I didn't sleep that night. I walked through the halls, clearing up where I could, fixing things when I found something broken. Others celebrated and cheered, the dead were transported to a large barren field on the other side of the lake, buried in individual graves in neat rows and columns. I didn't help, didn't have too, it wasn't personal, it wasn't emotional. Since the wards were down people came flooding in, mediwitches and wizards, the press, all sorts of family members and such. I watched from a broken window high in the sky as great roaring fires were lit with broken furniture and well…anything that would burn. Oh and the Death Eater bodies…imagine what those fires were for. I spotted Ron and Neville toss bodies; toss them like they were filth. Death Eaters were evil yes but something about how they did it didn't seem right to me, it felt as if they were enjoying it.

"…Harry?" a timid voice called out from behind me.

I was jolted awake when I heard a clap of thunder and a rain drop on my forehead. I looked around and saw I was laying on a long beach with the waves gently washing up onto the sand, the sky was dark and brooding while the rain began to fall. To my left was the frame of Pansy Parkinson, she was wrapped in my robes and had the hood up to cover her head from the falling rain, behind her I saw blond hair and assumed it was Draco.

"You're awake," Pansy said to me as I sat up.

I nodded and ran a hand through my hair, I felt dried blood on my scalp. "What happened?"

"You were a bloody idiot that's what happened!" Draco snapped as he approached, behind him I saw a few others, one of which was Demelza who avoided my gaze and instead hung back with Luna. Draco looked tired and thin, still not fully healed from his near death encounter but fit enough to shout at me…some things never change. "You could have died Potter."

"I made a-"

What words I was attempting to say left my mind as I felt a pain in my ribs and fell sideways into Pansy's lap, she wrapped her arms around my shoulders as I groaned in agony. Draco kneeled down beside me and put a hand on my arm to help steady me.

"You'll be alright Potter, we will heal you up," he said to me. "We need to get out of the rain though, can you lead us to whatever it was you were looking for here."

"Kreacher…" I muttered and heard no more.

Once again I found myself waking in an unfamiliar environment, however this one was much better than the last. Reaching for my glasses to the left of me I felt silk sheets beneath me and a gentle breeze through a window across from me. I smelt rain and a sea-breeze and knew I was still on the island…then I remembered they must have found the small island cottage that my family had here, it was up on a field overlooking the sea. I placed my feet on the cold hardwood floors and reached for the sweater that had been folded and placed beneath my glasses. As I went to put it on I felt a slight pain and looked down, my chest was nearly engulfed in bandages and what skin wasn't hidden by the white bandages were bruised black and blue and deep purple. It took two tries to pull the sweater on but when I did I felt okay enough to move my arms around and see how much pain it would cause me. After a moment I felt good enough to stand and try for the door across the room.

"Easy there Potter," I heard Draco before I saw him. Looking around I saw he had been seated in a wicker arm chair in the corner, nursing a small drink and reading from a book. His face looked even more exhausted than previously and he sat slumped but relaxed.

"Draco…" I called out to him and started to walk towards him. "…are we at the cottage?"

"Yes, your house elf was more than helpful but what he wasn't helpful in was helping transport you here. I had to carry you, you're heavier than you look."

I scratched at a bandage on my neck. "Why didn't you use magic to bring me here?"

"Our wands don't work here for some reason."

"Same as in the small manor in Scotland remember?" I asked him to which he nodded.

He drank the rest of his drink and placed the glass on a matching wicker table. "Maybe a safety precaution or something."

"Possibly…how are you here anyway?"

Draco stood and walked towards the door, opening it and then gesturing for me to follow. The two of us set off and from what I could see this cottage was much bigger than what I was expecting, but it was cozy and relaxing. I heard voices coming from down a flight of stairs, Draco helped me down them as apparently my ankle had been shattered by a spell but Kreacher had mended it, though I still felt how weak it was. Once we descended into the small study I saw a fire roaring in the brick fireplace, I felt a wave of warmth and my tired arms and legs felt a bit better, if not better but relaxed. On a plump couch next to the fireplace Luna was napping under a thin blanket and I saw a Tracey Davis in a chair reading a large book, she looked up at me but said nothing.

