This chapter was also pretty much the result of me sitting down one night and writing down the ideas the prompt gave me. Hopefully this continues to happen for the next few prompts.
Write the fanfiction your character would write about another character or pairing.
Hello, evil readers. It is I, Heinz Doofenshmirtz, with a Phinbella story that will be the key to my Tri-State domination!
...
Wait a second, that's not the right prompt! And I've done this one already anyway.
Ok, the proper prompt now.
Write about what happens when your character plays the lottery.
"Quiet, Norm, it's starting!"
Heinz leapt onto the couch, clutching the tiny slip of paper in hand.
He had a good feeling about tonight. Every other day, his luck had been terrible, but that was just because he hadn't made the proper preparations. Today, he had everything in order, from the lucky foot from an old plush rabbit he had found in his basement, to the 12-leafed clover he had spent all day carefully genetically engineering.
If that wasn't enough, he'd had a sign from the gods of evil science themselves that morning when he accidentally dropped a piece of toast that he had already buttered and it had landed butter side up. Butter side up! Doof was pretty sure that it violated some physical Law of the Universe, but anyway it meant that nothing could go wrong for him.
Yes, he thought, grinning as he glanced again at the paper with his lotto numbers on it. Even Perry the Platypus couldn't stop me tonight!
Heinz obviously knew that the chance of winning the lottery was approximately 1 in 13,983,816, and he knew that lotteries were designed to deprive mathematically ignorant people of their money in exchange for a tiny glimmer of hope of an amazing life gained by doing no work at all, but this was different. He wasn't a mathematically ignorant person. He was a mathematically ignorant evil scientist. He had all sorts of sinister techniques he could employ in order to bolster his chances. For him, winning the lottery was only really a matter of time.
Plus, he had the buttered toast thing going for him today, so he was kind of unstoppable.
He even knew which numbers to pick. Naturally, his first 3 numbers were 2, 9, and 37, which multiplied together to give something really evil. Next was pi, the well-known number that was important in trigonometry and, hence, fundamental in making teenagers break down emotionally over its mathematical fiendishness. His 5th number was e, the exponential constant, which had to do with growth and rates of change. Finally he had i, the infamous square root of minus 1, which was so evil it wasn't even on the number line!
How could he possibly fail with that lineup?
The TV show began. "Welcome to the six o'clock news," said the anchorman. "Coming up, we talk to leading chronologists about how long this summer has really been. But first, this week's lottery numbers."
"Here it comes…!" Doof was shaking with anticipation.
"And the winning numbers are: 2, 9, 37, e, pi, and i, the square root of minus 1!"
It took a moment to sink in. "I won?" Doof said. "I mean, I won! Yippee! Norm, get the champagne!"
"You mean the soda that isn't fully flat?" Norm asked, poking his head out from the kitchen to see his father figure almost literally bouncing off the walls as if he was made of energy.
"Oh Norm, I'm too happy to even be angry at your incompetence," Heinz said gleefully. "Yes, pour a cup of the soda… oh what the heck, bring the whole bottle!"
Heinz's brain was already bubbling with ideas about what to do with the money. I could build a Made Of Platinum-Inator! No, wait, that's nonsense - I've already built a Made Of Gold - Inator before, I can't do the same thing twice…
Norm handed him the bottle and and he took a sip from it absent-mindedly, still lost in thought. With all of the money, I could buy the position of mayorship and become the ruler of the entire Tri-State Area! Ugh, but then I'd have to talk to Roger, and I'm not doing that any more than I have to...
Oh, I could buy control of the OWCA! Then I could force Monogram to do all my dirty laundry. And I can get Perry the Platypus to be my butler again, and…
The doorbell rang, interrupting Doof's visualisation of his takeover of the OWCA. "Ah, that must be the lottery guys, with my giant winnings cheque!" Doof exclaimed. "Ooh, I can smell the oversized cardboard now!"
He rushed to open the door, Norm trundling obediently behind him. There, indeed, the presenter stood, carrying under one arm the incredibly large cheque, while a single cameraman stood just behind him. The man checked his watch, almost impatiently.
"Congratulations, Mr. Doofyblatz," the presenter said.
The congratulations were given with a little less enthusiasm than one would expect for the presenter of a huge cheque, but Heinz was too happy to notice. "It's actually Dr. Doofyblatz, not Mr," Heinz pointed out. "And it's actually Dr. Doofenshmirtz."
"Right. Well, here's your cheque."
"Groovy!" Heinz said as he grabbed the cheque from under the presenter's arm. "Oh man, I can't tell you how much I plan to do with this cheque for… 87 dollars!?"
"Yeah, pretty much every pharmacist in the Tri-State Area picked the same numbers," the man sighed. "So they all won, and the pot was split between all the winners. I've got to visit another 112 people tonight alone."
"But, but…" Heinz stuttered.
"Smile," the cameraman said gruffly, but Heinz's expression did not change from a look of shattered dreams and sheer disbelief. The men then left, leaving a still stunned Doof standing in his doorway, clutching his oversized cheque.
"I'll get the ice-cream, sir," said Norm.
Poor Heinz.
Take care, evil readers!
