Wow, I never expected such a great response only after one chapter. So thanks to all of you who left a review (I love to read them) and to everyone who alerted this story. To be honest I'm a little scared that I can't live up to all your expectations but I'll try my best. Enjoy!


Chapter 2: Desperation and an epiphany

"Wheew, what happened to you two?" Derek stopped dead in his tracks when he entered the kitchen. He looked amused from Meredith to Lexie who were both sitting at the kitchen counter, each with a steaming cup of coffee before them.

"Arghhh, no yelling!" Meredith groaned, closing her eyes against the bright light.

"What did you do last night?" Derek asked quietly, so his first question hadn't been that loud but he could see that both sisters looked like they were having a hell of a headache judging by the way they were holding their heads between their hands.

"Tequila." Meredith replied with a throaty voice.

"Oh, I see. You should know that drinking coffee isn't the wisest idea when you have a hangover." Derek explained, so he was pretty certain that they both knew that their headache would get even worse if they didn't drink some water soon.

"Don't care. I need caffeine. Just give me another Advil please." Meredith hold a hand out towards Derek and he went over to the medicine cabinet to get the pain killers.

"Me too." Lexie lifted her head briefly before she lay it back on her crossed arms.

"So can one of you tell me what happened that you needed to get out the tequila bottle?" Derek asked, dropping the pills on the table.

"Men." Lexie mumbled groggily, opening one eye to give Derek a reproachful look.

"Men?" Derek asked curiously and Lexie propped herself up on one elbow, gulping the pill down with her coffee before she answered Derek.

"Yeah, men. You can't live with them but you can't live without them either."

"Do you mean all men in general or was it someone particular who pissed you off?" Derek inquired, looking expectantly at Lexie.

"Do you really have to ask, Derek? I thought I married a smart guy." Meredith told her husband.

"I didn't even know that she is seeing someone new." Derek defended himself.

"Really? You have really no idea about whom we are talking?" Meredith looked at Lexie and rolled her eyes. "Men!"

"Hey, how am I supposed to know? No one told me!" Derek insisted, slightly affronted because he had no clue what he'd done to deserve this generalization.

"Maybe because he is your best friend?" Meredith clued him in and Derek eyes widened with surprise when the penny finally dropped.

"Mark? She is talking about Mark?" He asked disbelievingly.

"Yes, of course." Meredith said as if he should really have known about it.

"But …" Derek looked back at Lexie, suddenly realizing what an idiot he had been. "Oh my god, Lexie. I'm sorry."

"Why should you be sorry? Derek, what did you do?" Meredith asked, her eyes wandering from Lexie to Derek, trying to figure out what they were talking about.

"Aehmm, I started a poll in the OR asking about who likes Julia. But Lex, I swear I had no idea that you have still feelings for Mark." Derek stated guiltily.

"Derek, how could you?" Meredith exclaimed, looking accusingly at her husband. "Even if you thought that Lexie wouldn't care you never do such a thing in front of the ex."

"Never mind. Maybe I deserve it. I was the one who pushed him away. He is just doing what I've told him to. I can't complain about that now, can I?" Lexie told them, the hurt and despair written all over her face.

"You are still in love with him?" Derek asked, so he was aware that it was more of a rhetorical question. Now that he looked closer he could see that she didn't look only hungover but also crushed.

"Yes, Derek, I am and I'm afraid that will never change so I just have to live with the fact that he isn't in love with me anymore." Lexie stood up from her chair and rubbed her hand tiredly over her face. "You know what. I'm going back to bed."

Lexie scuffled out of the kitchen and Derek stared after her until he could hear her bed room door.

"I wouldn't be so sure about that." Derek said, turning around to his wife.

"What do you mean?" Meredith asked.

"I spoke to Mark last night. He looked awful." Derek clarified.

"Did you find out why?" Meredith stood up and walked over to him. Wrapping an arm around his waist, she lay her head against his chest.

"Yes, he told me."

"And?"