"In here Harry," Draco told me and walked me into a kitchen where a few people were going through some food and asking what they should make. I saw Blaise sitting in a chair at the table drinking straight from a bottle of wine while Daphne and Astoria Greengrass were discussing how to make a muggle dish they once had but couldn't remember the name too, Pansy stood by the oven and stared at it as she tried to understand its purpose. And then I saw Demelza who was smiling and trying to explain the oven.

"Harry!" Blaise called out as he noticed me.

I saw Pansy turn around quickly and then I saw Demelza back up slightly but only so much that I noticed, or so I thought. Daphne smiled at me as did the younger Astoria but she returned to looking through a book I saw to be a cook book.

"Good to see you on your feet," Blaise said and took a sip of his wine…well technically it was my wine but who really cared at this point. I nodded at him and he returned to focusing on the wine, ignoring the fact I was even there.

"How are you feeling?" Pansy asked me.

I felt uneasy being in a room with everyone, they all stared at me and waited for me to say something, my heart beat as my words were lost. Draco put a hand on my shoulder, gestured to a stool, and walked into the room. He looked at the cook book Astoria was reading and took it from her.

"He's fine folks…" turned to me and handed the cook book off to my hands. "…do you know what kind of food they're trying but failing to make?"

I laughed and looked at the ingredients on the kitchen island; I saw a selection of pasta and some herbs with meat and a bunch of random tomatoes. I put the book down and nodded. It was obvious that they were trying to make spaghetti, though it isn't really an island dish if you know what I mean.

"Spaghetti and meatballs I'd say."

Astoria smacked her sister on the arm. "I told you it started with an S."

"Oh shut up…" Daphne stated and swiped the cook book. "…let's get to work then I'm hungry."

The next hour was a whirlwind of movement and arguing…mainly by the Greengrass girls…as they worked to make a substantial dinner for everyone. I sat at the island and gave some pointers here-and-there but largely remained quiet while Draco sat beside me with a bottle of an ancient looking wine that he had found in the cellar, we all shared it except for Blaise who had drank two bottles and was now passed out on a couch in the study…his way of coping I guess. Pansy kept glancing at me and I at her as the time wore on and I wished for our own time alone once again. No one talked about what happened and no one brought up the school or going back or what to do now. I think we were all trying to just get through one day without it nagging at our minds. Demelza had retreated into the study and was now talking with Tracey Davis and Luna as they explored the bookshelves.

We ate in the kitchen, the food wasn't the greatest but it was their first time cooking muggle style and it would have done alright for my aunt and uncle I'd say. I sat beside Pansy and Luna, who ate the spaghetti with chopsticks she had randomly found from somewhere in the kitchen, we all got a nice laugh as she explained the story of why she ate spaghetti like that and at the end I found myself glad she was here. Draco had found extra seats in the cellar and a table leaf, which he only understood what it was until after I spent ten minutes explaining it. After the spaghetti was gone, due to our extreme appetites, the sun had set and the storm was now raging against the house. A few more drinks were drank and then we asked Kreacher to make some deserts, while we waited Blaise spoke up.

"Can…uh can I say a few words?" he asked the group and most of us nodded while a few just stared at him until he spoke. Blaise took a sip of his drink and he stood up which got a laugh from Draco.

"Bloody hell mate are you going to give a speech?" Draco laughed, leaning back in his chair, his cheeks rosy but you could still see the paleness of his skin. He wore a loose fitting t-shirt that he had found upstairs and it was much too large for him.

"Oi shut it or I'm sitting down!" he snapped back, cheeks red. He went to sit back down but Astoria, who sat beside him, smacked his arm and gestured for him to stay standing which he did after a moment. He cleared his throat and then glanced at me, reaching down he picked up his glass and raised it in the air. "…Thank you Harry Potter, without you I doubt very much I would have seen out the next year and now I say I have more of a chance than ever. Thank you for saving me and my friends and…apparently…for keeping us out of hell on earth. I'm in your debt."

"To Harry," they said in unison.

"You don't have to thank me…it was the right thing to do."

