I am in the cave with Peeta in the 75th Hunger Games arena, but I am not scared by this predicament. Peeta is leaning on his elbows either side of me, his body lingering over mine, slowly lowering himself on to me. I feel the weight of him touch against me and I feel his warmth wash over me. He smiles as he leans in to kiss me. I am laying down on the smoothest rock we could find in the cave and I press my back against the rock as his lips touch mine. Sparks fly, and I wrap my arms around his back, pulling him into me. He obeys, then I roll us both over so I am sat on top of his, my knees on either side of his body. I caress his face in my hands, slowly running them down over his neck, down his chest, gliding down his stomach until I reach the hem of his shirt, which I begin to tug at. Peeta realizes what I want and leans upwards with ease, despite my weight on top of him. He allows me to pull his shirt off and toss it aside. I lean back for a moment, admiring his naked torso, running my hands across him. He chuckles, and the sound is like music to my ears. I droop my head back down to his and we kiss again, surrounded by my brown locks, creating a veil around us, blocking us out from the outside world. I feel Peeta grasp at my back and roll us over again. I close my eyes as we tumble effortlessly, knowing I am safe in his arms. I hear a growling noise and open my eyes.
Peeta is staring at me, bloodlust in his eyes. Their previous gentle blue is gone, instead replaced by a deadly black where his pupils have dilated. He is snarling, his teeth bared at me, like he is feral. It takes me a moment to recognize the danger, but once I do, I scream and try to struggle against him. His arms are gripped around me like iron and I can do nothing to get him off me. My heart is thumping so fast and hard against my chest that it hurts, each beat pounding against me. Somewhere in the distance, I hear Rue scream.
That is when I wake up, sweat dripping from me. It is hot and stuffy, so I wriggle my legs to circulate some air. I sit up, breathing heavily. As I am so lost in my own predicament, it takes me a moment to realize something is wrong. Peeta is not lying beside me. I don't know how to feel about this. On the one hand, being near Peeta wouldn't be useful right now, because he would scare me. I know it was not him in the dream, but the way I'd seen him, it had horrified me. But on the other hand, I know, that if he was here, I'd be able to snuggle up to him, listen to his heart breath, watch his chest rise and fall as he breathed and I know I'd feel safe again in an instant. I could even wake him up and ask him to comfort me, if I was selfish enough. Suddenly, I miss Peeta. More than I miss my mother, Gale, even Prim and that scares me.
After taking a moment to dwell on my feelings for Peeta, the memory of his promise surfaces. He had promised me he'd stay, and that he'd be here in the morning. The fact that Peeta broke a promise to me leaves me heartbroken. I sit in my bed, not sure what to do. I must sit there for an hour, just thinking, trying to convince myself that where I am is reality. I feel weak. The first time in months I open up to someone and it blows up in my face. I wish Peeta had never come by yesterday, but I know I don't mean it. Peeta has got in under my skin. I've let him too far in, now there's no letting him out, no matter how much I want to. I wonder why he would leave me, but I stop, because the assumptions I come to scare me. In frustration, I throw the bed sheets off me and rush to the bathroom. I turn on the shower and jump into to the ice-cold water, which immediately wakes me up. I stand under the water until I am covered in goose bumps and shivering violently. Finally, I shut off the water and step out of the shower, covering myself with a towel.
After drying and clothing myself, I go downstairs to the kitchen and sit in my usual chair by the fire, which is now just dying embers. I watch the embers glow orange as they try desperately to stay alive, but it is hopeless. Slowly, they burn out, one by one, black soot swirling around them as they do so. The embers remind me of Peeta because they are his favourite colour, so I stop looking at them. I have no idea what to do. I don't know how to feel. All I know, is I refuse to slip back into old habits. So I get up out of my chair, the legs screeching against the tile floor. I leave the kitchen and slam the door behind me, aware of the noise I am making. As I leave the house, I look up to the sky and realize it is only dawn. The sky is a gentle cyan and the birds are singing the dawn song. I storm across my garden, trying to ignore the primroses Peeta planted in honour of my late sister.
I open and close the gate and make my way to Peeta's house. The walk only takes a minute as he lives next door and I travel at a fast pace. I don't bother to knock, but instead slam the door open, almost falling open when I realize it was unlocked. I stumble onto his porch and take in the surroundings. The kitchen is empty, so I pass through it without a second glance. "Peeta?" I shout out, my voice echoing around the house due to the volume. "Peeta!" I call again, not caring who else I wake up in the process. I check every room downstairs and do not find him, so I fly up the stairs, slamming my foot on every step on the way. I check his bedroom first and find him, leaning against his bed. My beautiful angel. He is staring at me, shocked. He opens his mouth to explain, but I don't let him.
Instead, I cross the room in an instant, swing with all my might and slap him hard across the face. His head recoils and he winces in pain. My hand is stinging, so I can't imagine how his face feels. Before he can speak, I fly into a blistering rage. "How could you!" I rage, pointing my finger at him. "You promised. You promised me you'd stay with me. I woke up from a nightmare and you weren't there. You gave me hope, then you broke it. I was alone for months, then I finally open up to someone. To you. And you just go and break it like it didn't mean a thing!" My saliva is flying as I scream like an angry bird, but I don't care. All I care about is hurting his feelings as much as he hurt mine. I cannot be weak anymore. "I hate what you've done to me. After everything, I never thought you'd be the one to do this to me, Peeta. You spend years trying to convince me you love me, and then you go and pull a stunt like this? How dare you!" I feel my breath shallow in my chest, so I finish. "And to think I let you in, just so you could tear me apart from the inside out." I say deadly, walking out of the room without a backward glance.
"Katniss!" I hear Peeta call after me, begging for a chance to explain, but I ignore him. I wonder if he will chase me, then I decide I don't care. In a blind rage, I mess up his kitchen, smashing pots and throwing furniture around. Anything to express the frustration I feel exploding in me. Nothing has made me this mad in months and it scares me. I wonder why Peeta has come downstairs to stop me, as he can obviously hear the destruction I am causing. All the thinking hurts my head and eventually, I fall to the floor in tears. I close my eyes and curl up in to a ball, the tiled floor cold against my side. I lay there for hours, but I hear Peeta make no attempt to move. This angers me even more, so I just pretend I am at home, since out houses are practically identical anyway. Suddenly, I hear the clinking of metal and footsteps. I listen to Peeta descending the stairs and catch my breath. My heart is in my mouth as I fear for his reaction. I pretend to be asleep as he enters the kitchen. I sense him stand in the doorway for a moment, then hear him cross the room, ignoring the devastation I have left. I feel his arms curl underneath me and pick me up slightly. I am scared he is going to hurt me, then I scold myself for even thinking such a thing, because deep down, past all the anger I am feeling, I know he loves me.
I feel Peeta lay down beside me and pull me into him. My mind screams at me to pull away and run, but my heart longs for him. And I think he knows that. So I let him. My body is limp and he puts his arms around me. He pressed his lips gently into the back of my head and I feel his warm breath on my scalp, sending shivers down my spine. I feel his toes touch mine as he intertwines our feet, tangling us together. I wonder what is going through his head, until finally I fall asleep in his arms, for the second time in two days.