"He's worried about Lexie." Derek replied softly, dropping a kiss on her forehead.

"He's worried about Lexie? That's a good sign, right?" Meredith said, forgetting her headache for a moment.

"Definitely. I think it's mutual."

"You think he is still in love with Lexie?" Meredith asked him excitedly.

"She is the love of his life. How should he be able to stop loving her? I know I never stopped loving you." Derek told her, lowering his head to brush a kiss over her lips.

"I know." Meredith sighed. "Let's just hope that Mark and Lexie find their way back to each other like we did."

~M&L~

"Dr. Sloan. That was fast." Justine said surprised when she opened the door to a tired-looking Mark.

"I didn't sleep last night." He confirmed her suspicion.

"So I guess you have some questions?" Justine asked him. She knew that he would come back. She just didn't expect him that soon.

"Plenty." Mark stifled a yawn and Justine waved him inside.

"Okay, you know your way to the living room. I'll make coffee. You look like you need it."

As Justine returned she found Mark almost laying flat on her couch, one arm over his eyes. Every muscle of him screamed exhaustion and she wondered if he was aware how much his actions were revealing his feelings. She was tempted to let him fall asleep but his rigid form told her that he wouldn't get any proper rest until he got the answers he was looking for. She cleared her throat quietly and Mark startled slightly. Sitting up he thanked her for the coffee and rubbed his other hand over his eyes.

"So what do you think after you've read it?" Justine started the conversation, knowing that it would be difficult to get him to open up and realizing his own feelings.

"I'm confused." Mark took a sip of the coffee, grateful that it seemed to be an extra strong one. He could need all the caffeine he could get to stay awake.

"Didn't surprise me. Why are you confused?"

"You called me Alexander yesterday." Mark put the coffee on the table in front of him, starting with the topic that had shaken him the most last night.

"I did." Justine confirmed, saying nothing else, determined to let him find his own way through his questions.

"You meant the Alexander of the book, didn't you?" Mark asked for clarification. He needed to hear it from another person before he could really accept it.

"Yes. I meant the Alexander of the book."

"So if I understood Derek correctly Lexie typed for you while you told her the story, right?" Mark asked, starting at the beginning. He had a flood of questions so he needed to ask them in some kind of order so that he wouldn't forget important ones.

"That is correct, Dr. Sloan." Justine said calmly, trying to give Mark some reassurance to continue. Kind of being his shrink without actually being one.

"Call me Mark, please."

"Okay. But only if you call me Justine."

"Why was she so upset about the book?" Mark asked one of his most burning questions.

"First off, I feel the need to explain why I'm talking to you about something you should clearly talk about with Lexie. I didn't want to betray her trust, but ..." Justine stopped briefly. She wanted to make clear to him that Lexie's well being was her priority.

"Yes?"

"I think she could need all the help she can get and I can see that you clearly care deeply for her. She needs you even though she doesn't want to admit how much. So to answer your question. I think you know why she was so upset about the book."

"I … please tell me that it's not what I'm thinking it is." Mark replied pleadingly and Justine could see in his eyes that he was scared to hear the truth. Scared that all he had build up after Lexie left him would crumble down around him in a second.

"Even though I don't know what you are thinking right now I have a pretty good idea. So … why don't you want it to be exactly like you think it is?" Justine decided to use a common technique. Answering with a question. It would definitely help Mark to sort through his feelings.

"That would mean that Lexie … " Mark trailed off, rubbing his hands over his jeans, averting his gaze.

"Yes?"

"She saw the similarities to her own life, didn't she?" Mark said, looking up at her again with sudden determination shining in his eyes. He apparently was ready to grab the bull by the horns. To face his greatest fear.

"Yes, she did." Justine told him and Mark took in a deep breath before he continued.

"So … I assume Nathan would be Avery and Alexander would be me then?" Mark stated the conclusions he had drawn last night.

"She didn't say any names. I just connected the dots between the gossip I heard while I was in the hospital and her reaction about the story." Justine explained. She was almost one hundred percent certain that Mark was right but Lexie never mentioned names while they were talking about her situation.