Pansy smiled at me. "But you didn't have to do it."

I sat in silence as they drank after Blaise's toast, he sat back down and Kreacher served the sweats. As they night wore on the mood began to drown itself as we steadily lost our battle with exhaustion. I hadn't had the opportunity to explore the cottage yet but from what they had told me there were enough rooms to sleep comfortably in. Blaise stated his intention to sleep in the study, asking me for another bottle of wine which I shrugged towards and he thanked me happily but Daphne had stepped in and told him enough was enough. He nodded to her and was led into the study and then put to bed by the quiet command of Daphne while Luna told the group she, Demelza and Astoria were going to take over the large guest bedroom on the ground floor. I saw them take an assortment of sweats and books with them. Tracey headed for a shower and that left Pansy, Draco and I in the kitchen although Pansy soon left for a shower as well.

I felt an amount of sadness as I had watched Demelza in the coming days. She hadn't spoken to me once and I couldn't blame her for that, I had noticed bruises on her neck and arms and figured that was my doing. She stayed close to Luna and Astoria. I missed talking with her, granted it had only been hours since our escape but I found her lack of companionship disheartening. Demelza was a different story. She never spoke to me, only when she had too and that wasn't often. As the days went on Astoria welcomed her into her and Daphne's sisterhood it seemed because they became inseparable as the days wore on. I found myself waiting for any sign of her and I tried to speak to her numerous times but nothing came out of my mouth when I had the chance.

In the days that followed we began to settle into the island and it became the closest thing to home we had all had in a while. While a friendship was strong between the former snakes already their bonds seemingly intensified with the inclusion of Luna, Demelza and myself, though I kept to myself more so than anyone. Without the tradition separation of houses blocking our ability to talk Draco and I became just as close as we had been in the time after the war when he was a guest in my house, we rose early as we once had and ate breakfast with a calm breeze through the windows; I enjoyed having his company once again and discovered just how much I missed his lengthy talks about random topics that usually had no meaning. I found myself becoming a teacher of sorts as I explained various muggle things to the former snakes and some to Luna as well, such as the toaster which after Blaise had set fire to on two separate occasions I was forced to put the toaster on a high shelf to hide from the pureblood. Daphne and Astoria had become the chefs, though I had insisted on helping them and teaching them my knowledge as I always thought I was pretty good.

I watched the group from afar numerous times, taking mental notes of their likes and dislikes and dreams and nightmares when they talked to each other or when they told the group something they had thought of. I studied Daphne and Tracey, even Blaise; Daphne was calculating and cold but warm on the inside and friendly while Tracey was simple and intelligent with a relaxed exterior, she was always reading and reading muggle novels too. Blaise was a drinker, whether he enjoyed it or relied on it I didn't really know, what I did know was he liked muggle television and liked to talk about how he wanted to propose to a girl in Italy he had met while on the run; I pitied him. Draco and Astoria seemed to spend a lot of time together and after a few conversations with Daphne that had given me the knowledge they were to marry due to a marriage contract, while I wasn't one to agree with marriage contracts I could tell there was a genuine affection between the two. Luna liked to wonder the island and enjoyed walks on the beach, I would accompany her on many trips and sometimes we were gone for hours, I felt secure with her and Luna would talk to me about how she was proud of what I did…usually though she was typical Luna, always bringing a smile to my face. She liked to talk with Daphne and the two sparked a unique friendship that I stayed away from in respect to Luna.

Pansy. She had struggled at first, in the first week or two, to settle in but after a while she got used to the temporary new life. Away from school I learned how she really was and I enjoyed her friendship, always hoping for more but never seeing it. We spent nearly all day together, while it was sitting in the study reading, me healing from my battle mostly, or sitting in the sand under a palm tree. She spoke often about her family and how she had been ashamed of them and how Draco had been her only real support for a long time. She feared the coming days and feared the Triumphant, she feared her friends dying, and she feared me dying. I listened and hardly talked. I don't think she minded that too much. The two of us became close and when we were together the others stayed away.

