The rest of the week is filled with stolen glances in the raven-haired boy's direction and doodles of rats on all of his papers. Nezumi, however, doesn't speak to him for the rest to the week, and it's all Shion needs to completely convince himself that maybe Nezumi's forgotten about him already. It makes his heart feel heavy, but he figures that they've only had one conversation, and he has no right to feel this way.
Nezumi, however, feels like he's going insane, and fast. He, too, keeps reminding himself that it's only been a week, and he can't possibly feel like he does about Shion. He's fighting against himself on a daily basis, attempting to convince himself that he doesn't want to get lost in Shion's eyes, or that the sound of his laugh doesn't make Nezumi weak in the knees. These were things that he's always sung about, but never experienced. He counted himself among the lucky few that didn't daydream about that /one special person/, or sigh longingly for their significant other to be with them. But now, he seems to be becoming one of those very people. It's scary to him and he hates the feelings that Shion gives him without even knowing it.
He would even go as far to say that he hates Shion, but he knows in the darkest corners of his heart that it's a blatant lie, and Nezumi doesn't lie.
He watches with a certain interest as Shion finds a group of friends, one that he fits into extremely well despite his obvious naivete and optimism, a direct contrast of Inukashi's constant bad mood, and Rikiga's incessant chatter about women and drinking. Nezumi watches as Shion quickly becomes the favorite of all the teachers and students, and rises to popularity as swiftly as he's seemed to captivate Nezumi's heart.
He notices that he, himself and the brown-haired boy are polar opposites: Shion is an open book, a bestseller, while Nezumi is a locked diary, hidden under the bed in a box. And so he watches Shion, but watches him from afar because if he gets too close, he might have to admit something to himself that will indefinitely shatter his world.
But the temptation lingers, the temptation to get close to the brunette, just so Nezumi can hold onto his slipping sanity just a fraction of a second longer.
However, his self-control comes to fruition one day of the second week that Shion's been there. Nezumi finds himself staring in the other boy's direction during History class, and only vaguely hears the teacher mention something about a 'project', and having to work with 'partners'.
He was never a believer in fate, but if there was anything that was sure to make him question his disbelief, it was when the teacher started naming the pairs, and who else was called after Shion's name but Nezumi's own?
It took all of his energy not to stand up and scream across the room. "No," he'd say, pointing accusingly in Shion's direction. "You can't pair me up with him, anyone but him!" But that daydream ends as quickly as it appears as he imagines Shion in tears immediately afterwards, and it would be his fault.
So Nezumi decides to keep his composure and stay silent, even as Shion walks over to the empty desk in the back of the classroom, pulls out a chair and sits down. Nezumi preoccupies himself with trying to keep his heartbeat at a regular pace, and his palms from sweating, but it doesn't seem to do much good, especially not after Shion starts speaking to him.
"So..." Shion hesitantly begins, and Nezumi decides not to look up from his notebook. "I have a lot of ideas for this project...but you can come up with some too, of course! And...I was hoping we could get started today...are you free after school?"
This. This was both Nezumi's sweetest dream and his worst nightmare. He knew that one day he'd have to stop hiding from himself and maybe admit that he actually, sort of /did/ like guys instead of girls, but that day was not today and Shion would not be the reason. Even still, just a bit of indulgence after such a rigorous week and a half of practiced self-control wouldn't hurt, right?
"Yeah, I'm free." Nezumi says in a relaxed tone, leaning back in the hard, plastic chairs that are standard at every school and looking over at Shion. He settles for looking at the bridge of Shion's nose instead of his eyes, because Nezumi doesn't think he can handle that just yet. "I'd prefer it if we worked at your place, however."
He dismisses it as a trick of light when Shion's face turns a light pink. "Yeah, okay. Um...after school, do you...want to walk together to my house?"
Half of Nezumi wants to say no, and half of him wants to say yes, and he knows which part is going to win. "Sure," he murmurs, resigning himself to one-word answers in hopes that Shion will get the hint.
And more quickly than he would have liked, Shion does and stands up with a nod. "Um, alright. I'll see you after school then." With that, he stands up and walks back over to his seat, leaving Nezumi staring in his direction.
There's nothing that could be done now; all he can do is wait until after school.