"You said at the end of the book in your comments that you've changed the ending."

"Yes, in the first version I let Kate choose Alexander and believe me I was totally taken by surprise how vehemently Lexie reacted to that. After the surgery I've told her that I found a way to stretch out the series and Kate would stay with Nathan for now." Justine elaborated further.

"For now?" Mark asked surprised.

"At the end she is going to choose Alexander of course." Justine told him as if it was crystal clear that Alexander would be the one Kate would choose at the end.

"Why will she choose Alexander? Obviously Nathan would be the much better choice." Mark said disbelievingly.

"Lexie had the same opinion at first. But I've told her that Alexander is Kate's soul mate. It doesn't matter what looks better on paper. Love doesn't work that way."

Justine could see him gulping hard when she mentioned the word soul mate and she felt badly for him that he had to deal with all this information at once. He had to feel like he had been hit by a train.

"So how did she react after you've told her that Kate would finally choose Alexander?" Mark asked quietly, clearly shaken up by what he had just heard.

"She shouted at me why I hate Nathan so much. I just explained to her that it has nothing to do with Nathan but that it's Kate. She doesn't love Nathan." Justine replied.

"What happened then?"

"She told me that Kate should choose Nathan and that it isn't fair."

"She is still convinced that Nathan is the better choice." Mark said and she could hear the hurt in his voice. Even though they were talking about fictional characters, he reacted to it the same way Lexie did. As if they were talking about Lexie and him and he apparently felt as if she chose Jackson over him. Again.

"No. She doesn't think that Nathan is the better choice." Justine was glad that she was able to reassure him.

"Did she say so?" Marked asked hopefully.

"No. But she broke down in front of me."

"She cried?"

"Yes."

"So what exactly does that mean?" Mark asked, uncertainty tinging his voice.

"Mark, you seem to be a smart guy. You already know what it means. I don't have to spell it out for you." Justine answered him firmly.

"Damn. What am I supposed to do now? Timing is a bitch."

"I can't tell you what to do."

"So in a nutshell. Lexie thinks I'm her soul mate and that she made the wrong choice when she chose Jackson?" Mark asked for clarification, still not sure if he could believe what he'd just heard.

"That's pretty much it. But you are forgetting the most important part." Justine informed him.

"And what would that be?" Mark asked curiously.

"She is still in love with you, and she is hurting like hell because she thinks that she'd missed her chance."

Slumping back into the couch, Mark closed his eyes and pinched his nose, clearly struggling to hold his emotions in check.

"Did she miss her chance?" Justine pressed, pulling Mark out of his thoughts.

"What do you mean?" Mark asked with a trembling voice, awaiting eagerly Justine's answer.

"Well, you are currently in a relationship with another woman but you are here." Justine clarified.

"Yeah, I'm here." Mark stated the obvious.

"Mark, you came to me because you couldn't stop thinking about Lexie. You stayed up all night to read a book only to figure out why she was acting so weird." Justine tried to get through to him, to make him realize what was already clear to her.

"So you think I should dump my girlfriend only because she is now willing to get back together again? She told me to leave her alone. I granted her her wish and let her go. She walked away without looking back and now that I have a woman in my life she suddenly realized that she can't live without me?" Mark replied slightly angry.

"Sometimes you don't realize what you have until it's gone." Justine stated matter-of-factly.

"Oh, don't give me that crap." Mark snapped back, his anger obviously an attempt to protect his heart.

"But it's true. Deep down Lexie thought you would be always there for her. When she saw you with another woman she realized that that wasn't the case. You showed her that you were moving on and she couldn't take it. Why do you think she threw the baseball at your girlfriend?"

"You know about that?"

"I've told you. Gossip."

"So she did it on purpose?" It was more a statement than a question. So he already suspected that it wasn't an accident that Lexie hit Julia with the ball.

"Of course. She was insanely jealous." Justine said affirmatively.

