When the Angels Cry
Part One: Fragments
Chapter Two: Roses for the Lost and Fallen
The wake had lasted somewhere between four to five hours. Brittany is not sure, because she has lost count. Now she sits in her gray car, driving to Lima Heights Adjacent with Santana asleep in the backseat. She tries to remember how it came to this point. In the last hour of the wake, a guy named Puck walked in. He and Santana went back out onto the porch, but Brittany did not follow this time. She thought that Santana and Puck were dating, so she did not want to interrupt them. But, she knows now that she had been wrong.
Santana is drunk. Horribly, terribly wasted. The tears are still on her face from when she was crying too hard to stutter out even a single word. Puck is driving behind them in Santana's car-he was dropped off at the wake anyway, so it is not like he has a car that needs to be picked up or anything-and Sam is following with Kurt and Mercedes. Thankfully, before Santana had been able to walk back into the large room, Puck locked her in a bathroom. Brittany was in charge of staying with her at the time, to make sure she did not do anything stupid. The brunette did not do anything except for sob into Brittany's shoulder.
It had only taken a half-hour for Santana to tire herself out, and then she passed out on the carpeted floor of the bathroom. Puck carried her out and put her in the backseat of Brittany's car. Sam and the other two are only following them because they are friends of Santana, and want to make sure she is okay. Brittany understands; if she is Santana's friend, she will do the same.
She still does not know how she is mixed up in everything, though. Kurt and Mercedes both have their licenses. They are able to drive Santana. Instead, though, Sam asked Brittany specifically to bring Santana home. The blonde knows that it would have been rude for her not to. So she does not really mind as she drives into the bad part of Lima.
Every so often, she glances in the mirror to look back at Santana. The girl has been buckled in by courtesy of Kurt, and she is lying on her side, just in case she starts throwing up. Brittany hopes that does not happen before they get Santana in her house. It will be hard for Brittany to explain to her parents why there is vomit in her car. Because then she will have to tell them about Santana getting drunk, and they will probably tell Judy about how Santana is probably to blame, because she is a 'bad influence.' Brittany knows her parents too well. They need someone to blame, and will happily pin the previous events on Santana if given the chance.
Brittany does not want the Latina to get in trouble for something she is unable to control. Quinn's passing is no one's fault, except maybe Brittany's, because that is what the blonde keeps telling herself over and over again, even if it is not true.
As Brittany rounds a corner, Santana begins to stir. Brittany does not want her to wake up, yet. She does not want to speak to her. Admittedly, she is concerned about the brunette, but at the same time, she is angry. Boiling anger hidden inside so that the others cannot tell. Santana was drunk at the wake. Quinn's wake. Brittany does not know if she can forgive Santana for doing something like this, because this night is about Quinn, and it was about Quinn since it started, several hours ago.
Santana is making it about herself now, though, Brittany realizes as she pulls into a driveway. She turns the GPS off and steps out of her car, angrily slamming the door and then telling Puck that it needs to be closed like that because it is always getting jammed. This keeps Puck from thinking she is upset, and she likes that. She has never been one to express feelings like anger, depression, and other negative emotions. It will just make people worry, and she does not want that.
Sam lifts Santana effortlessly after he unbuckles the seatbelts. The girl is waking up now, moving around a bit in Sam's arms as he carries her bridal-style toward her front door. There are no other cars in the drive-way, and for a moment Brittany does not know how they are going to get inside, but then Puck dangles a set of keys that he has swiped from Santana before they got her into the car at the funeral home. Brittany is unsure as to whether he took the keys before or after the girl got drunk and passed out, but she does not care all that much.
They all enter the house at the same time and send Brittany upstairs with Sam to settle Santana in her bed. She is being placed on her side in the bed when Brittany notices a colorful card on the desk in the corner of her room. Brittany does not read the words that are written, because her eyes are focused on the signature at the bottom.
Your Best Friend,
Quinn Fabray
There are drops of some now dried up liquid on the card, and it takes Brittany a while to realize that they are dried tears. She contemplates looking at the rest of the card, to see what is written on it besides just the signature, but Sam calls her over for help before she can. He asks her if she thinks the dress should be taken off of Santana, and Brittany shrugs her shoulders.
"Well, could you maybe try to wake her up a little and get her into some pajamas or something more comfortable than the dress?" Sam questions, pointing at the black dress that has slipped down a bit around the chest area. Brittany blushes when she sees more exposed flesh, and she tries to hide her reddening cheeks by looking at her shoes. Quickly, she nods, and Sam walks out of the room.
"Santana?" Brittany whispers to the sleeping girl. She nudges her shoulder, and the brunette lets out a groan and waves her hand, trying to send Brittany off.
"Five more minutes," she grumbles. Brittany does not stop a giggle from escaping her.
