OK so thanks to new york gal for reviewing my first chapter (which have since made changes to and re-uploaded). And as promised, here's the second installment.
Chapter 2: Tobias Alden
"And jeep number 5039 is in perfect working order," Tobias said to no one in particular, closing the hood on the machine. Just like it was two hours ago, he thought.
Although it had been six months since he was first assigned to this mobile cess pool, he hadn't decided which was worse: The seemingly endless floods of wounded or the unrelenting monotony that came in between said floods. He had already inspected all of the jeeps three times and it was only noon. He supposed he could check on the generator again, but what possible problem could it have less than thirty minutes after he finished inspecting it?
As he stood there trying to think of ways to kill time, his stomach started growling. Of course, he thought. What better way to kill time than to play Russian roulette with my stomach. And for dessert, I can swing by the SWAMP and go for a second round with my liver.
As he put his tools away, he noticed just how dirty his hands were. Though it didn't surprise him considering how much mechanical work he had done, he decided that he had better wash his hands before he tried to eat anything (though to be completely honest, the food would probably taste better if his hands were dirty).
As he walked into the scrub room, he couldn't help but remember how he had been assigned to a hospital.
"Watch where you're going, you maniac!" Tobias screamed at the ambulance as it nearly ran him off the road. It sped past him and on under the sign that said "M*A*S*H 4077: Best Care Anywhere."
He continued on into the compound. The first thing he noticed was that the ground was covered in wounded. He stopped the jeep and slowly stepped out—and was promptly knocked to the ground.
"Oh my gosh! I'm sorry!" the corporal said. "I didn't see you there. Oh, gee you're not hurt, are ya?"
"I don't think so," Tobias said, standing up and dusting himself off. " Everything seems to be right where it's supposed to be."
"Good," the corporal said with a sigh of relief. "Oh, gee, I'm sorry about knocking you down."
"Don't worry about it, corporal," Tobias said with a grin. "I should have known better than to try to cross the freeway without looking both ways, especially during rush hour."
The corporal smiled. "You're okay, Lieutenant. And the name's Radar."
"Pleased to meet you, Radar," Tobias said holding out his hand. "I'm Tobias Alden. Now, where can I find the CO?"
"Oh, Colonel Potter is in pre-op. Right through those doors," he added, indicating the building at the far end of the compound.
Tobias turned back to Radar to thank him, but he was gone, climbing on the bus that had just pulled into the compound. The excitement never stops around here, he thought. Then with a sigh, he turned and made his way past the wounded laying on litters.
He hadn't gotten more than halfway to his destination when a soldier grabbed his arm told him to grab one end of the nearest stretcher. Tobias found himself on the end near the wounded soldier's head. The soldier looked up at him and asked "Am I gonna be OK?" The boy couldn't have been more than eighteen. Forcing himself not to look at the bloody bandage over the boy's belly, Tobias forced a smile. "You're at the 4077, kid," he said, fighting to keep his voice steady. "Our motto is 'The best care, anywhere.'"
Once inside pre-op, they set the boy down on the only open table. While the private ran out to get another wounded soldier, Tobias looked around for Colonel Potter. He only saw one doctor in the room, a tall man with a mustache who was taking the blood pressure of a wounded soldier. "Doctor," Tobias said. The man didn't look up right away, and Tobias tried to call him again, but found that his voice caught in his throat. Fortunately, one of the nurses noticed him and got the doctor's attention. "Hi," he said, smiling. "What can I do for you?"
Tobias hurriedly cleared his throat and said, "I've got a kid with a belly wound here." The doctor hurried over and began taking vitals. "Um, excuse me," Tobias said, nervously. "Can you tell me where to find Colonel Potter?"
"He's in the scrub room, through the OR," the nurse said, indicating the white curtains behind her.
"He's the only one in there whose hair is whiter than the clothes he's wearing," the doctor said, not looking up from the boy.
Tobias hesitated for a moment. "Is he gonna be OK, Doc?" he asked quietly.
"Why, is he your buddy?"
"No, it's just that he asked me, and I told him he would be, and I wanted to make sure."
"Well, it's too soon to tell for sure, but I'd be willing to place money on it."
Tobias forced a smile. "Thanks, Doc."
"No problem, and its B.J.," he said, standing up. "Come on, I have to scrub up. I'll introduce you to Colonel Potter."
When they walked into the scrub room together and were greeted by two men, one in his mid-thirties with black hair and the other in his mid-sixties. "Well, Beej," the younger man said. "You've been in the visitor's locker room. What are they throwing at us today?"
"The same as usual—couple of belly wounds, three chest cases, and one rather nasty looking leg wound."
"Great, I thought they'd forgotten how to make leg wounds."
"Well, Hawkeye, they'll be coming later in the program," the older man said. "So don't you forget how to beat a belly wound."
"Oh, Colonel, I almost forgot," B.J. said. "This young man was asking for your autograph."
"Oh?" Colonel Potter said, intrigued. "Tell me, what's your name son?"
"Tobias Alden, sir," Tobias said, saluting. "I'm here to report in."
"Oh, you must be Major Burns' replacement. We've been waiting for you," Colonel Potter said. "I'd love to return the favor, son, but I just spent five and a half minutes scrubbing and if I salute you, I'll have to take another five and a half to re-scrub."
