Chapter 2

Amaranthine seemed like a small country village compared to what they'd all grown accustomed to in Kirkwall. As they disembarked, Hawke put up his hands to get everyone's attention: "All right people, this is the first stop for some of you, and the last for others. We leave in two days, once supplies have been loaded. If you're not on the ship when it pulls out of port, consider Ferelden your new home."

"And anyone staying on will be put to work," Isabella chimed in with a sweet smile. The mages all looked at each other, then to Hawke. The warrior noticed that Anders was staying in the back, strangely quiet. Looked like it was still up to him to figure everything out.

"We'll send word to Denerim that you're apostates seeking asylum. Queen Anora seems like a decent woman, so you should be safe there. Those who want to take their chances on the sea or at another port are more than welcome to come along. And now, if you all don't mind… I need a damn drink." The warrior headed off for the tavern, most of the ship trailing after him. Anders looked around, the sights and sounds of the city sweeping over him as he remembered the year he'd spent with the Wardens. He was walking before he had a destination in mind, and came upon a small house that seemed familiar. Justice perked up, but then pulled back just as quickly, unsure of what to do. Anders wasn't sure how long he stood there before the door opened on its own, and he came face-to-face with a pretty blonde woman, who looked startled.

"Anders?" she asked, her Orlesian accent soft as a summer breeze.

"It's me, Aura. How… How are you?"

"I'm fine," she told him hesitantly, concern flashing across her face. "Are you back at Vigil's Keep, or just passing through?"

"Passing through. I'll be leaving at first light tomorrow," he finally blurted out, feeling his chest tighten. "Aura, I hate to ask, but-" She put a gentle hand on his arm, giving him a knowing smile.

"He's missed you, Anders. Come in and share supper with us before you go." The mage nodded and stepped into the small home, memories not his own assailing him: Seeing the woman who now had his arm making supper, and wrapping his arms around her waist to kiss her neck. Long nights spent reading over documents trying to figure out what the darkspawn were up to. And then there was the final one, where he was creeping through a dark wood, and then the pain of a sword strike on his back- "Anders!" Aura's concerned voice snapped him back to the present. He stumbled into the wall, Justice nearly at the forefront, the Spirit not understanding what was happening. He put his head in his hands, taking deep breaths to try and calm himself.

"Just… Give me a minute. I-"

"Mew?" The healer's heart skipped a beat as he felt something knock lightly against his legs. Looking down, he saw the familiar orange fur, slightly crooked tail, and amber eyes of the one who had been his anchor to the world for a year.

"Ser Pounce-A-Lot…" He slid down the wall, and the cat nuzzled against him, purring loudly. He stroked his fingers through Pounce's fur, smiling slightly.

"Anders," Aura said softly, kneeling in front of him. "Please tell me what's going on. Are you and Justice still all right?" He shook his head, looking up at her.

"It's all gone wrong, Aura. What we set out to do when we gave Kristoff back to you… I couldn't control it. He couldn't fight against my hate. I don't-" He choked back a sob, pulling Pounce against his chest. The cat didn't protest, and instead rubbed against his face, licking him. The healer stared up at Aura, who seemed at a loss for what to do. "I don't know who I am anymore. Forgive me…" She wrapped her arms around him like a mother would a frightened child, kissing the top of his head.

"Start at the beginning," she told him softly.


Fenris was sitting at the Crown and Lion, already on his… Fourth, fifth glass of wine? He couldn't remember, and didn't much care to. Isabella and Varric were regaling people at the bar with story after story, Hawke and Merrill were cozied up in one of the rooms, Aveline and Donnic were walking around the city, and Bethany was sitting at a table with Nathaniel, both of them eating dinner. A moment later, the door opened, and two Dwarves walked in. The male was dressed in full plate mail, with bushy, red hair and a beard that was braided on either side. The female was also in armor, but it seemed more flexible. She shook her head at something her companion had said, her two short ponytails swinging over her shoulders. "Well, if it isn't Nathaniel and Little Miss Sparkler," the man said, walking over to them immediately and sitting down. Nathaniel sighed heavily and took a long swallow of ale.

"Oghren, what are you and Sigrun doing here?"

"Well, when we heard you were running off to Kirkwall to find Sparkle-fingers, we thought we might meet you here." He began looking around at all the mages in the inn, confusion on his face. "So uh, where is he?"

"We don't know," Bethany said, shaking her head. Nathaniel snorted and stood, eyes narrowing at Oghren.

"Nor do I care. And if you two are here, then someone needs to return to the Vigil to make sure that everything is running smoothly."

"Come on Nathaniel, the Keep'll be safe for a few nights," the Dwarf argued, swiping the archer's ale and downing it in one gulp. He let out a belch, and Bethany stood, casting a quick glance at Fenris before following Nathaniel outside.

"Tell my brother he's welcome at Vigil's Keep," she said as the Elf nodded. He then went back to staring at his wine glass, when the female Dwarf sat down across from him. She just sat staring at him until he looked over and frowned.

"Is there something you wanted?"

"Since you know Bethany, I take it you're from Kirkwall?"

"I… Lived there for a number of years, yes."

"Did you know Anders?" Fenris looked down, and she smiled softly. "Sorry. Seems whatever happened has everyone mad at him."

"That is an understatement where your companion is concerned. I believe the rest of us are more in shock as to what occurred in the city."

"If you don't mind me asking, what did happen?"

"Anders…" He downed the rest of his glass and rested his head in his hands. "He blew up the Chantry in Kirkwall with some sort of magick none of us had ever seen. The Grand Cleric and other innocents were killed in the… Explosion."

"Did he say why he did it?" Sigrun did not seemed surprised or bothered by the revelation, and he looked up at her. For the first time, he noticed the dark circles beneath her eyes, and the tight lines around her mouth. She wasn't old by any means, but she seemed it. How much death had this woman seen?

