A/N – Remember, this is just for fun. I love those angst/humorous stories I read so I am giving it a shot. I know it's not even in the same ballpark as some of the great ones! But I am having a blast writing this, I love being off the wall and fucked up! :)

Enjoy!

Chapter 2:


You're sick of feeling numb.

You're not the only one.

I'll take you by the hand, and I'll show you a world that can understand.

This life is filled with hurt.

When happiness doesn't work.

-Three Days Grace Pain

"Emmett! Wait!" I tried to yell but my voice would only come out as a whisper. Emmett was walking away from me, he was leaving. I couldn't let him go, not again. I wanted to run so I commanded my feet to move.

Why was I running in slow motion for fuck's sake?

"Emmett!" My voice was now just a tiny squeak, like a mouse. Emmett didn't hear me; he was getting further and further away from me. Again I tried to make my feet move getting just as much success as the last time I tried.

Ok. I was really beyond frustrated at this point.

Suddenly, a hand grabbed my arm and flung me around. "Let him go, Bella." It was Jacob.

Where the fuck did he come from? And how the fuck did he know my name? I thought for sure I was just 'that girl that comes in by herself and tips me really well'.

"Jacob?" My voice was suddenly very loud. Jacob left go of my arm and morphed into a huge russet color wolf, the wolf's fur matched his skin tone.

My jaw hit the ground.

I felt a rush of air and then an icy cold hand on my arm. I looked over and Emmett had returned and he was staring at me weird. Looking at me like I was something to eat, and his eyes were funny.

They were fucking red.

I heard a growl escape the belly of the wolf and Emmett opened his mouth and two long fangs shot out of his gums. I jumped back about three feet. The wolf pounced on Emmett and I heard metallic noises as he was ripped limb from limb and once the wolf ripped off his head; Emmett's body exploded into a big pile of blood and goo on the ground.

Fucking gross.

The wolf was back next to me, it almost looked smug. It morphed back into the human form of Jacob. "I told you to let him go Bella."

The human Jacob began licking my face.

"Jacob, stop. Please." It wasn't exactly my idea of foreplay. He wouldn't stop; I swatted him away with my hand. My hand didn't touch skin, instead it touched something furry. My eyes shot open to see Nessie standing over me.

Oh holy mother of fucked up dreams. No more leftover pizza before bed. I think I was spending way too much time with Twilight and True Blood. Yeah. Way too much time.

I pulled myself out of the divot my body had left in the mattress, joints and muscles aching in protest. I had to get up before I had to clean up a puddle. Actually, it was more like a lake with Nessie.

Once I got Nessie settled I poured myself a bowl of cereal and headed over to my usual spot at the computer desk. Flipping on the monitor I immediately opened the internet and headed to check my email.

There were 10 new messages, 9 of them were from letting me know that I had some reviews of love on my newest update of my story Things Aren't Always as They Seem. I read each one, the smile on my face brightening. I loved writing, one day I hoped to write something I could maybe get published.

The last email was from Plentyoffish telling me I had a new email. Bella, you have a new message from BrnzBoy201.

I rolled my eyes; I honestly didn't even know why I kept my profile on there. The majority of the time I knew what the messages said before I even opened them. It was usually one of three things: whats up, hey sexy, or message that just says hi.

Could you manage to get a little more creative? Hi? Like I've never heard that one before.

I had a policy when it came to responding to messages. If they only wrote me a 3 word message I never responded. If they actually took the time and wrote something thoughtful and was at least a couple of sentences long I would respond no matter what they looked like.

Needless to say I've only responded to like 2 people in the last six months. Sigh.

I typed my username and password into the site and logged in; the 1 new message icon in the corner of the screen was blinking. Clicking it, I saw brnzboy201's picture next to his message.

Helllooooo!

He was pretty darn easy on the eyes I had to admit. Now to see what he had to say.

Hello there twigirl593! My name is Edward. I am a 32 year old contractor. I have no kids. Let me ask you, what is it you like to write about? What gives you inspiration? I think it's important that we all have a creative outlet for ourselves. I hope that you write back, I would love to chat with you and get to know you better.

Ok. I could deal with his message. He asked questions, probably just to pretend he was interested though. I quickly typed my reply. I didn't divulge that my inspiration for writing was actually vampires and werewolves from Twilight and True Blood. I didn't tell him I write fanfiction where the main character Kristen gets it on with the vampire Robert and the werewolf Taylor even though the books strongly stress to wait to have sex.

But it was my alternate universe.

I hit send and my reply was off. I was curious to see what he would say back, how long we'd dance this dance before we'd meet up and then I would never speak to him again.

Nobody. And I mean nobody had made it past date #3 in the last 2 years.

The week went by; too bad it felt like about 1,000 years. It drug on forever. My job sucks. I do nothing during the week usually. I work, come home, relax, and then write. It was cheap. Living alone kept my fun money to a minimum.

Edward and I sent witty and interesting messages back and forth at least once a day, and he even wanted to know if I was interested in grabbing a drink and something to eat on Saturday.

I agreed.

What the fuck. Good job for finally coming to your damn senses.

Oh great. I had awoken the inner bitch and she was about to give me an ass reaming. Maybe I could shut her up with some cookies or some chocolate?

Enough crying and wallowing in your own pity over that douche bag Emmett, he didn't deserve us. Let him have his new girlfriend. And you shall have that sexy ass man you are seeing tomorrow.

I had to admit she had a point. I snatched my keys off the table and grabbed my purse; I think I needed to do a little shopping for something to wear tomorrow night.