Janeway sat at her desk in her ready room doing busywork. It was true; no matter how angst ridden she felt, there was always plenty of paperwork to distract her.
Remembering why she needed distraction, however, proved to be too much, and she decided to take a mini-break. Janeway sat back from the monitor and took up her cup of coffee. She stared into its' caffeinated depths reflectively, replaying in her minds' eye the events of two nights' ago yet again…
Time seemed to slow as Chakotay lowered his head and kissed Janeway. The pure tenderness of his lips and the way his eyelids had fluttered shut shocked her, but still she did not move. It was he who, after a few seconds (or possibly millennia, thought Janeway) pulled away from her, searched her face for her reaction. Apparently, it had worried him.
Kathryn? He asked, eyebrows crinkling in that endearing way.
Chakotay, she had said, stumbling out of his grip. Well, that was a delicious dinner. Thank you. I will see you on the bridge tomorrow, then! Janeway called behind her, practically bolting out the door.
Janeway had asked herself only one basic question for the rest of the night:
What the hell was wrong with her?!
It was the same that buzzed in her mind like an angry Talaxian wasp now, and she knew that putting things right was the only thing that could chase it away. Janeway drained the rest of her coffee, stood up and leaned against her desk. "Computer, locate Commander Chakotay."
Dling! Came the response noise. Then-"Commander Chakotay is on holodeck 3."
Janeway sighed, mentally preparing herself. This wasn't going to be easy, but she had to put a stop to this before things got out of hand. Mouth set and blue eyes hard, she slapped her commbadge purposely. "Janeway to Chakotay."
Her heart pounded as she waited his response. "Yes, Captain?"
"I was wondering if you'd like to join me for dinner tonight."
Banishment from your home. Violent torture. The brutal murder of your closest friends. All this you can handle, Chakotay, he thought to himself, but being rejected is the singular event that makes you want to crawl in a hole and die.
It was, as Tuvok would say, illogical.
Although, argued another voice in his head, Janeway wasn't exactly being the epitome of logic, either. What did that even mean, "thank you for the delicious dinner"?! While Chakotay had to admit it had been a while, he didn't remember sprinting out the door as the ideal response to a bold kiss.
Chakotay's first instinct was to, like thousands of generations of men before him, turn to the time-honored tradition of handling rejection: Act like it never happened, hit the gym and then drink (exactly what wasn't important).
However, after 4 hours of scrambling up a mountainside on holodeck 3, Chakotay wasn't so sure his original plan would work. He sat on a rock, resting his hands on his knees and gazing at the beautiful scene below him. The computer had replicated a great canyon in a Vulcan desert, complete with titanic red rocks and a vast sea of sand. The sky above was pink tinged with dark blue and the first stars of unfamiliar constellations were beginning to speckle the dark. The sheer enormity of the landscape reminded him of how small and alone he was, how insignificant his problems were, in the rough universe he inhabited. Chakotay closed his eyes and meditated on this for a while, relief spreading as he finally felt some peace from his inner turmoil.
But, interrupted a small voice in his mind, when you're with Kathryn, you don't feel so alone.
He sighed inwardly. The voice was right. Chakotay knew that he would kill or die for his captain. He would do anything to make her happy, and if maintaining a professional working relationship and friendship was what it took, then so be it. He'd just have to man up and direct his love for her towards his loyalty, not her heart.
Suddenly, Chakotay's commbadge rang out. The captain was inviting him to dinner! Chakotay guessed she had some sort of reconciliation on the agenda- this would be his chance to tell her he had made a mistake, that he had too much champagne, he didn't mean it. Chakotay stood up- he was going to set things right!
But first, he thought, looking down at his sweat-soaked t-shirt, he'd need a shower.