One such time was when we were walking the beach near enough to midnight I'd say, the night was clear and bright as the moon reflected light off the waves and it was calming as we looked up to the hill where the cottage sat, just before the plain where a row of coconut trees stood tall and provided an exotic sustenance they hadn't had before. We had tasked Kreacher with getting clothes suitable for the warmer weather and he had succeeded brilliantly, almost too brilliantly as he came back with nearly twenty bags of clothing for each of us. Pansy was wearing a pair of khaki shorts with a loose fitting tank top over a green bikini top while I wore shorts and a plain t-shirt.

"Had you ever gone on vacation?" she asked me as a silence had overcome us for the last few minutes. I shook my head at her question which made her prod the subject a bit more. "What? You've never gone on a vacation before?"

"Uh…I went to the zoo once," I said, the memory flooding back into my mind.

"Did you like it?" she asked, side-stepping a washed up log. I shrugged to her question with a slight laugh coming out of my mouth before I could help it.

"I talked to a snake and set him loose, then trapped my cousin behind glass…" I smiled briefly. "…it was alright I guess."

"You're a wonder Potter," she told me, giving me a sideways glance. I gazed at her in silence and offered a small grin to which she returned. Pansy wrapped her arms around her waist, hugging herself, as she walked. As the minutes went on I found it increasingly annoying that we eventually had to return to the house instead of staying by the shore and after a while she yawned. "I think…" she looked at me. "…we should head back, it's late."

"Yeah…" I replied, stopping at a barren stretch of sand and looked out over the water. Pansy stood a few feet away from me, she gazed at me for several moments as I remained quiet. Eventually she went to leave but then turned back and walked up beside me. She took my hand in hers and placed her right hand on my cheek and turned my face to hers.

"What goes on in your head?" She rubbed my cheek softly and I looked down. "Why are you always so quiet Harry, we are safe here, we can remain here."

I shook my head, looking down. "I can't hide here for the rest of my life."

"Why not? It is yours…we are all happy here, once we figure out how to use our wands here we can make more cottages and remain indefinitely, I know for a fact everyone enjoys it here."

"I don't want any of you to live in fear," I told her.

Pansy smiled. "That's sweet Harry but we aren't your responsibility."

"I spoke on your behalf, I made the decisions that put this…all of this into motion."

She furled her brow in confusion. "Harry you made friends with us, you're family now, you did more than anyone could ever hope for by standing by us. You have nothing more to prove. What's keeping you from being happy here with us…" Pansy rubbed my cheek again and smiled sadly. "…with me?"

"You're here because of me, I need to make it right. I'm going to make it right Pansy, I promise."

"And then what?" she asked, letting go of my hand and letting her hand drop from my cheek. I wanted to grab her hands and hold her tight, to bring her close to me but I couldn't find the strength, I couldn't take that step yet, it was too dangerous.

"I don't know Pansy," I said quietly and turned towards the sea. I walked towards the waves and slid my hands into the pockets of my shorts, letting out a breath and hiding the tears from my eyes. She left soon after and I was alone, I stood there for several hours just looking out over the dark waves, just looking. Draco tried to bring me inside but I shook my head and told him I couldn't, he understood and so he stayed with me for a few minutes before he yawned and I told him to go to bed, he wanted to stay but I told him I was fine. He knew I wasn't and I knew I wasn't but he left.

Christmas Eve was fast approaching and we had spent the better part of two months in hiding on the island. While we hid my obsession that had once consumed me back at school was beginning to take hold once again. I hardly ate, I hardly talked. I would stand by the waves and go over everything that I knew, I would recite it over and over again; I would write in the sand and then let the waves wash it away when someone came to fetch me. I noticed they talked to me less, they avoided me while I watched them, I knew they didn't see my stares nor did they suspect anything. I saw how Pansy became closer with Demelza, the latter of which spent a lot of time talking and interacting with the group. I found it odd but ignored my suspicions due to the fact she was probably trying to make amends. Draco and Blaise fished daily, I would join them sometimes while other times I wandered the island.