"I didn't want to even think in that direction so I just convinced myself that it was true that she thought Julia would steal second base."

"Sometimes men can be so dense. Even Jackson realized that she was jealous." Justine informed him.

"He did what?" Mark asked totally stunned.

"Don't tell me that you didn't know that they broke up?" Justine asked him surprised.

"Derek just told me yesterday. I had no clue until I was talking to Julia on the phone a week ago telling her that I wished that she could have been in the OR with me. Lexie was walking by and apparently thought that I was talking to her."

"Interesting. What did she reply?"

"Really? Me too." Mark replied quietly.

"Oh poor girl. That must have been totally embarrassing." Justine said sympathetically.

"I didn't think that it was embarrassing. She backpedaled immediately and left me standing totally dumbfounded at the nurse station."

"That must have been quite a shock for you."

"It was and then she avoided me completely. She just disappeared into thin air every time I spotted her somewhere." Mark stated confused and Justine saw that it had been the right decision to give him the book. He would have gone insane sooner or later without it.

"Do you know why they broke up?" Justine asked him after a few minutes of silence.

"No. Derek didn't tell me." Mark told her.

"It was because of you." Justine informed him, already expecting the shocked expression on his face.

"No. No way. I let her go. We were hardly speaking to each other." Mark said defensively.

"Still. You were the reason why Jackson walked away from Lexie." Justine reiterated.

"Jackson broke up with her?" Mark asked astonished.

"Yes. He picked you over her and she didn't stop him when he asked her if he shouldn't."

"Why do you know so much about this?"

"She needed to talk to someone and I was there."

"We don't seem to work. We are just ending up hurt every time we try. I don't think I can take it one more time." Mark replied sadly.

"Maybe I can help you. Just close your eyes." Justine said, smiling when she saw his brows furrow in confusion.

"Excuse me?" Mark asked.

"Close your eyes, Mark. Geez, just do it. Don't be such a pighead." Justine replied mockingly and Mark chuckled slightly before he closed his eyes to humor her.

"So now imagine your life in ten years. What does it look like? Where do you see yourself in ten years?"

"That's ridiculous." Mark cracked one eye open and stared accusingly at her.

"Humor me. Just tell me. Let's start with something easy. Where do you want to live?"

Mark sighed loudly but closed his eyes again and leaned his head back on the couch. After several minutes he spoke into the silence.

"Definitely in a house. A quiet piece of land not too far away from the city. A big garden. The house should be just the right size. Not too big but not too small either."

"Any children?" Justine leaded him in the direction she wanted him to go in his imagination.

"Of course my daughter Sofia." Mark replied.

"Do you want more children?" Justine asked calmly.

"Yes, I love big families. So … two boys, two girls. I always thought it would be great to have four kids." Mark smiled.

"So one girl is Sofia. Just out of curiosity. How does the other girl look like?" Justine smirked, already knowing how he would describe his other daughter.

"Hmm, brown hair, almost black. I don't know it changes its color depending on how the light falls on it. Definitely brown eyes and when she smiles you don't want to be anywhere else. Her smile brightens every room."

Mark opened his eyes slowly, raising his eye brows questioningly, asking her silently if they were done. Justine nodded slightly and smiled at him before she closed in for the kill.

"After this very precise description of your daughter, do you realize who has to be the mother? To whom you want to be married to in ten years?"

"No I don't think …." Mark's jaw dropped down when the realization hit him. "Oh my god!"

"And there we have the epiphany. It was about time. I think you have your answer." Justine told him with a big smile on her face.

"Yeah, I guess I did get my answer. But I still have to come to a decision. It's not going to be easy either way." Mark said quietly.

"It never is."


So don't expect me to update twice per week in the future. :D Normally my real life doesn't leave me much time for writing and I should probably work while I'm at work and not writing on the story. LOL. But the next chapter is almost done so it shouldn't take long until I can post it.

So I wish all of you a hopefully great episode on Thursday. Let's keep our fingers crossed for a good M/L scene. We definitely deserve one. That's for sure.