"Of course, sir" Tobias said, dropping his hand.
"Well, we can formalize your check in when this session is over. It seems you caught us during the post-Christmas rush. You'd better scrub up and get your scalpel ready."
"Scalpel?" Tobias asked, clearly confused.
"Yes, scalpel," Hawkeye said. "You know, sort of like a small knife, mainly used in surgery."
Ignoring this, Tobias said "Colonel, I think there has been a mistake. I'm not a doctor. I'm a mechanic."
The scrub room suddenly got very quiet. Tobias was pretty sure he heard a pin drop somewhere.
Colonel Potter finally broke the silence. "Damn. I-corps screwed up again. This is the third time this month they've sent us some other tradesmen instead of a surgeon."
"I don't know, Colonel," Hawkeye said. "Thank about who they're replacing. I think they finally got it right."
"Maybe so, but at least Burns could pretend to be a surgeon. This kid can't even do that."
"You guys know I can hear you, right?" Tobias asked.
"Oh, sorry son," Colonel Potter said. "We can't do anything about it now, but believe me after this OR session is over, I'm going to call I-corps and try to straighten this out. In the meantime, go back outside, and help bring the wounded in."
"Yes, sir." Tobias said, hurrying out the doors and into the compound.
After a week, Colonel Potter called Tobias into his office. When he arrived he saw the Colonel pouring drinks. He handed Tobias a glass and indicated for him to sit down.
"It's bad news isn't it?" Tobias said.
"I'm afraid so. It seems you really were sent here by mistake. The Lieutenant Tobias Alden we were supposed to get got sent to the 135th mechanical battalion in Seoul instead of you."
"So can't you just arrange a trade, me for him," Tobias said.
"I would if I could," Colonel Potter said. "It seems that two days ago, there was an accident. The other Tobias Alden was killed, along with one other man, when a lift malfunctioned and the jeep it was holding up fell."
Tobias was silent for a minute. Slowly he asked, "So does this mean I'm stuck here for the duration of my tour of duty?"
"I'm afraid so. I wish I could get you out of here, no offense, but there's just no way around it now. According to the army, you're dead, and Tobias Alden the surgeon is still alive."
"Wait, that means MY family is going to get notified, not this other Tobias Alden's."
"Yes it does. Radar is trying to get that straightened out, but it seems that, until you earn a discharge of some kind, you're stuck here."
Then Colonel Potter sat down at his desk and picked up a file. "I had the 135th send me your file, so we can at least have an accurate record of our personnel. Let's go over it, just to make sure its accurate. Let's start with your full name, rank and serial number."
"Alden, Tobias Jacob, Lieutenant. Serial number 29830449."
"Good. Now, you're date of birth."
"October 1st, 1937"
"OK, Now Family. Mother: Deceased. Father: Deceased. One sister and a godfather listed as next of kin. Is that accurate?"
"Yes, sir."
And so it had continued for another hour, going over every detail in the file, just to get him officially checked in to the 4077.
Next, he Colonel Potter discussed what his duties at the 4077 would be. It was easily decided that he would be in charge of the motor pool, and that he couldn't perform surgery. When wounded came in he would act as a corpsman, carrying the wounded from one place to another, and fetching any extra supplies the doctors needed. And that was it. Lt. Tobias Jacob Alden was now a member of the 4077 M*A*S*H.
Tobias turned off the water, dried his hands, and turned as the door to the scrub room opened, and Radar stepped in.
"Oh, there you are, Lieutenant."
"Radar, how many times do I have to ask you to call me Tobias? I don't like being called 'Lieutenant.'"
"Yes, sir."
Tobias sighed. Much better, he thought. "What is it Radar?"
"Oh, your new supply sergeant is here."
"It's about time. I was beginning to wonder if he'd ever make it."
"Yeah," he said as he turned someone standing outside and said, "He's in here, Sergeant."
"Great, I can't wait to meet my new former boss," the Sergeant said.
Tobias froze. He knew that voice. But it couldn't be—it was impossible. So were the odds of there being two Lieutenants in this whole damn "police action" named Tobias Alden, he thought, bitterly.
He turned around and his fear was confirmed. He knew the man standing before him. It had been twenty years since he had seen that face, and thus he looked twenty years older, but it was him. And Tobias saw that the man recognized him as well. Good, Tobias thought. At least he'll know who he's dealing with.
"This is Sergeant Thomas Collins," Radar said breaking the awkward silence. "Sergeant, this is Lieutenant Tobias Alden."
"Thanks, Radar," Tobias said. "That'll be all."
"Oh," the corporal said, looking a little confused. "I'll just take the sergeant's bags to his quarters."
"Yeah, you do that, kid," Sergeant Collins said. With a final glance at each of the men, Radar turned and left.
The two men stared at each other for what seemed like ages. Finally Tobias broke the silence. "So, of all the lice infested sewers in this God forsaken country, they assigned you to mine."
"It would seem that way, yeah," Sergeant Collins said, obviously sizing him up.
Tobias nodded. "So," he said, sitting down on the bench next to the door to the OR. "How have you been, Dad?"