After a while I decided I needed to return to England in order to find out more, I needed information and so I sought it out. I would leave for hours, I would call Kreacher and we would return to England and investigate the Triumphant. I would conceal my face with magic and walk the streets of Diagon Alley, talking to people and watching. I spotted a few people, it seemed graduation had come early, I saw Ginny and Dean, it seemed my fight with them had been devastating as he did indeed lose his hand and Ginny walked with a limp, I held morbid glee in this fact and laughed when I saw her. I read newspapers and discovered I had killed Seamus, crushed his ribs into dust along with his spine and heart with the bone crusher. I found no word on Ron and it was gnawing at my mind, I visited as many graveyards as I could and read any newspaper I could find. I went to his home, I blew through the doors when no one was home and went through it all but it was abandoned, they had left without a clue as to where. I watched as Kreacher and I burned their house down, my eyes burning with rage. I went to find Luna's father and he was pleased to see me but I told him to run and so he did. I helped him get away and then I decided I needed information only a Triumphant could give me but first I went to search for my friends' families, to find any type of good news but I found none. Blaise's mother was dead, Daphne and Astoria's parents burned with their manor, Tracey's parents were found in the muggle world, I almost saved them but I was too late and buried them in the field behind their house, near a rose garden, I hoped they would have liked that. Finally when I knew I needed more information I told Kreacher to find Ginny and then we acted.

It was a dark night as she was taking a drink at the Hog's Head, I waited in the shadows until she stepped into the street; I followed her to the edge of the city and then attacked. I knocked her unconscious and dragged her to the cave Sirius had once lived within. When she woke she saw me and screamed for help but her voice was muffled by a spell, tears began to fall when I demanded information she couldn't give me. When she wasn't helping I forced her to drink truth serum but it did no good either. She hadn't seen Ron in the weeks that had followed and I demanded to know if he had died but she had no knowledge and that frightened me so. Where was he? When I was done with her I wiped her memory and had Kreacher deposit her body somewhere in Africa, in the Sahara I told him. I went for Hermione next but found nothing on her and it drove me mad, I went to her house and tore through it for any clues, there was nothing. I thought of her parents in Australia but again found nothing, they were still living the false life they thought was real. After my return from Australia in London I realized it was nearly a week since I had gone and knew I was to return soon. I bought a few packages and presents for the others, not to lessen the wrath for leaving but to make life normal once more. My mission was a failure and I learned nothing new about the Triumphant.

She slapped me.

"Do you have any idea how worried I have been?" she screamed at me as the others watched from the study, Blaise and Draco walking in from the kitchen and Luna coming down the stairs. Pansy's face was red and tears fell down her face. I stood at the door, looking straight at her, and waiting for the rest of the shouts and yells. She slapped me again when I stayed quiet. Pansy glared at me and I felt another strike hit my face, this third slap knocked my glasses to the floor and one of the lenses shattered. Draco walked forward and pulled her away just as a fourth slap met my cheek. "I thought you got taken somehow!

"Nice of you to join us Potter…" Daphne snapped from a chair, she took in my appearance and raised an eyebrow. "…you look horrendous by the way."

"Would you care to explain to us where in the hell you've been?" Blaise asked as Draco held Pansy's arms. I was surprised to see how much he was worried.

Before I could say anything I heard Demelza speak. I turned to look at her, as did the rest of us. She was sitting beside Astoria, they look to have been making Christmas decorations of some kind.

"Isn't it obvious…he was investigating the Triumphant, weren't you?"

I felt the gazes of them all on me as I closed the door and walked into the study. I sat on a couch beside Luna and nodded. I could feel Pansy's glare as she was pushed into a seat by Draco, who then sat beside her. The others came around and stared at me expectantly but I felt as though I had no need to tell them anything so I remained quiet.

"We are waiting for an explanation Potter," Blaise said after a few minutes.

"You know we have been getting the newspapers here right? They've started flooding in from all over, I managed to figure out how to get them here without giving our position away to anybody, and we've been reading about strange occurrences and even a few disappearances." Draco stated for the group and then he went on. "Your old friend Ginevra went missing, she was found in Africa yesterday, well some of her anyway."

"I know," I told them.

"What gives you the right to leave and not include us in this?"

