Survival Tip #3: Obey Xanxus. Period.

In addition to Tip #3, I was also warned not to bother Xanxus by someone who I could have easily mistook as motorbike gangster. Or maybe someone celebrating Halloween early. Either way, he was an obsessive toady which I found out within hours of my debut.

"There's no internet here," I complained to a certain long-haired captain, the closest person to me right now with authority. Lussuria informed me about the Varia while healing my hand. Except I stopped paying attention when he suddenly told me Squalo's a captain. Honestly, I was surprised his rank was so high. I guess intelligence isn't a factor here in the Varia. Neither is helpfulness.

"Why the f*** do I care?" he snarled. I ensured I was more than 10 feet away from him just in case he yells. I also had my earplugs pocketed for back-up.

"You should care. Internet is how people connect these days. You realize you're still Vongola, right?" I said. He looked like he was about to interrupt, but I didn't let him. It's not like he was going to say anything intelligent anyway. "Well, in case you didn't, you are Vongola. How do you communicate with the rest of the members?" He was about to interrupt again. Not a chance. "Yes, I realize phones work. But don't you ever have to research stuff?" He opened his mouth again, but I continued. "Okay, there is the library, but I doubt you guys even keep that organized. The internet's easier. You can keep records on all your missions too." He wants to speak again. "Yeah, you guys might do it the old-fashioned way and use file cabinets. Computer files are easier and with internet, you can transfer files simple. Even an idiot like you can do it." Alright, so I wasn't able to stop him from speaking this time.

"VOOOOOIII! WHO ARE YOU CALLING AN IDIOT?" he screamed. I winced. I think my right ear might have gone deaf. Permanently. He looked at me with a "Useless. Why are you even here?" face.

"C'mon, Squalo. It's not like I'm asking you to make me a sandwich. Just establish internet connection," I said, "And don't give me that face."

Stare.

"Talk to the f***ing boss about it," he tossed me a beer bottle, "and bring that to him, while you're at it."

I shrugged and watched him go downstairs before I realized I had no idea where the Boss was. Dang, Squalo's stupidity really is contagious. I sighed, disappointed in myself. Oh look, another person.

"Hey, Levi!" I called down the hall. He did not respond and simply continued standing pointlessly in front of a door. Is everyone lacking manners here?...Oh well, I don't really have the right to complain. I ran up to him.

"Do you know where the Boss is?" I asked. His face showed signs of annoyance (thinking I want to bother the boss), reluctance (when he realized I had a bottle of beer for him), and finally his usual frown when he opened the door behind him.

"Hey, Boss," I smiled. Xanxus raised his eyebrows. I wanted to raise my eyebrows too. So you're the kind of Boss who doesn't establish internet connection in a world where technology progresses by the nanosecond?

"Can you establish internet connection here?" I asked. I heard Levi growling. What the heck? He entered too?

"She must be bothering you! Don't worry, Boss! I'll get rid of her!" he said picking me up by the collar.

"HEY! WHAT THE HE—"

"Fine. Establish the internet connection." Awesome cakes. Levi dropped me and turned to the Boss. Let me guess, you're going to offer to establish the connection for the Boss.

"In that case, I shall call up some grunts to establish internet connection for you," he saluted and left. Close enough. Xanxus looked at me.

"Trash, leave."

"Bu—"

"Leave." He pulled out a gun.

"I—"

"Leave." He pulled out another gun.

I sighed and gave up. Closing the door behind me, I left. With his beer bottle. Oh well, it's going to be blamed on Squalo anyway.

[Congratulations! You have followed Survival Tip #3! +1 beer bottle!]


EXTRA- How to Make a "How to Survive in the Varia" Guide

"You should get me a send-off present," I said, biting into a cream puff, "It's partly your fault I'm going to the Varia."

"What? It was your decision! I just (accidentally) gave Squalo your name," Dino laughed, "but if you want, I'll treat you to these cream puffs."

"What? I already paid!" I said rolling my eyes, "I paid for that coffee you're drinking right now too."

"Haha, alright."

-The Next Day-

"I'm leaving tomorrow. Any plans on a send-off gift?" I said, biting into my cream puff.

"Yep. Here," Dino said sliding a small booklet across the table. I looked, surprised.

"How'd you make it?" I flipped through a few pages.

"I just called Squalo and asked how his day went."


You-Should-Read-This Notice:

This story is under Romance and I don't really have a pairing in mind. Suggestions? Or should I just remove the Romance and make it Humor alone?

Very-Useless-Info Notice:

This was a filler moment to progress and understand relations. It wasn't very funny (I'm very disappointed in myself and I bet you are too). This chapter is actually really short if you don't count the extra and these extra words I'm writing here to take up space.