauren," Austin said carefully before patting her on the shoulder. He really was just trying to be friendly and had no idea that this could cause any tension between Lauren and Kaylie. Things were already running hot and cold with the latter that he couldn't afford to screw up his friendship with the former. As Sasha started to come over with a reproachful look on his stoic face, Austin simply nodded and told her that he would leave her to it.
"Lauren, if you are done flirting with Mr. Tucker, I would love to see that new tumbling pass you have been working on with Payson," Sasha ordered softly. He had seen enough to know that Austin could soon cause tension between his girls like Carter Anderson once had. He would do anything to protect them and cut that kind of heartache off at the pass. Both Kaylie and Lauren had been through enough in the past year, and it was his job to protect them the best he could. They needed to be able to focus and having a guy between them would surely prevent that. "Come on, Lauren. Let's hit the floor."
Lauren nodded dutifully as she shook off her earlier moment with Austin. It was time to focus and show Sasha what she had been working so hard to perfect. Her coach had been a lot more attentive lately, careful to divide his attention as equally as possible between the four elites. While the floor had always been Kaylie's thing and had become Payson's since her back injury, Lauren had really started to come into her own on the event over the past several weeks. She had the sizzle to handle the choreography and the power to handle the strength of the tumbling. Refining her skills had enabled Sasha to knock up her DOD a few notches. When she and Payson had proposed adding a new tumbling pass toward the end, he had finally trusted her enough to take a risk and try.
Sasha watched as Lauren stretched a few times before nodding toward one of the trainers to start her routine music. Lauren went through it perfectly, drawing the attention of her coach at all the right moments in a way that let him know it would score well. Near the end, right before her final tumbling pass, he watched her debut the famous double double flawlessly. A small smile crept on her face as she danced toward the middle and then leapt toward the opposite corner for her dismount.
"Very nice, Lauren!" Sasha clapped loudly as she ran off the mat excitedly toward her coach. The joy on her face showed that she knew how well she had done. "Keep your lines clean like that and we're looking at some serious competition on the floor. Good job."
Lauren smiled under his praise. "If you have a minute, I want to work my beam routine once through," she asked softly. Sasha nodded his permission as he followed her over to the apparatus. Lauren rarely came out and asked directly for attention, but she had been doing better about being direct since Rio. He had also made it his job to notice more. All of his girls had their signals, and it was his job to see them even if they didn't. "Alright, ready?"
In a flash, Lauren had mounted the beam in a new signature move that he was sure would be named after her once she debuted it at national competition. Her Arabian to a switch leap looked great as she landed solidly on the beam. After a few beats of choreography, she made her way to the back edge to do a roundoff into a set of handsprings. A few more movements led her to the middle of the beam and into a 2½ turn tuck on her left leg, her right one staying perfectly horizontal throughout the turn. Sasha was relieved when she finally dismounted with a roundoff into a clean double twist.
"That was awesome, Lo!" Kaylie called from nearby where she waiting for her turn to vault.
Lauren grinned happily as Payson and even Kelly called out their support. Sasha acknowledged her with a proud smile. Lauren had seen that look bestowed on Payson and Kaylie in the past, even Emily, but it was the first time it had been only for her. "You are a force to be reckoned with on the beam, Lauren. If we can get that dismount up a little bit, you are going to be a favorite for the gold in London."
"That's the plan, right?" she said with a shrug as she brushed the dust off from her hands. Lauren was at home on the beam and everyone knew that. It was exactly why she had been working Payson so hard. The two girls could push each other harder than anyone else besides their coach, lending their different strengths to the other's weaknesses.
Sasha once again congratulated her on her hard work before sending her off to work on the bars with one of the assistants. "Payson, vault!" he called out harshly, sending the other gymnasts waiting for the apparatus scurrying off in different directions. Payson only rolled her eyes as she stopped talking to Austin at the chalk bowl and joined her coach by the springboard. "How's your ankle?"
"Feels fine," she said, holding it out for him to inspect. Sasha watched her flex it twice before kneeling to feel the muscle himself. Her tendons were strong under his calloused fingers and all signs of her injury at Worlds were gone. His eyes met hers as he told her to flex again. Payson couldn't help but shiver the tiniest bit at his touch. She hated the way he could do that to her. "See, I'm fine."
"Alright," he allowed as he straightened upright again. Their eyes were locked in an intense gaze, his begging for acceptance and hers quietly defiant. It was a dangerous game that they were playing, Sasha knew, but there was something about this girl that made him unable to help it. "Let's see that vault."
Payson nodded obediently as she jogged over to the runway. She ran full force at the vault before launching herself over in a Yurchenko 2½ twist. She only had the slightest wobble as she landed with both feet on the mat. Sasha nodded thoughtfully as she walked back over. "You need to watch the landing but otherwise, it's exactly where you need to be," he told her. "Think you can up it?"
It didn't even take a half second before Payson was agreeing. They had been talking about kicking the twist up to a triple, a move that would give her the hardest vault in the world. "I can do it, Sasha."
He looked at her for a moment before nodding his ascent again. "Alright, we'll work tomorrow with the wires in the annex. I want to see it there first before I let you attempt it free reign. If it looks like you have it, you can work on it in the pit," he told her. "We'll see where you are next week."
It took everything Payson had not to become a giddy schoolgirl and squeal in delight. She had fought long and hard to come back from her back injury, and with the possibility of having the highest DOD in the world, she finally felt like she was fully back. Not only would she get the triple but she would make it perfect. Sasha believed in her and that was enough to make her not want to let him down. Sometimes she wondered if it was a bad idea to push herself like this for him, even if she told everyone it really was for her. The only way she could seem to make it okay was to remind herself that it didn't matter why she did, only that she did it in the first place.