I glanced at Pansy but I couldn't hold the gaze. "Because it doesn't have anything to do with you. I'm not looking for a way to stop them, I'm not trying to get us back there, what I'm trying to do is find him."

"Him?"

Demelza glanced at Astoria. "I'm sure he means Ron."

"Why are you looking for him?" Daphne asked from her chair, she had a genuinely curious look on her face and I hated how Demelza had all the answers. I made a face and tried to walk away but Pansy jumped from her chair and came at me with an enraged glare on her face, without wanting to further anger her I sat back and grimaced at the situation. "You can tell us Potter."

"…I tried to kill him."

Draco shrugged. "It was you against how many bloody people Harry? We don't blame you for trying to hurt him."

"No…" I said loudly, my voice growing low. "…I wanted to see him dead. I used the spell we all know we never want to use. I used it willingly. I wanted to see him die by my hand. I've been searching for him because I want to kill him."

No one spoke and no one seemed able to look away from me. They took in my appearance, I knew I looked worse than I had in a while. My clothes hung loose and my hair was untamed and too long, my chin and cheeks were covered in an unshaven beard while my eyes were tired and bloodshot and angry. My hands were dirty and my clothes were wrinkled, my stomach was hungry and it growled but I remained still.

"He would have murdered all of us," Draco finally said as he put a hand on Pansy's shoulder, keeping her from standing. "What you did for me…what you did for all of us is something we cannot repay you nor will we ever. You would have killed for us."

"It's okay Harry," Astoria piped up from beside Demelza.

"Yeah mate we are here for you," Blaise stated with a lopsided grin.

I shook my head and stood, going to walk out when Pansy stood up now and shouted after me to come back, Draco held her back and asked me to return but my exhaustion was too much and I turned on them. I pointed at them with spit flying from my mouth and angry tears falling from my eyes. My anger lashed out and I saw as some books flew from the shelves and hit the opposing wall, everyone sat up in their chairs or gasped at the sudden magic.

"You don't get it do you? They aren't the enemy for me like they were for you all so long. They were my family, the only ones who gave a bloody damn about who I was beneath the scar. Each one of them betrayed me, they were there for me when no one else were. They tried to hurt the two people I had come to love and they did it without hesitation, without remorse. That was unforgivable. I killed Ginny, I tortured her mind for answers I never found! I did that. I watched…" my voice rising to new heights. "…as she cried and begged me to stop but I didn't! I did that! I could have killed Demelza when I found out she betrayed me, she spied on me! I almost killed her, don't you people understand? I'm not a hero you should be thanking. I didn't fight for you, I fought them because I wanted them to pay for what they did to me. I wanted them to bleed."

Pansy was crying, Luna watched me curiously while Demelza turned away from me. Blaise stood beside Draco, watching him not me and Daphne just stared, an icy expression back in place. Outside a blast of thunder jolted us into movement again but was only temporary, I stepped back and leaned against the wall. I slid down to the floor and tossed my wand away, it rolled across the room and stopped against the fireplace.

"Harry…" Draco began but was unable to finish and so he walked over to my wand and picked it up from the ground, he wiped it off and placed it on the mantle. Turning to look at the group he sighed and came towards me. "…Harry get up mate, it'll be okay. You were there for us no matter what you wanted, you fought for us regardless of your inspiration and you bled for us, your old enemies. You have been fighting for so long you forgot what it feels like to stop and live. Let us help you now."

Before I or anyone else could say anything Kreacher appeared with the wrapped gifts. Everyone turned to him with confusion and when he glared back he tossed the gifts one by one to who they belonged and then nodded at me, he made his way into the cellar where he had made a small nest similar to the old one he once had. Everyone looked down at the gifts of various size and weight with even more confusion than before.

"Did you buy us gifts?" Blaise asked loudly as the rest of them started to fiddle around with the gift warp and bows. Draco eyed his small gift with a determined expression, as if he was trying to guess what was in it.

I nodded after a moment, running a hand through my hair as I spoke.

"Yeah."

"Wicked mate, you're forgiven," he then began to tear into the wrapped present as we watched.