The end of school comes too fast, and it feels like in the blink of an eye, Nezumi and Shion are walking side by side to Shion's house. He learns (against his will, but Shion seems to be the talkative type and Nezumi likes the sound of his voice, so he doesn't object) that Shion's mother's name is Karan, she owns a bakery, he's always been at the top of his class, he doesn't like overcooked bacon, and the childrens' book "Good Night, Moon" makes him cry.
He starts to talk about a girl named 'Safu', but then goes silent, and his eyes get this glossed-over look that Nezumi absolutely despises, so before he has the chance to consciously stop himself, he's linking arms with Shion which brings a small smile to the other's face, and burying the lower half of his face in his scarf, murmuring to Shion that he's cold and hoping that the brown-haired boy doesn't realize that he's blushing and grinning like an idiot under his scarf.
They've been working for the last four hours straight, and Nezumi tries to ignore the fact that his back aches and his eyes keep drifting in and out of focus, or the fact that Shion's had his head on the other's shoulder while he looks through history books, and looks absolutely adorable when he yawns.
Around 11, Shion realizes how late it is, and looks up at Nezumi with a sleepy expression, and the latter has a hard time trying not to close the gap between their lips. Instead, he decides to look over at the wall of Shion's room as he speaks.
"Nezumi-san, it's really late. Won't your parents be worried?"
He shakes his head. "No, they're uh..." Dead. "Out of town."
"Oh." Shion sits up, much to Nezumi's dismay, and places his books on the table. "Well, I can't make you walk all the way home after I've kept you so late! You're welcome to stay here, okaa-san won't mind."
"No, I..." he wants to, more than anything, but he knows that he's venturing into dangeous territory and his heart has already been in unrest for the last few hours, and he should probably just go home and not do this to himself and forget that Shion even exists— "I don't want to trouble you."
"It's no trouble, of course!" Shion insists, standing up and offering the raven-locked boy his hand. "We'll just walk to school together in the morning."
He plans on saying no, but as he takes Shion's hand and sees his kindly, well-meaning grin, he finds himself nodding dumbly.
Once Shion changes into his nightwear and Nezumi just decides to sleep in his uniform (sans the scarf), he lies awake next to Shion, wondering to himself it the angelic boy next to him snores in his sleep, or is a chronic drooler. For some reason, this thought makes him chuckle, and he hears a rustling of covers as Shion turns on his side to face him.
"Nezumi? What's so funny?"
Biting his lip, Nezumi shakes his head again, not bothering to look over. "Nothing, Shion, go to sleep."
"But I can't sleep." he can almost hear the pout in the younger boy's voice, and he sighs silently to himself, closing his eyes. He decides not to reply, wary of what the conversation could turn into if he wasn't careful.
It's silent for a few moments before Shion speaks again. "Nezumi?"
"Yeah?"
"Do you think sheep have dreams?"
"I don't know," he admits, though a grin dances on his lips at the thought of sheep counting sheep. "Good night, Shion."
And for the longest time afterwards, he stays awake listening to the deep, steady breathing of the other until it lulls him into a deep, dreamless and peaceful sleep, the best one he's had for months despite the fact that Shion's hogging all of the blankets and his uniform isn't the most comfortable thing to sleep in.
When he wakes up the next morning to the smell of freshly baked bread wafting up from the bakery downstairs, and the beeping of Shion's alarm clock in his ear, he realizes that Shion's got his arm draped around Nezumi's waist and his head nestled against Nezumi's chest, and for a moment he allows himself to hug the smaller boy close to him.
He savors the moment because he knows, by the warming of his heart and the relaxation of his mind that he won't allow himself another moment like this. Nezumi tells himself that he can't like this, or Shion as much as he does because he refuses to admit to himself that he's fallen hard for Shion, a boy.
And he knows that he has to get out as soon as he can before he does accept the uncanny realization that it's completely alright to like Shion, that it doesn't make him any less of himself that he's a boy that likes a boy.
But for the moment, he doesn't want to think about that.
He doesn't want to think about labeled sexualities or the opinions of others, he just wants to think about how happy and comfortable he is with Shion, though he knows it won't last because Nezumi always destroys the good things that happens to him and it's only a matter of time before his newfound friendship with Shion is next.
[a/n; Um, wow, this chapter was a whole lot of nothing, wasn't it? Haha. Um. I think I'm probably going to plot this story out instead of playing it by ear...]