"Alright, I want you to run through it three more times," Sasha ordered. "Then you and Lauren should get to work on the bars. I am going to run through Kelly's beam with her a few times before lunch. Good job out there, Pay."
Payson watched after him with a bemused smile. He had called her by her nickname, something he hadn't done in ages. It hinted at the same intimacy she had felt when he had held her ankle earlier, the little moment that had sent the delicious shiver up her spine. When Sasha looked back at her over his shoulder, she couldn't help but smile up at him through her lashes.
While Lauren stretched out near the bars with Kaylie and Kelly mounted the beam, Payson continued to work on her vault. She landed all three vaults perfectly, losing the wobble that had haunted her first one. Each time she stuck it to the mat, she could see Sasha watching out of the corner of his eye. While he should have been focused on Kelly Parker's slightly off-center aerial, he was too caught up in Payson's effortless landing. She was a beautiful gymnast and a gorgeous girl. There was no denying that and the longer she watched him watching her, she knew that he knew it too.
"Belov sure has eyes for you today," Lauren teased her softly after Payson abandoned the vault in favor of the bars. Her blue eyes flicked over to where their coach was supposed to be watching Kelly and found herself disappointed that his attention was focused fully on the tiny brunette. "Don't worry, Pay, he was watching you kick that vault's ass."
Payson blushed prettily at her friend's gentle ribbing. "Shut up, he was not," she commanded sternly as she focused on the bars. "Now get up there and work on that back giant." Lauren nodded obediently as she mounted the uneven bars to work. Her mount and dismount were solid, but there were some issues with what came between. The girls worked steadily for the next hour before Sasha dismissed them for lunch. Payson flipped off the bar with a Geinger and a wide smile. "Good workout, Lo."
"Thanks, Pay," Lauren huffed next to her as she dabbed at her tanned face with a crisp white towel. She handed a bottle of ice-cold water to Payson beside her and grinned as Sasha watched them from the landing outside his office. "He's watching you!"
"Shut up!" Payson whispered, her face breaking out into a smile despite herself. Her eyes flashed up to meet Sasha's. She subconsciously bit down on her bottom lip as he smiled at her and nodded toward his office. "Um, Lo, I'll met you in the lounge in a minute."
Lauren looked up at where Payson was still staring and shook her head. "Take all the time you need. I'll distract the other girls," she promised before slinging her bag over her shoulder and heading toward the door.
Payson retrieved her own bag and made her way up the stairs slowly. Most of the main gym had cleared out, and she could see her mother following Summer toward the hallway to supervise the gymnasts taking lunch in the aforementioned lounge. Sasha was sitting at his desk when she came in. He nodded for her to come in and then got up to shut the door behind her. Payson shifted uncomfortably on her feet as Sasha brushed past her on his way back to his chair.
"Have a seat, Payson," he told her softly. It came out as an invitation rather than a commandment. Payson let her bag fall uselessly to the ground as she sat in the only chair across from his desk. "I just wanted to call you up here to check on how things were going with you and the other girls. I've spoken with Kaylie and Kelly already, and I will talk to Lauren after lunch."
"Good, the afternoon practices have been helping. Lauren really seems to be helping Kaylie with her confidence, don't you think?" she asked rhetorically. "And it's helping us bond with Kelly a little bit better. She is the one who came up with that new footwork Lauren added to the floor."
"Very good," he nodded before jotting a few things down on a slip of paper in a manilla folder. "Anything else we need to discuss?"
Payson wasn't sure how but she suddenly knew exactly what he was getting at. "Sasha..." Her voice trailed off as the wave of confusion hit her. They had already talked about this at length and agreed that it was behind her. However, the thing was, they both knew that it could never be fully behind her as long as he was at her side. It was the same impossibility that kept him from feeling nothing when her eyes found his across a crowded gym or she smiled at him in just that way or their hands barely touched while working out together.
"Pay, I'm trying..." His own voice failed him as he looked down at his own hands shamefully. He was supposed to be above this adolescent nervousness radiating through his body. She was his gymnast and he was her coach. Nothing else, not even his feelings, mattered. He cleared his throat and shook his head clear of any other thoughts. "Payson, I just want to make sure you are fully focused on your training. Is there anything else I need to consider or alter as far as your time at the Rock?"
She hated how professional, distant and cold he sounded in that moment. "No, Sasha, it's fine," she answered numbly, not daring to let a single ounce of pain reflect in her voice. "Is there anything else?"
When Sasha shook his head, she didn't even bother to stick around for some awkwardly polite dismissal. She took the stairs two at a time, rushing through the lounge and through the front door. Kaylie, Kelly and Lauren watched in shock as their friend ran through the bustling room without stopping.
"I'll go after her," Kaylie volunteered, ready to push herself up off the floor.
"No, let me," Lauren insisted without waiting for the other two to disagree. She abandoned her lunch as she shrugged on her coat and grabbed Payson's before heading outside after her. It didn't take long to find her doubled over on the bench, shivering in the cold and cursing herself quietly with small tears sliding down her cheeks. Lauren sat down beside her and wrapped the warm parka around Payson's shoulders. "Oh, Pay."
The condolence came out affectionately as Lauren wrapped her arm around her friend and tucked their heads closely together. Tears streamed freely down Payson's face now as she looked up at her friend. She never cried, especially not over a boy. It was completely out of her character, but Lauren knew that falling in love could have that effect on a girl. It didn't matter how hard Payson tried or how much she tried to detach herself, this was her reality. Sasha mattered to her in a way she could have never predicted or even wanted, and Lauren feared that gave her coach the power to ruin everything without ever trying.
Thank you for all for reading and reviewing. There is a particular movement in here that I used as an homage to an Olympic gymnast that I went to high school with that I wanted work in. I just hope I did it correctly! Anyhow, I appreciate all of the kind words of support.