It was a quiet affair for the rest of the evening with the gifts being enjoyed. Blaise had nearly kissed me when he saw the gift, it was a replenishing flask that would fill with whatever drink, alcoholic or not, the owner wanted. I had filled it with his favorite whiskey already. He was sitting by the fire watching the muggle movie I had bought for Daphne, she was beside him and snacking on a plate of cookies Kreacher had baked for everyone. I was in the kitchen cooking dinner with Draco sitting on the counter trying to figure out what it was I had got him. Pansy had retreated to the back porch with Demelza and the two were talking, Astoria and Luna had disappeared upstairs somewhere.

"Potter, are you completely-"

"Malfoy for the love of Merlin shut up!" I laughed as he began the same question for a fourth time. I finished preparing the fish Blaise had caught earlier and moved on to another part of the dish after placing them on the pan to cook. "It's called a mind puzzle for a reason. It isn't supposed to be easy."

Draco shrugged and after a moment he put the puzzle down on the counter, I pretended not to notice him looking around for anyone else.

"You know we have to talk about what happened in there."

I nodded. "I know but we don't need to now."

Draco stared at me. "Harry you can't run off like that, we need you."

I ignored him and worked on the fish. I flipped one of the fish steaks over and sprinkled some salt on it while he talked. The quiet sizzling of the meat mixed with the fresh aroma calmed me but I knew it wasn't for long. And I was right because a moment later Pansy and Demelza walked inside the kitchen and stopped beside us. Demelza appeared to be crying earlier as her eyes were streaked with makeup and tears. Pansy stared at me, she was quiet and timid.

"We uh we need to talk…" Pansy crossed her arms over her chest and her hair fell over her eyes, hiding that which I loved to gaze upon. We had grown apart as I steadily made trips to and from the island, I talked less and less and she seemed to like talking to me less and less too. Just as I had lost Demelza as a friend I was now losing the future I wanted. "…I think everyone needs to hear this."

Draco called them in. I stood next to the oven, watching her as they piled in. I knew what she was going to say and I knew what they would say, I knew what would happen and I hated to think of what might come of it. I stood silent as they began to speak. My heart dropped when Pansy explained how she and Demelza had been talking about the Triumphant and how they think a plan could be made to take back Hogwarts, how they can gain allies. Blaise was overjoyed to hear about fighting, saying he needs to redeem himself. I could tell him he has no need, I could say how he's a decent man how he is. Daphne and Astoria agreed, saying family contacts in France and Spain could lend aid, how they've been missing home. Draco watches me as Pansy speaks, he takes the pan off the stove when the fish begins to burn. Demelza speaks too, saying how she wants to help make things right, to prove to me and to everyone she can be trusted. I could say how I am sorry, how I was wrong, but I watch Pansy and see how she avoids my eyes. I can say how dangerous it would be how Luna's father is gone, how he's hiding in Iceland. I could say how I visited him and he told me how far the Triumphant have spread. But I watch Pansy and my heart drops when she turns to me and says…

"I'm leaving."

I shake my head.

"You can't stop me," Pansy says to me and the rest turn to look at me. She is trying to defy me, trying to look tough, to be brave. I have neglected her, I have abandoned her just as I had wronged the others. She stares at me without the passion that was once there, all I see is anger. I lost her.

"You can't leave," is what I say.

Pansy shrugs. "I can do whatever I like."

"Please…" I beg her and the others glance at each other but I can't see them, it's just me and Pansy, just the two of us. She sheds a tear as I say it again but she wipes it away fast and silent. I take a step forward and raise my hand to touch her cheek but she steps away. "…Pansy please."

"I can't stay any longer."

My hand drops to my side.

"Harry, mate, you aren't coming?"

I turn to Blaise and speak after he stares back. "You underestimate them, you can't stop them at Hogwarts. You can't just jump to a conclusion and say we can take Hogwarts. Oh you have a family that can help, that won't help you against them, they use dark magic and light magic intertwined together. They're mad and vengeful, they want your heads on spikes. They are fueled by rage…you really think that will help you?"

"We can try."

I glance at Daphne and shake my head. "No, no you really can't."