"Come on, Santana. We need to get you out of the dress. Where do you keep your pajamas?" Brittany tries again. This seems to wake Santana just enough for her to point at the bottom drawer of her dresser. Brittany quickly pulls out a tank-top and a pair of shorts, the first two items on top. The room feels warm enough for the clothing, and Brittany now attempts to get Santana to sit up.
"What's going on?" Santana mumbles as she groggily sits up. As soon as she does so, her hands fly up to her head and she rubs her temples, trying to soothe the headache that is only beginning to take effect. "What the fuck?"
"You're still drunk, San," Brittany says. "I have your pajamas. Can you manage to take the dress off?"
Santana stand up and immediately feels dizzy. She grips onto the bedpost as she steadies herself. A giggle escapes her when she realizes that the room is spinning, and Brittany is grateful that the girl is not sobbing hysterically now. "I don't remember how to take a dress off, can you help me?"
Brittany notes that Santana is speaking a little too suggestively, and she tries to decide whether or not she should help the girl. She knows that Sam wants her to help Santana the best she can, and the girl is Quinn's best friend, so after a few moments Brittany finally decides to help her. Slowly, she walks over to Santana with the tank-top and shorts. Santana attempts to pull the tank-top over her head before taking the dress off, but her fingers fumble with the fabric, and Brittany has to help her with that.
The brunette quickly pulls the dress down, and Brittany cannot help but stare at tan legs. Santana loses her balance while putting the shorts on, and Brittany steadies her as she finishes getting dressed. After this, Brittany helps her get back into bed, but she tumbles down onto the mattress and drags Brittany down with her. The blonde lands on her, hard.
"Ow," Santana groans. She then looks up at the blonde, seeing the blush creeping across her face. "Aw, are you embarrassed? There's nothing to be shy about, you know."
Brittany scrambles to get back on her feet, and she bids Santana farewell. As she walks out, Sam says that he spoke to the girl's abuela and told her that Santana is just sick from food poisoning after getting something to eat at the wake. They both feel bad about lying, but the figure it is better this way. Sam offers to stay with Santana, because he does not want anything bad happening to her.
The two blondes say goodbye before Brittany walks out of the house, her face still painted red from embarrassment.
The sun is shining today, at the funeral, and so no one really questions Santana for wearing sunglasses. Brittany spots her in the cemetery, and she looks terrible. Her shoulders are slumped forward, she is dragging her feet, and every so often she pops an Advil into her mouth, stopping once she has finished the sixth pill, though.
Slowly, discreetly, Brittany makes her way over to the girl, not trying to make it obvious because she knows it is rude, especially because Quinn's mother is saying a few words at the moment. She knows that in a few minutes, though, she will be called up to the small podium to speak as well. Brittany does not have a speech or anything of the sort prepared, planning on just saying what is on her mind at the time. This usually works for her, but at the same time she often makes a fool of herself.
She is not able to say anything to Santana because just as she taps the brunette on the shoulder, her name is called along with some other words that do not register in her mind. Careful as to not bump into anyone in the large crowd gathered, Brittany walks up to the podium and stares at the microphone for a minute, trying to find words. Her mouth opens and closes repeatedly, and she does not know if she will be able to speak. Then she looks at Santana, remembers holding her hand last night, and suddenly she feels that same strength again.
"I love Quinn. She is my favorite cousin-no, my favorite person-in the entire universe. There was always a song she would sing me when we were younger and I would cry for my mom at sleepovers, even when I didn't really want to go to sleep. I can't remember the song, or even the tune or words, but it is still there in the back of my head, and it reminds me of Quinn. So whenever I have been feeling sad the past couple of days, I would pretend that Quinn is next to me, smoothing out my hair and singing me the song. There are so many words to describe her, so many good words and feelings, and sometimes it gets overwhelming. She was beautiful, talented, amazing, and just such a wonderful person all around. I just wish she were here to listen to me say these things. But, in a way, she is here. She is standing right here-" Brittany points to the spot next to her and continues, "watching all of us. And that's how it will continue to be for the longest time."
Those words are probably the most serious anyone has ever heard Brittany speak. Usually, she is lost in her own world, hardly able to think of a sentence that makes sense. Everyone remains quiet for several long moments. Brittany's eyes meet Santana's through the sunglasses, and the two just stare at each other. The priest asks Brittany if she is finished, and she nods. She walks over to stand next to Santana, and dares to take her hand. Santana does not object; she just squeezes the blonde's hand comfortingly.
The funeral does not last much longer. People cry as the coffin is lowered into the grave, and Brittany feels the tears pricking her eyes. She only now remembers the two roses that she clutches is her hands. Once the dirt has filled the grave, the people are allowed to place flowers and other things on the tiny dirt bed. Brittany places one rose down, leaning it against the gravestone. She tries to speak in her head, tries to say something to Quinn, but she cannot manage to think of anything other than the words: I miss you.
