Disclaimer: Homestuck and all its related characters belong to Andrew Hussie.
"Well, sir, are you just going to stand there all day and high-hat me, or are you going to give me one heck of a good chum hug!"
Oh no. No, no, no Jake no. This is not a good idea at all, no. You're hesitating Dirk, get it together! He did ask for a "chum" hug though so…maybe just this once you could make an exception…you really do want a hug from him… It'll have to be quick.
"U-uh, sorry. You just took me by surprise and I've never really…done that before. What with being virtually alone my whole life and all; you know how that goes."
Smooth.
"Say no more, my friend!" He really is rubbing in the friend thing today, isn't he? Nevertheless, he crosses the room in what seems like one giant stride, time seems to be moving slowly for you; you brace yourself because you really don't fucking know what you're doing here and holding out your arms or something sounds like an uncool idea. You watch as he moves closer, admiring how handsome he is but then immediately you scold yourself for thinking such a thing. He hooks his arms all the way around you and pulls you close; this is embarrassing to you as you're trying to be AS PLATONIC AS POSSIBLE. You turn your head away from his and sort of loosely fit your arms around his torso, a far cry from the way he's squeezing the shit out of you at the moment.
Then he lets go. You hate yourself for feeling disappointed but quickly back up a few feet from him. He looks questioningly at you about this, but apparently drops the subject in favor of looking around the place. He's probably never seen or been in an apartment building in the middle of an ocean because…well, who the fuck has? You decide to give him the grand tour, showing him your stashes of food and orange soda, living room, kitchen, bathrooms, all the good stuff. You save the roof for last and it happens to be the place your companion seems to like the most.
"Gosh, there really is nothing save for your apartment out here!" He's dramatically balancing one foot on some iron railing, neck craned outward, hand shading his face from the sun, eyes squinting in attempt to focus on the horizon. It's hard not to smile; it's hard to deny your feelings for him when he looks like this.
"I daresay it must be somewhat like living on an island, eh Mr. Strider?" He does his trademark double pistols and a wink. You're smiling now and you bring up a hand to your mouth because you don't want to be caught. He gives you another questioning look so you quickly try to change the subject. "Not really; there's no vegetation-unless you count seaweed, and no animals-unless you count fish." He smiles and rolls his eyes; you like that reaction and while he stares out at the ocean with an amused look on his face, you try to sneak a few moments of staring at him. Here he is right in front of you, after all; the person who has meant the most to you for years, the goofy but endearing guy who will never return your feelings for him. His black hair is so dark and smooth looking, he probably gels it with some Dapper Dan* hair treatment or some shit. He's tan and fit looking, you can tell even though he wears his clothes loosely. You wonder if it's such a good idea to wear them that way if he were to maneuver through the jungle, wouldn't they be at more risk to get him snagged on something? You look up and realize to your horror that you must have been lost in thought for quite a while…staring at him the whole time because he must have noticed and is now staring back. You jerk your face away and silently thank your long lost bro for leaving you such sweet shades that effectively hide your stupid, surprised eyes. Focusing them, you realize that your auto responder has been mocking you. You no longer feel grateful.
Jake is having none of it. "What's say we stop beating around the bush and get to whatever's friggin' on your mind. Level with me here, Strider, what's the matter?"
Damn. Well, you guess you might as well turn this shitty situation into a twice as shitty opportunity. "I want to talk to you about Jane."
"Aha, now we're on the trolley! What is it that you'd like to say about our mutual friend?"
No going back after this; you remind yourself that seeing him and hugging him has been more than you had hoped for. You imagine for a moment what his big goofy smile will look like after you give him the okay to ask out Jane. The relief in his eyes. Pure happiness that his best bro approves of him being with his one true love. You wonder how many times a day you have to be reminded of how shitty your life is.
"She's…she's great and pretty and she's got a blue theme going on…she's a SHE and could be the perfect damsel…" Jake is looking somewhat uncomfortable and you realize that you're probably sounding like YOU have a thing for her. You rub the back of your neck in frustration. "What I'm trying and failing to say is-Jane Crocker, in every possible way, is perfect for you, Jake. You should date her."
The goofy smile you were expecting from Jake looks somewhat warped to you. In fact, it doesn't look like a smile at all. What, does he not believe you? Is he confused about your motives? Maybe he hadn't given the idea much thought yet and is overwhelmed by your proposal. Maybe he just thinks you're a huge psychopath for bringing it up at all.
"…I came to see you…" he musters out. Yep, it was the last one. You are now, as far as Jake English is concerned, a huge, blistering, white-van-driving, torture-chamber-in-the-basement psychopath. He came to see you and all you can think about is setting him up with Jane and maybe filming the steamy aftermath! You clearly have some sort of sick fetish for watching your friends make out with each other! You can't even enjoy a small afternoon with your best bro without thinking about how it would be like it is in the animes if he were to tell her how she makes his kokoro go doki doki! Time for some damage control.
"I didn't mean it in a weird way or anything, I just wanted to let you know that…that it would be okay and everything. If you dated her." You hate it that even your shades can't hide you from sounding desperate. Jake is looking less that appeased; he's staring at you, eyes narrowed. He opens his mouth, and out trickles the most horrible command you could ever think of, one that will surely ruin everything you've worked up to until now. One that will embarrass you and force you to have to go into hiding for the rest of your life rather than face the consequences. Jake English is the king of unfair ultimatums.
"Take your shades off. Say that again to me when I can see your eyes."
*This is a reference to the movie "O Brother Where Art Thou" !
r&r~
