Sherlock:
[[Test #2: Control-2. Slight modification to behavior of Control planned and noted. Control will attempt behavior pattern similar to that of Admin.]]
John:
It's nice to come home after a long, exhausting day of work and take a good, hot shower.
Or, rather: it should be. Unless you've got the most oblivious, impervious git of a flatmate in all of London conspiring against you. See, I was enjoying my shower, until an odd noise at the door drew my attention. It wasn't until the door flew open that I realized what I should have thought of immediately: Sherlock was picking the lock. Which brings us back to the present.
"Sherlock!" I cry, yanking my towel down from the curtain rod and tugging it around my waist. I peek at him from around the shower curtain and notice that he's not even looking guilty, but instead tapping his foot impatiently. "Boundaries! We talked about this during that whole 'Vatican Cameos' fiasco, remember?" I don't want to talk about the "Vatican Cameos" fiasco. I really don't. Just know it involved a rubber ball and me getting hit in the face repeatedly.
"That phrase will save your life one day," Sherlock says coolly, crossing his arms. God help me, he's probably right.
Still, I hiss, "Not. The. Point." My dignity and patience equally vanquished, I make for my room. Naturally, because I don't want him to, Sherlock plants himself on the stairway and refuses to let me pass.
"I need your help," he growls, as if that should be obvious.
"I'll be a lot more helpful when I'm dressed," I say, as if that should be obvious. And then we waste about five minutes glaring at each other. Finally he lets me pass, I get dressed, and we confer in the kitchen over tea.
"No way," I say with an emphasizing shake of my head. "Not after the last one."
"John." Sherlock can sound like such a child sometimes. "This interview will be entirely different, I promise."
Sherlock:
[[Initial observations: Subject apparently perplexed by Control. No outward signs of attraction. Control's posture and body language very similar to Admin's usual. (Personal Log: Having trouble maintaining scientific objectivity. Must refrain from throttling Control. Don't approve of his impersonation, nor his proximity to John. -Holmes)]]
John:
As far as I can tell, there is absolutely nothing about this extremely weird interview that's different from the last one…except that the interviewee is something of a prat, and apparently thinks he's about twenty times more clever and interesting than he actually is.
I'm wondering if maybe Sherlock is finding all these creeps in the same place (an Internet forum? some sort of Sherlock fansite?) when Imposter Sherlock (I think he said his name was Albert or something like it) drones, "Despite your limited intelligence and the state of your cardigan, John, I must admit I find you oddly appealing."
My eyebrows jump. "You…I'm sorry, what?"
"You're attractive." He's steepled his fingers and is regarding me with what he must imagine looks like an appraising air. "I'm particularly drawn to your…" He pauses and seems to be fighting back a smile as he adds, "…um, small stature."
"My what?" That's it; I hop up and scrub my hand down my face. "Look, Albert-"
"Alphonse."
"Whatever. I, uh, appreciate your interest, but I really need to go." I set some money on the table for the coffees and stalk out uncomfortably, shooting a rapid text to Sherlock.
/Next time you need one of your fanboys interviewed, do it yourself. They give me the willies./
Sherlock:
[[Subject clearly agitated by behavior of Control. (Note that all speech and body language was dictated to Control via earpiece by Admin.) However, Subject often similarly agitated by behavior of Admin and thus data is still inconclusive. Modifications planned for next test: coach Control-3 in subtlety. Testing will resume in one week.]]
A/N: Reference made to this lovely comic by the ever-wonderful reapersun: http:/i(.)imgur(.)com(/)6h1p7(.)jpg (Sorry that fanfic's lack of linking ability is so screwy...)