"We can do this without you if that's how it has to be," Pansy snapped, stepping forward. She was breathing heavily and her fists clenched. "All this talk about wanting them to pay, everything you said to us today, the coming and going at odd hours to investigate them, all of it Potter, what was it for? What is the point in searching for them if you won't do anything about it? We want to fight, we want to help save what families we have left. I would think you know the pain of losing family so I just thought you would want to spare us from that."

I laughed despite the situation and then laughed harder when the others looked down. "Pansy…my real family was murdered before I could even remember their faces, I know what it feels like to have no family, no friends, for years." I spat the last word as a challenge to the others. "I know what it's like to be a famous wizard but have no family, to be hated by a group of people for surviving. To be bullied by my cousin daily, to have to live in a broom cupboard while other kids had large beds. I know what it feels like to lose every connection to his parents one after another, I lost my best friends and lost new ones. I died for the wizarding world Pansy, died for it. I fought off a madman for seven years of my life for you and them and the world because I was chosen. I know what it's like to have no childhood and how it feels to have to come to terms with the idea you may not live past seventeen. I know what it is like to live a life not worth living!"

My voice had risen to new heights as I shouted at her, I walked towards her and screamed as loud as I could. She backed away from me, she wasn't looking for a fight but she found one. Demelza backed away as well, she had already been on the end of my rage and she had no wants to be there again. The others watched as I screamed and had nothing to say. My chest was rising and falling as my heart beat, I felt sweat bead down my brow and I felt a rage rising beneath my skin, I felt it prickling at my mind and it was intoxicating, I was blinded by rage and didn't see when she started crying, nor did I see when Draco approach.

"Harry that's enough mate!" he said to me and put a hand on my shoulder but I wanted nothing of it and I pushed him back towards the kitchen island. He hit it hard and that's when Blaise approached, ready for a fight.

"All of you think you know it all but you don't. You're going to die with a moronic plan like that. There's nothing left of your families! They're all dead!" I shouted and that grabbed their attention. "I went to each of your houses, I found your manors, all of them! Your families are gone. The only one I found was Luna's father and he's hiding in Iceland in a shack, living the muggle way, he snapped his wand and left it all behind." Luna held up her hands to her mouth as she gasped. "Blaise your mother ran for Italy, to hide in a small mountain town…I tried to protect her but they got to her before I could. Astoria, Daphne…there was nothing left to find. Your home was burned to the ground."

"You did that for me?" Blaise asked. "You did that for my mother?"

I nodded. "I made a promise to a girl to protect all of you."

I sat on the beach alone. Kreacher took them all and brought them to Luna's father, she said he would help them. Pansy didn't speak to me before she left, she didn't look at me. I tried to speak to her, I tried to make her stay but she pushed me away and demanded to leave. Daphne and Astoria hugged me but said nothing, I didn't hug them back, I asked them to stay to think about a plan more but they refused. Blaise stated he wanted to go to Italy and find his mum's body, Draco volunteered to go with him before they met up in Iceland, Blaise shook my hand and then hugged me; he thanked me twice and said he was in my debt. Draco and Demelza were the last to leave. Draco smiled at me and said he hoped I would meet up with them soon, I told him it was a mistake, I told him not to go but he said Demelza had made a good plan. He said I was his brother and I hugged him. Demelza was next, she was alone with me for the first time in a long time. She was smaller than I remembered and thinner. I went to hug her but stopped. She smiled at me and then waited for Kreacher to leave. When she was about to leave she handed me a piece of paper that I took after a moment of hesitation.

"Goodbye Harry…" she began as Kreacher returned.

I opened the folded paper and my eyes widened.

"…you should have gone with them."

I leapt for her but a spell hit me in the chest and I was flung backwards, my wand falling. I scrambled in the sand for it, dove for the wand and I shouted for Kreacher but he didn't come. I screamed for Draco for Luna for Pansy, no one came. I swore to the heavens and slammed my fists on the beach. I tried to reach them but I fell to the side, my mind confused and my limbs numb, the spell was kicking in. I tried to crawl to the waves, to go after them but I collapsed and my wand rolled away. My eyes saw the piece of paper and a tear fell. I was alone.

On the paper was three words.

You lose Potter