She still holds the other rose, not thinking that she should put it down. One rose is enough, she reasons with herself. Instead, she continues to hold it, and watches as Santana puts down a rose as well. Then the brunette looks at Brittany, and Brittany sees the pain in her eyes, the tears pooling. She knows that Santana is not drunk, just hungover, and that these tears are truly real as Santana grabs onto Brittany and sobs. Her shoulders shake hard and she cannot breathe. She balls her hands into fists, grabbing at the back of Brittany's dress. Brittany does not mind, though. She just continues to hold Santana.
"Do you want to ride with me back to Quinn's house? We're all meeting there," Brittany offers. Santana nods and tells Sam that she will not be riding with him, as opposed to their previous arrangements.
"I just feel so...lost," Santana says as she stares out the window of the passenger seat. "Sorry for just talking like this. I just met you yesterday and I've already sobbed into your shoulder twice, passed out in front of you, had you drive me home, changed in front of you, and now I'm complaining about how lost I am because of this. I'm just...I'm sorry, Brittany."
"Really, I don't mind one bit. Talk all you want," Brittany replies, trying to smile over at Santana. The mood of the day just does not allow it, though. Brittany then reaches for the rose on the dashboard and hands it over to Santana.
"What's this for?"
"You're lost. I already gave one to Quinn. It's, like, two roses. Two roses for the lost and fallen. Does that makes sense? Sometimes I don't make sense," Brittany tells her.
"No, no. It makes perfect sense. Thank you so much, Brittany."
Brittany is able to smile now, because she feels happy for a minute. No one has ever said that she makes sense, no matter what she says. To hear it from Santana makes her feel warm, a nice change from the numbness she has been feeling since morning. She does not even mind when Santana asks if they can make a short detour to Dunkin' Donuts for a coffee because she feels her hangover is starting to become unbearable again, and the four cups of coffee she already had are beginning to wear off.
They go through the drive-thru, and Brittany orders herself a strawberry coolatta with whipped cream. She tells Santana that Quinn always bought one when she went to Dunkin' Donuts. The memory is welcomed, but it does not stay long, because Brittany does not really want to think about that right now. She might start crying, and that is not something she wants to do while she is driving, let alone while she is in front of Santana.
She knows that crying is no big deal, and that people should probably cry more than they normally do, but she just has a problem with it. For one, her make-up will be ruined, and Quinn never cried in front of people, so why should Brittany? Her reasoning is probably a little messed up, but she sticks by it because it makes sense in her mixed-up mind.
Brittany turns on the radio, and she immediately recognizes the song.
"White lips, pale face,
Breathing in snowflakes,
Burnt lungs, sour taste."
She sings the first few lines quietly, but then stops because she does not remember the next few lines. Santana looks over at Brittany, falling in love with her voice. When the chorus comes, both girls sing now, softly but loud enough for each other to hear.
"And they say,
She's in the class A team,
Stuck in her daydream,
Been this way since eighteen,
But lately, her face seems,
Slowly sinking, wasting,
Crumbling like pastries.
And they scream,
The worst things in life,
Come free to us.
Cause we're just under the upperhand,
And go mad for a couple grams,
And she don't wanna go outside tonight,
And in a pipe she flies to the motherland,
Or sells love to another man.
It's too cold outside,
For angels to fly,
Angels to fly."
When the second verse comes, Brittany cannot sing, because tears are finally falling from her eyes. The numbness is replaced with overwhelming sadness, and she does not know if she can bear it. Her tears block her vision, so she has to pull over. She keeps apologizing to Santana, but the other girl really does not know why. It is not Brittany's fault. Why would she find the need to apologize for something so natural?
"Sad songs make me really sad," Brittany says once she can speak again. Santana puts a comforting hand on her back and rubs it soothingly as Brittany lets out another few choked sobs. Soon enough, she has found her composure, and is able to start driving again after she wipes her eyes with some tissues she has in the glove compartment.
Santana opens her mouth to speak, but she is unsure as to what to say. Instead of speaking, she just removes her hand from Brittany's back and looks at the street. Her thoughts are already beginning to consume her, and she can feel herself falling back to where she was yesterday. She tries not to, though, for Brittany. The girl is already so torn up, and so is Santana, so she figures it is best not to fall back into the darkness that once consumed her already.
When they finally arrive at Quinn's house, Santana gets nervous about entering. Everyone will be there, crowding around. She never does well with crowds. It is amazing that she had been able to deal with the funeral today. However, she tries not to think too hard about how many people will be there, and instead looks down at the rose in her hand.
Two roses for the lost and fallen, she thinks to herself. A smile creeps onto her lips as she thinks more about what Brittany has said. She repeats the sentence in her head a few more times, getting used to it. She likes the way it sounds, the way Brittany said it, and what it means. It is repeating this in her head that makes the nervousness vanish as she walks into the house with Brittany.
Author's Note: Hey~! The song mentioned in this chapter is The A Team by Ed Sheeran.
Also, if you have any suggestions as to how I can make this better, please PM me or leave it in a review!