"He said that the oppression of mages needed to end, and that war was the only way to get everyone's attention."

"And do you agree with him?" Fenris frowned, staring at the markings on his arms for a moment.

"I was raised in Tevinter, saw the abuses committed by magisters every day. But here, it seemed that the Chantry had things under control. In Kirkwall, there were no duels in the streets between rival magisters. Blood magick was not a normal thing to see. And it seemed that most mages were perfectly willing to accept their situation." Sigrun nodded, and then sat forward and rested her chin on her hands.

"Did Anders ever tell you what happened to him in the Circle? How he tried to escape so many times, and eventually ended up with the Grey Wardens?"

"He mentioned a few things, but did not like to talk much about the Wardens. After your Commander left, he said everything changed." She shrugged and sighed.

"It did. Commander Cousland kept us all united to destroy the remaining darkspawn. Anyone who wanted to help was given an opportunity. Anders and I often traveled with the Commander, and he slowly started to explain things to us about the Circle, and what happened behind closed doors. I'm not sure who was more angry: The Commander, or Justice." That caught Fenris' attention, and his eyes widened.

"Justice? The Spirit?" Sigrun smiled and leaned back in her chair.

"Yeah. He was complicated to figure out, but once you got to know him, he was a really interesting… Person. He and Anders used to get into really deep conversations about what they would do to free mages from the Circle. Anders hadn't wanted anything to do with that at first, but Justice eventually convinced him that it was the right thing to do." She sat forward again, the smile now wiped from her face, and eyes looking haunted. "Tell me: Is it true what happened? Bethany told us that Justice and Anders merged, but that our Spirit friend sometimes lost control and called himself "Vengeance". I… I just feel like there's something I should do to help him." Fenris nodded, feeling his chest tighten as his mind went back to the scene just before the Chantry had exploded.

"It is true. And Anders blames himself for twisting Justice into that. He once told me that no amount of good that he does could ever make him forgive himself." Sigrun nodded, looking concerned not just for her fellow Warden, but for the Elf as well.

"Not to get too personal, but… How close are you?" The warrior sat back and narrowed his eyes slightly, but the Dwarf merely stared back at him, unblinking.

"We were lovers." She nodded, getting up and walking over to him, laying a careful hand on his arm.

"Don't leave him alone. If Justice really has been changed, then Anders needs someone to be there for him. To pull him back up like the Commander did."

"Wait, where they lovers as well?" She shook her head, smiling a bit at the thought of the healer and the prince-consort together like that.

"No. Commander Cousland considered us all family. He treated Nathaniel and Anders like his brothers, and me like a little sister. Oghren and Justice were like the odd uncles, and Velanna just seemed to be our black sheep. Anytime Anders got into trouble, the Commander was there to help however he could."

"That's what Hawke- Bethany's brother did."

"He still needs someone to love him." Fenris met her gaze and blinked, immediately looking away.

"He killed innocent people. All for the sake of his cause."

"I never said it would be easy. But right now, he's suffering just as much as you are, I bet. Anders never liked killing. Even when we faced Templars, he only wanted them to leave him alone."

"That point of view was the first to go after the… Merge." Sigrun nodded, and then looked over at Oghren, who was standing at the door, tapping his foot.

"Just think about what I said. Don't let Anders leave Amaranthine before talking to him. If you do, you'll regret it the rest of your life." Then she was gone, and Isabella came over, raising an eyebrow.

"She's a cute one, for a Dwarf."

"She's a Warden. We were talking about the mage."

"So is everyone else," the pirate added with a shrug. She sat down in the seat Sigrun had been using, leaning back and putting her feet on the table. "Listen, I'm not sure what you're going to be doing, but Varric and I have a plan."

"A plan for what?" The pirate winked and grinned.

"For staying out of the reach of the Chantry. Hawke and Merrill are coming with me aboard my ship, as are any mages who want to. Varric, Aveline, and Donnic are going to be leading the rest to Ferelden. We all figure that Anders will just head somewhere else, and you would follow." Fenris snorted and gave her a sideways glance.

"What makes you so certain I want anything to do with him?" Isabella's grin just got wider, and she wagged a finger at him.

"Because I know you, and him. Anyway, the plan is to lay low for a year, and then meet in Rivain. It's about the most neutral territory, and accessible from land or sea." Fenris nodded, seeing the wisdom in the idea.

"I do not yet know what I am doing." Isabella stood, ruffling his hair as she turned back towards the bar.

"Fenris, I may be petty and shallow, but trust me on this: Don't let him slip away. He loves you, and you love him. Keep Anders safe, and he'll never give up on you."

"You talk like Kirkwall never happened. Like I can just push that aside."

"You both need to live with what happened. Anders will probably see the faces of those he killed every time he dreams. You will just have to decide if the man you love is still in there, or if there's only Vengeance now." With that, she walked off, and Fenris was left to his own thoughts again. And now he replayed every conversation he'd ever had with the blonde, searching for a clue that might've told him what the healer had been planning. But nearly every talk they'd had since getting together had been Fenris discussing his past, and the mage listening patiently and offering what comfort he could. And the Elf realized that he'd never really asked about Anders' past. There had been plenty of opportunity, but he had always figured the man would talk when he was ready.

"I am a fool," he whispered, finally looking up. However, much time seemed to have passed. There was almost no one in the room except the bartender, a serving girl, and Isabella. Light was starting to peek through the windows, and the Elf sighed heavily. The pirate caught his eye, and he stood and nodded at her.

"One year. You and the others had better be there." Then he was gone, racing through the streets and praying he could either find Anders before he left, or catch him on the road. He wasn't about to let the best thing in his life slip away again.