Dear Readers,
Finally, the next episode! I finally mustered up the will to write it. Thanks for all your reviews! I'm glad you enjoyed the first episode...now I hope you enjoy this one!
Best Regards from a Bookworm,
Miss Pookamonga :-P
Episode # 2: "Lantean Angst"
Characters:
Lieutenant Col. John Sheppard (aka "Handsome Hero Guy with Messy Hair")
Ronan Dex (aka "Big Strong Alien Dude")
Dr. Rodney McKay (aka "Pathetic Annoying Genius Man")
Dr. Elizabeth Weir (aka "Smart Healthy Leader Lady")
Teyla Emmagan (aka "Generic Pretty Alien Lady")
A Random Wraith Dude (aka "Life-Sucking Alien Nemesis")
Note: All of the characters are represented by happy-looking hand puppets. (Except Rodney's, which looks angry.)
John: (angrily) I feel cranky and pubescent today, and I don't know why! GRR! I'm going to take it out on people I like!
(Ronan appears)
Ronan: (giddily, in a high-pitched voice) Hello, John! What sort of tomfoolery shall we get up to today?
John: No tomfoolery today, Ronan. I'm sick of you're long, stinky, dreadful...dreadlocks.
Ronan: (sadly, as if he's going to cry) Why must you hurt me in this way, John?
(Teyla pops up from nowhere)
Teyla: (upset) Yeah! What's you're problem, John?!
John: (yelling) I'm stranded in a galaxy light-years away from Earth, my life sucks, I can't hold down a girlfriend, and I'm surrounded by flippin' wraith-people all the time! I mean, what the crap?!
Ronan: (excitedly) But it's all part of the exhilarating thrill of outer space adventure! It's out of this world!
John: Well, I still have nightmares about the wraith brutally attacking me and trying to eat my guts every night! I can't take it anymore! I-quit-SGA!
Ronan: GASP
Teyla: (worriedly) But what about fighting the wraith? We still need to defeat them!
John: Fine. (looks at Ronan) It's all up to you now, Ronan.
Ronan: (stuttering in terror) B-b-b-b-b-u-u-ttttttttt Nooooooo!
John: (eagerly) C'mon now, go fight them! (pushes Ronan aside)
(Ronan bumps into a wraith)
Random Wraith Dude: (maliciously) Hello, little...big...man.
Ronan: (whimpering)
Random Wraith Dude: You want a piece of me? What?
Ronan: (petrified) N-n-n-n-o, sir. Mmmmm—waaaaaaah! (runs away, still whimpering like a baby)
Random Wraith Dude: Yeah, you run away! ...kid.
Ronan: (to Teyla, crying) Aaah, I can't do it!
Teyla: You tried your best, Ronan.
Ronan: (looking confused) W-what's John doing?
(scene shifts to John, who is banging his head on a wall)
John: Angst, angst, angst, angst, angst, angst, angst...
(scene shifts back to Teyla and Ronan)
Teyla: He's a little off today; haven't you noticed?
Ronan: (in a sing-song voice) Maaaybe he's in looove.
Teyla: Who'd fall in love with such an id—
Ronan: (cutting her off) Maybe he needs a hug!
John: (angrily) I don't want a hug!
Ronan: (going over to John) Give me a hug, John!
John: (in an emo voice) No.
Ronan: (hugging John) Hugging...
John: (pushing Ronan away violently) I warned you! (he lunges at Ronan, and the two start swatting at each other, fighting)
John and Ronan: Aaaaaaaaaaaaah! Ow! Ow! Ah! Oof!
(Teyla looks at them for a minute, then leaves unnoticed.)
John and Ronan: (still fighting)
(Rodney appears)
Rodney: (in a whiny, annoyed voice) What is this rumpus?!
Ronan: (whining, pointing at John) John hit me!
John: (still in emo voice, pointing at Ronan) Ronan invaded my personal bubble!
Rodney: Methinks some severe punishment is in order here.
John and Ronan: Oh no!
Rodney: I shall report you to Colonel Caldwell, and he will force you to clean the mess hall from corner to corner and eat every scrap of Brussels sprouts casserole until your stomachs are churning like the choppy waters of the Atlantic Ocean. And then...
John and Ronan: Look, Rodney! Chocolate!
Rodney: (spinning around) Where?!
John and Ronan: (taking out squirt bottles from their belts) Made ya look! (they squirt lemonade at his face)
Rodney: (screaming like a girl) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! (runs away frantically, waving his hands in the air) I'M GOING TO DIE!
(Elizabeth appears)
Elizabeth: (laughing hysterically) Aw, man, that was awesome, guys!
Ronan: (happily) Thanks, Elizabeth!
Elizabeth: (in a giddy, hyperactive voice) Are you still full of that Lantean angst, John?
John: (pleased) I think I can appreciate life a lot more now.
Elizabeth: (spazzing out) WELL, THAT'S JUST FANTASTIC!
(Teyla comes over to them)
Teyla: (enthusiastically) Hey, guys! (pauses and looks around)...why does it smell like lemons?
Ronan: Why, it's just a little surprise we gave Rodney.
(pause)
John, Ronan, Elizabeth, and Teyla: (burst out laughing) Ahahahahahahaha! Ahahahahahahaahaha! Hahahahahhaha...
(Elizabeth suddenly floats up into the air to the sound of wind chimes, and disappears.)
John, Ronan, and Teyla: (staring upwards, bewildered)
(They all look at each other.)
John: (whispering) Everyone make a wish.
THE END
